Obligated to invite a wedding helper?

rshand · August 2014

A friend of mine, who did not make our final guest list, has offered to help with a part of the wedding. I'd like to take her up on her offer, but am I obligated to then invite her to our wedding? My first thought was no...she's being nice and making a very kind offer. However, the more people I ask say that we should invite anyone who helps with our wedding. We haven't sent out invitations yet, so it's still possible, but I feel like if we invite her to the wedding it will appear as if we are just inviting her in exchange for her favor (which we are!). What do we do?

JCbride2015 · August 2014

rshand said:

A friend of mine, who did not make our final guest list, has offered to help with a part of the wedding. I'd like to take her up on her offer, but am I obligated to then invite her to our wedding? My first thought was no...she's being nice and making a very kind offer. However, the more people I ask say that we should invite anyone who helps with our wedding. We haven't sent out invitations yet, so it's still possible, but I feel like if we invite her to the wedding it will appear as if we are just inviting her in exchange for her favor (which we are!). What do we do?

I think we need significantly more information. Did she truly offer without any asking or hinting from you at all? What is she helping with? What would this have cost you if you had to pay a professional?

Generally, I don't think you need to invite her just as a tit for tat, but it would be a nice thing to do. But you should offer to pay her even if she'll decline, or get her a nice thank you gift. And keep in mind she may have offered to help because she thinks your friendship is close enough that she will be involved with the wedding.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

rshand said:
A friend of mine, who did not make our final guest list, has offered to help with a part of the wedding. I'd like to take her up on her offer, but am I obligated to then invite her to our wedding? My first thought was no...she's being nice and making a very kind offer. However, the more people I ask say that we should invite anyone who helps with our wedding. We haven't sent out invitations yet, so it's still possible, but I feel like if we invite her to the wedding it will appear as if we are just inviting her in exchange for her favor (which we are!). What do we do?

If you pay her like she's any other vendor, then no... I don't think you need to invite her as a guest.

If you aren't paying her and aren't inviting her, I'd side-eye that pretty hard. If she's not a hired vendor, I think you should either invite her, or decline the help and keep your guest list as is.

steph861 · August 2014

JCbride2015 said:

rshand said:

A friend of mine, who did not make our final guest list, has offered to help with a part of the wedding. I'd like to take her up on her offer, but am I obligated to then invite her to our wedding? My first thought was no...she's being nice and making a very kind offer. However, the more people I ask say that we should invite anyone who helps with our wedding. We haven't sent out invitations yet, so it's still possible, but I feel like if we invite her to the wedding it will appear as if we are just inviting her in exchange for her favor (which we are!). What do we do?

I think we need significantly more information. Did she truly offer without any asking or hinting from you at all? What is she helping with? What would this have cost you if you had to pay a professional?

Generally, I don't think you need to invite her just as a tit for tat, but it would be a nice thing to do. But you should offer to pay her even if she'll decline, or get her a nice thank you gift. And keep in mind she may have offered to help because she thinks your friendship is close enough that she will be involved with the wedding.

This would be my concern as well.

jerkyanne · August 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

rshand said:
A friend of mine, who did not make our final guest list, has offered to help with a part of the wedding. I'd like to take her up on her offer, but am I obligated to then invite her to our wedding? My first thought was no...she's being nice and making a very kind offer. However, the more people I ask say that we should invite anyone who helps with our wedding. We haven't sent out invitations yet, so it's still possible, but I feel like if we invite her to the wedding it will appear as if we are just inviting her in exchange for her favor (which we are!). What do we do?
If you pay her like she's any other vendor, then no... I don't think you need to invite her as a guest.

If you aren't paying her and aren't inviting her, I'd side-eye that pretty hard. If she's not a hired vendor, I think you should either invite her, or decline the help and keep your guest list as is.

This

rshand · August 2014

Alright, more info...she isn't a vendor but works PR for a transportation company and has offered to set up a discount code and card that we can offer to our guests the night of the wedding. This offer would cost her nothing, only time. She didn't ask any probing questions about the wedding or being invited. She just made the offer and said "Text me and let me know if you want me to set up."

Kauris · August 2014

Does she stand to make money off of this card? If yes, don't invite her. If no, it's up to you.

QueerFemme · August 2014

So, the only way she is helping is hooking you up with a discount? If that's it, I don't think you have to invite her. If she is helping you stuff envelopes or tie bows on stuff or something, then I would think you need to invite her.

BMoreBride6 · August 2014

I agree, my concern is that because invitations haven't been sent, that she is thinking she will be invited. I feel like taking her up on her offer will only further lead her to think she is invited.

APDSS22 · August 2014

If she's just hooking you up with a discount, I don't think you need to invite her. I would, however, send a nice thank you note after the wedding.

Jen4948 · August 2014

APDSS22 said:

If she's just hooking you up with a discount, I don't think you need to invite her. I would, however, send a nice thank you note after the wedding.

I agree. I think that even if you don't invite her, you need to show your appreciation in a substantive way, even if this is something that doesn't require much effort on her part, if it makes life easier for your guests.

photokitty · August 2014

rshand said:

Alright, more info...she isn't a vendor but works PR for a transportation company and has offered to set up a discount code and card that we can offer to our guests the night of the wedding. This offer would cost her nothing, only time. She didn't ask any probing questions about the wedding or being invited. She just made the offer and said "Text me and let me know if you want me to set up."

Depending on where your wedding is, I wouldn't bother with this. I would not use a transportation company after arriving at the wedding. If I couldn't drive I would call for a cab. If I was going to use a transportation company I would use it to get to the wedding so I could drink, not just to get home bc then I'd have to leave my car.

As a guest I would think you were advertising for the business and would find that tacky as a wedding - KWIM?

If you take her up on it I would include the info on your wedding website only, so people can preplan if they wish.

Fran1985 · August 2014

At first I read this as a discount code for you, like if you were paying for shuttles. If this is just to hand out to guests I would bother- I agree with photokitty that it would seem kind of like you were advertising.

climbingsingle · August 2014

In this case, I don't think you need to invite her.

rshand · August 2014

Thanks everyone for all the thoughts and feedback! At this point I'm leaning towards declining her offer. As kind as it was, I feel it's best not to complicate the situation...no favor, no invite. Thanks all!

Obligated to invite a wedding helper?

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