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How did we end up having a gap?

KaurisKauris member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited August 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We sent our invitations a week ago, we also included an insert for the after party at our house. Our ceremony begins at 11 a.m., brunch reception follows immediately after ceremony. So there is no actual gap. The after party starts at six. A few of our guests have contacted me and MOH asking if the ceremony is at 11 and reception is at 6. We've explained that no, the reception is to immediately follow the ceremony, we would never do that to them. I've since had my first bride panic attack and was bawling inconsolably at the thought of our guests thinking we could be that rude. 

 I've really done my best to make sure our guests are well taken care of, I've ordered specific meals for special dietary needs, I have a tent on standby if it is hot that week, I have sunblock and bug repellent wipes since we will be outdoors, etc. Their comfort has been at the forefront of our planning from the get go and now this. I'm freaking out a bit. 

 Now I need to know how to fix it? Or do nothing and just wait to see if our guests question it. I have already updated the wedding website to include the after party information, it already had all the reception and ceremony info. FI thinks we could send out a postcard that straightens out the confusion, I'm not sure and MOH suggested an email. Any suggestions?


ETA TK ate my paragraphs, grr.
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Re: How did we end up having a gap?

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't see how there isn't a gap. It sounds like you are having two receptions which is weird.


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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    kasmith1 said:
    We sent our invitations a week ago, we also included an insert for the after party at our house. Our ceremony begins at 11 a.m., brunch reception follows immediately after ceremony. So there is no actual gap. The after party starts at six. A few of our guests have contacted me and MOH asking if the ceremony is at 11 and reception is at 6. We've explained that no, the reception is to immediately follow the ceremony, we would never do that to them. I've since had my first bride panic attack and was bawling inconsolably at the thought of our guests thinking we could be that rude. 

     I've really done my best to make sure our guests are well taken care of, I've ordered specific meals for special dietary needs, I have a tent on standby if it is hot that week, I have sunblock and bug repellent wipes since we will be outdoors, etc. Their comfort has been at the forefront of our planning from the get go and now this. I'm freaking out a bit. 

     Now I need to know how to fix it? Or do nothing and just wait to see if our guests question it. I have already updated the wedding website to include the after party information, it already had all the reception and ceremony info. FI thinks we could send out a postcard that straightens out the confusion, I'm not sure and MOH suggested an email. Any suggestions?


    ETA TK ate my paragraphs, grr.


    SIB
    How are your invitations worded?  An after party should not be mentioned on the invites, it's an after party and while it should be open to all guests, it is not the 'thank you' to them.
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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've been to a wedding like this. Don't put the after party on the invites. Spread that info by word of mouth, on your website, etc. The wedding I went to was a brunch ceremony, 30 min break with mimosas for photos and then a brunch reception. The bride's parents hosted an after party that evening for anyone who wanted to join them. They catered BBQ and put out salads and sides, beer, wine, pop, water, etc. The bride was out of here dress and in jeans. We decided to stick around town and go, since we don't see her often. However, since we had already been to the reception, we had been thanked for coming and could have bail don the after party if we wanted.

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  • sarals24sarals24 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    So you're having two receptions? This is confusing.
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    What is the exact wording you used?  It might help in advising just how confusing your invitation was and what the remedy might be.

    But yeah, after parties are usually a word of mouth thing or maybe announced at the reception by the DJ or someone in an emcee role, not an actual formal event you put on the invitations.  So, perhaps that's simply the source of confusion rather than the actual wording. 

    But too late - that ship sailed.  I don't think a postcard is necessary.  I would probably go with word of mouth and making the actual reception information very clear on the wedding website.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This doesn't sound confusing to me. You're having a ceremony, your reception starts right after, and then at 6pm, you're having an after party. 
    How was the invite worded? 

    I put the ceremony time on my invite. And then at the bottom, I put "Reception to follow". I thought it was pretty clear, but I still had someone ask me what time the reception starts. 
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Since the invites are out, not much you can change - other than the wedding website and be spreading clarifications word of mouth. We are having an after party- but we left it off of the invites just so people wouldn't be confused. Our after party is being spread word of mouth, and is outlined on our wedding website.
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    On the invitation the ceremony time is listed along with the location (ceremony and reception are at same location) and at the bottom says reception to follow, but it doesn't say immediately which is what I think is throwing people off. Then the after party says six. The reason I put the additional card in the invitation is because 70% off our guests are out of town. I thought it would make it easier for them to know all of the events we are hosting in advance so they could plan accordingly. It would be entirely possible for them to travel into town that morning and only have to stay one night. I was trying to be considerate but I now just feel like I fucked up. I didn't think etiquette wise I was doing anything wrong.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kasmith1 said:
    On the invitation the ceremony time is listed along with the location (ceremony and reception are at same location) and at the bottom says reception to follow, but it doesn't say immediately which is what I think is throwing people off. Then the after party says six. The reason I put the additional card in the invitation is because 70% off our guests are out of town. I thought it would make it easier for them to know all of the events we are hosting in advance so they could plan accordingly. It would be entirely possible for them to travel into town that morning and only have to stay one night. I was trying to be considerate but I now just feel like I fucked up. I didn't think etiquette wise I was doing anything wrong.
    I honestly could see how people got confused.  Many times a separate insert is included to denote the time and place of the reception.  They are probably thinking your after party insert is in fact your reception.  This is why you shouldn't include after party information in your wedding invite.  Only information pertaining to your actual wedding and reception should be included in the invite package. Any after party, if hosted, should get its own invitation or if not hosted, be spread via word of mouth.

    Are you hosting the after party?

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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    You didn't screw up. Don't feel badly! Just clarify on your wedding website that the reception is to IMMEDIATELY follow. If people are confused, they will call you. And if you really want to send out an email or something clarifying, then you can do that too. 
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  • jnissajnissa member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ah, at first when I read this I didn't think it would be confusing. But now that I hear your invitation wording, I would probably be confused if the invite simply said "Reception to follow" with no other indication that it was a brunch reception at the same venue and the next piece of info I saw was about an after party. 

    Honestly, hearing that, I'd be more concerned that your guest don't know there's brunch available after the ceremony and may just leave without getting treated. Which is why I actually think it might be important to do a follow-up. I think another postal mailing might be overkill (and also not very likely to get looked at since invites are already mailed and sent). Consider an email or even a phone call. Because, honestly, given your wording, I would likely think the after party was your reception and might well be gone before the brunch food came out. 
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Yes we are properly hosting the after party. We are having a taco truck cater and a margarita machine, keg, and all the other trappings that go along with it. We have a friend who has a limo bus that will be driving people back and forth too. 

    Hindsight is twenty twenty and all that. And yes, I do feel terrible, I had panics attacks so bad last night that FI took me to the hospital, thank goodness I can work from home today. I really just didn't want people to think we are rude. It's upsetting me because this invitation thing was the pet project of mine. If my flowers get screwed up, oh well. I really don't give a crap about how the cake looks. The bridesmaids picked their own dress and I said, do you like them? Great, done. 

     I'm a graphics designer and this was my hot button issue and I messed it up. Maybe I just need to let it go, because at the end of the day, if we are married, I will call it a success. I've said that from the get go. 

    So, back to my original question, it's too little too late, for me, to not put the insert in the invitation. It's done. No turning back. I fucked up. Now, what is the best way to fix it? 
    A. Email everyone and let them know 
    B. Wait for them to contact us 
    C. Postcard to explain further 
    D. Call people and tell them 


    Oh and I've already updated the wedding website to include the after party info. I had the ceremony and reception outlined very clearly since day one.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kasmith1 said:
    Yes we are properly hosting the after party. We are having a taco truck cater and a margarita machine, keg, and all the other trappings that go along with it. We have a friend who has a limo bus that will be driving people back and forth too. Hindsight is twenty twenty and all that. And yes, I do feel terrible, I had panics attacks so bad last night that FI took me to the hospital, thank goodness I can work from home today. I really just didn't want people to think we are rude. It's upsetting me because this invitation thing was the pet project of mine. If my flowers get screwed up, oh well. I really don't give a crap about how the cake looks. The bridesmaids picked their own dress and I said, do you like them? Great, done. I'm a graphics designer and this was my hot button issue and I messed it up. Maybe I just need to let it go, because at the end of the day, if we are married, I will call it a success. I've said that from the get go. So, back to my original question, it's too little too late, for me, to not put the insert in the invitation. It's done. No turning back. I fucked up. Now, what is the best way to fix it? A. Email everyone and let them know B. Wait for them to contact us C. Postcard to explain further D. Call people and tell them Oh and I've already updated the wedding website to include the after party info. I had the ceremony and reception outlined very clearly since day one.
    I would wait for people to contact you directly and then inform them of the schedule.  As with most things, once you tell a few people the information will then spread via word of mouth.

    If you have a wedding website I would suggest being a bit more detailed in your wedding day schedule.

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  • Simky906Simky906 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Honestly, in your situation, I would send an email. 

    Something along the lines of- Hi everyone! I've gotten some questions about the reception and wanted to clarify. There will be a brunch reception right after the ceremony. We will also be hosting an after party starting at 6PM for anyone who is still in town and would like to join us.

    I think that sending an email with a) help to ease your worries and b) clear things up for those who are confused. I know you used tha phrase 'after party' but people might think you're using that word instead of reception
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    To address people as to why we need or want a party so closely after? Well we love to throw parties, my family is in town from all over the country, his family is in town from out of the country. We figured we would like everyone to see our home, have another meal on us and spend some more time together. I don't see how it's a bad thing, it's not rude, I don't expect EVERYONE to come. An invitation is not a summons, so if people don't want to come they don't have to. I thought it would be nice. But I guess I was wrong.
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  • Simky906Simky906 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh no, not to address the reason you're having a party. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

    Pre-TK, if I got an invite saying that the reception was to follow and there was an insert saying that the after party was at 6, I probably would have thought the after party and reception were the same thing. I think an email stating that they are two separate events would be a good idea. That way no one is confused.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    kasmith1 said:
    To address people as to why we need or want a party so closely after? Well we love to throw parties, my family is in town from all over the country, his family is in town from out of the country. We figured we would like everyone to see our home, have another meal on us and spend some more time together. I don't see how it's a bad thing, it's not rude, I don't expect EVERYONE to come. An invitation is not a summons, so if people don't want to come they don't have to. I thought it would be nice. But I guess I was wrong.
    DEEP BREATHS! You weren't wrong. I don't remember reading on here that anyone thought you hosting an after party was wrong and bad. And if they did...It's not! It is very nice of you. Tacos sound delicious. I vote either write a mass email to clarify, or wait until people contact you. Anxiety is rough, but do your best to nip these thoughts that you've made a major faux pas out of your head! And that the knotties think you're a terrible host! No one does! 
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    This is the email I drafted, I think it covers everything.

    Good morning!

    I want to address some confusion that may have occurred with our wedding invitation. I included a card that said, "Let's Party!" and a few people interpreted that as the reception card. This is not the case. That is the invitation for the after party we will be hosting at our home, later that evening. 


    The actual reception will occur immediately after the wedding ceremony, in the same location. We will be providing brunch, an omelet bar and brunch beverages. Then later, if you would still like to party, come have another meal on us! We will be hosting a taco truck, margarita machine and all the trappings at our home.


    I apologize for the confusion, it was my fault and hope you can come and celebrate this exciting day for us and our families and friends.

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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2014
    one note:

    you say "we will be providing brunch, an omelet bar, and brunch beverages" 

    Do you mean the brunch includes an omelet bar and beverages among other options? or that the brunch is only made up of an omelet bar and beverages? 

    If it's the former, I'd either get rid of "an omelet bar" and just write "we're serving brunch and brunch beverages" or say something like "we will be providing brunch, which includes options like an omelet bar and xyz, along with brunch beverages"

    If it is the later I would phrase it: "we will be providing an omelet bar and beverages" or "we will be providing brunch: an omelet bar and beverages"
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  • afaber24afaber24 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    It might also be a good idea to have whoever is performing your ceremony make an announcement for everyone right afterwards to ask everyone to join you at "such and such" location for brunch. Just to make sure people don't forget and leave before the food is out. Something simple like "So and so would like to invite you all to join them immediately following the ceremony at such and such location for brunch".
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'll just say brunch, because we are providing much more than just omelets and mimosas.
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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    afaber24 said:
    It might also be a good idea to have whoever is performing your ceremony make an announcement for everyone right afterwards to ask everyone to join you at "such and such" location for brunch. Just to make sure people don't forget and leave before the food is out. Something simple like "So and so would like to invite you all to join them immediately following the ceremony at such and such location for brunch".


    SITB
    So have our minister ask everyone to walk around to the front veranda for hor d'oeuvres and drinks? Everything is in one place. From the ceremony you will be able to literally see the reception already set up.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    When I started getting a number of questions about whether the reception would end in time for people to go see the fireworks (July 3rd wedding with the large large fireworks display on the same date) I sent an email to clarify that the reception will include watching the fireworks form inside our a/c venue with floor to ceiling windows.
    An email might not be the classiest form of communication, but it got the job done and people were appreciative for the clarification bc despite carefully wording the invites there was  lot of confused people. Some people need a full itinerary to understand the day :-p

    I think your email looks good. GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Honestly I think the thing I panicked the most over was the possible perception that we would be so rude as to have a six hour gap. I would never ever imagine doing that to our guests, especially after the time I've put in lurking on this site.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I like Nico's suggestions. And I can see where the original confusion came from. I would make sure that on your wedding website, you keep the after party details COMPLETELY separate from the ceremony and reception details. Put ceremony and brunch reception details and timing, clear as day, on one tab. On a totally separate tab, say "if you would like to continue celebrating with us after the reception is over, please come to our after party bla bla bla."
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