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Who pays for the costs of a bachelorette party at the beach?

brooke1888brooke1888 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I don't have a problem paying for the the bride's portion for a weekend at the beach for her bachelorette but is it rude to ask the other bridesmaids and girls who are attending to pay for their portion? Not sure of the etiquette and it's my sister's wedding. I just moved into a new house and don't exactaly have a lot of money laying around.
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Re: Who pays for the costs of a bachelorette party at the beach?

  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You are not required to pay for the other BMs. If you want the other BMs to attend, it's wise to talk with each of them privately about their budget before you plan anything. They should be prepared to pay their own way if they want to attend, but may choose not to come if it's too expensive.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Bachelorette parties are a pay your own way type of party.  Meaning everyone contributes to the cost of the room/rental and everyone pays for their own food and drinks.  It is also not a requirement to pay the brides way, but if you want to then that is cool.

    Just make sure that you contact everyone who you want to invite and discuss a budget before planning anything.

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  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:
    Bachelorette parties are a pay your own way type of party.  Meaning everyone contributes to the cost of the room/rental and everyone pays for their own food and drinks.  It is also not a requirement to pay the brides way, but if you want to then that is cool.

    Just make sure that you contact everyone who you want to invite and discuss a budget before planning anything.
    Agreed.  It is never fun to get a message about something someone else has planned and you know you can't afford it.  
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    No, it's perfectly fine to ask the other bridesmaids/girls to pay for their portion IF they choose to go.

    However, it's possible that they may choose not to go due to finances. I declined a bachelorette that I really wanted to go on because it was OOT and I couldn't afford it. I would DEFINITELY check with everyone who would be invited and ensure that those who want to go, can afford to go, especially the VIPs. 
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Maggie0829 said:
    Bachelorette parties are a pay your own way type of party.  Meaning everyone contributes to the cost of the room/rental and everyone pays for their own food and drinks.  It is also not a requirement to pay the brides way, but if you want to then that is cool.

    Just make sure that you contact everyone who you want to invite and discuss a budget before planning anything.
    This. Maggie is wise. 

    I once got basically an invoice from a MOH for a bachelorette party. It sucked. I finally put my big girl panties on and said, "Hey guys, I'll hang out for the bar part, but I can't afford the hotel and spa combo." A couple other BM's followed suit (one, who I barely knew, thanked me for saying something later at the party), and the plans got changed because the bride wanted everyone to attend more than having an elaborate party. 

    Ask budgets, please!
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  • brooke1888brooke1888 member
    First Comment

    Thanks guys! I'm a first time MOH and didn't exactly know how to approach the situation. I appreciate the suggestions!

     

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also, beware that people may backout even if its in their budget!  So for any hotel/room rental costs, try to get that money before you book something non-refundable.  Or at least make sure you CAN afford it on your own if something happens.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Also, you should check with the bride in regards to what she may want to do for her bach party.  She may really want to go to the beach but she may be happier doing something local if that means more of her friends can attend.

    You may also want to see if anyone else wants to help plan the party.

    You could get a list of people from the bride that she would like to invite.  Send them all a FB message or email and say something like "Hey I am thinking about doing X for Julie's bach party.  What does everyone think?  I have done some preliminary research and if we did this it would be $Y but I wanted to run it by everyone before making any set plans and to get any input if anyone had any better or different ideas."

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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Don't plan anything without asking each of the other VIP invitees, privately, what their budget is, and if they would be able to attend an OOT bachelorette party (they may not be able to get out of work responsibilities, even if they can afford to go). I had an OOT B-party, but when invites went out, the BM who sent them was very clear that i didn't want people to feel pressured to go for any reason. and i only asked her to invite a very few close friends/family, and we used my mom's time share for the hotel to cut down on costs. Traditionally when i go to an OOT B-party, i expect to pay for all of my own costs plus a portion of the bride's costs. So before you tell the invitees about the final plans, be sure to estimate what the cost to them would be so that they can make an informed decision. No one wants to say they can go and then find out about hundreds of dollars in additional expense that causes them to have to back out. And make sure that estimated cost falls within each of the budgets that they gave you.
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  • RosebubblyRosebubbly member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The people who back out after they've committed are the worst! Makes everyone's price go up. I once got an "invoice" one month after the Bach party because someone hadn't shown up and we were all expected to pay more for their committed share. I ignored it. I had already dropped 1000 on this OOT Bach party and we went to a celebrity chef restaurant on top of everything.
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
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    $1000? Like, one THOUSAND?
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  • jnissajnissa member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    $1000 isn't really "a lot" if it's a destination bachelorette. My entire circle of friends does Vegas bachelorettes. Add up air fare, hotel room in Vegas (even shared with 3 other girls), a few meals, a night of drinking (or several). You can hit $1000 on a bachelorette pretty quickly.

    Even if you're staying local - if what they did was go to dinner and get a table with bottle service at a club, club tables are usually priced so that you're spending several hundred dollars per person. Add dinner, gifts, etc. You can get up there quickly. 
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Damn. Makes my weekend at one of the BMs house going kayaking sound really cheap all of a sudden. I didn't realize people did that kind of thing IRL- thought that was only in movies like Bridesmaids.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, this is something where only the bride's expenses need be covered-but before you plan for it, make sure all the other attendees can afford to pay for their own share of the expenses.
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