Not Engaged Yet

Had a little bit of a breakdown yesterday

LabLove86LabLove86 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Not Engaged Yet
And BF was fantastically wonderful about it. Like - better than I ever expected.

So - we have had our timeline for our relationship pretty well figured out. I am in a first time home buying program - the bank matches x% saved over so long - ect., and my program matures in September - (it would be in my name - the program has income caps and the 2 of us together would be over that cap)

Our plan was to buy a house, then get engaged and plan a wedding. 

So - I was talking to the woman who set up my account over a year ago to see what steps I need to take in September, and going over logistics ect. And I'm giving her my employment history/current situation and she essentially tells me that more than likely I will not be authorized for any substantial mortgage. I work 3 part time jobs, 2 of those for less than a year (had just switched careers), so she would essentially only be able to take the longer standing job into consideration - but I only make 10% of my income from that job. So I wouldn't get approved for anything. Now - I 100% understand where a bank is coming from looking at this information and wanting to give me a loan, and its my fault for not thinking of/realizing this may be a possibility. But this information really hit me hard. I was really upset and disappointed. I had been thinking for over a year that this september I would be getting a pre-approval, and we would be looking for a home, and now what I'm hearing is "No, you can't do that" (I've rationalized this since then but . . . ya know, upset.).

So I go home and talk to BF and tell him how upset and disappointed I am. And he's just like - "Well thats OK. We'll just wait. Or we could go for the pre-approval together." Which then I have to remind him that I am really just not comfortable going on a mortgage with someone unless there is a bigger commitment (which he knows thats how I feel and respects it). At this point I'm really just venting, being upset, crying, ect. And I tell him that I just feel like I know everything I want is going to happen, but its this big waiting game now and thats so frustrating.

This is where he gets super-uber adorable. He tells me to close  my eyes and keep my hands on my knees. Of course I'm "OK, WTF is happening right now." I feel him start drawing on my hand and tells me to open my eyes. He had drawn a "ring" on my finger, and says to me "I know this isn't the way we planned on it, but by the end of the year I'll put a real ring on that finger. I constantly have to stop myself from referring to you as my wife because you're more to me than a girlfriend. I love you, and we'll just doing things a little differently than we originally planned." 

Of course I was crying at this point, and just totally overwhelmed by how awesome he was.

At this point - we don't consider ourselves engaged. But we've completely changed our timeline, and even though I'm still getting used to it (been planning on the previous time line for MONTHS people . . . ) I'm totally OK with this. It means that I get to be married to the love of my life even sooner than I thought - and how can I be upset about that? Plus- he was fucking adorable. 

ETA - fixing words
                                Daisypath Wedding tickers


image

Re: Had a little bit of a breakdown yesterday

  • I think that's one of the cutest things I've ever read! I'm sorry about the house situation but it's awesome how supportive your guy is!
    image
  • Yeah - I mean, the house situation will work itself out. Maybe not by the time I WANT it to, but it will eventually. 

    And yes, BF was totally adorable. I don't think I'll ever get over it. And I'm absolutely OK with that. haha
                                    Daisypath Wedding tickers


    image
  • Awwwww that was so sweet! You've definitely got a great guy by your side. I'm so sorry the bank delayed your plans, but it sounds like you've got a lot to look forward to anyway. :-)


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • BreMRBreMR member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    That's a lovely story (well except the bummer part) but it sounds like no matter what, everything is going to work out!! 
    image
  • Keep in mind that his income will only "count" if it's been longer than a year (possibly more depending on the bank) too - our mortgage is based on my highest paying job and my husbands income because he has been in the same field for six years or whatever. This just means that our mortgage will feel cheaper once I have a full time job down here (we just moved due to a job transfer)

    Cute story though :) and timelines aren't ever set in stone, so it's good to realize that now
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • That's adorable! I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way you originally planned, but at least it will be working out in other ways!
  • Keep in mind that his income will only "count" if it's been longer than a year (possibly more depending on the bank) too - our mortgage is based on my highest paying job and my husbands income because he has been in the same field for six years or whatever. This just means that our mortgage will feel cheaper once I have a full time job down here (we just moved due to a job transfer) Cute story though :) and timelines aren't ever set in stone, so it's good to realize that now
    Yeah - if we do end up going on to a mortgage jointly - which would be more than a year from now - he will be 3 yrs into his current position and I will be at my jobs for just over 2 yrs. If we both stay employed at our current places - and at this point we are both in good spots in our careers with our employers and our employers are happy with both of us. So - as long as nothing drastic happens I am assuming we will both still have our current positions in that time. <-- Wow I just rambled there, hope you got what I was saying.

    But yes, I'm a planner for sure - but I am accepting of the fact that things change and I need to just go with the flow as life happens. :o)
                                    Daisypath Wedding tickers


    image
  • Sounds like a keeper to me! That is SUCH a cute story.

    Looks like at least three of us on here are in the crappy "wanting a house together but not without commitment" stage. Glad we can all work through it together and vent to each other.

  • Wow! That is when you know you have a keeper. Your guy sounds lovely. I'm sorry to hear about the house hiccup, but i'm sure you two will figure everything out. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards