Men never have to worry when they don't drink....

l9i · July 2014

So this past week I've seen one of my BM and her family more than normal. My BM is now back from school and her family has been family friends with mine for forever. So this weekend I meet my parents, other family friends, and this BM and family for drinks at a restaurant. FI was at his bachelor party, I had already had dinner and been doing yard work in the heat all day so really just water sounded amazing and I wanted to enjoy their company. No one but my BM and her mom say anything like why I'm not drinking - I'm not a big drinker to begin with, the wedding is in a few weeks, I just want water right now. I could tell they wondered if there was a "reason" I wasn't drinking as they kept pressing me to order I drink and I kept saying no.

Skip to last night. My FI and I go to my parents to work on assembling programs. BM and her mom come to help. There are snacks and wine like all other get togethers. My mom asks what my FI and I want, we both say water. Then I see BM completely and obviously look me over up and down and straight at my stomach - seriously?! I ended up drinking a glass of wine later just to stop those rumors immediately because they gossip.

When we left FI asked if I noticed what she did because he noticed it and was uncomfortable, how could I not? And then I realize this starts a long journey (we plan not to have kids for awhile) of people questioning when I choose not to drink, which is often.... FI will never know the struggles...

If sure there are plenty of you that know EXACTLY what I'm talking about

sarawifenow · July 2014

This is one of those things that annoys the ever-loving crap out of me. Just because a woman is not drinking, does not mean she is pregnant. I think it is beyond rude for people to assume this and then try to "get it out in the open". It seriously drives me crazy.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

@wriggleyville had a hilarious story related to this and milk from her wedding reception... Perfectly executed response.

My sister is pregnant but not announcing it to anyone at this point - she's super early. We will all be at a wedding this weekend and I just KNOW she's going to get questions about it. They've been married for 4 years with no kids and she's early-mid 30s. If she doesn't want to tell people, she can either be vague, lie, or make a snarky comment. Obviously, I'd choose the snark, but I have a feeling she'll just be super awkward. Poor thing.

gmcr78 · July 2014

The fact that people think it is even their business kills me. What is it about a woman's uterus that draws such a crowd and makes people nuts?

l9i · July 2014

I don't know why people think it's ok to ask or pester. Most people wait to say anything until after the first trimester because chances of losing the baby drop. One of my other BM just encountered this... we were out and some judged her for not drinking but later found out she unfortunately lost the baby, she's glad she didn't tell people (she told me and her parents).

@wriggleyville I'd love to hear the story!!

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

My best friend was over for a get together with friends when she was about 6 months. The guys didn't know and cos she likes to mess with a couple of them, she was holding her husbands beer when they walked in. A few of the Dad's in the group figured it out and quietly congratulated her, but I got a phone call after everyone left from a group of them asking if she was preggo. They were too scared to ask incase she was just getting fat (though they've known her for 20+ years, and she's never put on weight). They go by the "don't ask, even if you're on the delivery table and the head is crowning" rule. They also know her well enough to know that she wouldn't get offended anyway

tigersgirlgv · July 2014

I once had a dream that one of my friends was pregnant but not telling yet. In the dream, we were all out and she kept going up to the bar and ordering virgin drinks so that we wouldn't know she was pregnant When I told her about, she agreed that she would have to do that, as when we see her not drinking, we'll know why.

We had another friend who was jokingly asked if she was pregnant when we were out one night and she didn't drink. She didn't know it yet, but she was actually pregnant at the time. However when we saw her not drinking several times over the course of the next few weeks, we didn't say anything, as it was pretty obvious that she probably was (or at least trying) and we didn't want to be those people.

beethery · July 2014

Every time I don't drink when we go out with friends, I get the look. ESPECIALLY when we go out with R + D. D is kinda nuts, but my god she had a Christmas party shortly after my birthday last year and all I wanted was water. Asked me point blank in front of everyone (mostly strangers to me) if I was pregnant and I explained, no definitely not. Just got falling-down, throwing-up WILD drunk on my birthday and I'm keeping it low-key for a while so my liver doesn't jump ship. She is forever suspicious.

JMalettas · July 2014

It's sooo true that this happens once engaged/married. I don't drink crazy amounts by any means, but if we go out, I'll usually have a wine, or something anyways. If at any point we're with anyone, and I say I just want coffee..or water, I instantly get the look. Like either right to the stomach, or I get the "eyebrow" with the "Ohhh..you're not drinking hmmm???" Ugh, so frustrating.

Part of this is partially our fault. When we were engaged/first married, people would ask when we were planning to have kids. (Which I also find annoying). Anyways, we were thinking of having them sooner at that point, and just told whoever asked, that likely, maybe a year or so after the wedding. Well, fast forward a year later now, and we're totally not there yet. We want them, but that year went bye too fast, and we're likely going to wait a couple more. I've learned that lesson though, and now just say, if/when they ask, that we're in no rush.

I seriously despise this though! I feel like I'm on display or something until I order my drink! :S

*J

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

I'm just flat out blunt and rude when people ask me. I tell them I'm never having kids and that's the end of it. I always get the "never say never" line. Whatever. My 52 year old DH, who has been "snipped", isn't reversing it and my chemo-fried eggs won't be viable ever, so people need to get over it and move on!

l9i · July 2014

@flantastic I did this for my friend when she was expecting and no one else knew, I told her I'd have her back

I think for me it was mostly the realization that I'm going to be dealng with this for awhile since we don't want kids right away.... I think my game plan is going to be snark, nip the behavior in the butt early especially since FI and I are both the first of our families kids to get married and some of the first from our friend circles.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I generally don't get drunk, but I never go out for dinner or apps without ordering a craft beer. The minute I go out with friends and don't order a beer, the jig will be up.

Meanwhile if I'm partying, I drink vodka/soda. That's pretty easy to fake. Gotta remember that when it's time to start TTC.

Now I just want a beer....

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

I'm quite often DD when we go out. At my size, one drink will put me over the legal limit. Unless I plan to be somewhere for an extended period of time, I won't even have one drink just to be on the safe side. I've always been vocal about my desire to never procreate, so most people don't give me a hard time. But on the rare occasion that it happens, I've been known to make the questioner feel very awkward and uncomfortable.

thisismynickname2 · July 2014

gmcr78 said:

The fact that people think it is even their business kills me. What is it about a woman's uterus that draws such a crowd and makes people nuts?

Oh!! My Fiance has a perfect Simpsons response for that kind of thing. "It's not uter-YOU, it's uter-US." Heh heh.

mariobride · July 2014

I drink pretty often. Every now and then when we go to his parent's house for dinner I will have only water just to fuck with them. I think it's funny.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

We have started getting it real bad now that we are coming up on a year of marriage. Mostly from H's family (SIL specifically).

I find it incredibly annoying, and it keeps getting more and more annoying. Just reading this thread was getting me mad!

JMalettas said, we may have brought some of this on ourselves as our response was always "house first" and we purchased our house a lot faster then we had planned.

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

FFS, my uterus is no one's business but FI and mine, regardless of the fact that it would take a certifiable miracle for there to be a "no vacancy" sign. I'll drink what I please, TYVM. People need to mind their own business and quit speculating.

ahyatt87 · July 2014

I've been with DH for 9 years (just got married this summer, lived together for 7 years before getting married). My mom started bugging me after we had been together for about 6 years over when we would have kids and letting me know how much she wanted to be a grandmother. After bean dipping her for months, I finally lost it and told her that when and if we decided to have children was none of her business. it is between DH and I and that it is. She has never brought it up again

beethery · July 2014

I need to photoshop a burrito into an ultrasound image for y'all. STG it's my fucking go-to. Can't go wrong.

falsara · July 2014

Ugh, because me and FI are "young" (22). People don't ask us "When are you having Kids?" they ask us "are you getting married because you 1) already have kids or 2) are already knocked up". Kids are NOT a prerequisite for marriage people. Plus I have a super freaking long engagement why would they think I was preggo.

We have had some of FI's family ask us when we're planning on having kids. My FMIL really wants Bio Grandbabies. She has step grandbabies through BIL, and she does treat them like her own I guess she just really wants some grandkids with her genes or something. When she asks "When we decide to" is normally the answer.

FI's family all think we're going to stop popping out babies once we get married since we will have been together for almost 5 years. I love my mom though every time she's within ear shot and someone asks "when" she says "I'm not being made a grandma before I turn 50." And she always does it in this really loud ridiculous voice, that gets everybody laughing. It helps me not go off the deep end and it normally stops the questions.

CMGragain · July 2014

Sheesh! It's like those old frat parties from college. I would hold my open can of beer and pretend to sip it, so nobody would bother me about it. I don't like the taste of beer. I don't like getting drunk, either, especially in a frat house where I can't trust everyone.

theexactlee · July 2014

I never drink, ever. So people got over asking me this long ago. But I still hear it all the time for every other woman. It's ridiculous. Maybe you have a big day the next morning. Maybe you just want a coke. Maybe people just need to mind their own business.

lovesclimbing · July 2014

H and I don't drink very much, and our families don't know that we do (they are against it) so I don't have to worry about that too much. Thank goodness!

l9i · July 2014

I think in this instance it was more of my friend hasn't been around me much lately and is very much the type of person to have some wine at night with dinner or friends (so are her parents and mine). I've never been that way and I just don't think she realizes it is normal behavior for me. My mom didn't blink an eye at it.

Luckily we haven't had to deal with parents pushing us for kids!! My parents had kids older in life so they don't see a rush to have kids by X age and we are fairly young (23). His parents had him by this age but know we want to wait and are cool with whatever we want. Why can't everyone be so understanding and realize it isn't their place???

aspoonfulofsugar · July 2014

My cousin isn't even dating (she's a first year teacher, living on her own, and putting herself through grad school, so it's not on her radar right now) but my Aunt gives her a hard time CONSTANTLY about finding someone so that my Aunt can have grandkids. It's gotten so bad, that she said something at a recent family reunion in front of family we're not very close to. I know it's tough and many of her siblings have kids, but not your call.

I hate that everyone else thinks it's their business. My sister had a lot of trouble getting pregnant all three times (she had a lot of miscarriages), and it killed me every time someone questioned her about having more kids.

ElcaB · July 2014

Ugh. I've gotten this a lot lately as I'm not drinking as part of my health regime. Every time I say, "No thanks," when offered a drink or order water at the bar, people raise their eyebrows.

I'M NOT PREGGO YOU HALF-WITS.

Men never have to worry when they don't drink....

Re: Men never have to worry when they don't drink....

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