Bridesmaid from afar

Re: Bridesmaid from afar

• manateehugger member

  

  July 2014

  cubschick1980 said:

  My best friend ( the groom) is getting married and his fiancee has asked me to be a bridesmaid. Everyone lives about 2000 miles away and I can't be there for dress shopping or any bridal events. All the bridesmaids come in tons of different shapes and sizes. She had picked a line of dresses that had various silhouettes and we all tried on dresses. A couple of the girls said they felt fat, and insisted on changing dresses. I never said a peep and was perfectly happy with my dress ( i'd wear it again). She sent me a pic of a couple of dresses and asked my opinion and said she and all the bridesmaids were going back out shopping that weekend. I told her " i'm spending a good bit attending, so if it's a dress i can wear again, then great. Either way, it's your day and I'll wear whatever". She apparently went nuts and and said I was bitch and hurt her feelings. Four days later she messaged me with a link to the new dress with the following comment " here's the dress everyone will be wearing, you can either wear this or wear the other dress and stand with the groomsmen". Am I wrong that I want to just pull out of this wedding? I feel like she had no regard to my feelings, and only her friends who live near her had an opinion and I was easily removable. Just trying to figure out if I'm being irrational or rational with my thinking. Opinons please!

  I don't understand her reaction at all if that's what you really said. She sounds nuts. Are there underlying issues here? Who told you she went nuts?

  
  

  She also should have asked you what your budget was before she started picking dresses, but she didn't, so all you can do is say "that's in my budget" or "that's not in my budget" when the time comes. 

  
  

  But I have to say, I am a bit confused why you are a bridesmaid instead of a groomswoman, since you are friends with the groom. Have you talked to your friend about it?  I'd say something like, "I really don't want to get in the middle of you two or start a fight between you, but Bride seems very very angry with me over the dresses, and I can't quite figure out why. I'm just hoping to stay in budget for this dress. If she wants me to step down, I can, but I'm just a little confused by her reaction to me."

  
  

  It's not wrong to pull out of this wedding fit that's what you really feel, but it may cause more drama than you want or you may regret not being in the wedding. I'd talk to your friend first, and then decide. 

  

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• cubschick1980 member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you for your response! 

  I called him this morning and talked with him. He is the one that made me aware of her reaction. He told me that he told her she was reading what I said wrong. Apparently she took it as, only my opinion mattered. He also said, even if she is wrong, he will take her side. ( not sure how I feel about that, but I kinda get it). 

  The new dress is less expensive then the first. I won't wear it again but that's not a huge issue. I just felt like since I told her I'd wear whatever, that the additional comment of me standing with the men was not needed. I took it very rude. I'm ok If I'm wrong with my thinking.

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  July 2014

  Did you already buy the first dress? If so, I'd wear that and stand on the groom's side, although I think you should do that anyway since you are closer with him.
  

  

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• cubschick1980 member

  

  July 2014

  I didn't. I'd really be odd women out standing with the guys, but maybe I will ask him what his preference is. 

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  Sides don't have to even or only one gender. If I were you, I'd rather stand on the grooms side since he's your friend. What does he think? Plus she sounds like a control freak and may have underlying jealousy issues... If that's the case you'll probably feel like the odd one out among her friends anyway.

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• jacques27 member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  I totally wouldn't care about standing out as the only woman with the guys - if the guy (groom) is my friend, that's where I'm standing or not at all if they are closed minded about the gender/sides thing.  Because I'm not going to stand up and pretend the bride and I are cherished friends just because we both have ovaries and ovaries have to stand on the same side.  So I was going to say just take her up on the offer to stand on the groom's side...until you posted that you talked with the groom and he was a total dink about it.  There's being supportive of your fiancee's feelings and there is "taking sides", which sort of tells me that he'll continue to be a dink in the future when she goes BSC and drop you like a hot potato eventually.
  
  Since the groom is the sort to take sides and the bride certainly isn't going to win any awards for rational thinking, my guess is dropping out with be a friendship-ending move, if not immediately, then definitely the slow fade.  I'll also guess that buying the other dress and standing with him at this point will also earn you the slow fade since you'll be the B* that couldn't be bothered to play nice and buy the dress to stand with Team Ovary.  Though you could ask the groom what he thinks is the best option at this point.  But, if you're not ready to take the risk of ruining your friendship, buy the dress the rest of the women are buying, grit your teeth through her histrionics, and make sure you hit the liquor store immediately after getting off the plane to get you through the wedding.
  

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• cubschick1980 member

  

  July 2014

  Update: He talked to her and she called last night to apologize. However, it is dry wedding so hitting the liquor store all weekend is happening! Thanks ladies for hearing me out! These boards helped me a ton when I was planning my wedding! Thank you a million times over! 

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