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Kids over 18.

ElcaBElcaB member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm inviting a coworker & his wife to our wedding. They have two children, "Missy" (15) and "Lisa" (18). I've spent time with Missy & have gotten to know her over the years at work functions. I've only met Lisa once. 

Am I obligated to invite Lisa, or is it acceptable to invite only the coworker, his wife, and Missy? 
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Re: Kids over 18.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I don't think you are obligated to invite Lisa.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Well Lisa is an adult and wouldn't be included on her parents invite.  And with her being an adult she does not have to be invited even if her parents are invited.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 

    I do kind of agree with this.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    AddieCake said:
    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 

    I do kind of agree with this.
    Me too.
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
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    AddieCake said:
    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 

    I do kind of agree with this.
    Agreed. Maybe not if she's in college and living at home, but if she's still in high school, she's basically still a kid, even if she is 18.
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
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    I would probably invite her anyway, so no one is offended (her or her parents).


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  • ElcaBElcaB member
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    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 
    Lisa does live with her parents. I don't think she would if not for some health & mental issues she has. I don't know all the details, but I do know she's starting college in the fall but will continue to live at home. I guess she doesn't like to drive & they are waiting to see how she handles college life at home before she moves on campus. 
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
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    ElcaB said:
    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 
    Lisa does live with her parents. I don't think she would if not for some health & mental issues she has. I don't know all the details, but I do know she's starting college in the fall but will continue to live at home. I guess she doesn't like to drive & they are waiting to see how she handles college life at home before she moves on campus. 
    Ehhhhh.......I'd probably invite her then.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    ElcaB said:
    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 
    Lisa does live with her parents. I don't think she would if not for some health & mental issues she has. I don't know all the details, but I do know she's starting college in the fall but will continue to live at home. I guess she doesn't like to drive & they are waiting to see how she handles college life at home before she moves on campus. 
    Yeah, I'd invite her.  It would be really awkward for her to be left at home while the rest of the family she lives with goes to the wedding.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    If she's still living at home and otherwise part of the family, I think it'd be a little weird not to invite her. Especially if her reasons for being at home are physical/mental issues. If she's an adult off on her own, I agree you wouldn't need to. 
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
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    JCbride2015 said:
    ElcaB said:
    chibiyui said:
    Does Lisa still live with her parents? I'd think it a bit awkward if Lisa still lived at home and was not invited, even if it is okay by etiquette. 
    Lisa does live with her parents. I don't think she would if not for some health & mental issues she has. I don't know all the details, but I do know she's starting college in the fall but will continue to live at home. I guess she doesn't like to drive & they are waiting to see how she handles college life at home before she moves on campus. 
    Yeah, I'd invite her.  It would be really awkward for her to be left at home while the rest of the family she lives with goes to the wedding.
    I had a feeling that was the right thing to do, but I wanted to double check before I watched our guest list get longer and longer and longer and longer and I yank out my hair as a result. 
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  • SenecafSenecaf member
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    Yeah in this case I'd probably invite both girls or neither.
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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
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    I would absolutely include Lisa. It's just awkward to invite 3 out of 4 family members. 
    (It sounds as if she's one of those 18 year olds who's an adult in age only, which is an awkward and painful place to be when your contemporaries are functioning at a more advanced maturity level. She probably deals with enough exclusion. )

    So the damned guest lists continue growing. Probably more hair pulling to come. I'm going to need extensions by September. 
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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
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    I would invite them as a family unit.  I'd feel bad leaving out one member of the family.

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
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  • bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    invite both children or none. It would be so strange to invite just one child and her parents since they all live in the same home.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    lolo883 said:
    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
    I probably wouldn't invite either of the children (young adults, whatever) either. 


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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    I think you should invite one or neither.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    lolo883 said:
    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
    This.  I don't see why you need to invite any of the co-worker's kids.  
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  • tigersgirlgvtigersgirlgv member
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    I agree it's probably best to invite both girls. I've thought about this as I have a similar situation with one of my co-workers, her daughter went to the school where we teach, so I know her pretty well. I feel like it would be really awkward for her 18+ son to get his own invitation delivered to him at home (since good etiquette says those over 18 their own invite) when I've met him maybe once, but oh well!
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
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    Although she's an adult, I still don't think you should split them up. When I think it's okay to invite some kids and not the other in this situation is when the older kids are in their 20's and out on their own. 18 is still too close to kid IMO
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  • April192002April192002 member
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    With the information you gave, I would say all or none. I was living with my parents when I was 18 and my younger sister was 17. If only she had been invited, because she was their non-adult child, I would have felt a bit left out because I was still a part of that household - even for the 3 months when I was 19 and she was still 17.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
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    MyNameIsNot said:
    lolo883 said:
    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
    This.  I don't see why you need to invite any of the co-worker's kids.  
    We're having kids at the wedding. Isn't it pretty frowned upon to invite some kids but not others? FI and I are actually divided on the subject, but I've found older threads about it and it seems like most people agree you can't pick and choose which kids you invite, unless you're having a "no kids but those in the bridal party" wedding. 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    ElcaB said:
    MyNameIsNot said:
    lolo883 said:
    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
    This.  I don't see why you need to invite any of the co-worker's kids.  
    We're having kids at the wedding. Isn't it pretty frowned upon to invite some kids but not others? FI and I are actually divided on the subject, but I've found older threads about it and it seems like most people agree you can't pick and choose which kids you invite, unless you're having a "no kids but those in the bridal party" wedding. 
    No, not at all. You just invite in circles the same way as the rest of your list. In my case, we're inviting immediate family's children (nieces and nephews) plus out-of-state cousins' children (all of whom happen to be on my side). Friends' and co-workers' children - not invited. In-state cousins' children - not invited. FI's in-state underage cousins - not invited.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
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    edited July 2014
    lolo883 said: ElcaB said: MyNameIsNot said: lolo883 said: I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.) This.  I don't see why you need to invite any of the co-worker's kids.   We're having kids at the wedding. Isn't it pretty frowned upon to invite some kids but not others? FI and I are actually divided on the subject, but I've found older threads about it and it seems like most people agree you can't pick and choose which kids you invite, unless you're having a "no kids but those in the bridal party" wedding. 
    No, not at all. You just invite in circles the same way as the rest of your list. In my case, we're inviting immediate family's children (nieces and nephews) plus out-of-state cousins' children (all of whom happen to be on my side). Friends' and co-workers' children - not invited. In-state cousins' children - not invited. FI's in-state underage cousins - not invited.

    I really want to cut the guest list as much as possible, but I've already indicated that we'll be inviting children to another coworker. I didn't specify     which children or all children, but I did say children. It'd actually be a great relief to cut four small people from our ever-expanding guest list. Thoughts?

    ETF: Spacing, STIB. 
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  • bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    ElcaB said:
    lolo883 said:
    ElcaB said:
    MyNameIsNot said:
    lolo883 said:
    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
    This.  I don't see why you need to invite any of the co-worker's kids.  
    We're having kids at the wedding. Isn't it pretty frowned upon to invite some kids but not others? FI and I are actually divided on the subject, but I've found older threads about it and it seems like most people agree you can't pick and choose which kids you invite, unless you're having a "no kids but those in the bridal party" wedding. 

    No, not at all. You just invite in circles the same way as the rest of your list. In my case, we're inviting immediate family's children (nieces and nephews) plus out-of-state cousins' children (all of whom happen to be on my side). Friends' and co-workers' children - not invited. In-state cousins' children - not invited. FI's in-state underage cousins - not invited.


    I really want to cut the guest list as much as possible, but I've already indicated that we'll be inviting children to another coworker. I didn't specify which children or all children, but I did say children. It'd actually be a great relief to cut four small people from our ever-expanding guest list. Thoughts?

    ETF: Spacing, STIB. 
    You should invite on a case-by-case basis.  If you do not know the children or have never met them then you do not need to invited them.  We are not inviting kids of cousins to our wedding in order to keep things small.  The only circumstance where it is not ok to pick and chose which child to invite is if they live under the same roof.  That is just an awkward situation and you may not have any of the people show up.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    ElcaB said:
    lolo883 said:
    ElcaB said:
    MyNameIsNot said:
    lolo883 said:
    I'd probably invite neither, TBH. Maybe I'm a bitch. ;) (OK OK I'm definitely a bitch, just maybe for unrelated reasons.)
    This.  I don't see why you need to invite any of the co-worker's kids.  
    We're having kids at the wedding. Isn't it pretty frowned upon to invite some kids but not others? FI and I are actually divided on the subject, but I've found older threads about it and it seems like most people agree you can't pick and choose which kids you invite, unless you're having a "no kids but those in the bridal party" wedding. 

    No, not at all. You just invite in circles the same way as the rest of your list. In my case, we're inviting immediate family's children (nieces and nephews) plus out-of-state cousins' children (all of whom happen to be on my side). Friends' and co-workers' children - not invited. In-state cousins' children - not invited. FI's in-state underage cousins - not invited.


    I really want to cut the guest list as much as possible, but I've already indicated that we'll be inviting children to another coworker. I didn't specify which children or all children, but I did say children. It'd actually be a great relief to cut four small people from our ever-expanding guest list. Thoughts?

    ETF: Spacing, STIB. 
    Sounds like you're probably safe. 
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
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    Gotcha. Thanks ladies!
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