Way to include friends who are not bridesmaids???

beckyanddanny · August 2014

So I was really blessed with having some amazing friends that I have grown close to throughout my life. The problem is, as much as I love these girls, I can't afford to have all of them as bridesmaids in my wedding. Plus I'm not keen on having a lot of bridesmaids anyway, it's just way too complicated. I'm looking at MAXIMUM of 5 bridesmaids, and two are already taken by family. So I'm wondering if anyone knows of a nice idea to still include these girls on my wedding day even though I won't be able to have all of them up with me during the "I Do's?" Thanks!

twitterbird · August 2014

I say let them be guests. I had a choice of 7 bridesmaids or 2 and went with 2. I'm inviting the other girls to come and join in the day. Things like the guestbook are jobs and not honours imo.

mysticl · August 2014

You could have a couple do readings. If one of them is truly a singer or musician they could perform a piece.

beethery · August 2014

Include them by inviting them to celebrate with you. That ought to be plenty good enough.

kimberly0315 · August 2014

I am in a similar position to what Laurie Roche described. I could have chosen between 2 or 6. I went with my sister and best friend. The rest will be guests and get to enjoy the day. I might ask one friend do do a reading, but I know she is very comfortable speaking in front of a crowd and she will love it. They can come and be guests and enjoy the day.

CMGragain · August 2014

All guests are included in your wedding.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

Invite them to take photos with you, get them a corsage, give them a good seat at the reception, make sure you spend time with them. Those are great ways to make people feel special. Or like mysticl suggested, ask them to be readers or soloists.

TBH, if you give them some job like guest book attendant/house party/insert made-up title here, its basically rubbing it in their face that they weren't BMs. Don't go down that road.

JoanE2012 · August 2014

I would actually prefer to simply be a guest over being a bridesmaid or reader. I just enjoy weddings more when I have zero responsibilites.

AddieCake · August 2014

Get pics with them and enjoy their company.

JCbride2015 · August 2014

Just invite them as guests. Don't try to explain or give them jobs. People understand that not everybody can be a BM.

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

I second not having anyone do a crap job like guest book or personal attendant. Your could buy them corsages to feel 'special', but I personally hate corsages. Other than that, just let them attend as guests.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

Guests. Fo sho.

doeydo · August 2014

You could ask them to do a reading. As for the bridesmaids that are family (unless you already asked them) maybe you could rethink whether you truly want them standing next to you on that day or your BFFs. Maybe you do, I am just saying it because some people pick "blood" just for the heck of it, I don't really know.

falsara · August 2014

Let them be guests and enjoy the awesome party that you're going to host. Make sure you spend time with them and that you get some pictures with them and then call it good.

Cookie Pusher · August 2014

I had the choice of having just 2 BMs (my sisters) or having to pick and choose among my friends. I went with just having my sisters. I asked two of my dearest friends to do short readings (which they were amazing at). I asked another friend and her husband if they would do us the honor of signing as witnesses after our ceremony (we were the witnesses at their wedding). One of our other friends agreed to get ordained to perform the ceremony (she's been asked to do another wedding and has joked that she is going to start charging). The rest of our friends were just guests.

jnissa · August 2014

I actually have a similar situation and I'm doing two things- but it depends on your budget (both of these ran me up a little bit).

Most of the girls whom I couldn't choose as bridesmaids were at my bachelorette weekend. Afterwards, as a bachelorette thank you gift, I had a necklace made for them that is similar to the one my bridesmaids are wearing but slightly different (and in mixed colors instead of wedding colors) so they had something "from the wedding."

I also emailed them all and offered to have their hair done or get them mani/pedi's at the salon where the bridal party is getting done if they wanted to join for that.

Again, neither of these were budget friendly at all. I had six girls on this list. But if you have extra wedding funds, those are options.

OliveOilsMom · August 2014

beckyanddanny said:

So I was really blessed with having some amazing friends that I have grown close to throughout my life. The problem is, as much as I love these girls, I can't afford to have all of them as bridesmaids in my wedding. Plus I'm not keen on having a lot of bridesmaids anyway, it's just way too complicated. I'm looking at MAXIMUM of 5 bridesmaids, and two are already taken by family. So I'm wondering if anyone knows of a nice idea to still include these girls on my wedding day even though I won't be able to have all of them up with me during the "I Do's?" Thanks!

Is there a reason other than costs as to why you can only have a maximum of 5 BMs? If even sides are the issue, don't worry about it and have all of your girls as BMs. No one will notice that your sides are uneven. I had 6 BMs and H had 3 GMs and it all worked out perfectly.

If cost is the reason you can only have 5 BMs, then there are a few things that you can do. First, don't give them any crap jobs like guest book watcher or program hander outer. They could have a corsage, do one of the readings, attend your b-party, get ready with you, or seat them in the row behind your parents.

danamw · August 2014

Readings are so popular these days, but they are fast becoming something we just stick someone in to do, to make them feel included.

Unless there is an important reading, that is meaningful, it only drags out the ceremony. A maximum of one reading is all there should be, IMO, for 5 minutes.

I went to a wedding where a friend was a reader, I can't remember a thing she said.

STARMOON44 · August 2014

If you don't care enough about me to make me a bridesmaid, I don't care enough about you to want any special involvement. Show your love for me by a great open bar and call it a day.

zitiqueen · August 2014

jnissa said:

I actually have a similar situation and I'm doing two things- but it depends on your budget (both of these ran me up a little bit).

Most of the girls whom I couldn't choose as bridesmaids were at my bachelorette weekend. Afterwards, as a bachelorette thank you gift, I had a necklace made for them that is similar to the one my bridesmaids are wearing but slightly different (and in mixed colors instead of wedding colors) so they had something "from the wedding."

I also emailed them all and offered to have their hair done or get them mani/pedi's at the salon where the bridal party is getting done if they wanted to join for that.

Again, neither of these were budget friendly at all. I had six girls on this list. But if you have extra wedding funds, those are options.

Why couldn't you "choose them as bridesmaids?" Your bridal party is entirely your decision.

jnissa · August 2014

FI and I had agreed no more than six. With them I would have had twelve. It's actually fairly common in this group of friend (it's a large group) to not be in each other's wedding parties but still be involved.

JCbride2015 · August 2014

jnissa said:

FI and I had agreed no more than six. With them I would have had twelve. It's actually fairly common in this group of friend (it's a large group) to not be in each other's wedding parties but still be involved.

I think the point is that you chose not to have them as BMs because you only wanted six. That's fine. But it's not that you "couldn't" choose them. You just made a decision you didn't want all of them.

I did the same thing. I thought about it and decided that if I asked my post-college friends, I would just have too many to be practical. But it was my choice.

sarahufl · August 2014

For me, it was 9 or 3. So I went with 3. The other 6 were happily guests and didn't want more of a role. They danced, ate, drank and had a great time with no other tasks assigned.

FWIW, we are in our 30s and have been BMs more times than we can count, so I think it is a bit of a relief at this stage of our lives to NOT be asked. They were incredibly helpful in the days leading up to the wedding offering to help with errands and set-up (FTR, we did not ask any of them to pitch in, it was all 100% voluntary).

I don't think everyone needs (or wants) an "official role" in the day. Lots of people love just being guests.

jacques27 · August 2014

And where do people get the idea that other people WANT to be included in a wedding. Weddings are a time and money-suck. I don't want to work your wedding (pass programs, conquer my fear of public speaking to do a reading, stand next to a book explaining to people that they use the pen to sign their name and not to clean out their ears). In fact, making me do that stuff makes me feel decidedly less special. I know I'm special to my friend(s) by how they treat me all year round.

Being included once is enough (my own). Just let me relax, eat, drink, and socialize.

mysticl · August 2014

jacques27 said:

And where do people get the idea that other people WANT to be included in a wedding. Weddings are a time and money-suck. I don't want to work your wedding (pass programs, conquer my fear of public speaking to do a reading, stand next to a book explaining to people that they use the pen to sign their name and not to clean out their ears). In fact, making me do that stuff makes me feel decidedly less special. I know I'm special to my friend(s) by how they treat me all year round.

Being included once is enough (my own). Just let me relax, eat, drink, and socialize.

I have done the readings/prayers at several weddings and I greatly enjoy it. It does make me feel special to be asked and gives me a purpose rather than just sitting around as a spectator.

So that's were people get the idea, because some of us do want to be asked to do stuff.

Jen4948 · August 2014

jacques27 said:

And where do people get the idea that other people WANT to be included in a wedding. Weddings are a time and money-suck.

Stuck in box...

Where do you get the idea that other people DON'T WANT to be included in a wedding beyond being a guest? Some do, some don't. Weddings are not universally a "time and money-suck." Some people are willing and even happy to do it for the people they love.

Not everyone does, which is why simply inviting them to be guests is "including" them too, but there are those who enjoy weddings, or at least are willing to enjoy them for their loved ones' sake. Don't make the assumption that they are just a "time and money-suck" for everyone, because that's not always true.

Way to include friends who are not bridesmaids???

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