I'm just going to cry in a corner. :/ NWR

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

Disclaimer: I just need to rant and it's stupid and you can totally ignore me. Like seriously it's the stupidest thing ever.

My phone crapped out on me this week, so my 17-year-old sister gave me her old phone. I was going through it last night at FI's, trying to rid it of her info so it could be properly mine, and happened upon texts between her and a person named Garfield. I'm not aware of a Garfield in her circle of friends, so I open it to make sure it doesn't look like some skeevy internet creep (I know. Shitty excuse. But legit shit that's all I wanted to know). I discover that Garfield is code for her BFF, and the last text message is her saying how much she hates me and hates being around me. Her BFF responded "I know you do" (which means this is not the first time she's said that).

Now, this is not really news. It is very very hard for us to be in the same space for very long because she always tends to take everything I say to a whole 'nuther level. I don't know why this is, and I don't know how to counter it. I try to be civil at all times to everyone, including her. Obviously I don't always manage, but somehow I can say something completely innocuous (or it seems so to me) and all of a sudden she flips.

Anyway. After discovering these text messages, I went along with my evening. Spent time with my (currently) long-distance FI and was completely unfazed by it. However, now I'm home and I'm treading very lightly with her because every time I look at her, I see her little text bubble saying how much she hates me going out to Garfield the BFF again and again and again.

I understand that I invaded her privacy by reading these texts. I don't make a habit of going through her phone because it's not my business who she texts and what she says to them. I would never have found them if she hadn't given me an old phone she hadn't cleared yet. But it just bothers me. She loves my other sister and my brother, treats them like they hung the world. I know I can't ask her about it because it would just prove to her that I'm the worst sister ever, but I just really wish she would tell me why so that I could try to make it better. She's my baby sister. I would bend over backwards to make her happy, and beat the snot out of any poor sap who made her cry. I don't want her to hate me.

Sugargirl1019 · July 2014

Awwww /hugs That's really tough to have on your mind about someone you love

FiancB · July 2014

Aww I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better, I know I'd be horrified if my sister knew how much I complained about her to my bff when I was a teen, but I really have no real hard feelings against her. I know it hurts to hear something like that no matter what, but try to chalk it up to her being 17 more than anything.

JasperandOpal · July 2014

As a little sister, and a big sister, I can say that we text things to our friends that we don't mean or don't mean the way you think. Seventeen year olds "hate" a lot of things. I remember "hating" pretty much everything. My older sister and I have never been that close and during that time I remember feeling a lot of animosity towards her for a variety of reasons. I am too old to have texted my friends about it, but I probably IMed them about it, or talk to them at school about it. I am sure their reactions would have been about the same as Garfields... "I know, yeah totally, she is so out of line" whatever a friend says to try to cheer you up, given that they only get one side of the story.

The bad news is that there probably isn't much you can do to today to make this better. The good news is that she will grow out of this stage of her life and will probably not "hate" you forever.

And also realize that just because you are sisters and you love each other doesn't mean you will alway like each other or that you need to be best friends. I am sure you already know that, but sometimes a reminder is nice.

I will likely never be super close with my older sister but we are a lot closer now that we were growing up. I am, on the other hand, super close with my brother and younger sister. Now that I have grown up though, I can appreciate the good things about my older sister, and I am proud of all she has accomplished in her life, and I love her. If we weren't sisters, there is no way we would be "friends" because we have nothing in common, but I like to think that is why we were made sisters, so that we could learn to appreciate someone so different from ourselves.

But to summarize, she is 17, 17 year olds hate a lot, and they love to complain to their friends. Don't let it haunt you for long because she will grow out of it eventually.

April192002 · July 2014

I talk shit about my sisters all of the time, but I also make sure I clear my phone before even giving it to my son, which they could go through. I'm 31, my older sister is 33, and my younger is almost 30...and we still have those shit talking conversations. I'm glad you got to vent!!!

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

I'm so sorry - I know this hurts like crazy. My baby sister (who is 30!) has been avoiding me for almost 3 months now, for a variety of reasons. I haven't even been able to tell her about my engagement. I had always dreamed of having her as my MOH. It's not going to happen. For whatever reason, she thinks everyone, including me, is against her and she's burned all of her bridges. It hurts. But, in this instance, I think your sister is just 17, last PP's have said. 17 year olds say a lot of things, it's a maturity issue. I think what probably stings the most is the difference in her relationship with you compared to your other sibs. Just continue to love her, make time for her, be there for her. Things will change. In the mean time, you've got a lot of sisters here.

ohannabelle · July 2014

Ohmygod. I so relate. Some years ago my older sister gave my daughter her old PC. With a lot of her writing still on it. One document with my name on it. I should never ever have looked.

Big old sympathy hug from me. (Your sister is young, and seventeen year olds aren't famous for their good judgment,and weirdly sometimes seem to enjoy being miserable. For the drama, I guess. I hope it's just a cranky contrary stage, and that she'll grow up.)

missdelilah · July 2014

As teens, my sister and I had a really strained relationship. I hope yours, like ours, gets better as your sister matures. But as much as I bitch about my sister (we still have disagreements) I do love her. I would expect she's be horrified if she knew the things I said about her behind her back, but I expect she says similar things about me. At the base of it, we just don't have a lot in common.

Unfortunately, I can't offer you any great advice for fixing this. Teenagers are difficult, and most of us, when we try hard enough, remember being difficult at that age too. I hope she can at least be civil until the wedding is over. You don't need any more complications than you already have. But if you want to rant more, rant away. It's what communities like this are for.

Good luck!

afox007 · July 2014

I have 4 younger sisters. I had the oldest of them (17) hate my guts for the last 4 years; the last few months however she has gotten super close to me. The next oldest (15) had said I was her BFF for years and lately acts like my existence is a burden to her.

It sucks, but sibling relationships change with age, most likely she will outgrow this.

KatieinBkln · July 2014

Ugh, that sucks.

Here's what I will tell you: She's 17. 17-year-olds, even the best, most mature 17-year-olds, can have a tendency toward drama and sister-controversy. I seem to recall my very bright, very wise younger sister freaking out over rules our parents had when she was 17. She would call me at college to whine about it and I would usually say, "Ugh, you have like 4 months left in the house. Suck it up, follow their rules, and stop bitching." (I was actually a little shocked to find myself taking my parents' "side" so soon after graduating, but there it is).

My point is that she probably does not hate you. She probably finds you annoying, but take heart--17-year-olds find EVERYTHING annoying. In less than a year you may find your entire relationship is much different, and much better. I don't know why this age can be so hard on kids (and their family members who take the fallout) but it really is. She's bonding with Garfield by talking you down. It's lame as hell, but I think it's probably natural.

Keep your chin up--and try to see that being a dick is just a developmental stage, not necessarily anything you're doing wrong.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

That sucks. It really hurts to hear those things even though you know she's just being a teenager. My younger sister "hated" me until I left for college. Now we are best friends.

Hopefully things will get better between you two.

wandajune6 · July 2014

The PPs did a great job.

17 is a weird age. You're waiting for life to begin, feel endlessly limited, and always want to be the center of attention. You're getting married in the middle of all of this. If you ever had issues before, this period magnifies every issue. It's normal and she'll get over it.

Don't forget that people vent to their friends. For example, have you ever vented about an ex to a buddy? We always share the bad stuff but never talk about the good stuff. People thrive on hearing about the bad stuff. The good stuff just sounds like bragging or seems boring to we keep it to ourselves. The everyday - even when it's good- is too mundane to mention. Long story short is that your sister's bitching because she has an audience. It means nothing.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

My sister went through a phase where she was super lovey to our faces, but would complain about ALL of us to her friends. It was like this weird attention grab/everybody hates me/life is miserable emo-bullshit paired with "you're so totally my bestie and I love you MORE than my family." Like, she wanted people to feel bad for her, plus give some weird honor to her friends that they were "better." Thankfully she grew out of it. Hang in there.

IrishPirate60 · July 2014

In another age, you might have read her diary...

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

Wow. Thanks, all. Logging in to all of your sweet, understanding responses made my day.

I have a really good relationship with the middle siblings, and I've always had an easy relationship with the baby too, but y'all are right - the middle ones did go through a time when they didn't want me around. I seem to recall having spurts of not wanting them around, too. Thanks for reminding me that there are ages where people happily hate everyone and everything.

Also - @IrishPirate60 - they did that to ME and embarrassed the shit out of me. I *did* do my entries in Tolkien's writing style for a while (NERD ALERT), so it wasn't wholly undeserved, but they ran around quoting bits at me for DAYS. It. Was. Awful.

Kauris · July 2014

When I was 17, I was an asshole to my mom. My parents were divorcing, I was pissed. I did not understand the nuances of adult relationships. I was just an asshole kid. I have apologized and hope she forgives me. I try to be the BEST daughter she could ever hope for to make up for it. But at the end of the day, I was just an asshole 17-year-old, and she was the adult, so she took it. I tell you this, because it may take years or it may never happen, but you can't beat yourself up over it, because I am sure you do not deserve that hate. Plus 17-year-olds are dumb and don't realize what a serious word hate is. Hugs.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

17 year olds know not what they say. As she gets older, she'll realize sisters are wonderful and a fantastic support network. I don't have a sister (I wouldn't trade my brother for the world though) but I often wondered what it would be like.

My coworker and her sister didn't really get along until last year, when they started a nail polish business and bonded through that. She will get through this phase and you two will be stronger for it.

RebeccaB88 · July 2014

When I was 19 and my sister 17, we had zero relationship. We basically ignored each other. Which, archer time, was preferable to anything we said to each other. To the point where she once told an old elementary school friend of mine's mother that I was dead. Truth. Now at 44 and 42, we see each other completely differently and really respect our differences.

I'm just going to cry in a corner. :/ NWR

Re: I'm just going to cry in a corner. :/ NWR

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