Bridesmaids Bringing Friends?

Re: Bridesmaids Bringing Friends?

• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2014

  There isn't anything you can do.  When you gave your bridesmaids plus ones, you did so with the caveat that they could bring anyone they wanted, even if it wasn't necessarily a "date."

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  Why do you have to "do" anything? What difference does it make who they bring if you gave them a plus one? How does it "inconvenience" you?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• jenna8984 member

  

  July 2014

  I wouldn't tell the BMs they aren't allowed to bring the friend, because that would be retracting your plus one. But I would wait until they actually RSVP'd with a friend then just say "Oh I noticed Kathy is going to be your plus one. That's cool, just wanted to remind you that getting ready the few hours leading up to the ceremony will just be the wedding party so hopefully she doesn't mind entertaining herself until the ceremony starts."

  I assume you booked hotels with two beds so the girl and her friend will share a bed and you won't need to pay for another room. If there is only one queen bed for the 2 bridesmaids, tell BM the friend can pay the cot fee or pay for her own room. Really don't see the issue.

  Don't worry about having to see them or hang out with them at the actual wedding. You greet them, thank them for coming, say it's been a while and it's great to see you, then move on and you don't really have to interact with them much else. If you don't want them at your head table, have a sweetheart table.

                                                                   

  
  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  July 2014

  I totally understand how it can be awkward to have guests bring people you purposely didn't invite. Super awkward. The thing is, you did leave that gate open by offering them to bring a Plus 1. It was a gamble you took. I don't envy your situation at all. But now you should follow through with your offer.
  
  Is there a way you can switch to a sweetheart table and have your bridal party sit at a separate table with their dates? This way, at least you won't have to sit with them while you eat.
  
  
  I don't think you should have to pay twice as much for their hotel rooms, though. They had already agreed to share a room that you agreed to pay for. If they go back on that agreement, that added cost should be on them, not you. I would still offer to pay what you were going to, though. So, in effect, you're still paying for your bridesmaids rooms, but not their dates. The dates will have to pay for their own rooms. You'll be paying for half the room, if that makes sense?
  
  
  As far as the other stuff goes, that really sucks and hopefully it won't be too bad. Good luck!
  
  

  
  

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• Kauris member

  

  July 2014

  ldukes9 said:

  All 5 of my bridesmaids are single, so when I mailed out their invitations I gave them all plus ones.  I didn't expect any of them to use it, but I thought it would be a nice gesture in case any of them started dating someone in between now and the wedding.  The wedding is also out of state for all of them, and me and my fiancé have offered to pay for their rooms (nice, expensive hotel) and when we asked if they would mind splitting rooms with the other bridesmaids nobody minded.  This made it work out with 3 rooms total, 4 bridesmaids sharing 2 and me and my MoH in one.   

  
  

  All of my bridesmaids are friends, and this is the other reason I didn't think any of them would be bringing a date, just because even though they're traveling, they are traveling together, staying together, all know each other, and know that everyone else is single.  

  
  

  Recently, I've heard that one of my bridesmaids is planning on bringing a friend as a date, someone we both used to know back in college but I didn't stay in touch with after graduation, and who obviously didn't get their own invitation to the wedding.  This bridesmaid is also trying to convince all of the other bridesmaids to do the same thing!  I'm not really sure what to do, because even though I gave them all plus ones, I obviously didn't expect them to try to find a bunch of people I used to know to bring to the wedding as their friends!  Now I'm going to have to pay for probably twice as many (expensive) hotel rooms, invite these random people to an intimate rehearsal dinner (just wedding party and immediate family), probably hang out with them on my wedding day (We are paying for all of the bridesmaid preparations and we were all supposed to hang out all day), and sit with them at our head table. 

  
  

  Keep in mind, I understand this is their right to bring dates since I offered them plus ones, but I didn't think they would just be bringing random friends (especially people I used to know back in college but haven't talked to in close to 8 years), I would feel completely differently if these were actual dates!  

  
  

  What can I do?  Nobody has RSVPed yet with these random friends, so I feel like now would be the time to cut it off at the head, but can I?  I get the feeling that they don't quite understand how much this inconveniences us, and that our wedding is not the time for a college reunion with a bunch of people I never talk to.  

  About getting ready together, that can still remain for wedding party only, I can't imagine the guest/friends would actually want to do that over sleeping in and hanging out together prior to your wedding. I don't think that violates etiquette that you're getting ready is strictly bridal party, it's not like you would invite a guy to that part if the BP was bringing a date.
  

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• mysticl member

  

  July 2014

  Simply Fated said:

  I totally understand how it can be awkward to have guests bring people you purposely didn't invite. Super awkward. The thing is, you did leave that gate open by offering them to bring a Plus 1. It was a gamble you took. I don't envy your situation at all. But now you should follow through with your offer.
  
  Is there a way you can switch to a sweetheart table and have your bridal party sit at a separate table with their dates? This way, at least you won't have to sit with them while you eat.
  
  
  I don't think you should have to pay twice as much for their hotel rooms, though. They had already agreed to share a room that you agreed to pay for. If they go back on that agreement, that added cost should be on them, not you. I would still offer to pay what you were going to, though. So, in effect, you're still paying for your bridesmaids rooms, but not their dates. The dates will have to pay for their own rooms. You'll be paying for half the room, if that makes sense?
  
  
  As far as the other stuff goes, that really sucks and hopefully it won't be too bad. Good luck!
  
  

  This, I used to attend an annual conference for my sorority and the understanding was that you shared a room with another member.  If you opted to bring your spouse/parent/kids you had to cover their share of the room.

  

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• Bubblegum5586 member

  

  July 2014

  I do find this very annoying, and that this girl is now encouraging the other BMs to do it too. But as PP's have said there's not too much that can be done, just don't pay any of the additional costs, that is not your responsibility.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• bananasplit472001 member

  

  July 2014

  I think your in a difficult spot.  I understand that "dates" mean someone that you are seeing romantically but I think it is fine if they bring friends that are girls along.  When you gave them a plus one you left it open-ended and technically they can bring whomever they choose.  As long as these friends are not rude to you or did something horrible to you I think you are stuck.

  

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• ginger0809 member

  

  July 2014

  If these girls are your close friends, I would think you would be able to talk with them about your concerns and basically explain to them what you just explained to us.  I wouldn't tell them they can't bring someone, but just express your feelings on the subject.

  
  

  If they are your good friends, maybe they would reconsider bringing random friends and doing what they think will make you most happy and stress free on your wedding day.  

  
  

  If you express your concerns and they still choose to bring them, well, then there's nothing you can really do.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  ginger0809 said:

  If these girls are your close friends, I would think you would be able to talk with them about your concerns and basically explain to them what you just explained to us.  I wouldn't tell them they can't bring someone, but just express your feelings on the subject.

  
  

  If they are your good friends, maybe they would reconsider bringing random friends and doing what they think will make you most happy and stress free on your wedding day.  

  
  

  If you express your concerns and they still choose to bring them, well, then there's nothing you can really do.

  Don't do this. You'd basically be giving them an ultimatum about something you already said was ok ("and guest"). It's unfair and rude.

  
  

  YOU addressed the invitation "and guest". They're bringing a guest. It's not complicated. As any normal wedding, getting ready can still be WP only (no dates/guests). 

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• ginger0809 member

  

  July 2014

  southernbelle0915 said:

  Don't do this. You'd basically be giving them an ultimatum about something you already said was ok ("and guest"). It's unfair and rude.

  
  

  I think you should look up the definition of ultimatum, because this would not be one.  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2014

  I agree with Simply Fated, that your bm has put you in an awkward spot. 

  
  

  You shouldn't change your plans for the hotel rooms. The bms knew they'd be sharing X number of rooms. If they bring boyfriends, they'll be expected to make other arrangements, right? So leave it up to the bms that bring guests to get rooms for their plus ones.

  
  

  If you extended the plus ones to the bms, it doesn't make a difference in cost of inviting boyfriends or friends, so you're not out anything extra on the RD. Get the word out, now, that it will only the bms will be included in getting ready and pictures before the wedding. It will give the 'dates' time to figure out what they'll do during those few hours. 

  
  

  You could change your head table to you, your husband and immediate family. Let the bms and gms sit with guests they know.

                     

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• mrsmagicgeek member

  

  July 2014

  ginger0809 said:

  
  

  southernbelle0915 said:

  
  
  Don't do this. You'd basically be giving them an ultimatum about something you already said was ok ("and guest"). It's unfair and rude.

  
  

  
  

  I think you should look up the definition of ultimatum, because this would not be one.  
  
  I don't think so. That's the way I would take it, too.

  

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