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Snarky Brides

Guests slow to RSVP!! It's inconsiderate and I'm impatient!!!

We sent out our invites end of June for our early September wedding. Our "respond by" date is in 6 days and we are still waiting on about 45% of responses. Of course, we included a return address and stamp on our RSVP cards, and we also have them as postcards so our guests don't even need to lick an envelope.  They just need to fill it out and throw in the mailbox! I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are just trying to finalize things/decide for sure if they can make it, but we sent STD's 9 months ago including the location of our wedding (it's not a destination wedding, but for most of our guests is about a one hour drive or train ride), so they had time to plan and figure out/decide if they could make it or not. It really annoys me too because many of the friends/cousins we're still waiting on responses from have gotten married within the past three years, so they should know from planning a wedding themselves that it's nicer to receive a response soon, instead of waiting until the last minute. Even FH's uncle has not yet responded, and we heard he's been complaining to people about how "he doesn't know how he'll get there," when he's a grown man and has enthusiastically attended other family member's weddings where he had to travel. I know I'm being a bit crazy as there are 6 days left (and of course I will wait until then to politely follow-up with people), and I swear any responses we receive within these 6 days I completely "forgive" them. But it's so annoying and stressful as there's other things besides the count for the venue (like favors and escort cards) that I need a head count for, and I have to travel/be out of town for work the last week of August, so I'm trying to get things finished and settled sooner than later so that I'm not ripping my hair out then. ahh!! Thanks for letting me vent! Can you ladies relate or am I being totally unreasonable? Anyone else dealing with something like this?!

Re: Guests slow to RSVP!! It's inconsiderate and I'm impatient!!!

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hold up. I don't get my work schedule until six weeks out, so even if I get an STD nine months ahead of time, I don't know if I can attend a wedding until shortly before the RSVP cards are due. Additionally, our finances are up and down because H is a freelancer, so we often don't know our travel budget until a couple months in advance.

    Your wedding is not your guests' priority. They have six days to get back to you. I guarantee you'll get a ton of those cards back on the sixth day or even the day after.

    Give it until three business days past the response date, to allow for mail time, and then start calling people. Until then, chill.

    ashley8918zitiqueen
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Hold up. I don't get my work schedule until six weeks out, so even if I get an STD nine months ahead of time, I don't know if I can attend a wedding until shortly before the RSVP cards are due. Additionally, our finances are up and down because H is a freelancer, so we often don't know our travel budget until a couple months in advance.

    Your wedding is not your guests' priority. They have six days to get back to you. I guarantee you'll get a ton of those cards back on the sixth day or even the day after.

    Give it until three business days past the response date, to allow for mail time, and then start calling people. Until then, chill.
    All of this.  Your deadline hasn't even passed so you just need to relax.

  • JessM30 said:
    We sent out our invites end of June for our early September wedding. Our "respond by" date is in 6 days and we are still waiting on about 45% of responses. Of course, we included a return address and stamp on our RSVP cards, and we also have them as postcards so our guests don't even need to lick an envelope.  They just need to fill it out and throw in the mailbox! I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are just trying to finalize things/decide for sure if they can make it, but we sent STD's 9 months ago including the location of our wedding (it's not a destination wedding, but for most of our guests is about a one hour drive or train ride), so they had time to plan and figure out/decide if they could make it or not. It really annoys me too because many of the friends/cousins we're still waiting on responses from have gotten married within the past three years, so they should know from planning a wedding themselves that it's nicer to receive a response soon, instead of waiting until the last minute. Even FH's uncle has not yet responded, and we heard he's been complaining to people about how "he doesn't know how he'll get there," when he's a grown man and has enthusiastically attended other family member's weddings where he had to travel. I know I'm being a bit crazy as there are 6 days left (and of course I will wait until then to politely follow-up with people), and I swear any responses we receive within these 6 days I completely "forgive" them. But it's so annoying and stressful as there's other things besides the count for the venue (like favors and escort cards) that I need a head count for, and I have to travel/be out of town for work the last week of August, so I'm trying to get things finished and settled sooner than later so that I'm not ripping my hair out then. ahh!! Thanks for letting me vent! Can you ladies relate or am I being totally unreasonable? Anyone else dealing with something like this?!

    SITBA

    I am not trying to be snarky at all but you really do need to chill out here.  I really recommend reading this thread on Chit Chat:

    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1034427/giving-zero-fucks#latest

    You will still get some and you will have to call some people.  I had to for both of my weddings and for the weddings of my 4 girls which I hosted.  It isn't the end of the world and I really really really encourage you to take a breath and chill out!


    theartistformerlyknownas
  • Thanks wrigleyville and Maggie0829! You're right! And thanks too kmmssg I'm a high strung person and the planning has been getting to me I'll totally check out that thread!!
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Relax.   Some of us do not know our schedule that far out.   Some people wait till the last minute.  Sometimes invitations never get received (I had 2).  Heck, I had a few RSVP that were sent 6 weeks before the due date that I didn't get until AFTER the due date.    It was the PO fault not the guests.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    dinnerparty3
  • Don't freak out. If you still haven't heard from people in 9 days, call them or send them an email. If they don't respond, put them in the "no" column.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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    Here ya go, girl.  Relax.
    ha, love it!!
  • Chillll.

    You gave them a deadline. They have until the deadline.
    It's like when a teacher assigns a paper. The students have until that deadline. Don't be that highstrung teacher that acts all surprised when her students don't turn in their papers before the deadline.

    Of course there will be students that hand in their papers late. Then you can be annoyed and call them. Until then, chilll.
    image
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    My MOH still hasn't responded. Along with about 50 couples (9/13 wedding). It'll all get sorted out soon enough. Wine is your friend.

    image
    image
    casey8784dinnerparty3ladybird29
  • I feel your frustration. We sent our invites out in early July and the RSVP date is Aug 18 for our Sept 6 wedding. We have received 36 responses of the 78 invites we sent out. I know we still have about 2.5 weeks till the RSVP date, but I just love getting those little envelopes in the mail! They'll get here when they get here, and in the meantime I'll have all the wine.
    jenijoykdinnerparty3Car2992
  • I get your frustration but I think you brought some of this on yourself and unfortunately The Knot may be to blame.    If you're getting married in early September then invitations should have gone out in early to mid July and the response date should be no earlier than a month before the big day.   It looks like you may have sent the invitations early and you may have an early response date.

    Just chill and know people will get back to you eventually but plenty of people just can't figure things out that early.


  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Just be prepared to call/email people who don't RSVP.  You're going to have to.  I've never known a bride who has gotten all of her RSVPs in the mail by the due date, or even at all.  The week before my wedding I still had people letting me know if they could come.  That didn't do anything for my sanity, but there wasn't much I could do about it.  Fortunately I could accommodate them because we were doing the food ourselves so we didn't have to have a number for the caterer.  Otherwise I would have had to tell them, sorry, you can't come at this point.
    dinnerparty3
  • Marzipan13Marzipan13 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    OP, I'm excited for my own RSVPs to come in, so I feel you - but seriously.  Chill the fuck out.  I get that you want to have a kick-ass party with all your friends and family - me too!  But even if zero people come, you'll still be married. 


    ETF: brain-dead this morning
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Mr. Bean Flipping the Bird
  • I agree with the posts on here, but just to play devil's advocate for you here: I think that guests not RSVPing in a timely manner because of their work schedules is BS. If you sent out save the dates 9 months ago and they wanted to attend your wedding, they could most likely let their jobs know 9 months ago to NOT schedule themselves for your wedding date. I work on an inpatient cardiac floor as an RN and for every single wedding I've known about, I've made myself unavailable in advance, because I too, schedule myself to work months in advance.  We don't always get what we ask for with our schedules and our supervisors are sometimes very late with getting the final schedule out, so it always helps to talk with the supervisors first, in advance, when you need specific days off.  Now, whether or not you can afford the trip to the wedding is another story. But in my humble opinion, if the guests had 9 months to figure out their schedules to attend your wedding, it would annoy me to no end if they said they were put on the schedule to work when they could have requested that one day off, especially if it's a Saturday or a Sunday wedding. Yes I know people have to work, but 9 months in advance?! Come on!
    chouette61dinnerparty3jules3964happybridetobe1987
  • I agree with the posts on here, but just to play devil's advocate for you here: I think that guests not RSVPing in a timely manner because of their work schedules is BS. If you sent out save the dates 9 months ago and they wanted to attend your wedding, they could most likely let their jobs know 9 months ago to NOT schedule themselves for your wedding date. I work on an inpatient cardiac floor as an RN and for every single wedding I've known about, I've made myself unavailable in advance, because I too, schedule myself to work months in advance.  We don't always get what we ask for with our schedules and our supervisors are sometimes very late with getting the final schedule out, so it always helps to talk with the supervisors first, in advance, when you need specific days off.  Now, whether or not you can afford the trip to the wedding is another story. But in my humble opinion, if the guests had 9 months to figure out their schedules to attend your wedding, it would annoy me to no end if they said they were put on the schedule to work when they could have requested that one day off, especially if it's a Saturday or a Sunday wedding. Yes I know people have to work, but 9 months in advance?! Come on!
    I agree that with that much time in advance most people can figure out their schedule. I know for freelancers (I myself am one) things can come up, but if it's a wedding I really want to attend I literally will STD. Anyways, just to give an update to anyone following this discussion, my "respond by date" we received no responses, and also the day after we received no responses in the mail. FH and I had 26 people we had to follow up with. Fun! Two of my friends who did not send responses are also not responding to my (nice) follow-ups through call/text/etc. I'm sure there's a good explanation for why they're MIA (actually - one of them is on a cruise), but it sure is f* annoying! I'm pretty much past being stressed about it though and can't wait to be done with planning and ready to enjoy the wedding and honeymoon!! And thanks for the advice ladies - alcohol (as well as exercise) have been great stress relievers for me!!
    happybridetobe1987
  • edited August 2014
    I agree with the posts on here, but just to play devil's advocate for you here: I think that guests not RSVPing in a timely manner because of their work schedules is BS. If you sent out save the dates 9 months ago and they wanted to attend your wedding, they could most likely let their jobs know 9 months ago to NOT schedule themselves for your wedding date. I work on an inpatient cardiac floor as an RN and for every single wedding I've known about, I've made myself unavailable in advance, because I too, schedule myself to work months in advance.  We don't always get what we ask for with our schedules and our supervisors are sometimes very late with getting the final schedule out, so it always helps to talk with the supervisors first, in advance, when you need specific days off.  Now, whether or not you can afford the trip to the wedding is another story. But in my humble opinion, if the guests had 9 months to figure out their schedules to attend your wedding, it would annoy me to no end if they said they were put on the schedule to work when they could have requested that one day off, especially if it's a Saturday or a Sunday wedding. Yes I know people have to work, but 9 months in advance?! Come on!

    Uh no sorry I disagree with this. I am also an RN in a level 3 neonatal ICU where we are always around full capacity and it doesn't matter how far in advance I know when a wedding is, I can't tell for certain whether I can go unless it's on my weekend off - and I work every other weekend. Our schedule comes it 4 weeks at a time, published two weeks into the schedule. Ie- I will get my work schedule for the 4 weeks starting Aug 31 on Aug 17. I have 4 requests I can ask to be off but there is NEVER a guarantee I will get them off, our manager doesn't give two shits about our personal lives so talking to her is pointless, and if something falls on my weekend to work, unless I beg a coworker to work a Friday or Saturday night for me, which can't happen until the schedule comes out bc you need to know who exactly you can switch your 12 or 8 hr shift with, it's not gonna happen no matter how many months in advanced I knew the wedding was. And requesting vacation on your weekend to work is not an option at my job. So waiting until the RSVP deadline bc of work IS PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE. And this is why I appreciate legitimate two week RSVP deadlines. If I had to RSVP today for a wedding in September I wouldn't be able to, until August 17 at 11pm. Just because you have the ability to schedule yourself off months in advanced doesn't mean everyone else has that ability as well.
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    JasperandOpalabbyj700KatieinBklnhellohkb
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    I agree with the posts on here, but just to play devil's advocate for you here: I think that guests not RSVPing in a timely manner because of their work schedules is BS. If you sent out save the dates 9 months ago and they wanted to attend your wedding, they could most likely let their jobs know 9 months ago to NOT schedule themselves for your wedding date. I work on an inpatient cardiac floor as an RN and for every single wedding I've known about, I've made myself unavailable in advance, because I too, schedule myself to work months in advance.  We don't always get what we ask for with our schedules and our supervisors are sometimes very late with getting the final schedule out, so it always helps to talk with the supervisors first, in advance, when you need specific days off.  Now, whether or not you can afford the trip to the wedding is another story. But in my humble opinion, if the guests had 9 months to figure out their schedules to attend your wedding, it would annoy me to no end if they said they were put on the schedule to work when they could have requested that one day off, especially if it's a Saturday or a Sunday wedding. Yes I know people have to work, but 9 months in advance?! Come on!


    ****  STIB  *****

     It's sounds simple, but for some professions  its not that easy to get time off or to find coverage.   My DH (exec chef) works every weekend.   He doesn't have someone to just call up and cover his shift. He also has a small kitchen staff.   He doesn't even set his schedule out 1 week, let alone 9 months. Heck, he will leave the house saying he will be home for dinner, then all the sudden he is working until midnight because his reservations spiked so high he needed to be there to cook.         

     You would be surprised at the amount of pop-up functions he has to deal with.  Ones that are booked by other people.    9 months out it might look like a normal dinner service.  Yay.     4 weeks out all the sudden he has 10 functions + normal dinner service. (that means all hand on deck).  His company is not going to turn down a function because DH said 9 months early he needs a certain Saturday off.    His name is on the menu, his reputation is on the line.  Sometimes he is comfortable leaving his staff to take off, other times he has to stay.  

    I know it sounds crazy for people who have normal hours or have other co-workers they can trade shifts.  Not everyone as that luxury. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    hellohkb
  • Another person here that doesn't know their schedule that far out. I have a wedding in early September that is still a question mark on my calendar. My lab work relies on donated human tissue from surgical procedures, and until the tissue is on its' way to my lab, I have no idea what my schedule will be for the next 20 weeks. Heck, I won't even know if I am processing tissue Friday and working all weekend this upcoming weekend until Thursday afternoon. No one else at my research institute has the appropriate training to do this work, and suitable tissue samples are so rare that I may only get 1 shipment a month. If I really want to attend the wedding I explain the situation to the couple and see if I can RSVP a day or 2 before they need final numbers for the venue/catering. Most people have been understanding.

    Anniversary
    lyndausvihellohkb
  • Another vote for sometimes work/life is not that easy to just know 9 months/6 months/3months out. I"m a contact employee -so I pretty much make my own schedule. But I still have clients - people I want to have as repeat customers - people who can praise me or shit talk me to the rest of the industry. For an out of town or destination wedding - it would be extremely hard for me to just know I could leave town that far out. In the case of extremely close friends and family - I put it on the calendar and try not to take on clients who I KNOW will have deadlines in that timeframe. 

    Shit, my own wedding is 86 days out and I'm already repeating over and over again to some of my long term clients when I will be unavailable. They are all awesome today - but they have business to run, and I realize that - and have made every adjustment and set up necessary for my private life not to impact their business negatively.
    Marzipan13lyndausvihellohkb
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Most people either send them back right away or wait until the last minute. If you are 6 days out from RSVP date, there is a good chance you will start receiving a bunch of them in, oh, about 6-10 days. 

    After that, then you can get annoyed about the ones you haven't received.  My family is notoriously bad at RSVP's... in the end, I only got about 1/2 back. And most of the ones I got back, were for the people I knew were coming, leaving me with several people to track down afterward. Then to make it even worse... last week we got a wedding gift from DH's step-grandmother. She sent a check, with a small note on a post-it... okay, fine... but she mailed it to us in the RSVP envelope she never used because she never RSVP'ed.  She fails to RSVP, then uses our own envelope & postage to send our wedding gift?  Well, at least the stamp wasn't wasted, I guess... and it ensured that she got our address right.  

    image 

  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with the posts on here, but just to play devil's advocate for you here: I think that guests not RSVPing in a timely manner because of their work schedules is BS. If you sent out save the dates 9 months ago and they wanted to attend your wedding, they could most likely let their jobs know 9 months ago to NOT schedule themselves for your wedding date. I work on an inpatient cardiac floor as an RN and for every single wedding I've known about, I've made myself unavailable in advance, because I too, schedule myself to work months in advance.  We don't always get what we ask for with our schedules and our supervisors are sometimes very late with getting the final schedule out, so it always helps to talk with the supervisors first, in advance, when you need specific days off.  Now, whether or not you can afford the trip to the wedding is another story. But in my humble opinion, if the guests had 9 months to figure out their schedules to attend your wedding, it would annoy me to no end if they said they were put on the schedule to work when they could have requested that one day off, especially if it's a Saturday or a Sunday wedding. Yes I know people have to work, but 9 months in advance?! Come on!
    You can call it BS all you want, but not everyone has a job like yours.

    I can request time off nine months in advance, but I don't know if it's been approved until 6-8 weeks in advance. There's also no guarantee my request will be granted, due to staffing and other variables.

    So call BS all you want, but try to remember not everyone's world is identical to yours.

    southernbelle0915hellohkb
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Also, I think a lot of people drop their RSVP in the mail on the date of the deadline. Not saying it is right, but we got a ton about 3 days after our deadline.
    image
    dinnerparty3
  • We hadn't heard from about 45% of the people we invited by the deadline. It was frustrating, but I made the deadline early so we had time to call. FMIL emailed me asking for a list of people from her side that hadn't responded, and within 3 days I was getting text messages and emails with their info! I'm still waiting on a few people (and our deadline with the venue is Tuesday).

    It's frustrating, but I tried not to sweat it, I had more important things to worry about and our moms offered to do all the bugging for each side!
    dinnerparty3
  • I had to send my invitations out earlier than normal because they only hold the hotel block until Sept 3 (Wedding is Nov 2) but I have received about half of mine back so far.  Keep in mind that my wedding is only 42 people if everyone brings a guest.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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    dinnerparty3
  • Thanks ladies - I honestly was expecting to get a lot after the deadline but we only received 2. We started following up and making calls the evening of our deadline (after receiving that day's mail), and so within 3 days we heard back from most people. The majority of the non-responders were FH's friends. I'm wondering if guys are just worse at that stuff
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