I have a situation here. FI's brother (a groomsman) has been dating this girl for about a year and they live together. She has a 9 year old daughter from another man, and the daughter splits time between them. I've met the girlfriend once, this past Christmas, but have never met her daughter. We didn't invite the daughter to our wedding since we haven't met her, and were told she'd be spending that weekend with her dad anyway. The girlfriend was fine, kind of an abrasive personality and loud, but we got along fine. (The only incident that occurred was when we were all eating Christmas dinner at different tables in the room, we overheard her making some comments about military spouses/SO's that kind of rubbed me the wrong way...which was ironic since FMIL was a military spouse and I will be too. FMIL and I just side-eyed each other, but didn't speak up.)
Anyhow, she has been kind of a pain with our wedding plans. I have a feeling this is likely the first wedding she's been to, so she doesn't know much etiquette. All of her communication to me has been through FMIL. First, she volunteered her daughter to be our flower girl...after we had already had the discussion that she would be staying with her father and we weren't going to invite her. I politely declined and luckily we had already asked one of the young cousins to be flower girl.
Next, she had FMIL ask me what color the bridesmaids would be wearing, so she could find a dress in a similar shade. I just kind of held my tongue, answered, but was thinking 'you're a GUEST. You don't have to match the bridal party.'
Today, I texted FMIL to ask her if she's interested in having her hair/makeup professionally done because I have hired someone to come to the hotel morning of. (Initially this was only for me, then I opened it up to the bridesmaids with the understanding that they definitely didn't have to do it--a few are and they are paying for it on their own.) So I just wanted to extend the same option to FMIL and my own mom, and that's it. FMIL's response was "Well I don't really have a preference, but I know FBIL's gf will want both her hair and makeup done. She'll enjoy being pampered." I was just like, what!? I didn't even ask if she wanted it done.
I texted my MOH and two bridesmaids to explain the situation to them and see if they think I'm taking this too seriously or if this girl is overstepping her boundaries. They all agreed that she shouldn't be involved in the bridal party stuff. As my MOH (sister) pointed out, she's not including her bf in all the groomsmen activities just because there's a possibility that we could all be sibs-in-law someday. So they all think I need to tell FMIL somehow that gf is not included in this, by way of saying that we just won't have enough time for the MUA to include her. Which is true because my MUA has another wedding on the same day, so she's working hard to fit my group into her schedule. On the other hand, my guilty conscience says that we could probably fit one more person in if I really felt like it.
So what should I do?
As a side note, FI and I discussed the situation about her and we think it's very possible that she will try to work her way into our bridal party portraits. We agreed that if that's the case we will kindly ask her to back off and wait until family portraits...