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Wedding Etiquette Forum
dragonavicious
member
Best Man Plus 1?
So my fiancee's best man is one of my closest friends. All of us have been good pals since middle school and he's a great guy. But this question isn't about him, its about his plus one. I don't want to give him one for the sole reason of knowing who he will invite. This woman isn't his girlfriend. Despite the fact that she monopolizes all his time, manipulates him into taking her on lavish dates(and spending hundreds of dollars on her), and uses him as her personal therapist, this girl has clearly stated that she has no romantic interest in him (which would be totally fine if she didn't use him so severely.)
In spite of all that, I'd still invite her because I know that he likes her and he'd have a great time with her. However, the woman is so cruel to all our other friends. She's just this mean spirited person who hates when the attention isn't on her. Her personality is extremely abrasive and although I know some of it is just a defense mechanism because she's socially awkward I don't care. (Hey I'm super shy and socially awkward too and you don't see me being a bitch to everyone.)
For example, we had her come over for a few hours to hang out at our apartment with us and the Best Man. I made a comment about how I hadn't found the right red color to dye my hair yet and her response is: "It really isn't that hard. You must really suck at looking. I dye my hair all the time and it's never been an issue for me. "
We laugh it off and move on. My sister then tells her own pet cat to get off the table and the woman tells her "If you knew anything about cat's you'd know to spray water at him." (All the while the Best Man acts like angels are exiting the woman's rectum.) My sister thanks her for the tip and flicks a bit of water at him and the woman says. "Wow. I clearly meant with a spray bottle or something..." Then she proceeds to talk about my sister in a "cat" voice about how she's a bad "cat parent" and the cat would be better off without her because she's boring and doesn't know how to discipline. I could probably come up with better examples but those two are the first that come to mind because they are most recent.
She's like this with everyone, even the Best Man, yet he doesn't see it. I know that it would be miserable for the rest of our group of friends if she was there but at the same time I'm giving one (possibly two) of my friends a plus one for someone they are dating despite it not being super serious.
Should I suck it up and allow this woman to be there, or pretend like it never was an option for him to have a plus one in the first place? I know it's our wedding but I don't want my fiancee and I to be selfish jerks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Best Man Plus 1?
I second lolo's question though - have you, your FI, or anyone in your friend group said anything to Best Man about Crazy Pants and her dynamic with the rest of the group? If you all are constantly laughing off her obscure and abrasive behavior, the stars in his eyes might just make him see that you all find her funny and like having her around. If you can't call her on the behavior (in a "wow, that's a weird thing to say" way to start), you might need to be less subtly describing her effect on the group to him.
If I truly had nerve, and there was no way she wasn't coming, I'd consider making in a Bingo game for that friend group at the reception. First one of catch her saying some combination of the typical phrases wins a little prize (like a bottle of wine or something). But that would require more nerve that I have.