How to Deal with an Opinionated Venue Owner?

ckgator · July 2014

We are getting married next year in a chateau in France. It's our dream wedding, but our budget is tight (we are both students), so it will be a small wedding with less than 40 people. It will be casual with mostly family and a few close friends. Before booking the chateau, the caretaker said the chateau could accommodate up to 40 people in the dining room for the wedding. This is the chateau's first destination wedding and they are hoping to become popular for weddings. I recently spoke to the owner of the chateau (a wealthy business woman from America) and she says she feels uncomfortable with us having a 40 person dinner at the chateau, because in her opinion, I will be stressed and no one will be there to help me. She went on to say how she had a wedding planner at her wedding etc... I tried to explain to her that I did not have it in my budget, but essentially she said I had to hire a day-of coordinator for her to feel comfortable. To me this seems like a personal decision as to whether I want a coordinator and was not agreed upon in the venue's contract. At this point we have paid for the venue and all of our vendors so there is no turning back. I don't want to start things off on the wrong foot with the venue, but I also feel like I am being pushed around. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

JellyBean52513 · July 2014

Rely on your contract. The next time she brings it up, politely but firmly tell her "We appreciate your suggestions, but between our moms/sisters/careful planning, we're not concerned about being stressed on the day-of, so we won't be hiring anyone to do that. Thank you anyway though." If she pushes it for her own sake, then you can politely and firmly tell her "If you would feel more comfortable having a DOC on-site, we don't mind if you hire one on your own, but it's just not in our budget, plus our contract doesn't say that we're required to have one. Let us know if you plan to hire a DOC so we can sign a new contract including the DOC as a benefit of the venue, but please remember, we cannot afford the additional cost so if it will cost us more, then we won't be having one."

indianaalum · July 2014

If you have a contract, she can't do anything different. Tell her that she has to stick to the contract which made no mention of a wedding coordinator. or just lie! LOL. find a trusted friend and tell the owner, she is your coordinator..she'll never know the difference until it is too late..lol

manateehugger · July 2014

She should have it stipulated in her contract that a coordinator must be hired in order to have an event there. Or she should stop being ridiculous and get over it or hire a venue coordinator for all of her brides/clients to work with. How silly of her.

Agreed, I'd either push back and say, "I have not violated any terms of our contract, and I feel confident in my planning capabilities. Unless you'd like hire a coordinator yourself, with whom I'd be happy to work, I'd like to discontinue this discussion."

Or, if I was super tired of the drama, I'd just shove my mom or sister in front of her and say, "Here's my coordinator; deal with it."

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

Have you signed a contract? Does it say you need to have a DOC? If not, there's your answer. If she's a business woman, she should be able to understand contractual agreements.

"Thank you for the suggestion but it's not required per the contract. We won't be hiring one because it's not in our budget." Period. No more correspondence. If she is pushy, you can be little more firm, "Listen, this isn't required per the contract. If you want the chateau to have good reviews of how weddings are handled, please stop asking us to do this. If you continue to push, we will find another venue."

Rosebubbly · July 2014

Agreed with pp. it is within a venues rights to require a DOC if they don't already provide one however she needed to have it in the contract up front.

Jen4948 · July 2014

As PPs say, it should have been in the contract you signed that you have a coordinator. I agree with @southernbelle0915 that if it's not in your contract then you can tell her to stop pushing it.

You can also, once the wedding is over, give the venue a lower rating and review.

novella1186 · July 2014

Maybe you should have someone else deal with her who feel's comfortable being an asshole to her. She's probably accustomed to pushing people around, and it sounds like you're being too nice. I have the same problem; if someone gets pushy I don't know what to do because I don't know how to just be pushy right back. She needs to be told-- just once-- that it's not in the contract so it's not going to happen and maybe in the future she should provide one herself for an extra fee but it's too late to do that for your wedding, so shut up, lady! End of discussion.

"And if you bring it up again, we're going to have a problem." Lol I actually did say that to someone once, and it totally shut them up for good. Good luck, just don't let some crazy bitch keep pushing you around!

How to Deal with an Opinionated Venue Owner?

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