Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Are ceremony readers required at rehearsals/rehearsal dinners?

dotilasodotilaso member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited August 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi everyone, Just looking for some advice around what to do here. We were planning on inviting our ceremony reader and her fiance to the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Her fiance actually lives abroad and is France so he's unable to make the rehearsal or the dinner since he will have to fly in the morning of the wedding which is totally understandable. However, is it still acceptable for us to expect the ceremony reader to attend without her fiance? She will be in the area the day of the rehearsal so I don't really see why she can't attend but she is saying she will have to "call in" to the rehearsal. What are your thoughts on this and, really, in your experience, does a ceremony reader actually need to attend the rehearsal? Any advice/feedback is appreciated! It may be worth noting (not sure) that although our venue is "in the area" - it is an hour away from where she lives. By in the area I meant the general vicinity of our state (Pennsylvania). Thanks!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Are ceremony readers required at rehearsals/rehearsal dinners?

  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    I think anyone part of the ceremony should do their best to make the rehearsal. But if they can't then I do not think it's a big deal. 2 hours round trip to do a reading I can see someone missing. If she 'calls in' I think that is fine.---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everyone at the rehearsal needs to be invited to the dinner, but they are not required to attend. Again, it's 2 hours round trip for her. Then she has to turn around and do the same the next day. Sure I would be disappointed, but still give her a pass.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    dotilaso said:

    Hi everyone,
    Just looking for some advice around what to do here. We were planning on inviting our ceremony reader and her fiance to the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Her fiance actually lives abroad and is France so he's unable to make the rehearsal or the dinner since he will have to fly in the morning of the wedding which is totally understandable. However, is it still acceptable for us to except the ceremony reader to attend without her fiance? She will be in the area the day of the rehearsal so I don't really see why she can't attend but she is saying she will have to "call in" to the rehearsal. What are your thoughts on this and, really, in your experience, does a ceremony reader actually need to attend the rehearsal? Any advice/feedback is appreciated!

    It may be worth noting (not sure) that although our venue is "in the area" - it is an hour away from where she lives. By in the area I meant the general vicinity of our state (Pennsylvania).
    Thanks!

    Yes. If she is part of the ceremony, I would definitely invite her to the rehearsal and RD. She can always decline. Out of courtesy, include her FI (by name - not 'and guest') on the invite. He could change his itinerary so you want to make sure you're covered if that happens.

    Both of our readers attended our rehearsal. It was good because the officiant let them know how he was going to queue them, how they should speak into the mic, etc.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You can't really require anyone to be at the rehearsal.  There are lots of reasons why wedding party members can't make the rehearsal but still make the wedding.  As a frequent ceremony reader I do find it helpful to attend the rehearsal so that I know my "cue" and can familiarize myself with the set up (podium, microphone, where I'm sitting, etc.).  However, if I couldn't make it I would still be able to figure it out.  I think utilizing Skype or Face Time would be a great solution to walk her through things.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    blabla89blabla89 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    You should invite the reader and her FI, but let her know that you'll understand if they can't make it.

    Honestly, I think a reading can be done just fine without any rehearsing. Just give her the reading in advance so that she can practice. Tell her a cue for when to go up to the front, and if there's anything else she needs to know about the setup. If she wants to call/skype in then that's a good idea, but it's not really a necessity.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    Report Reply
  • Options
    dotilasodotilaso member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks everyone - this is great advice. Just wanted to know if there was any grand reason that she absolutely needed to be there that I hadn't thought of. I think we'll just leave it as, "we'd love for you to come and we hope your schedules permit you to do so, but we understand if you can't" or something to that effect. Of course we will be inviting them to both the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and yes, we will address her fiance by name.
    Thanks again for the help!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    dotilaso said:
    Thanks everyone - this is great advice. Just wanted to know if there was any grand reason that she absolutely needed to be there that I hadn't thought of. I think we'll just leave it as, "we'd love for you to come and we hope your schedules permit you to do so, but we understand if you can't" or something to that effect. Of course we will be inviting them to both the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and yes, we will address her fiance by name.
    Thanks again for the help!
    As @blabla89 suggested, it would be helpful as the reader to be familiar with the reading. If at all possible, could you email a copy of the reading to the reader?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    MobKaz said:
    dotilaso said:
    Thanks everyone - this is great advice. Just wanted to know if there was any grand reason that she absolutely needed to be there that I hadn't thought of. I think we'll just leave it as, "we'd love for you to come and we hope your schedules permit you to do so, but we understand if you can't" or something to that effect. Of course we will be inviting them to both the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and yes, we will address her fiance by name.
    Thanks again for the help!
    As @blabla89 suggested, it would be helpful as the reader to be familiar with the reading. If at all possible, could you email a copy of the reading to the reader?
    This. I always request a copy in advance so I can go over it a few times.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    We didn't even think to have our readers at the ceremony.  And then the pastor asked about them and wanted them there.  Oops.  It wasn't a big deal in the long run though.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    melbelleupmelbelleup member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Our readers were at our rehearsal but they didn't even practice their reading. They practiced walking up to the podium and that was it. It was basically pointless for them to be there and I felt hella bad because the one came from 3 hours away and spent the night in a hotel because we thought he had to be there. Of course, he could of declined, but he didn't and showed up. It was still a blast to see him and his family since we hadn't in 2 years. 
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    Report Reply
  • Options
    melbensomelbenso member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2014
    Neither of our readers made it to our rehearsal.  One lived out of state and just couldn't get there.  The other got lost and was late (she still came to the RD).  And everything went just fine at the wedding.

    Invite them to the rehearsal and the RD.  If they can't make it, just be sure that they know what cue from the officiant to look for.  Our officiant announced that "Friend, Reader's Name, will now come up to share a reading."

    ETA - also make sure the officiant has copies of the readings, just in case.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think it's funny that people forget about the readers.  They have more of an active roll then the WP members.    At least in my experience WP pretty much just stand there.  In a Catholic wedding they do they whole stand, sit, knee, stand, sit, thing.     The readers have to remember their cue to go and you know, read to a large crowd.


    Anyway.  I just find it funny.  Not that it's a big deal.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny that people forget about the readers.  They have more of an active roll then the WP members.    At least in my experience WP pretty much just stand there.  In a Catholic wedding they do they whole stand, sit, knee, stand, sit, thing.     The readers have to remember their cue to go and you know, read to a large crowd.


    Anyway.  I just find it funny.  Not that it's a big deal.
    Having been both a reader and a bridesmaid I find the rehearsal way more helpful as a reader than as a bridesmaid.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    mysticl said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny that people forget about the readers.  They have more of an active roll then the WP members.    At least in my experience WP pretty much just stand there.  In a Catholic wedding they do they whole stand, sit, knee, stand, sit, thing.     The readers have to remember their cue to go and you know, read to a large crowd.


    Anyway.  I just find it funny.  Not that it's a big deal.
    Having been both a reader and a bridesmaid I find the rehearsal way more helpful as a reader than as a bridesmaid.  
    Ditto.    I've also been both and completely agree.

    That said, I would never require a reader to be there, I would just suggest it might be a good idea.  These days there is Skype and Facetime so they can be in replace of actually being there.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    mysticl said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny that people forget about the readers.  They have more of an active roll then the WP members.    At least in my experience WP pretty much just stand there.  In a Catholic wedding they do they whole stand, sit, knee, stand, sit, thing.     The readers have to remember their cue to go and you know, read to a large crowd.


    Anyway.  I just find it funny.  Not that it's a big deal.
    Having been both a reader and a bridesmaid I find the rehearsal way more helpful as a reader than as a bridesmaid. 



    Additionally, DD thought it just as important to acknowledge her readers with corsages/bouts for the wedding ceremony and a small gift to show her appreciation. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    MobKaz said:
    mysticl said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny that people forget about the readers.  They have more of an active roll then the WP members.    At least in my experience WP pretty much just stand there.  In a Catholic wedding they do they whole stand, sit, knee, stand, sit, thing.     The readers have to remember their cue to go and you know, read to a large crowd.


    Anyway.  I just find it funny.  Not that it's a big deal.
    Having been both a reader and a bridesmaid I find the rehearsal way more helpful as a reader than as a bridesmaid. 



    Additionally, DD thought it just as important to acknowledge her readers with corsages/bouts for the wedding ceremony and a small gift to show her appreciation. 
    I've never been given flowers when I did readings but I was always given a gift. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    It can be really helpful to have the readers there, especially if you have a more complicated ceremony venue.  That said, even if they can't be there, it should work out fine.  We had a Catholic Mass and none of our readers nor any of the kids bringing up the gifts or that were in the WP could make it.  Neither could my MOH.  We just paid attention to the specifics to tell them later and luckily every one that missed it was Catholic, so they had some idea of how things work.  Also, if your officiant is at the rehearsal s/he'll know who wasn't there and can give them a cue if they forget when to do the reading.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't remember getting a flower or a gift when I did a reading at my cousin's wedding. But I did get invited to the rehearsal dinner which was at a fancy steakhouse, yum! Then my athiest ass got to read 1st Corinthians at the Catholic mass so I got my time in the spotlight since I'm kinda an AW.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    mysticl said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I think it's funny that people forget about the readers.  They have more of an active roll then the WP members.    At least in my experience WP pretty much just stand there.  In a Catholic wedding they do they whole stand, sit, knee, stand, sit, thing.     The readers have to remember their cue to go and you know, read to a large crowd.


    Anyway.  I just find it funny.  Not that it's a big deal.
    Having been both a reader and a bridesmaid I find the rehearsal way more helpful as a reader than as a bridesmaid.  
    I've served as a Eucharistic Minister at quite a few weddings.  Every church does things their own way about when to come up and where to stand, so I definitely got more nervous as an EMHC than I did as a bridesmaid.




    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards