Father daughter dance

tiffielynn91 · August 2014

Hello Ladies,

My good friend is getting married next month and her father is not in the picture and she has no other significant males other then her soon to be hubby. She wants to do something for a father daughter dance or in place of the father daughter dance she doesn't want to feel left out when her hubby is dancing with his mom. Any cute ideas that you have seen would be great. Shes really bummed about this part of the wedding.

Thanks Girls!!

MairePoppy · August 2014

She could dance with her mom. Or her new FIL.

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

MairePoppy said:

She could dance with her mom. Or her new FIL.
SIB:
I think these are great suggestions.

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

MairePoppy said:

She could dance with her mom. Or her new FIL.
SIB:
I think these are great suggestions.

CMGragain · August 2014

I don't understand wanting to do a father-daughter dance without a father. Mine died young. I never thought about replacing him.
At daughter's wedding there was no mother-son dance because FMIL was disabled, and didn't want to do it. We just skipped it. NO big deal.

climbingsingle · August 2014

She could dance with her mom.

I'm dancing with my father and my FI is dancing with his mother at the same time. So no separate dances, just a parent dance.

StitelME · August 2014

My FI and I are doing separate dances with our parents. But I couldn't imagine trying to replace my father if something happened to him and he was suddenly out of the picture. While I understand not wanting to feel left out, forcing a replacement feels awkward to me and, well for lack of a better word, forced. It might be one thing if she could find some sort of meaningful event to do with her mom (though not necessarily a dance) but I don't know what exactly.

msuprincess04 · August 2014

I did a father daughter dance, but H did not do a mother son dance. It's not a big deal if she doesn't have one.

tiffielynn91 · August 2014

im just looking of alternative ideas for her. She wants to do something special because she dosent want to feel like she is missing out she really dosent have any men she is close to and dancing with her mom isnt an option either. any cool ideas ?

Senecaf · August 2014

Does she have anyone close to her? Grandparent? Sibling? I think she is over thinking this. It's meant to be special. If there is not a special person no need to force it.

emmaaa · August 2014

I think it would best best to skip it all together. IMO, I would feel more "left out" or like I was missing someting if I had to try so hard to find a dance to replace it.

If she is set on doing one, what about with her BFF or FIL or mom?

Peterwendie · August 2014

I'm having this same issue.. My father died when I was a teenager and my mom doesn't want me doing a slideshow or anything big to commemorate him during that time..she also doesn't want to dance with me and I don't have a FIL... So do I skip it or do I do a dance with my brother (who's walking me down the aisle) and/or my uncles that have been so important since my father's passing?

emmaaa · August 2014

@Peterwendie Listen to your mom about the slideshow. A wedding is supposed ot be a joyous event, it would not be the appropriate time to have a slideshow in honor of him. Maybe a picture of him in his seat at the church would do.

The father/daughter dance is your call. you could skip it or dance with a brother or uncle. Those people have been important in your life since his passing so it would be fitting. For the record, you don't HAVE to have one at all if it would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

MegEn1 · August 2014

My dad and I aren't really close and I didn't want to do a father-daughter dance, but I knew my FI and his mother would have one. I didn't want it to look 'weird' and by that I don't mean imbalanced, but rather weird as in 'why isn't she dancing with her dad he's right there, do they not get on..?'

But a PARENTS DANCE. I love this, this is great. One dance, two birds. I won't feel awkward about everyone staring at me and my father who don't get on so well because attention will be split. Hurrah!

Thank you, @climbingbrideNY!

MrsAitch · August 2014

Her husband could just dance with his mom after the dance floor is opened to everyone. It doesn't have to be a special spotlight dance.

Jen4948 · August 2014

emmaaa said:

@Peterwendie Listen to your mom about the slideshow. A wedding is supposed ot be a joyous event, it would not be the appropriate time to have a slideshow in honor of him. Maybe a picture of him in his seat at the church would do.

The father/daughter dance is your call. you could skip it or dance with a brother or uncle. Those people have been important in your life since his passing so it would be fitting. For the record, you don't HAVE to have one at all if it would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Stuck in box...

The bolded would also be inappropriate because it is very morbidly in-your-face about why a deceased loved one is absent. And it would be very unpleasant, to put the kindest face on it, for someone to have to sit next to it. Any "memorial" at a wedding needs to be quiet and subtle.

emmaaa · August 2014

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

emmaaa said:

@Peterwendie Listen to your mom about the slideshow. A wedding is supposed ot be a joyous event, it would not be the appropriate time to have a slideshow in honor of him. Maybe a picture of him in his seat at the church would do.

The father/daughter dance is your call. you could skip it or dance with a brother or uncle. Those people have been important in your life since his passing so it would be fitting. For the record, you don't HAVE to have one at all if it would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Stuck in box...

The bolded would also be inappropriate because it is very morbidly in-your-face about why a deceased loved one is absent. And it would be very unpleasant, to put the kindest face on it, for someone to have to sit next to it. Any "memorial" at a wedding needs to be quiet and subtle.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree @Jen4948. It is not in your face at all when there is a picture in a seat or church pew at the front of the ceremony location that no one else can see nor will notice. It is something out of the way that really only the bride will notice.

Jen4948 · August 2014

emmaaa said:

show previous quotes

Jen4948 said:

emmaaa said:

@Peterwendie Listen to your mom about the slideshow. A wedding is supposed ot be a joyous event, it would not be the appropriate time to have a slideshow in honor of him. Maybe a picture of him in his seat at the church would do.

The father/daughter dance is your call. you could skip it or dance with a brother or uncle. Those people have been important in your life since his passing so it would be fitting. For the record, you don't HAVE to have one at all if it would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Stuck in box...

The bolded would also be inappropriate because it is very morbidly in-your-face about why a deceased loved one is absent. And it would be very unpleasant, to put the kindest face on it, for someone to have to sit next to it. Any "memorial" at a wedding needs to be quiet and subtle.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree @Jen4948. It is not in your face at all when there is a picture in a seat or church pew at the front of the ceremony location that no one else can see nor will notice. It is something out of the way that really only the bride will notice.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree, @emmaaa. The persons who have to sit next to that seat or church pew can also see the photo. Don't their feelings count too-especially if the deceased was their spouse, parent, sibling, child, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or even close friend? And sorry, but everyone has the ability to come up to the front and see that photo. And what about the groom's feelings? The day is supposed to be one of happiness for him-not mourning for the dead. Even the guests' feelings count. Even the officiant's feelings count-and the officiant is definitely someone who can see that photo. "No one else can see nor will notice" is BS.

It's not all about what one person wants. Everyone's feelings have to be taken into consideration. The guests are not being invited to a memorial service. Some forms of "remembrance" at weddings are not appropriate-especially ones that can really add a sense of macabre to the atmosphere. Photos on seats are among them. That's why regulars here tend to advise against this. And they know what they're talking about-they've experienced losses and even witnessed people putting photos on empty seats and seen and heard what happened.

You can disagree all you like, but I think you are not going to change the mind of anyone who disagrees with you about this-including me.

emmaaa · August 2014

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

emmaaa said:

Jen4948 said:

emmaaa said:

@Peterwendie Listen to your mom about the slideshow. A wedding is supposed ot be a joyous event, it would not be the appropriate time to have a slideshow in honor of him. Maybe a picture of him in his seat at the church would do.

The father/daughter dance is your call. you could skip it or dance with a brother or uncle. Those people have been important in your life since his passing so it would be fitting. For the record, you don't HAVE to have one at all if it would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Stuck in box...

The bolded would also be inappropriate because it is very morbidly in-your-face about why a deceased loved one is absent. And it would be very unpleasant, to put the kindest face on it, for someone to have to sit next to it. Any "memorial" at a wedding needs to be quiet and subtle.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree @Jen4948. It is not in your face at all when there is a picture in a seat or church pew at the front of the ceremony location that no one else can see nor will notice. It is something out of the way that really only the bride will notice.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree, @emmaaa. The persons who have to sit next to that seat or church pew can also see the photo. Don't their feelings count too-especially if the deceased was their spouse, parent, sibling, child, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or even close friend? And sorry, but everyone has the ability to come up to the front and see that photo. And what about the groom's feelings? The day is supposed to be one of happiness for him-not mourning for the dead. Even the guests' feelings count. Even the officiant's feelings count-and the officiant is definitely someone who can see that photo. "No one else can see nor will notice" is BS.

It's not all about what one person wants. Everyone's feelings have to be taken into consideration. The guests are not being invited to a memorial service. Some forms of "remembrance" at weddings are not appropriate-especially ones that can really add a sense of macabre to the atmosphere. Photos on seats are among them. That's why regulars here tend to advise against this. And they know what they're talking about-they've experienced losses and even witnessed people putting photos on empty seats and seen and heard what happened.

You can disagree all you like, but I think you are not going to change the mind of anyone who disagrees with you about this-including me.

I really wasn't trying to change your mind, just disagreeing is all. I do understand you opinion. In these types of situations, that's all that it comes down to, opinion.

I think she should obviously talk with the family and groom and gets a general idea of how they feel about it. They may not mind. Who knows.

I also know that a wedding is suppose to be a happy day, I actually already said that. It could make it a little less difficult for the family. Again, it is a matter of opinion and a knowing your crowd thing.

FTR, I am also a regular around here and know the general consensus on this type of thing. It is one that I don't agree with and was offering opinion, which is what these boards are for.

@Peterwendie, if the idea of this would offend or upset your family, another option is to have a small locket with a picture of your dad in it and carry it with the bouquet.

Jen4948 · August 2014

emmaaa said:

show previous quotes

Jen4948 said:

emmaaa said:

Jen4948 said:

emmaaa said:

@Peterwendie Listen to your mom about the slideshow. A wedding is supposed ot be a joyous event, it would not be the appropriate time to have a slideshow in honor of him. Maybe a picture of him in his seat at the church would do.

The father/daughter dance is your call. you could skip it or dance with a brother or uncle. Those people have been important in your life since his passing so it would be fitting. For the record, you don't HAVE to have one at all if it would make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Stuck in box...

The bolded would also be inappropriate because it is very morbidly in-your-face about why a deceased loved one is absent. And it would be very unpleasant, to put the kindest face on it, for someone to have to sit next to it. Any "memorial" at a wedding needs to be quiet and subtle.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree @Jen4948. It is not in your face at all when there is a picture in a seat or church pew at the front of the ceremony location that no one else can see nor will notice. It is something out of the way that really only the bride will notice.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree, @emmaaa. The persons who have to sit next to that seat or church pew can also see the photo. Don't their feelings count too-especially if the deceased was their spouse, parent, sibling, child, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or even close friend? And sorry, but everyone has the ability to come up to the front and see that photo. And what about the groom's feelings? The day is supposed to be one of happiness for him-not mourning for the dead. Even the guests' feelings count. Even the officiant's feelings count-and the officiant is definitely someone who can see that photo. "No one else can see nor will notice" is BS.

It's not all about what one person wants. Everyone's feelings have to be taken into consideration. The guests are not being invited to a memorial service. Some forms of "remembrance" at weddings are not appropriate-especially ones that can really add a sense of macabre to the atmosphere. Photos on seats are among them. That's why regulars here tend to advise against this. And they know what they're talking about-they've experienced losses and even witnessed people putting photos on empty seats and seen and heard what happened.

You can disagree all you like, but I think you are not going to change the mind of anyone who disagrees with you about this-including me.

I really wasn't trying to change your mind, just disagreeing is all. I do understand you opinion. In these types of situations, that's all that it comes down to, opinion.

I think she should obviously talk with the family and groom and gets a general idea of how they feel about it. They may not mind. Who knows.

I also know that a wedding is suppose to be a happy day, I actually already said that. It could make it a little less difficult for the family. Again, it is a matter of opinion and a knowing your crowd thing.

FTR, I am also a regular around here and know the general consensus on this type of thing. It is one that I don't agree with and was offering opinion, which is what these boards are for.

@Peterwendie, if the idea of this would offend or upset your family, another option is to have a small locket with a picture of your dad in it and carry it with the bouquet.

The bolded option is better. It's private.

But sorry, I disagree that "it's all a matter of opinion." As I said, there are times and places when really lugubrious forms of mourning are not appropriate. Weddings are among them. Private and subtle forms of remembrance, like the bolded, are fine because they do not compel others who are not in mourning for the deceased to feel sad along with you. But photos or flowers on empty chairs can do that. And people besides the bride can see them.

Etiquette is not just "a matter of opinion." Having differing opinions does not exempt you from observing proper etiquette-even when you're grieving.

And by "regular," you're still relatively new. Most "regular" posters have been here longer than you.

bellenasara · September 2014

I'm late to the conversation, but I am in a somewhat similar situation as your friend. While my dad is not totally our of the picture, I am not doing a father daughter dance. I have a relationship with my dad, but not a very close one. I have a step father, but I am not close with him either. Both would be hurt or offended if I danced with one or the other, but I really have no desire to do two separate official dances with 2 men I am not close with. So my FI and I decided we wouldn't do parent dances, rather than create an awkward situation. His mom is completely fine with it. Instead we are selecting 3 special songs (one for his mom and 1 for my father and step-father each) that we will ask our parents to dance with us to during the reception so that they still get that experience, but it is not publicly a big deal. Of course this will only work if your friend and her fiance (and his mother) are ok with just forgoing the hoopla of the parent dances and just having an informal dance between the groom and his mom. Good luck to her!

MissKittyDanger · January 2015

tiffielynn91 said:

Hello Ladies,
My good friend is getting married next month and her father is not in the picture and she has no other significant males other then her soon to be hubby. She wants to do something for a father daughter dance or in place of the father daughter dance she doesn't want to feel left out when her hubby is dancing with his mom. Any cute ideas that you have seen would be great. Shes really bummed about this part of the wedding.
Thanks Girls!!

My dad passed away and I am not replacing what should have been his. My fiance's mum wants to have a dance, but everyone is so ... touchy {best word} about it because of my relatively recent situation.

She's probably going to have a faster song - "Sweet Child of Mine" if I am not mistaken - so my mum and I are going to sorta join in.

I also looked at having a song with my mum - "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror - but not a slow one.

I feel her sadness though, but she may opt out of anything. That's fine. Make sure she knows her decision is okay regardless

Father daughter dance

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