FI and I have been engaged for 7 years. SEVEN.
Initially it was all on me to plan the wedding.
my mom said I could not hire a planner (she and my dad are footing the bill). I got so stressed out that I just said I couldnt do it so I stopped the planning process and put everything on hold. I realized about 3 years ago that if I dont plan this, it will never happen. No one has offered to help at all, but I find all of this so stressful, I just freak out and cry. I cant make decisions, and everything seems too expensive, too difficult, or just not right for me or what I want.
I found a venue that I LOVED in Hawaii, and my mom said absolutely not, and my grandma scolded me for not thinking about how this would be hard for her to go there. My brother said he couldnt afford to go to hawaii with his family and everyone thought I was being too selfish. I suddenly I stopped being excited about getting married because it was all about what everyone else wanted me to do, and no one seemed to care what I wanted. Whenever I expressed something that I wanted, I was called selfish, no matter how reasonable I tried to be.
Ever since then. I cant find a venue that I like. Everything seems not ideal.
I decided I wanted to Elope - make it easier on everyone, but FI is insisting we invite our families to our "elopement" which suddenly turns it into a much bigger deal and then the stress comes pouring in again. Where do we elope? what do I wear? Trying to decide on a dress makes me cry. All the bridal shops tell me to buy mine 8 months in advance, so then I worry that I wont like the dress in 8 months, and then what do I wear if I want to elope next month (what FI wants to do)?
I went dress shopping with my mom and I found a huge poofy dress I loved, but my mom said it was inappropriate for a small wedding and too expensive considering only a handful of people might be there. She said if it was a bigger wedding she would buy it for me, but it didnt make sense to spend so much on a huge dress that no one will see. Then I feel guilty for wanting a dress at all and it's back to the drawing board to find something else that's more fitting for a small ceremony.
FI has suggested we either plan a wedding in Las Vegas or southern California (where we live) but I hate both suggestions. This area is so full of bad memories for me I cant imagine marrying here. I want to move out of state desperately because I cant stand living here, and it's been a source of stress int my relationship. We have a drought so everything is dead and brown and I cant breathe outside because it's really smoggy (I have breathing problems) I also hate hate hate las vegas. The hotels are full of cigarette smoke and I have trouble breathing there. He and I both have a business trip there next month so he thinks we can just call up my parents before we go on the business trip and ask them to meet us there and we get married, but that seems really awful to do to us (we have to work!) and to my parents (who wont be able to see us after the wedding because we have to work!).
That's what I want for my wedding - go on a business trip to Las Vegas, go to work during the day and get married at night and then back to work!
Just thinking about this stresses me out so badly I want to crumple up and cry.
Why couldnt we have just gotten married already? everyone calls him my boyfriend and it's just way too far past when we should have married already.
I also think about eloping and then I read about everyone else's beautiful ceremony and engagement party, and bridal shower and gifts and the whole family there, and I feel awful because I wont have that experience that everyone else seems to have, but planning that experience with it all on me is too overwhelming, and then I start to feel guilty about the idea that my parents have to pay for it and they have expressed to me that they cant retire because they dont have enough money.
I need advice and encouragement. I dont have many friends and none of them are married and no one seems to understand what I'm going through.