Wedding Invitations & Paper

"And guest"?

I have a question, fellow wedding people.

I'm working on our guest list (we are getting married April 25, 2015) and I was wondering; do I need to address all the invites with the names of the significant other(s), or "So-and-so and guest"? 

Our wedding is pretty informal, but for some reason, I'm afraid guests won't get the message that they can bring a guest if we don't explicitly state it.  But, I'm afraid if we do include that on the invites, they will feel like they have to bring a guest.

Am I overthinking this?

Re: "And guest"?

  • Use the names of the SOs.  If you don't know if someone has one, you need to ask and get their name.  If it turns out they don't and you want to indicate that they can bring a guest of their choice, you can use "and guest" but the caveat is that they are then free to bring whomever they like-even if it's someone you don't want them to bring.
  • Use names if you know them; make every effort to find them out.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Use the name of all significant others.  Calling an existing person "and guest" is hurtful.

    With people who have no significant other, you can invite them alone or invite them to bring a date.  "And guest" is used to tell them that they can bring a date. If they are adults, they will know that bringing a date is not a requirement.  It's not prom.
  • SeaShell3 said:
    I have a question, fellow wedding people.

    I'm working on our guest list (we are getting married April 25, 2015) and I was wondering; do I need to address all the invites with the names of the significant other(s), or "So-and-so and guest"? 

    Our wedding is pretty informal, but for some reason, I'm afraid guests won't get the message that they can bring a guest if we don't explicitly state it.  But, I'm afraid if we do include that on the invites, they will feel like they have to bring a guest.

    Am I overthinking this?
    If you do not explicitly state they can bring a guest it means that they cannot bring a guest and it would be rude of them to bring an uninvited guest.  A wedding invitation does not require them to attend your wedding let along require them to bring a guest.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Use the name of all significant others.  Calling an existing person "and guest" is hurtful.

    With people who have no significant other, you can invite them alone or invite them to bring a date.  "And guest" is used to tell them that they can bring a date. If they are adults, they will know that bringing a date is not a requirement.  It's not prom.
    A date wasn't a requirement at my prom (though I did have one.)
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  • We used "and guest" to indicate that our guests could bring whoever they wanted as a "date..." We only used it though if we were sure the other person wasn't dating someone, engaged, etc. In those cases, we included their names. We've had a few people respond indicating that they're bringing a friend, sister, etc. and that's fine for us. If that's what you're going for, "and guest" works! People won't feel like they have to bring someone though if you do use it so don't worry about that.
  • mysticl said:
    SeaShell3 said:
    I have a question, fellow wedding people.

    I'm working on our guest list (we are getting married April 25, 2015) and I was wondering; do I need to address all the invites with the names of the significant other(s), or "So-and-so and guest"? 

    Our wedding is pretty informal, but for some reason, I'm afraid guests won't get the message that they can bring a guest if we don't explicitly state it.  But, I'm afraid if we do include that on the invites, they will feel like they have to bring a guest.

    Am I overthinking this?
    If you do not explicitly state they can bring a guest it means that they cannot bring a guest and it would be rude of them to bring an uninvited guest.  A wedding invitation does not require them to attend your wedding let along require them to bring a guest.  
    I wish you could explain that to a few of the people on my guest list. We sent out invitations and we invited a few people and their significant others but we had several guests that we were unaware were dating someone or they had only begun dating them and we weren't comfortable inviting them to the wedding so we specifically just invited the one person. There was no "and guest" anywhere to be found. My FI and I have been inundated with people wanting to bring additional people with them. At least they are asking instead of just showing up with an extra person, but it puts so much pressure on my FI and I to be put on the spot like that.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • StitelME said:
    mysticl said:
    SeaShell3 said:
    I have a question, fellow wedding people.

    I'm working on our guest list (we are getting married April 25, 2015) and I was wondering; do I need to address all the invites with the names of the significant other(s), or "So-and-so and guest"? 

    Our wedding is pretty informal, but for some reason, I'm afraid guests won't get the message that they can bring a guest if we don't explicitly state it.  But, I'm afraid if we do include that on the invites, they will feel like they have to bring a guest.

    Am I overthinking this?
    If you do not explicitly state they can bring a guest it means that they cannot bring a guest and it would be rude of them to bring an uninvited guest.  A wedding invitation does not require them to attend your wedding let along require them to bring a guest.  
    I wish you could explain that to a few of the people on my guest list. We sent out invitations and we invited a few people and their significant others but we had several guests that we were unaware were dating someone or they had only begun dating them and we weren't comfortable inviting them to the wedding so we specifically just invited the one person. There was no "and guest" anywhere to be found. My FI and I have been inundated with people wanting to bring additional people with them. At least they are asking instead of just showing up with an extra person, but it puts so much pressure on my FI and I to be put on the spot like that.
    They probably assumed you were clueless, since it was rude of you exclude their significant others (even new ones).  You should have checked with people to find out whether they were seeing anyone before sending the invitations.
  • @MyNameIsNot - Here's my thing with that, I've heard mixed things about "new" significant others. I've been told before that if a couple isn't married or together for a significant period of time (which I generally interpreted as two-three months or longer), it wasn't considered rude to not include them in the invitation. Whether that is right or not, as clearly there are multiple views on this, it is what we did because we had to keep a small guest list for our budget and didn't want to host a bunch of strangers. But the initial issue aside, isn't it still incredibly rude to try to invite yourself/your significant other to an event on your own? Some of them RSVPed without even bothering to call and ask and at least one friend told my FI that he was RSVPing for 2 "in case he met someone hot between now and then." Who does that?

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • A lot of people don't like going to weddings on their own, especially if they aren't going to know a lot of people. But I do not think it is rude to not include an "and guest"...people are mature and understand that you (or your family) is paying for this and it can mean anywhere 50 and up a plate. I would say that if someone has been with someone for 6 months or longer you should definitely include them in the invitation, by name. I have to send out some invitations to family that we never see, who I really doubt will come, as a courtesy, for them I did not include an "and guest". I highly doubt they will come, but on the slight chance they all decide they are making the trip it would mean an extra 20+ and I hate to sound cheap but I can't afford an extra 40+ to include them all and a guest when honestly I can't pick them out of a lineup as it is. If people think I'm being rude, I'm really sorry, but it was just one of those decisions we had to make and made it. 
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