Family member or friend that can't come to your wedding?

theexactlee · July 2014

Do any of you have a specific family member or friend that can't come to your wedding that you are really sad about? Of course I know a lot of people probably can't come but is there one or however many that are just really upsetting to you? My sister in law can't come to my renewal and I'm just really sad about it. She is a virtual school teacher and that weekend is her testing/grading period where she can't be away from the computer at all. She can't do her work ahead of time or late. Of course she is very upset as well. Her husband is coming and so are her children but she can't be here. It just seems like it won't be the same without her. Especially since we only have about 60 people coming.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

Yep. My step-sister can't come because she's a BM in her friend's wedding that day. (She wasn't a VIP who I checked with before booking my date, and honestly I still would have gone ahead with it if I had known because there wasn't a better date available that didn't have other conflicts.) A few close friends will be MIA as well due to having family in town, among other things. I'm sad about all the declines we've gotten; we didn't invite anyone we didn't really want to have there. Just have to roll with it. The important thing to me is ending up married to my honey. It'll suck not having everyone there, but this is just one of a lifetime of celebrations. We'll have plenty of time to make up for it.

theexactlee · July 2014

Aww that was a sweet response. Yeah we chose the date that was closest to our actual anniversary. Which obviously made sense for our renewal.

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

Our wedding already happened, and there were a few people who couldn't be there that we wish could have. Most of them are deceased, but one couple that we were excited to spend time with couldn't come because the wife is very, very ill. Other than that, we were very fortunate that the people who were most important to us were all there.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2014

My aunt wasn't able to come she had scheduled her vacation the same week, despite getting a STD. I was upset over her oversight. My friend from CO couldn't make it but she warned me she might not because of work and being able to fly out for it.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

One of my BMs, who lives in Spain, recently told me she may not be able to get off work to fly over for the wedding. She'll find out in September when the school year starts. I'm really crossing my fingers she will be able to make it, but I'll understand if she can't. She needs pretty much a whole week off to make the flight worth it (her family lives here so she wants to spend time with them, too) and I know it's a lot to ask.

Fi's grandfather, who was very special to both of us, recently passed away. He will be missed.

ElcaB · July 2014

My cousins, who I love dearly, will be brand new parents & live OOS; therefore they won't be able to join us on our wedding day. I'm so happy for them & I understand completely, but I'm sad they won't be here for it. I was especially hoping to meet the little booger, but it's just not going to happen.

I'm hoping they'll be able to come this way for the holidays, though. I can't wait to meet the newest member of our family!

theexactlee · July 2014

I'm so sorry for all of you that have deceased members of their family who can't enjoy this day together. All of my Grandparents have passed but my husband has his Grandmother left. She lives here near us. She is in really bad shape. She came over today and I just feel for her because I know she hates being this way. I don't think she'll make it to our ceremony.

hellosweetie1015 · July 2014

I'm afraid that my Mawmaw won't be able to. She's in her mid-80s, and almost completely confined to a scooter chair. I am afraid that she won't be able to get out, if she's even here, by the time my wedding rolls around. Everyone else, hopefully, will be no problem since they are brother/sisters/parents/BFFs (although the extended family FI wants to invite may be questionable, but he isn't super concerned about them). My grandfather on my mother's side passed long before I was born, my grandmother on my mother's side passed in 04, and my grandfather on my dad's side passed in 05. I'd love for all of them to be there, physically, especially my Mema, but I know they'll be watching. Mema will probably be teasing FI - she did that to my oldest cousin's FI when I was a kid.

jdluvr06 · July 2014

Every one I invited RSVPed that they are coming. My dad died when I was 8 and it's going to be really hard that he isn't there. Also all of FI's grandparents have passed and they are going to be missed.

blabla89 · July 2014

We weren't sure if my brother was going to come. He'll be in Korea until next summer and was quite upset that we didn't plan our wedding date around him. Last week he told me that our aunt (who manages mom's estate) had appropriated funds for him to come home for the wedding, but I'm not counting on my brother to follow through until I see a plane ticket.

I also worry about whether my grandma will still be around come next May. She's 85 and still going strong, but who knows what could change between now and then.

theexactlee · July 2014

Oh no @smichek as a mother of 2 I know that everyone feels differently about those types of things. I flew with my son when he was 7 weeks old. And then continued flying with him from that point. I wish your friend would come.

theexactlee · July 2014

Yeah. That would seriously upset me. I didn't want to be like uber negative in case you were not that bothered by it, but yeah, I'd be hella pissed. But I'm the mom that gets annoyed when my friends can't do a mom's night out because they can't leave their special snowflake for 2 hours because they love he or she so much they can't possibly be apart.

theexactlee · July 2014

Well in the end it sounds like she absolutely loves you but this is just some suck ass timing.

wandajune6 · July 2014

My cousin had her first baby this morning. She booked their travel last month. Her thought was that it would be the perfect time to introduce her to the family.

We're a few months away.

My uncle and his family planned to come but I found out today that they made other plans. It stings a bit but I'm not horribly upset since we're not close. My grandfather told my mom that he wasn't going to come since my uncle isn't coming. My mom told him that he needs to man up and tell me. We'll see.

SBmini · July 2014

That's really too bad about your SIL. It sounds like she has a good reason not to come and would be there if she could. The ones that stung for me were the family members I was close to who really didn't have any real reason not to come. My family is pretty scattered, but I live very close to four of my cousins. Three of them didn't make it. The reason two of them gave was that they had "stuff to do" which just hurt. The other didn't even RSVP. When my aunt called him to see if he was coming, he said no because he was working. That's a fine excuse except for the fact that he was in the same general area as my wedding the week before, spending time with multiple family members who attended the wedding. I felt like he didn't even try to make it work.

emmyg65 · July 2014

Yes, my grandmother was too ill to attend. She was in fragile health and also pretty senile, thanks to a series of strokes. It was very painful to not have her there. Fortunately, I was able to visit with her a few months before my wedding. She died three months after.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

I'm going to sound like a sociopath for saying this....but no. No decline would break my heart in the slightest save for my mother, father and brother. IF any of those three couldn't go for any reason I'd be very sad, but they are all on board.

There's a few I wish just wouldn't come but we had to invite them and quite frankly they are more drama than they are worth.

My grandmother got an honorary invite but is too ill to attend. I was never close to my grandmother so I am not sure how to feel about it because she's my grandmother and I think I should feel something....

I swear I am not a robot or a serial killer, I'm just a girl with zero tolerance for drama and unstable relationships so I remove them entirely. Life is too short.

Chipmunk415 · July 2014

Of the ones that couldn't come the one that mattered was grandma. Shes very frail and in a nursing home but I took dh to meet her when he was BF.

My way of including her was to have her mentioned in the service. I also sent her some cupcakes from the place we got the wedding cake and cupcake favors and a real touch wrist corsage in the same floral scheme with a note to her explaining what everything was. I also got my officiant to give me a sealed copy of the personalized ceremony to send and have read to her on our wedding day.

She cried on the phone when she got everything- she was so excited she could be a part of things with what I'd sent and was having the nurses dress her in her one remaining formal dress for the day.

Mom and I are going to PA a week from Friday to see her- she turns 93 in August. We're getting her some of her favorite wine and bringing more cupcakes for a bit of a party. :-)

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

My Granny didn't come, but she was 92 when we got married, and we went to Hawaii. We actually looked at moving it back home when we heard she didn't want to travel, but she put our foot down and told us to go. She actually did think about coming, as she used to vacation there every year, but decided it was too much work.

I love the deal my best friend/MOH and I had. She said to me that she would be at my wedding, wherever it was and whenever, but she needed minimum 48 hours notice to get there. I was not allowed to elope, even if she was our only guest. I managed to give her over a years notice though.

theexactlee · July 2014

Yeah Goldchocobo you don't sound like a sociopath at all but I love how you prefaced with that. Lay it right out there so there are no misconceptions.

I also have some people I wish just wouldn't come. My father and sister being the top of the list. They already said they weren't coming so we got all excited. But now my dad said he guesses he "has to come" so we are all stressing over it.

It's not that we don't love my father and sister it's just that they are so much drama they ruin every good thing.

FiancB · July 2014

My wedding was in the midwest where I now live while most of "my" people are on the west coast, so there were several people that couldn't make it. One in particular made me sad. I met her on lambing duty in college and we are such kindred spirits, and I would've liked for her to be a BM. But I know they never have surplus money, they just bought a house, and it turns out they got pregnant around that time so I wasn't surprised they didn't make it.

My bff almost didn't come and I decided to pay for her ticket. I would've liked to have done the same for aforementioned friend, but I could only justify one and aforementioned friend doesn't know as many people and probably would've had an anxiety attack without her H there too. I didn't make it to her wedding for similar reasons, so even stevens I guess. My wedding would not have been the same at all without my bff.

Kind of almost wish my parents would've declined. Funny enough too, we invited some family members that are disliked by other family members thinking there was no way they'd show, then they RSVP'd yes, then we stressed and made seating charts, and then they were no-shows anyway.

theexactlee · July 2014

Bwhaha. Yeah but unfortunately that is what my sister is LOOKING FOR. She wants to be able to explode the world with a big fight. She's like a dog going after a meaty bone. One wrong step in her complicated game and I will perish. Lucking I have 34 years of experience.

beachyone15 · July 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

Of the ones that couldn't come the one that mattered was grandma. Shes very frail and in a nursing home but I took dh to meet her when he was BF. My way of including her was to have her mentioned in the service. I also sent her some cupcakes from the place we got the wedding cake and cupcake favors and a real touch wrist corsage in the same floral scheme with a note to her explaining what everything was. I also got my officiant to give me a sealed copy of the personalized ceremony to send and have read to her on our wedding day. She cried on the phone when she got everything- she was so excited she could be a part of things with what I'd sent and was having the nurses dress her in her one remaining formal dress for the day. Mom and I are going to PA a week from Friday to see her- she turns 93 in August. We're getting her some of her favorite wine and bringing more cupcakes for a bit of a party. :-)

I absolutely love this. My Nana just turned 97 last week and gets around very well (she still lives by herself!) but I know the wedding would tire her out. So I'm not sure if she'll make it even though I'd love to have her there at least for the ceremony.

cupcait927 · July 2014

We've only just started getting RSVPs back and only one decline so far. It was from FI's aunt and uncle, and we weren't expecting them to attend anyway (his uncle is in very poor health). Outside of our immediate families, I wouldn't be heartbroken if we had other declines. Like some PPs, there are actually a few people that I would be almost delighted about if they end up not attending. These were people that were invited out of obligation that had I had a choice (or decided to be rude), would not have been included. However, I will be kind and appreciative to all of our guests that show up on our wedding day and of course not let anyone know that I maybe didn't want them there.

theexactlee · July 2014

@cupcait927 crap you mean we aren't supposed to have bouncers at the door. Well, one less thing I have to pay for

suorange · July 2014

We just got word that FI's family won't be able to attend. They live in another country where getting out requires a lot of money (relatively) and a lot of luck. Although we've been saving the money, the luck unfortunately wasn't there

I have been brainstorming ways that we can still honor her at the wedding.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

My mom's parents died several years ago. While I'm grateful they met FI back when he was BF and my grandma at least was very aware it was serious and long-term, it does break my heart that they won't be there. We were very close.

Family member or friend that can't come to your wedding?

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