"When your mother says she's fat"

Re: "When your mother says she's fat"

• BreMR member

  

  July 2014

  Thanks for sharing this!  I actually had a conversation with my mom not that long ago telling her that as a kid, I watched her dress and get ready to go and call herself fat... (she was about 125-130 pounds).  When my mom had a meltdown because the scale read 130 pounds I knew that growing up that number was horrible.  Needless to say, since I've been 19 years old I've struggled with the idea that I'm so "fat" because I was 135 pounds.. Now I'm 10 pounds more than that and am having an even more difficult time.  

  
  

  I have a 6 year old daughter and I do not even allow the word fat to be said in my house.  In fact, I make my mom spell it because she still says she's so 'fat and disgusting' all of the time. I know 100% that I do not want my daughter growing up feeling fat at 130 pounds and 5'5 inches tall.. I still struggle with my weight and how I feel about myself, but I keep it internal, or on the internet when I vent to you guys and Myfitnesspal  

  

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• eilis1228 member

  

  July 2014

  My mom instilled similar things in me too. I remember when I first started losing weight and was down to 120 (which is still close to overweight for my height, btw), I was really excited and said I wouldn't mind wearing a bikini. She said if it were her, she definitely wouldn't wear a bikini. I had to excuse myself so I could go cry in the bathroom. I eventually got down to 101 but then gained about 10 pounds back. FI yells at me if I say I'm fat, but it's hard not to feel that way.... I definitely don't want my future daughter growing up like this.

  
  
  

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• lilacck28 member

  

  July 2014

  My mom had told me my whole life how much HER mother screwed her up. My mom was constantly on diets, even when she looked great. We are very short (5 feet), and larger boned/ curvy. Well, my mom is curvy-- she was like an F or G cup. I have a B cup.  We will NEVER be "skinny". It just isn't in our genes. 

  
  

  But she felt fat her whole life and I grew up hearing about how fat she was and how "I can't believe I ate that!" so I also grew up feeling fat. I was in dance class for 11 years, and I remember being 6 or 7 years old and thinking "I'm fat" and feeling like I should be dieting all the time. But I never could stick to a diet. I have no will power. It didn't help that my best friend until 8th grade was quite tall and incredibly thin. Kate Moss like. I also have a mild case of PCOS. So, I would eat like my Kate Moss friend, or eat less, but no matter what be heavier. 

  
  

  Well, self fulfilling prophecy, all! I am definitely over weight. My mom is definitely over weight. There are days where I feel really good about myself anyway, and my thin FI loves how I look... but I need to be healthier. There's definitely a mental block about it all though. Also, I think I often think I look better than I actually do, reverse body dysmorphia, and then I'll see a picture or see a reflection of myself in a glass door and think "OMG. Is that me??"

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• Blackbird230 member

  

  July 2014

  @lilacck28, I totally understand the 5 feet and curvy thing! I'm 5 feet and blessed with a wonderful butt. My mom, when discussing the wedding, told me to "just go to Weight Watchers and it'll be fine." I gained 20 pounds after I graduated college and transitioned to my job. I'm finally started being ok with where I'm at. My FI loves me. WHY THE HECK DO I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT?

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2014

  The part I didn't understand was why my dad didn't do anything. At least, he didn't do anything in front of me and my little sister. I was around 12 or 13 when I first heard my mom throwing up, and thought she was sick. As I got older, I figured out what was going on. It became obvious due to the extreme dieting and so on. I feel like my dad could have helped instill a sense of "it isn't worth it" into me and my little sister, because my mom obviously cared about nothing but her weight. Little girls can look up to their daddies just as much as their mommies, and as long as you have someone making you feel beautiful when you're young, it's going to be easier to believe people as you get older. I ended up bulimic for 4 years, but got over it without therapy. But it took a man to make me feel truly beautiful. No woman in my life has ever done that for me. And listening to my sisters obsess about weight just makes me sad. I just try to tell them they're beautiful as much as possible.

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• joy14bw member

  

  July 2014

  Funny thing for me. When I worry about my wright, I gain...when I start feeling comfortable, the weight falls right off.
  
  
  

  

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• Hummingbird125 member

  

  July 2014

  Blackbird230 said:

  My FI loves me. WHY THE HECK DO I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT?

  OMG I know how you feel. Just last night I was feeling terrible about that fact that even though I think about what I'm eating nearly every single day, and I've been exercising pretty regularly, I just can't seem to lose ANY weight. After feel badly about myself for a few hours, I started thinking about how FI regularly tells me I don't need to change one single thing about my body, I realized that - even though there are a few areas I'd make some changes to if I could - I generally like what I see when I look in the mirror, and last of all - that NO ONE gives a shit about what the number is when I step on the scale other than me. NO ONE. So, maybe I need to be taking it a little bit easier on myself.
  
  And in regards to this article, it definitely made me think about how important it is to be careful what you say about your own appearance in front of your children (especially a daughter). As it is, I still have to remind my mom to NOT say anything to my youngest sister about her weight.

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2014

  In my opinion it shouldn't take a person to make anyone feel beautiful. I think people should feel comfortable in their own skin and beautiful just as they are. I struggled and still struggle a lot with my image and I tend to obsess over my weight and how I look in my clothing. My H is very good about words of affirmation and telling me I'm beautiful but the only way I can feel beautiful and confident in myself is through my faith and integrity.

  
  

  Having parents say certain negative things about your image is a huge discouragement. Sometimes it can mean that they possibly feel that way about themselves and carry it onto their children or spouses to take away the thoughts they carry around about them. Or if they are truly concerned about your well being there are ways to address it without coming on to your children in such a harsh way. My mom refuses to tell me anything about my weight because she knows how much I think about it but if she is concerned she would never tell me it looked like I gained weight, she would probably just encourage me to come over for dinner or go for a run with her in a positive way instead of saying that I need to go for a run.

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