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Chit Chat

I've Hit the "I Just Want To Elope" Stage of Planning

loveislouderloveislouder member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
edited July 2014 in Chit Chat
Sh*t just hit the fan in the planning department and I'm freaking out. UGH.

ETA: Update.

 

This is essentially what just happened:

 

1)    My venue just imposed a 150 person minimum. I haven’t signed a contract yet, but Mom put down the deposit. It was dumb, I know. I’m about to use my angry voice on them.

2)    Parents keep adding to the guest list. Which I guess is fine if we need the 150 minimum. They get a say if they’re paying, right?

3)    My FI have ¼ of the money, my parents are giving ¼, FI’s mom is giving ¼ and FI’s dad is giving ¼.  Well FI’s mom was taking our ¼ out of a savings bond FI has set up, even though it’s HIS savings bond and that’s where our ¼ is coming from. So now in that department, we’re ¼ short. But wait, FI’s dad can’t come up with his ¼. So now my parents are saying they’ll pay, don’t worry. But I feel guilty.  And again, this is totally my fault because I know I shouldn’t depend on money that I don’t have in hand.

4)    I’m freaking the eff out and all everyone is saying is “calm down.” I CANT CALM DOWN.

 

I know this is all my fault and I should know better. But nothing is helping.  And I feel like an idiot.  

Re: I've Hit the "I Just Want To Elope" Stage of Planning

  • Anything we can help you with?  Hang in there!
  • I'll update the actual post in a second with my dilemmas.  You all are going to speshul snowflake me though. 
  • Go have a glass of your beverage of choice.  Light a candle.  Take deep breaths.

    Really, it's fine.  You don't have a problem.  #1 and #2 fix each other.  I can't feel that bad for you with #3 and you know why.  But still, you don't have a problem because your parents are saying they will pay for it, right?  Either graciously thank them, or if you feel too guilty, turn down the money and plan a smaller wedding.  Since you haven't signed anything with the venue, you should be able to get your deposit back.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Don't make any important decisions while you are upset.  You can still change your plans if that is what is right for you.  Eat some cheesecake,
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Sh*t just hit the fan in the planning department and I'm freaking out. UGH.

    ETA: Update.

     

    This is essentially what just happened:

     

    1)    My venue just imposed a 150 person minimum. I haven’t signed a contract yet, but Mom put down the deposit. It was dumb, I know. I’m about to use my angry voice on them.  What is your headcount at now?

    2)    Parents keep adding to the guest list. Which I guess is fine if we need the 150 minimum. They get a say if they’re paying, right?  Pretty much.  Come to an agreement with your parents about how many people you can afford to properly host.  Then draw a line in the sand.

    3)    My FI have ¼ of the money, my parents are giving ¼, FI’s mom is giving ¼ and FI’s dad is giving ¼.  Well FI’s mom was taking our ¼ out of a savings bond FI has set up, even though it’s HIS savings bond and that’s where our ¼ is coming from. So now in that department, we’re ¼ short. But wait, FI’s dad can’t come up with his ¼. So now my parents are saying they’ll pay, don’t worry. But I feel guilty.  And again, this is totally my fault because I know I shouldn’t depend on money that I don’t have in hand.

    4)    I’m freaking the eff out and all everyone is saying is “calm down.” I CANT CALM DOWN.

     

    I know this is all my fault and I should know better. But nothing is helping.  And I feel like an idiot.  

    Just calm down.  You really can.  How far out is your wedding?
  • Oh man. Now I want cheesecake. #3 was totally my fault. I should know better, especially considering how many times I've seen this problem come up on here. I think I'm the most mad about FI's Mom thinking she could contribute with funds that aren't hers. That doesn't even make sense.
  • Oh man. Now I want cheesecake. #3 was totally my fault. I should know better, especially considering how many times I've seen this problem come up on here. I think I'm the most mad about FI's Mom thinking she could contribute with funds that aren't hers. That doesn't even make sense.
    Oh yeah, that would annoy me too.  I'm definitely not saying you can't feel annoyed.  Be annoyed as heck!!!!

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    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    If you haven't signed a contract then I don't think it is too late to walk on your current location. Call them when you are calm and explain to them that the 150 minimum was not discussed in advance and is not do able. Then ask for your deposit back. Be nice and I bet they'll either drop the minimum or give you back your deposit. 

    If you are having money issues already then increasing the guest count is the last thing you need to be doing! Count your pennies and readjust your plans for the new budget and then move forward. I would not plan for getting any money from your future inlaws. If they come forward with a gift, use it to add back some of the things you cut- but don't count on that money for any of the core expenses. 

    These are things you can get through! Don't panic!
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