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Need for "we" time

KellyT22KellyT22 member
Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Chit Chat

Between wedding planning, WORK (my job is stressful), and summer obligations, I am stressed!

Lately I've NEEDED a quiet weekend with my fiancé, with no plans with family or friends. I work a really stressful job and seem to have added a second one with wedding planning. Meanwhile, my fiancé is in school full time and has the summer off so he is bored (go figure). So of course, he wants to make plans for every weekend. Lately it hasn't been confined to "we'll do x at night"....now those nighttime plans have become all day back-to-back marathons that eat up my entire weekends.

I've told him that I'm stressed and that I need to cut back on the activities. I'm not saying we have to cut them out all together, but like instead of doing two things with his family on Saturday, perhaps we could chose just one of those things? He says things like "I love my family" or "I need to see my friends too"....huh?

I really do love our families and friends, but when every weekend is being taken up, I can't even enjoy the time with them because I'm so stressed out about the non-stop "go, go, go". Is my request for some "we" time without plans that crazy? Or do I suck it up and hope we get less busy in a few months?


...and to think I didn't even go in to how all of these plans have forced me to push back dress shopping. Twice.

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Re: Need for "we" time

  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I would stand up to him and tell him NO! You need DOWN time and that he needs to stop voluntelling you for plans with his family. That is rude. Also, its a little alarming that he is putting seeing his family in front of your needs... Why can't he see his family and friends in the middle of the day while you are at work and he is "bored"?

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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2014

    I think that you are perfectly within your right to want to have "we" time with your FI. I would sit him down and really explain to him how this is taking a toll on you. He should understand. It isn't like you are asking him to isolate himelf from his family and friends.

     

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this! Perhaps you should decline one of the weekends and have some down time with or without your FI. Sounds like you may need it! *hugs*

     

    ETF: spelling

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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I know you're looking for we time with your FI, but have you considered staying home while he goes out with his family??  It will give you down time while letting him still hang out with his family.  I agree with PP's though that you need to sit him down and explain your feelings more.  

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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I have the same problem with my FI.  We started a joint whiteboard calendar - he puts what he wants to do on it in one colour, I put what I want to do in another  colour, and joint stuff is in a 3rd colour.  Sometimes we literally have to mark in where we're spending time just with eachother because our lives get so busy.  Give it a try?
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I am currently unemployed, and my fiance works full time. I go see my friends for lunch, or on nights when FI is already busy. That way our weekends are our time to be together.

    If I can do it, so can your FI.
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  • mschristie123mschristie123 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    I totally understand that wedding planning is a super stressful time... BUT... it is absolutely 100% okay for you to sit down with FI and tell him what you need- a break, a hug, a night off- whatever!. DH and I had numerous conversations like this while we were planning the wedding. What would happen sometimes, is that we would get into a really dumb fight out of nowhere, and he would end up telling me how burned out he was. He'd frequently tell me that I was 'over-scheduling' us, and that he needed a break from plans, just to spend time together. Most of the time, that was just laying around watching TV on a random weekend just because we needed to decompress.

    As @winstonsgirl said, It's also super important to have "me" time in addition to "we time." You gotta take care of yourself first, your relationship, and then all the wedding BS. You're not gonna be good for anyone (including FI!) if you're so burned out!
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  • KellyT22KellyT22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    Thanks ladies - I'm not sure where I would be without you all to keep me sane during all of this!

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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'd also recommend that you have him do some of the wedding planning. There is no reason why you need to be taking responsibility for all of it while working when he has lots of free time. It doesn't sound fair at all!
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