Wedding Etiquette Forum

Best Man Plus 1?

So my fiancee's best man is one of my closest friends. All of us have been good pals since middle school and he's a great guy. But this question isn't about him, its about his plus one. I don't want to give him one for the sole reason of knowing who he will invite. This woman isn't his girlfriend. Despite the fact that she monopolizes all his time, manipulates him into taking her on lavish dates(and spending hundreds of dollars on her), and uses him as her personal therapist, this girl has clearly stated that she has no romantic interest in him (which would be totally fine if she didn't use him so severely.)

In spite of all that, I'd still invite her because I know that he likes her and he'd have a great time with her. However, the woman is so cruel to all our other friends. She's just this mean spirited person who hates when the attention isn't on her. Her personality is extremely abrasive and although I know some of it is just a defense mechanism because she's socially awkward I don't care. (Hey I'm super shy and socially awkward too and you don't see me being a bitch to everyone.) 

For example, we had her come over for a few hours to hang out at our apartment with us and the Best Man. I made a comment about how I hadn't found the right red color to dye my hair yet and her response is: "It really isn't that hard. You must really suck at looking. I dye my hair all the time and it's never been an issue for me. "

 We laugh it off and move on. My sister then tells her own pet cat to get off the table and the woman tells her "If you knew anything about cat's you'd know to spray water at him." (All the while the Best Man acts like angels are exiting the woman's rectum.) My sister thanks her for the tip and flicks a bit of water at him and the woman says. "Wow. I clearly meant with a spray bottle or something..."  Then she proceeds to talk about my sister in a "cat" voice about how she's a bad "cat parent" and the cat would be better off without her because she's boring and doesn't know how to discipline. I could probably come up with better examples but those two are the first that come to mind because they are most recent. 

She's like this with everyone, even the Best Man, yet he doesn't see it.  I know that it would be miserable for the rest of our group of friends if she was there but at the same time I'm giving one (possibly two) of my friends a plus one for someone they are dating despite it not being super serious. 

Should I suck it up and allow this woman to be there, or pretend like it never was an option for him to have a plus one in the first place? I know it's our wedding but I don't want my fiancee and I to be selfish jerks.

Re: Best Man Plus 1?

  • If he is really single then he should receive a plus 1. There is a sticky all about this...
  • Wedding party members who are single, just like other single guests, do not have to be given a plus one. 

    I'm not giving anyone a plus one unless they won't know people at my wedding. My wedding party will know many other people I invite, so they aren't being given a plus one. (SO's are, of course, always invited.) They already know this, and are totally fine with it. 

    However, if you give plus ones to other members of your wedding party who know people at your wedding, but not your best man, that could cause some tension. If you make a rule, you should stick to it across the board. 
  • AddieCake said:
    She sounds like a gem. I wouldn't want to be around her, either, but I think it will cause issues with your best man if you don't give him a plus one. I'm in the camp who thinks wedding party should always get a plus one anyway.
    This. 
  • Does he know how you feel about this broad? Any chance he might choose not to bring her?

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  • I'm with Addie.  Unless she is a psychopath who has tried to physically harm you or your FI or other members of your family/friends, tried to sleep with your FI or is a drug dealer who will sell at your wedding then I feel like the best man should be allowed a plus one and be allowed to bring whoever he chooses.

    And after a quick "hello and thanks for coming" you really won't have to interact with her for the rest of the night.  And if some of your other friends don't like her either then they don't have to interact with her if they don't want to.

  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Since he's single, it would be nice of you to give him a plus one to the wedding. Just sit the two of them at a table with people who you think will not be bothered by her. And all you have to do is greet her once, and that's it the whole night. You don't have to give him a plus one to the rehearsal dinner, though. So you won't have to deal with her then.
  • Agree with PPs.  It's not fair to your Best Man to not give him a plus one just because he might bring Crazy Pants, as fun as she sounds.

    I second lolo's question though - have you, your FI, or anyone in your friend group said anything to Best Man about Crazy Pants and her dynamic with the rest of the group?  If you all are constantly laughing off her obscure and abrasive behavior, the stars in his eyes might just make him see that you all find her funny and like having her around.  If you can't call her on the behavior (in a "wow, that's a weird thing to say" way to start), you might need to be less subtly describing her effect on the group to him.

    If I truly had nerve, and there was no way she wasn't coming, I'd consider making in a Bingo game for that friend group at the reception.  First one of catch her saying some combination of the typical phrases wins a little prize (like a bottle of wine or something).  But that would require more nerve that I have.
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    Anniversary


  • I'd say you're not required to invite her at all, especially since she's made it very clear that she's not even his girlfriend. Yes, the wedding party absolutely should have their SOs invited, but they absolutely do not need to bring friends. However, maybe someone needs to talk to this Best Man about how awful she's treating all of you? If she's so bad, and you let Best Man think everything is peachy, you're kind of being two-faced about what's really going on. If you do invite her, like other PPs have said, you really won't have to interact with her. Seat her at some other table. If you think she's going to make the people at that table miserable, I really love @JaxInBlue of making a game out of it. Make it funny that she's such a bitch rather than letting it put a damper on things. She's the crazy idiot. Laugh at her.
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  • peachy13peachy13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Like others have said, it is a good move to invite her, despite her attitude. Even though she's not claiming to be the best man's girlfriend, they're clearly involved. I wouldn't go the route of playing games with her, after all it's your wedding, not exactly the time to teach a bitch a lesson. Let the wedding events occur as planned and remember that she's not going to be involved in many aspects of your big day (photos, entrances, etc.). Hopefully it will naturally humble her (here's hoping) and provide her with some perspective that it's not all about her.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • I would invite her because it will make GM happy & like others said, your interaction with her will be limited. Then after the wedding, it may be time to give the GM a wake up call about the reality of how she treats him and his friends. When she makes a smart xss comment, try to do a "polite" comeback. and every once in a while start asking your friend why he puts up with her crap. Don't force the issue, but maybe help him realize over time that this isn't the healthiest of friendships for him.
  • So my fiancee's best man is one of my closest friends. All of us have been good pals since middle school and he's a great guy. But this question isn't about him, its about his plus one. I don't want to give him one for the sole reason of knowing who he will invite. This woman isn't his girlfriend. Despite the fact that she monopolizes all his time, manipulates him into taking her on lavish dates(and spending hundreds of dollars on her), and uses him as her personal therapist, this girl has clearly stated that she has no romantic interest in him (which would be totally fine if she didn't use him so severely.)

    In spite of all that, I'd still invite her because I know that he likes her and he'd have a great time with her. However, the woman is so cruel to all our other friends. She's just this mean spirited person who hates when the attention isn't on her. Her personality is extremely abrasive and although I know some of it is just a defense mechanism because she's socially awkward I don't care. (Hey I'm super shy and socially awkward too and you don't see me being a bitch to everyone.) 

    For example, we had her come over for a few hours to hang out at our apartment with us and the Best Man. I made a comment about how I hadn't found the right red color to dye my hair yet and her response is: "It really isn't that hard. You must really suck at looking. I dye my hair all the time and it's never been an issue for me. "

     We laugh it off and move on. My sister then tells her own pet cat to get off the table and the woman tells her "If you knew anything about cat's you'd know to spray water at him." (All the while the Best Man acts like angels are exiting the woman's rectum.) My sister thanks her for the tip and flicks a bit of water at him and the woman says. "Wow. I clearly meant with a spray bottle or something..."  Then she proceeds to talk about my sister in a "cat" voice about how she's a bad "cat parent" and the cat would be better off without her because she's boring and doesn't know how to discipline. I could probably come up with better examples but those two are the first that come to mind because they are most recent. 

    She's like this with everyone, even the Best Man, yet he doesn't see it.  I know that it would be miserable for the rest of our group of friends if she was there but at the same time I'm giving one (possibly two) of my friends a plus one for someone they are dating despite it not being super serious

    Should I suck it up and allow this woman to be there, or pretend like it never was an option for him to have a plus one in the first place? I know it's our wedding but I don't want my fiancee and I to be selfish jerks.

    STUCK:

    NO MATTER HOW SERIOUS, EVERY PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE INVITED WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
  • I did decide after the last time that if she makes some kind of comment like that again I will say "That was an oddly venomous thing to say. Are you upset or something?" Or something along those lines. I was so appalled last time but my Best Man is like in love with this girl. He is refusing to date so he can spend time with her and will spend weekends away with her and her family. We don't want to ostracize him by telling him that we really don't like her because she's horrible. We really have tried to include her and like her but she's just he worst. 

    And honeslty, I think a part of it is that I don't want to have to avoid one of my best friends on my wedding day, which I know I would do because she would be there. It is a budget wedding but if I was going to allow my other friends plus one I'd probably have to give him one. 

    Hey maybe she'll say no. She has a way of not doing things that are important to him. 


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