nothing here

alicialynn1992 · July 2014

empty box

JCbride2015 · July 2014

alicialynn1992 said:

i pre-picked dresses that i liked for my matron, bridesmaids, and mothers. i thought it was a good idea so i don't get a bunch of "i don't know's" on the day we would be trying them on. apparently this was a bad idea because this shows me i am controlling. i have always been the leader and when i asked someone else to take the lead they said okay and nothing got done. i stepped up doing all the work and i get "i didn't want to hurt you" so they go along with it. this has happened since our teen years of planning sleepovers and family get togethers and because i am getting married in a way that is more traditional i am extravagent and controlling. do you people think this sounds that way? does this make me a bad form of a bridezilla??? id rather hear this from someone that actually feels where i am coming from here and doesn't know me. i know that sounds sad

Well, I think we kind of need more information to figure this out. What does the bolded mean? Did you try to give a BM a job and she didn't want to do it? Or did you ask your BMs for opinions on dresses, and they didn't respond? Generally with picking dresses, you should privately ask each woman for her personal budget and if she has any serious modesty requirements or comfort issues (ex. religious modesty, discomfort in a dress vs. pants, etc.). You should abide by each woman's budget and basic needs, but in the end it's pretty much your call.

Generally, I have the same issue I think you're getting at. I am extremely extroverted, and I know I have a forceful personality. I'm lucky I have an honest Fi and sister who call me out when I'm getting into bitch territory. Sometimes you need those brutally honest people in your life (or on a message board).

If somebody in your life is telling you you're being controlling-- yeah, you are probably being controlling. Think about how hard it probably is to tell somebody she's being a bridezilla. Things would have to get pretty frustrating before you'd actually speak up to her face, right?

CMGragain · July 2014

alicialynn1992 said:

i pre-picked dresses that i liked for my matron, bridesmaids, and mothers. i thought it was a good idea so i don't get a bunch of "i don't know's" on the day we would be trying them on. apparently this was a bad idea because this shows me i am controlling. i have always been the leader and when i asked someone else to take the lead they said okay and nothing got done. i stepped up doing all the work and i get "i didn't want to hurt you" so they go along with it. this has happened since our teen years of planning sleepovers and family get togethers and because i am getting married in a way that is more traditional i am extravagent and controlling. do you people think this sounds that way? does this make me a bad form of a bridezilla??? id rather hear this from someone that actually feels where i am coming from here and doesn't know me. i know that sounds sad

You pre-picked dresses for your bridesmaids, MOH and mothers without consulting them? Why not just hire professional actresses to play the part so that you get exactly what YOU want?

You are allowed to select a color for your bridesmaids to wear. Maybe also length. More than that is too much without their input. They do not need to look like a chorus line of identically dressed Barbie dolls. Have you even asked their budget?
You have no right to tell your own mother or the MOG what to wear. That is just plain rude. They are not part of your wedding party. They do not need to wear any special color or style. It is THEIR choice, not yours.
Yep! Bridezilla - big time!

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Thanks CMG, I missed the mom thing. Yeah... no. You don't get to pick what the mothers wear. They should wear whatever makes them feel beautiful and comfortable.

missdelilah · July 2014

It doesn't make you controlling at all. Everyone I know who's been involved in weddings have had experiences where they had no choice but to buy an expensive dress that they didn't like, and hadn't been consulted on at all. So we sucked it up, we bought the ridiculously overpriced dresses, and got on with it. If you can at least be considerate of budget, comfort, and modesty issues, that's a huge step in the right direction of being an easy to get along with bride.

CMGragain · July 2014

missdelilah said:

It doesn't make you controlling at all. Everyone I know who's been involved in weddings have had experiences where they had no choice but to buy an expensive dress that they didn't like, and hadn't been consulted on at all. So we sucked it up, we bought the ridiculously overpriced dresses, and got on with it. If you can at least be considerate of budget, comfort, and modesty issues, that's a huge step in the right direction of being an easy to get along with bride.

What? If this isn't controlling, what is?

JCbride2015 · July 2014

missdelilah said:

It doesn't make you controlling at all. Everyone I know who's been involved in weddings have had experiences where they had no choice but to buy an expensive dress that they didn't like, and hadn't been consulted on at all. So we sucked it up, we bought the ridiculously overpriced dresses, and got on with it. If you can at least be considerate of budget, comfort, and modesty issues, that's a huge step in the right direction of being an easy to get along with bride.

Bad advice.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Already a DD!!!! Bridezilla status confirmed.

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

You do have a right to pick the dress for your BM/MOH, so long as you've asked them each privately their budget and stayed within it. That said, I don't think I could ever pick out a dress for my MOH without her trying it on and having some input. I would want her to like what she's wearing, and look good in it. Also, your WP doesn't have to have matching dresses, though if that's what you'd really like, and it's in their budget, you could go with it.

You can't tell Mom/MIL what to wear. They get to pick whatever they'd like. If no one is taking the lead on dresses, find a date that works for most or all of your WP and go out dress shopping. This lets you take the lead to get the ball rolling, but gives your WP input into their dresses.

CMGragain · July 2014

Wow! That was a fast DD!

Ms. Bridezilla, you asked, and we told you. I quoted you, so everyone will come and read your original post, just to see what the drama is about. Deleting a post because you don't like the answers is childish and rude.

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

I knew I should have typed faster. Or not bothered

JCbride2015 · July 2014

WinstonsGirl said:

I knew I should have typed faster. Or not bothered

She was only looking for validation. What a shocker!

chibiyui · July 2014

WinstonsGirl · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

WinstonsGirl said:

I knew I should have typed faster. Or not bothered

She was only looking for validation. What a shocker!

I know, but I have such high hopes for newbies. Especially with her last sentence about hearing it from randoms instead. Disappointed again.

lc07 · July 2014

I still stand by my UO that picking outfits for your wedding party members is stupid.

AddieCake · July 2014

You picked out a dress for your mom(s) and you're confused why that makes you appear controlling in their eyes?

offensivekitten2 · July 2014

I will never, until the day I die, control the clothing of the woman who brought me into this world. Even if my mother mentally deteriorated, I'd try to give her options and self determination as much as I could.

Get some respect for your mother, ffs.

theexactlee · July 2014

Wait wait wait. You are absolutely allowed to choose the bridesmaid dress you want your girls to wear without their input. Even Bridals by Lori says that nowadays brides are giving their maids for too much control and input which is creating a drama filled mess. I have two attendants in my party and I have included them every step of the way with choosing the dress because one has massive breasts and really needs to be consulted so as we don't get arrested for indecent exposure and my other best friend said she is so appreciative because this is her 16th time she has been a bridesmaid and she has never been asked if she likes the dress. It's just been "Here is the style number can you please go order it in purple".

ETA: Within agreed upon budget!

JCbride2015 · July 2014

theexactlee said:

Wait wait wait. You are absolutely allowed to choose the bridesmaid dress you want your girls to wear without their input. Even Bridals by Lori says that nowadays brides are giving their maids for too much control and input which is creating a drama filled mess. I have two attendants in my party and I have included them every step of the way with choosing the dress because one has massive breasts and really needs to be consulted so as we don't get arrested for indecent exposure and my other best friend said she is so appreciative because this is her 16th time she has been a bridesmaid and she has never been asked if she likes the dress. It's just been "Here is the style number can you please go order it in purple".

Wedding industry advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I was watching SYTTD Bridesmaids last night actually and if I heard them tell a bride to go with her "vision" one more time I was going to throw the remote at the TV!

I think in general, choosing the BM dress is not really out of line. We always say that's the one basic requirement of a BM: show up on time in your dress and reasonably sober. But the bride should ask about each budget privately, as well as really basic requirements like modesty. And it's just nice to at least ask your friends what they want to wear. Even though it might be traditionally OK to just force your friends into whatever dress you want, it's still a controlling thing to do.

I'm glad you're involving your maids without drama. My sister/MOH is the only really opinionated one. One of my BMs needs to have her shoulders and legs covered for religious reasons, so we're making sure whatever designer we choose has a few short-sleeve options for her. And something age-appropriate for my 15-yo cousin. It does get complicated, but I really want them to be comfortable and feel like they look great.

theexactlee · July 2014

^^Yes I agree with you and "your vision" would have made me puke after 2 times as well. I think it is extremely NICE to include your maids on the decision. But I also don't think it is out of line to choose a dress and ask them to order it. If a maid comes back and says "Hey TheExactLee I'm so embarrassed to admit this, but the dress you chose can't be worn without a bra and my DD's are not going to agree with that. Is there a chance we could go with another dress this color and fabric?" Or some other issue. Don't be a scary Bridezilla and say "Sorry b!tch sounds like you found yourself a seat in the audience."

I saw a SYTTD the other day where the bride told her maids that undoubtedly the dress would be in the far upper hundreds low thousands and if they couldn't commit they needed to drop out. She was left with 3 girls. She was perfectly happy with it. YIKES!.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I saw one (I think it was one of the first episodes) where the bride kept referring to an email she sent her 15 BMs with "the rules" including that the budget for the dress was $500. She actually said, "I went over my budget for the wedding dress, so you can go over your budget, too" and had them try on a $600 gown. Now THAT's a Bridezilla.

theexactlee · July 2014

The rules. I'm dying laughing right now. Because apparently we are children. I wonder if she'll give them all one bathroom pass to use during the wedding.

mysticl · July 2014

I will say that I pre-picked my MOH's dress. In that I looked online found one I liked and when we went shopping she tried it on and agreed she liked it. It was also literally the cheapest bridesmaid's dress at DB (about $80). For my other two bridesmaid's I emailed them a couple of suggestions, they vetoed them and made a counter offer of several. I vetoed one of them and they went to try on the rest and picked from there. Then they let me know which one the picked.

JoanE2012 · July 2014

I love the title "nothing here". Of course the first thing I did was open it to see what kind of speshul snowflake we had today.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

JoanE2012 said:

I love the title "nothing here". Of course the first thing I did was open it to see what kind of speshul snowflake we had today.

Viczaesar · July 2014

theexactlee said:

Wait wait wait. You are absolutely allowed to choose the bridesmaid dress you want your girls to wear without their input. Even Bridals by Lori says that nowadays brides are giving their maids for too much control and input which is creating a drama filled mess. I have two attendants in my party and I have included them every step of the way with choosing the dress because one has massive breasts and really needs to be consulted so as we don't get arrested for indecent exposure and my other best friend said she is so appreciative because this is her 16th time she has been a bridesmaid and she has never been asked if she likes the dress. It's just been "Here is the style number can you please go order it in purple".

ETA: Within agreed upon budget!

I absolutely and completely disagree. And WTF cares what Bridals by Lori says?

Viczaesar · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

theexactlee said:

Wait wait wait. You are absolutely allowed to choose the bridesmaid dress you want your girls to wear without their input. Even Bridals by Lori says that nowadays brides are giving their maids for too much control and input which is creating a drama filled mess. I have two attendants in my party and I have included them every step of the way with choosing the dress because one has massive breasts and really needs to be consulted so as we don't get arrested for indecent exposure and my other best friend said she is so appreciative because this is her 16th time she has been a bridesmaid and she has never been asked if she likes the dress. It's just been "Here is the style number can you please go order it in purple".

Wedding industry advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I was watching SYTTD Bridesmaids last night actually and if I heard them tell a bride to go with her "vision" one more time I was going to throw the remote at the TV!

I think in general, choosing the BM dress is not really out of line. We always say that's the one basic requirement of a BM: show up on time in your dress and reasonably sober. But the bride should ask about each budget privately, as well as really basic requirements like modesty. And it's just nice to at least ask your friends what they want to wear. Even though it might be traditionally OK to just force your friends into whatever dress you want, it's still a controlling thing to do.

I'm glad you're involving your maids without drama. My sister/MOH is the only really opinionated one. One of my BMs needs to have her shoulders and legs covered for religious reasons, so we're making sure whatever designer we choose has a few short-sleeve options for her. And something age-appropriate for my 15-yo cousin. It does get complicated, but I really want them to be comfortable and feel like they look great.

What I always say is that their only job is to show up at the wedding in the appropriate outfit, which should be chosen with their budget and comfort in mind.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Viczaesar said:

JCbride2015 said:

theexactlee said:

Wait wait wait. You are absolutely allowed to choose the bridesmaid dress you want your girls to wear without their input. Even Bridals by Lori says that nowadays brides are giving their maids for too much control and input which is creating a drama filled mess. I have two attendants in my party and I have included them every step of the way with choosing the dress because one has massive breasts and really needs to be consulted so as we don't get arrested for indecent exposure and my other best friend said she is so appreciative because this is her 16th time she has been a bridesmaid and she has never been asked if she likes the dress. It's just been "Here is the style number can you please go order it in purple".

Wedding industry advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I was watching SYTTD Bridesmaids last night actually and if I heard them tell a bride to go with her "vision" one more time I was going to throw the remote at the TV!

I think in general, choosing the BM dress is not really out of line. We always say that's the one basic requirement of a BM: show up on time in your dress and reasonably sober. But the bride should ask about each budget privately, as well as really basic requirements like modesty. And it's just nice to at least ask your friends what they want to wear. Even though it might be traditionally OK to just force your friends into whatever dress you want, it's still a controlling thing to do.

I'm glad you're involving your maids without drama. My sister/MOH is the only really opinionated one. One of my BMs needs to have her shoulders and legs covered for religious reasons, so we're making sure whatever designer we choose has a few short-sleeve options for her. And something age-appropriate for my 15-yo cousin. It does get complicated, but I really want them to be comfortable and feel like they look great.

What I always say is that their only job is to show up at the wedding in the appropriate outfit, which should be chosen with their budget and comfort in mind.

See red bolded.

beethery · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

Already a DD!!!! Bridezilla status confirmed.

The added text on this gif is so perfect because it has ALWAYS looked like that's what he was saying/feeling like to me lolololol

thejucheidea · July 2014

lc07 said:

I still stand by my UO that picking outfits for your wedding party members is stupid.

Agree. We let our wedding party choose their own outfits with just the color scheme of 'fall' and they all looked awesome. So much better than having everyone all matchy-matchy.

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

This needs a puppy.

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