Ceremony Only Favors

Re: Ceremony Only Favors

• manateehugger member

  

  August 2014

  southerngirl2011 said:

  Ok ladies... My FI and I both come from large families and church families. Everyone will not be invited to our wedding and reception. Before you begin on how "rude" this is, understand that we will ask the church to announce our open invitation ceremony (with no mention of a reception) in the bulletin, but only those who are invited to the reception will receive a formal invitation. We are a young couple and we simply cannot afford to formally invite (and honestly, feed) everyone. WE DO NOT EXPECT A GIFT FROM THESE PEOPLE. However, we would like to show our appreciation to those who attend our ceremony. We don't wont to give them meaningless bubbles or any crappy substitute. What would be a great "ceremony only" favor to show our appreciation for their attendance?

  I wouldn't ask the church to announce it; if they want to, that's fine. But, I don't know, asking it to appear in the bulletin makes it seem as if you are trying to find an etiquette loophole. Our wedding ended up in the bulletin without us saying a word because it was on the church's calendar. I have no idea if people showed up who weren't formally invited. 

  
  

  Regardless, I think ceremony favors are a waste of money if you are claiming to be on a tight budget - like some sort of odd consolation prize. Favors are never necessary. They can take home a program and a smile and thanks from you in the receiving line - that's a much better gift than any trinket. 

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2014

  Favors are not even necessary for a reception - which is the "thank you" to guests for attending the ceremony - so in no way are they even remotely necessary for the ceremony. If you're on a budget, I don't think it makes sense to do this.

  
  

  I agree with PDKH - I would not have them put it in the bulletin. You may not think it comes off as gift grabby, but that's exactly how I'd see it. I get the whole "church wedding" thing. I really do. But I think it's inappropriate to advertise it and then not host all your ceremony guests with a reception afterwards.

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• CMGragain member

  

  August 2014

  Ceremony favors are inappropriate and wasteful.  If congregation members choose to attend your ceremony, they don't need or want a souvenir.
  

  

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• southerngirl2011 member

  

  August 2014

  
  

  I agree on the idea that the program is much more meaningful than the trinket and would definitely save on costs. 

  
  

  With regards to the church bulletin- everything held at the church is included in the bulletin, so I don't really have a choice as far as the announcement. It is not my wish to "advertise" it. Understand that it will be an "announcement" (XXX and YYY are getting married on such and such" rather than an "invitation" (XXX and YYY invite you to attend...). I mentioned "open invitation" because that's pretty much what all events held at our baptist church and many other places of worship are.

  
  

  Tho those who mentioned this was "gift-grabby" I'm not quite sure I understand how. For starters, I am not personally inviting anyone, the announcement is made by the church because it is a church event. Further, I specifically mentioned that we do not expect a gift from these individuals. 

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• CMGragain member

  

  August 2014

  I am a church lady.  What you are doing is acceptable etiquette, as long as you aren't sending out actual invitations to the congregation.  Do not mention gifts to anyone, though.  The church ladies might choose to get together to give you  a gift.  This does not obligate you to send them a personal invitation.  Just send thank you notes to anyone who chooses to give you a gift.  That is their choice, not yours.
  

  

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• manateehugger member

  

  August 2014

  southerngirl2011 said:

  
  

  I agree on the idea that the program is much more meaningful than the trinket and would definitely save on costs. 

  
  

  With regards to the church bulletin- everything held at the church is included in the bulletin, so I don't really have a choice as far as the announcement. It is not my wish to "advertise" it. Understand that it will be an "announcement" (XXX and YYY are getting married on such and such" rather than an "invitation" (XXX and YYY invite you to attend...). I mentioned "open invitation" because that's pretty much what all events held at our baptist church and many other places of worship are.

  
  

  Tho those who mentioned this was "gift-grabby" I'm not quite sure I understand how. For starters, I am not personally inviting anyone, the announcement is made by the church because it is a church event. Further, I specifically mentioned that we do not expect a gift from these individuals. 

  Like I said, I didn't even realize our wedding had been announced in the bulletin until FMIL showed it to me the Sunday before our wedding (we got married in his family's church); it's the norm in their church, and I doubt many people thought anything of it. It was mushed in with announcements of fellowship dinners and Vacation Bible School and said something like, "PDKH's H, son of PDKH's in-laws, will be married to PDKH on Saturday, June 28th."I think that's fine and a common practice for many churches. The church is making an announcement and you are not inviting anyone (I think handing out favors makes it seem like they are your guests, and they aren't unless you plan to host them).
  

  
  

  But again, don't press the issue. And do not mention gifts to anyone, even if to say you don't expect them. 

  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  August 2014

  I was very involved at the church where we got married, and several of the church ladies attended our ceremony.  I took mental note of the ones whom I saw and I called them up (or chatted with them the next Sunday at Mass) and expressed my appreciation that they came to support us.  That's it.
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• southerngirl2011 member

  

  August 2014

  Thanks ladies. I attend a big southern baptist church where everyone is close and HIGHLY opinionated. I just don't want anyone to maintain a "She didn't formally invite me, nor thank me for coming to the wedding" type view. 

  
  

  
  

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• manateehugger member

  

  August 2014

  southerngirl2011 said:

  Thanks ladies. I attend a big southern baptist church where everyone is close and HIGHLY opinionated. I just don't want anyone to maintain a "She didn't formally invite me, nor thank me for coming to the wedding" type view. 

  
  

  
  

  If people want to get huffy that you didn't invite them, that's on them, not you. It's not wrong to not invite peopl. I'd just have a receiving line as people exit the church. 

  

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