Avoiding a cash bar (vent)

Re: Avoiding a cash bar (vent)

• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014

  Your fiance should tell her that the 2 of you prefer no cash bar and that the topic is closed.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  July 2014

  I would just have your FI say "Mom, we really appreciate you hosting the RD but FI and I prefer to have a dry dinner so please do not have a cash bar in the room." 

  
  

  If she keeps pushing the subject then you and your FI may just have to decline her offer to host and do it yourself.  I know you don't want to hurt her feelings but if she freaks out because you don't want a cash bar in the room and she does then she is too freaking touchy.

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  How many people are invited to your RD? Are they big drinkers? If not a huge group and not heavy drinkers, could you and your FI host a consumption bar? And if so, could you limit the choices to just beer and wine. And further, 2-3 beer choices and 2-3 wine choices?

   

  I can't imagine in a small-medium sized group, half of them designated drivers and a light-average drinking crowd that you'd end up with anything close to a $1,600 bill.... 

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• ashleyep member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  Could you splurge for some wine for the table? When we were planning on paying for our RD, we were considering ordering bottles of wine.
  
  If anyone is desperate enough, they could go get something from the main restaurant, and that that point it's on them, not you.
  

  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  July 2014

  Or, since everyone will know she's hosting and the cash bar will only reflect badly on her, as the shower did, just let her host it where and how she wants to.

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• hyechica81 member

  

  July 2014

  my parents hosted the rd at a local italian place we had the larger of the two rooms they have for parties, they paid for a buffet dinner coffee and tea was included as well as water for the tables, if anyone wanted a drink it was cash bar, ( there was no bar in the room) the servers went to each table and asked them if they would like a drink or soda

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  hyechica81 said:

  my parents hosted the rd at a local italian place we had the larger of the two rooms they have for parties, they paid for a buffet dinner coffee and tea was included as well as water for the tables, if anyone wanted a drink it was cash bar, ( there was no bar in the room) the servers went to each table and asked them if they would like a drink or soda

  This is not a good solution. It's a cash bar - which is bad etiquette.

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• beachyone15 member

  

  July 2014

  ashleyep said:

  Could you splurge for some wine for the table? When we were planning on paying for our RD, we were considering ordering bottles of wine.
  
  If anyone is desperate enough, they could go get something from the main restaurant, and that that point it's on them, not you.
  

  I like this idea.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• blabla89 member

  

  July 2014

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  Or, since everyone will know she's hosting and the cash bar will only reflect badly on her, as the shower did, just let her host it where and how she wants to.

  That's what FI said. Pretty much everyone on FI's side knows that FMIL is rude (and she will make sure that they know she is hosting) but I don't want to be rude to my guests, who are all traveling a long way for the wedding.
  
  My understanding is that this restaurant has only one hosted bar option, and it's $XX per person plus bartender, tax and gratuity (I haven't done the math yet) so paying by consumption could be cheaper but it isn't an option. So I found some other restaurants that could do the food and alcohol for a much more affordable price, but it doesn't fit with her grand vision of what she wants for the RD. Before FMIL offered to host, our plan was to invite only the officiant, BMs, GMs and their SO's for a quick rehearsal and dinner at our place, because that's all we can afford to host - but if we revert back to that plan now, we will get the almighty wrath of FMIL.
  
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  July 2014

  blabla89 said:

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  Or, since everyone will know she's hosting and the cash bar will only reflect badly on her, as the shower did, just let her host it where and how she wants to.

  That's what FI said. Pretty much everyone on FI's side knows that FMIL is rude (and she will make sure that they know she is hosting) but I don't want to be rude to my guests, who are all traveling a long way for the wedding.
  
  My understanding is that this restaurant has only one hosted bar option, and it's $XX per person plus bartender, tax and gratuity (I haven't done the math yet) so paying by consumption could be cheaper but it isn't an option. So I found some other restaurants that could do the food and alcohol for a much more affordable price, but it doesn't fit with her grand vision of what she wants for the RD. Before FMIL offered to host, our plan was to invite only the officiant, BMs, GMs and their SO's for a quick rehearsal and dinner at our place, because that's all we can afford to host - but if we revert back to that plan now, we will get the almighty wrath of FMIL.
  
  

  Your choices are
  

  • Let your FMIL host the event where and how she wants, and accept that the cash bar will not reflect poorly on you.
  • Let FMIL host but only invite the people actually participating in the rehearsal along with their SO's, and see if that brings the bar price down enough so that you can have a hosted bar.
  • Decline her offer to host, accept and deal with her wrath, and host the people you can afford to host, however you can afford to do so.
    

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• ashleyep member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  At my friend's rehearsal dinner, none of us knew what the deal with the bar is. I'm used to cash bars, so they don't bother me, but I like to know in advance.
  
  Anyway, we all get there, the waiters are coming around ordering drinks and we don't know what we can and can't order, the waiters don't know what's hosted. It was kind of a mess. Finally the groom came around and told us his mom said if we want a drink, we can go to the bar and get one for cash.
  
  It definitely reflected poorly on her, not the couple. Let her do what she wants.
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2014

  I don't understand how handing your credit card to the bartender and telling them that drinks are on you isn't allowed.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  July 2014

  adk19 said:

  I don't understand how handing your credit card to the bartender and telling them that drinks are on you isn't allowed.

  This.

  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  July 2014

  adk19 said:

  I don't understand how handing your credit card to the bartender and telling them that drinks are on you isn't allowed.

  I think the issue is that the OP said she can't afford to cover the bar costs, though.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• smalfrie19 member

  

  July 2014

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  adk19 said:

  I don't understand how handing your credit card to the bartender and telling them that drinks are on you isn't allowed.

  I think the issue is that the OP said she can't afford to cover the bar costs, though.
  

  but if her FMIL brings a cash bar into the room (im going to assume there is no charge for it being in the room) and then the OP just gives them a CC for the cash bar.. essentially making a consumption bar. 

  

  
  

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• Mkincaid2014 member

  

  July 2014

  We had the hardest time finding a restaurant that we could afford that would accommodate our large rehearsal dinner group, so I understand what it feels like to have limited options.  We negotiated with our venue to give everyone a glass of wine with their meal (non-alcoholic drinks are included in the meal price) because we had a strict budget and couldn't deal with the uncertainty of a consumption bar (and absolutely couldn't afford the open bar option).  Do you think your venue would be willing to do that?  Could you guys cover that cost?   
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2014

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  adk19 said:

  I don't understand how handing your credit card to the bartender and telling them that drinks are on you isn't allowed.

  I think the issue is that the OP said she can't afford to cover the bar costs, though.
  

  I thought she said she couldn't afford the $1600 open bar cost.  But with designated drivers and whatnot, she might be able to afford the smaller bar tab that would hopefully occur at a consumption bar.

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  July 2014

  In what world is it 1600 for an open bar, for a rehearsal. How many people are coming to the RD?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• steph861 member

  

  July 2014

  I think it's weird that they won't allow you to run a tab for the night. It means more money for them, because the other option is not buying any liquor at all.

  
  
  
  
  

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• annathy03 member

  

  July 2014

  adk19 said:

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  adk19 said:

  I don't understand how handing your credit card to the bartender and telling them that drinks are on you isn't allowed.

  I think the issue is that the OP said she can't afford to cover the bar costs, though.
  

  I thought she said she couldn't afford the $1600 open bar cost.  But with designated drivers and whatnot, she might be able to afford the smaller bar tab that would hopefully occur at a consumption bar.

  This was my understanding too, in which case if it's a small enough group I'd let FMIL have her "cash bar" but have the bartender put all the drinks on your tab.

  
  

  Alternatively I'd see if they'd allow you to bring in wine for a corkage fee and bring what you budget for.  Wine + Italian = awesome.

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• MrsMarende member

  

  July 2014

  blabla89 said:

  So this is a long one, and it's mostly just a vent.
  
  FMIL has graciously offered to host our RD. I think she was expecting it to be just like what she did for FSIL's shower, in a banquet room at a chain Italian restaurant. The thing is, at FSIL's shower there was a cash bar (better yet, a cash only bar) in the banquet room. It was tacky and I know the other guests weren't happy about it, although they would never say that to FMIL's face.
  
  So FMIL called to get pricing for our RD, and said that they could pay the amount for food and use of the room, but not the additional $1600 for a hosted bar. And that's fine. They're being very generous and we want to be respectful of their budget, but we can't pay the $1600 for the drink package, and we do not want a cash bar in the room. So we said that a dry dinner would be perfectly fine (the restaurant bar is downstairs, in case someone just can't get through dinner without a drink) and she countered by suggesting a cash bar in the room. I don't know how to make it clear that we do not want a cash bar in the room without her thinking I'm accusing her of being a bad host at FSIL's shower. FMIL is known to take everything personally, throw fits, and accuse FI of being "mean" to her. I just really don't want any family drama. We've been walking on eggshells since her last tantrum and it's really upsetting FI.
  
  So my strategy was to look for other restaurants that could do food and booze for the same price as restaurant #1 quoted for just the food. There aren't many to choose from, and FMIL shot down two of them (including one that's a popular Atlanta institution) because she doesn't like the menu. I'm stressing out about every text and email she sends me because I don't want to say the wrong thing and have her get mad again, but this situation is kind of a mess.
  
  TLDR: FMIL doesn't see the problem with a cash bar and I don't know how to tell her without pointing out that she was rude to have one at another event she hosted. Also, FMIL is crazy pants.
  

  Is there a less expensive option to do just wine? We are paying for our RD and have a tight budget. I decided to bring wine and champagne that I have at home and pay the corkage fee. All in all it will cost about $200 in corkage fees and the wine I already have. Even If I had to buy the wine you can usually get decent stuff for $20 a bottle or less. We are planning for 10 bottles for 20 people 2 glasses each. 

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• badbnagdway member

  

  July 2014

  Have you looked into places that allow you to bring your own booze? Antico's in Atlanta used to let you. I've never been but I have a friend who raves about it. 

  
  

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• badbnagdway member

  

  July 2014

  Here's a list as of 2013 of places in the Atlanta area that allow you to do that, like the poster above said, bringing your own is a very cheap solution (heck, go get some two buck chuck from Trader Joe's) and for places that are BYOB you don't have to pay corkage: http://www.thrillist.com/drink/atlanta/the-atls-best-byobs-yo

  
  

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• iloveotters2014 member

  

  July 2014

  I dont know how many people you are planning at your rehearsal but my H and I purchased a few bottles of wine and a few pitchers of beer for our rehearsal dinner to place on the tables and once that ran out (we actually had some wine left over) there was still of course hosted non alcoholic beverages. I can't remember the exact price but it was around 200 for us to do that.

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