Time gap

Katek819 · July 2014

Hi all, so I'm trying not to be upset about this but I will have a 2 hr gap between my ceremony and reception. I'm trying to be ok with it because having the catholic ceremony is important to me but I don't want my guest to be bored. We aren't having a lot of out of towers so the could go home. Also my reception will take place at a restaurant on the water. There is a really nice and fun bar downstairs along the canal, the fine dining room and ballroom are upstairs. I was going to put something with the invitation about the gap, Something along the lines of " the Chesapeake in will be happy to accommodate guests at the outdoor bard prior to cocktail hour" Anybody have any other advice.. I've been to only 1 wedding with at gap, we were out of town and we're not aware and it was awkward. We went to Burger King which turned out to be a good idea because the food was way to fancy for our taste. Anyway .... Advice ? Thoughts ? Thank you in advance !

beethery · July 2014

Is it not possible to move the reception up closer to the end of the ceremony? Or find another restaurant?

AddieCake · July 2014

Ditto Beethery. Why can't the reception start sooner?

freebread03 · July 2014

I'd definitely suggest finding another place that can accommodate you and your guests earlier so that there is no gap. Otherwise, I'd suggest using the wording you have but using spell check before you print it on anything. (Or maybe I just don't know what a "bard" is).

MobKaz · July 2014

Katek819 said:

Hi all, so I'm trying not to be upset about this but I will have a 2 hr gap between my ceremony and reception. I'm trying to be ok with it because having the catholic ceremony is important to me but I don't want my guest to be bored. We aren't having a lot of out of towers so the could go home. Also my reception will take place at a restaurant on the water. There is a really nice and fun bar downstairs along the canal, the fine dining room and ballroom are upstairs. I was going to put something with the invitation about the gap, Something along the lines of " the Chesapeake in will be happy to accommodate guests at the outdoor bard prior to cocktail hour" Anybody have any other advice.. I've been to only 1 wedding with at gap, we were out of town and we're not aware and it was awkward. We went to Burger King which turned out to be a good idea because the food was way to fancy for our taste. Anyway .... Advice ? Thoughts ? Thank you in advance !

Having a Catholic ceremony should in no way force you to have a gap. Your reception is at a restaurant. Why can't you start your reception immediately following your ceremony? Whether I live near or far, once I dress for a wedding, I want to celebrate the wedding. I do not want to go home in my cocktail attire and just sit around. I might be tempted to start something else and just skip the ceremony. I most definitely would not want to sit in a Burger King in my cocktail attire.

NYCMercedes · July 2014

This is not rocket science. Start the reception right after the wedding. Want pictures in between? Then HOST a cocktail hour with appetizers.

QueerFemme · July 2014

Move the reception up an hour. 2 hours is too long. Have a 1 hour cocktail hour. That's all you can do without being horribly rude.

LondonLisa · July 2014

Gaps are always rude. Period. Being Catholic has nothing to do with it.

You need to host a cocktail hour (1 hour only) immediately after your ceremony and then start your reception. Cocktail hour is when you will do photos, but you must host your guests with food and refreshments. Ditto PP, you need to move up your reception.

If the restaurant cannot accommodate you earlier, then unfortunately, that is not your dream reception space. That is like loving a venue, only that it holds half of the people you have already invited. It may be nice, but it simply just does not work for you.

atlastmrsg · July 2014

Also, if I was told to go to the Chesapeake Inn after the ceremony, I would think it was for cocktail hour. I'd be quite surprised and unhappy to find out I had to sit there, buy my own food and drinks, and wait. If you suggest that bar, you need to pay for appetizers, have space for guests, and offer either iced tea/lemonade (dry event) or some form of bar (beer/wine included, or full bar). Sounds like you need to hurry up that two hour block and get your guests a cocktail hour.

climbingsingle · July 2014

Two hours is a really big gap. You either need to move the reception time up or your need to host your guests for those two hours. That means providing them with refreshments and snacks. Also, if I read on your invite about the Chesapeake Inn, I would assume it was hosted and that drinks were free.

Gaps are really rude. How did you like hanging out in Burger King in your fancy wedding clothes while you waited for that wedding to start? It sucked, right? Don't do that to your guests.

MegEn1 · July 2014

Related question - we're having the ceremony and reception in the same space with a gorgeous cocktail hour spot there too. But we have to leave the area to do pictures - it just doesn't work for photos. Because of this, we wanted to extend cocktail hour, maybe make it cocktail hour-and-a-half. Is this considered rude? We're feeding and boozing them during this time, but since it is always referred to as cocktail hour I don't want to make them wait too long if it's not appropriate.

atlastmrsg · July 2014

@MegEn1 Do pics before ceremony. Get ready early and go do them beforehand. Then you won't need an hour and a half of cocktail hour. Some of my older guests, with open bar and passed appetizers, we're getting antsy by the 40 minute mark. Granted, some old people like to eat early. Since caterer was ready, we started seating people for dinner at 40-45 minute mark instead of going to 55 minutes, as planned. Some of my guests would have been really unhappy by 90 minutes. In sum, our cocktail "hour" ended up 45 minutes long, then people were seated and salads, fried green tomatoes were coming out immediately. People were eating first course in less than an hour after ceremony concluded.

Liatris2010 · July 2014

MegEn1 said:

Related question - we're having the ceremony and reception in the same space with a gorgeous cocktail hour spot there too. But we have to leave the area to do pictures - it just doesn't work for photos. Because of this, we wanted to extend cocktail hour, maybe make it cocktail hour-and-a-half. Is this considered rude? We're feeding and boozing them during this time, but since it is always referred to as cocktail hour I don't want to make them wait too long if it's not appropriate.

We had cocktail hour and half. Cocktail hour is the best part, IMO, and I wanted to make sure we got to enjoy some of it. We did pictures before the ceremony and then more pictures on site during cocktail hour. We made it to the half of the hour and a half.

Liatris2010 · July 2014

atlastmrsg said:

Also, if I was told to go to the Chesapeake Inn after the ceremony, I would think it was for cocktail hour. I'd be quite surprised and unhappy to find out I had to sit there, buy my own food and drinks, and wait. If you suggest that bar, you need to pay for appetizers, have space for guests, and offer either iced tea/lemonade (dry event) or some form of bar (beer/wine included, or full bar). Sounds like you need to hurry up that two hour block and get your guests a cocktail hour.

This. I hate, hate, hate gaps. I do not want to go home (what am I going to do, aside from sit around and wait to go our again?) and I do not want to pay to entertain myself because the hosts are too busy to host the event they invited me too. Move your reception up.

climbingsingle · July 2014

MegEn1 said:

Related question - we're having the ceremony and reception in the same space with a gorgeous cocktail hour spot there too. But we have to leave the area to do pictures - it just doesn't work for photos. Because of this, we wanted to extend cocktail hour, maybe make it cocktail hour-and-a-half. Is this considered rude? We're feeding and boozing them during this time, but since it is always referred to as cocktail hour I don't want to make them wait too long if it's not appropriate.

I honestly think that's fine. I personally love the cocktail hour, so I'd be happy.

atlastmrsg · July 2014

Liatris2010 said:

MegEn1 said:

Related question - we're having the ceremony and reception in the same space with a gorgeous cocktail hour spot there too. But we have to leave the area to do pictures - it just doesn't work for photos. Because of this, we wanted to extend cocktail hour, maybe make it cocktail hour-and-a-half. Is this considered rude? We're feeding and boozing them during this time, but since it is always referred to as cocktail hour I don't want to make them wait too long if it's not appropriate.

We had cocktail hour and half. Cocktail hour is the best part, IMO, and I wanted to make sure we got to enjoy some of it. We did pictures before the ceremony and then more pictures on site during cocktail hour. We made it to the half of the hour and a half.

I think young guests like cocktail hour, old people don't. I also like a cocktail hour if it's beer/wine open bar or open bar. If there's not alcohol, or the apps suck, I'm not going to have fun. If there's lots of alcohol and yummy passed appetizers, the time flies by. More fun than sitting through a zillion dances, bouquet toss, garter toss, toasts, more toasts...

MegEn1 · July 2014

atlastmrsg said:

@MegEn1 Do pics before ceremony. Get ready early and go do them beforehand. Then you won't need an hour and a half of cocktail hour. Some of my older guests, with open bar and passed appetizers, we're getting antsy by the 40 minute mark. Granted, some old people like to eat early. Since caterer was ready, we started seating people for dinner at 40-45 minute mark instead of going to 55 minutes, as planned. Some of my guests would have been really unhappy by 90 minutes. In sum, our cocktail "hour" ended up 45 minutes long, then people were seated and salads, fried green tomatoes were coming out immediately. People were eating first course in less than an hour after ceremony concluded.

I tried to ask my FI to do that, but he is determined that he doesn't see me until the ceremony. He's only had a few big asks throughout all this - that he doesn't see me until the ceremony, that he gets to pick a funny cake topper, and that we have some part of the night outdoors (we're doing ceremony and cocktail hour outdoors). So I cant really blame him, that's why I'm seeking a work-around.

I'm trying to keep all that in mind. We're going to have an open bar for the entire time with waiters doing the wines to keep the line at the bars down. We're also doing a mac and cheese bar and passed hors. My biggest pet peeve is a cocktail hour that leaves me (in heels) on my feet forever, so I'm making sure there's tables and chairs and the like as well. We're planning to start dinner at 6 to make sure the kids/older folks get reasonably fed.

I'm just hoping I'm covering all of my bases. Sorry to hijack the thread, but thank you all for your responses! After reading many of them I feel a lot better about cocktail hour-and-a-half.

Katek819 · July 2014

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.

YourDogDontKnowSit · July 2014

Katek819 said:

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.

Okay...so, why did you ask for opinions?

Hopefully you at least put some Burger King coupons in the invitations so your guests can have as much fun as you did at that gap wedding you attended.

Katek819 · July 2014

Wish I hadn't

LondonLisa · July 2014

Katek819 said:

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.

I didn't think a hostess could be so rude, thoughtless and callous at her nearest and dearest's comfort. I guess we all learned something today. Newsflash: If a random group of internet strangers think this is rude, so do your friends and family. They just aren't saying it to your face. Justify it however you want, how your situation is different and how your friends are different and don't care. They do. They care a lot. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

But then again, I wouldn't expect anything more of anyone over the age of 7 that uses a "my day my way" excuse.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

Katek819 said:

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.

Ugh I just watched a wedding show the other day where the bride kept saying this and I just wanted to jump through the tv and shake her every single time. It is not just your day. It is also your FI day and your guests day.

You say that the catholic ceremony is important to you but then you also say this reception venue is your dream venue. Well guess what? You can't have it all. You need to decide what is more important, your catholic wedding or your dream venue.

You know that a two hour gap is rude as hell so grow the heck up and realize that you will have to find a new "dream" venue so that you don't inconvenience your guests.

QueerFemme · July 2014

Your plans are rude and you know it.

slothiegal · July 2014

Katek819 said:

Hi all, so I'm trying not to be upset about this but I will have a 2 hr gap between my ceremony and reception. I'm trying to be ok with it because having the catholic ceremony is important to me but I don't want my guest to be bored. We aren't having a lot of out of towers so the could go home. Also my reception will take place at a restaurant on the water. There is a really nice and fun bar downstairs along the canal, the fine dining room and ballroom are upstairs. I was going to put something with the invitation about the gap, Something along the lines of " the Chesapeake in will be happy to accommodate guests at the outdoor bard prior to cocktail hour" Anybody have any other advice.. I've been to only 1 wedding with at gap, we were out of town and we're not aware and it was awkward. We went to Burger King which turned out to be a good idea because the food was way to fancy for our taste. Anyway .... Advice ? Thoughts ? Thank you in advance !

"The Chesapeake Inn will be happy to accommodate guests at the outdoor bard prior to cocktail hour. There will be an unhosted bar, so make sure you have some cash on hand. Or go home and sit on your couch in your fancy clothes for an hour. Thanks!"

I mean, really, what did you expect?

melbenso · July 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Katek819 said:

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.
Ugh I just watched a wedding show the other day where the bride kept saying this and I just wanted to jump through the tv and shake her every single time. It is not just your day. It is also your FI day and your guests day.

I think we watched the same episode, Maggie. I wanted to smack her. Rhyming does not make bad behavior suddenly become cute. I seriously could not understand why her FI wanted to marry her. All she did was yell at him and treat him like crap - at least when she wasn't yelling at her friends or that poor hair dresser.

gladyscf · July 2014

melbenso said:

Maggie0829 said:

Katek819 said:

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.
Ugh I just watched a wedding show the other day where the bride kept saying this and I just wanted to jump through the tv and shake her every single time. It is not just your day. It is also your FI day and your guests day.

I think we watched the same episode, Maggie. I wanted to smack her. Rhyming does not make bad behavior suddenly become cute. I seriously could not understand why her FI wanted to marry her. All she did was yell at him and treat him like crap - at least when she wasn't yelling at her friends or that poor hair dresser.

Was this with the woman marrying the baseball player? If so, I watched it the other night and wondered the same thing!

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

Katek819 said:

If I could move it up I wouldn't be asking. I'm having at this location has been my dream I was never going to change it. I'm having cocktail hr it starts at 6. I'm just not going to worry about it any more. My day my way. Just didn't think the responses would be so rude.

Then what ARE you asking?

Your OP said "Advice ? Thoughts ?"

The advice people are giving you is to move your reception up. The thought is that this is a very rude thing to do to your guests.

And BURGER KING. Really?

Time gap

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