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Guest List Etiquette Regarding Bridal Party

tsmall17tsmall17 newb
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I adore my best friend and she assumed she would be my Maid of Honor, which is fine the problem is she's in what she calls a relationship with this guy. Besides the fact that he refuses to commit to her their always going between on and off. I never know if they're "together" or not. This being said, I really don't want to invite him (or give her a plus one because I know she'll bring him), my question is am I required to allow my bridal party to have plus one? I don't want to upset her, but between budget and not knowing if they will be on or off, I don't want him there.

Thoughts? Opinions?

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Re: Guest List Etiquette Regarding Bridal Party

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    tsmall17 said:
    I adore my best friend and she assumed she would be my Maid of Honor, which is fine the problem is she's in what she calls a relationship with this guy. Besides the fact that he refuses to commit to her their always going between on and off. I never know if they're "together" or not. This being said, I really don't want to invite him (or give her a plus one because I know she'll bring him), my question is am I required to allow my bridal party to have plus one? I don't want to upset her, but between budget and not knowing if they will be on or off, I don't want him there.

    Thoughts? Opinions?

    This goes beyond your bridal party. If any one of your guests considers himself or herself to be in a relationship with another person, you need to invite that person. It doesn't matter if they're in the WP or not, it doesn't matter if you like the SO or not, and it doesn't matter whether you consider themselves in a relationship as long as they do. The couple is a social unit that should not be split apart for social events.

    Please read this post:
    image
    image
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    If she considers them in a relationship, he gets invited. By name (not "and guest"). He's not a "plus one". Plus ones are for single people who don't consider themselves in relationships.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yup, what the other posters have said - if she says they are in a relationship you need to invite him.


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yep, since you need to invite him whether she's your MOH or not, you might as well make her your MOH.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Please make sure that you extend invitations to SOs of ALL of your guests. These are not plus 1s. They should be invited by name.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Yeah, what they all said.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    tsmall17 said:
    I adore my best friend and she assumed she would be my Maid of Honor, which is fine the problem is she's in what she calls a relationship with this guy. Besides the fact that he refuses to commit to her their always going between on and off. I never know if they're "together" or not. This being said, I really don't want to invite him (or give her a plus one because I know she'll bring him), my question is am I required to allow my bridal party to have plus one? I don't want to upset her, but between budget and not knowing if they will be on or off, I don't want him there.

    Thoughts? Opinions?






    SITB
    When you're working on your budget, you should assume every single person will be in a relationship by the time your wedding rolls around.  So, for budgeting purposes, your BFF counts as 2, your 22 year old cousin counts as 2, your spinster aunt counts as 2; then start the planning with that number in mind.  When it's time for invitations to go out, you can give all TRULY single people an invite for only 1, but that way you've created a buffer for in case these people find a special somebody.
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  • falsarafalsara member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Ditto on all PPs

                                               

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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Because she is a guest, if they are "on" when invites go out, he should be invited by name, as a second line on her invite i.e.

    Ms Jane Friend
    Mr. Jo SOS
    Jane's Address

    The only exception is if he is abusive. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SomethingBeautiful08 said:
    Because she is a guest, if they are "on" when invites go out, he should be invited by name, as a second line on her invite i.e.

    Ms Jane Friend
    Mr. Jo SOS
    Jane's Address

    The only exception is if he is abusive. 
    An abusive s/o is not an exception.  In fact, excluding an abusive s/o is likely to exclude the friend or put her in a dangerous situation.

    The only exception is if the s/o is a physical danger to the rest of your guests.  
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I don't think you should make her your MOH. If you're trying to decide whether or not she should be your MOH based on whether or not you'll need to invite her man if she's a part of the bridal party, then she's obviously not a good enough friend to you to hold that position of honor.

    And yes, if you invite her, as a regular guest or as a member of the bridal party, you need to invite whomever she says she is in a relationship with. If you KNOW that she will want to bring this guy, then he obviously means something important to her. Whether or not he feels the same way towards her is irrelevant to you, and none of your business. You're inviting Guest A, and Guest A maintains that she has a relationship with Guest B. Guest A & Guest B get invited, together, by name, on the same invite. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Invite your best friend with her on again/off again boyfriend.

    Seriously, it will be the least stressful and drama free decision  you will make.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I fully agree. It'd be totally rude not to let her bring him.
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  • danamwdanamw member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    You have to give her a plus 1 / invite him, if you are doing that for the rest of the bridal party. You don't get to pick and choose in this situation. I hope the guy is housebroken, and not abusive to her.

    Big possibility, if they are on when the invitation is made, he might dump her, or be busy the day of the wedding. Guys who are commitment-phobes definitely do not want to attend a wedding with a girl they are stringing along, especially if she is in the bridal party.

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2014
    Four years ago, daughter's MOH started a new relationship with a scary looking guy, and asked to bring him, as her new S/O.  We said "yes".  Four years later, they are happily living together, and he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to her.
    Don't judge other people's relationships!

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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