Invite and Save the Date questions/ideas

meghanxpaige · August 2014

Hello! So I'm getting married in 13 months (September 2015) and am looking to start getting my save the date cards and invites purchased, filled out and sent. Here's my problem - I have no idea when this should be done! I've heard various answers from sending them a year in advance (for the save the date cards) to sending them as late as 6 months until the wedding.

So question one: When should I send out the save the date cards? When should I send the actual invites?

Question two is more of an idea generator. Our wedding will be held at the local zoo in the evening time (after closing).

So the question I have is this: Can you suggest cute, silly, funny or "zoo"/"under the stars" themed RSVP answers? I really don't want to use something so plain as, "Will attend" / "Will not attend" as it doesn't really fit our personality. Any and all suggestions welcome!

manateehugger · August 2014

Save the Dates usually go out anywhere from 6 to 12 months. I'd only do 12 months out if you think you will have lots of people traveling over long distances to attend. Otherwise, shoot for closer to 6-9 months.

Invitations go out at 6-8 weeks out from your wedding date. Sending them too early will mean you'll most likely be harassing people for RSVP or have guests who forget.

Your last question - are you asking about what to put on the invitations for the accepts/declines thing? Hrrmmm, I wouldn't get too wrapped up in this. I can't think of anything that wouldn't be eye roll worthy or potentially confusing. But you've got nearly a year to think on it.

Also, if your wedding is formal, I'd stick with more traditional wording.

CMGragain · August 2014

I do not see "Invitation to follow" on your Save the Dates. This is required. The save the date is not an invitation, although you MUST send an invitation to everyone who is sent an STD, so be careful with them!

It is too early to worry about your invitation wording. Your plans might change. Usually the formality of your wedding is indicated by the design of the invitation, not the wording. Lots of colors and zoo animals? Less formal. (Check Zazzle.) Heavy white or ecru with raised or engraved printing? Very formal.
The invitation is a note from the hosts to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where. It is not supposed to "reflect your personality. STDs are less formal, and are not really necessary at all, so you can get cutsie with them, as long as they serve the purpose of notifying guests that an invitation is coming later. Try Zazzle!.

meghanxpaige · August 2014

Most of our guests are traveling from out of town. About 5 are coming from 2 hours away, the next 25 are coming from 6 hours away. Only a few are here in town. With that said, should I send the Save the Date cards about 9 months in advance?

CMGragain · August 2014

Six months is enough. Nobody buy air tickets 9 months in advance unless they want to pay premium prices.
The purpose of your STD is so that guests can clear their calendar for your wedding.

meghanxpaige · August 2014

CMGragain said:

The invitation is a note from the hosts to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where. It is not supposed to "reflect your personality".

I feel the entire wedding, from Save the Date to leaving the reception, should reflect who we are. If it doesn't, then it wouldn't be us. And we are the hosts, paying for about 98% out of our own pockets.

Thank you for reminding me to add the "Invite to Follow", not sure how that was left off.

CMGragain · August 2014

http://www.zazzle.com/golden_graceful_elephant_save_the_date_postcard-239605843948527704

These are expensive, but you get the idea.

CMGragain · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The invitation is a note from the hosts to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where. It is not supposed to "reflect your personality".

I feel the entire wedding, from Save the Date to leaving the reception, should reflect who we are. If it doesn't, then it wouldn't be us. And we are the hosts, paying for about 98% out of our own pockets.

Thank you for reminding me to add the "Invite to Follow", not sure how that was left off.

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

meghanxpaige · August 2014

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

CMGragain · August 2014

Just some ideas. Don't go by the wording. Zazzle isn't an etiquette guru.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

All I am going to say is that the only person who cares what the "accepts/declines" lines say is you. Even if you do something cutesy that will not make the wedding a standout from any other that your guests have attended. All your guests care about is how you host them, not cutesy wording.

meghanxpaige · August 2014

Maggie0829 said:

All I am going to say is that the only person who cares what the "accepts/declines" lines say is you. Even if you do something cutesy that will not make the wedding a standout from any other that your guests have attended. All your guests care about is how you host them, not cutesy wording.

Then I don't understand why people are telling me no instead of just answering my question? I don't mean to be rude, but is my request really that bizarre that you all feel the need to practically insult my preferences and tell me it doesn't matter or that I'm not traditional? I know I'm not going to be traditional - I never have been and I never will be. The fact that I'm wearing white to my wedding is the most traditional thing about it.

If you all don't want to help, cool. Then no need to respond.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

Most of our guests are traveling from out of town. About 5 are coming from 2 hours away, the next 25 are coming from 6 hours away. Only a few are here in town. With that said, should I send the Save the Date cards about 9 months in advance?

The 9+ month timeframe is really intended more for people flying in from out of country - needing passports, visas, etc. A 6 hour drive doesn't necessitate a Save the Date that early. Plus, relationships can change a lot in 9-12 months. You'll see a lot of people here who sent STDs early to everyone, only to fall out of touch later and regret having to still invite them to the wedding. Stick to the 6 month mark.

meghanxpaige · August 2014

lolo883 said:

The 9+ month timeframe is really intended more for people flying in from out of country - needing passports, visas, etc. A 6 hour drive doesn't necessitate a Save the Date that early. Plus, relationships can change a lot in 9-12 months. You'll see a lot of people here who sent STDs early to everyone, only to fall out of touch later and regret having to still invite them to the wedding. Stick to the 6 month mark.

Ahh, understood. Thanks!

Maggie0829 · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

Maggie0829 said:

All I am going to say is that the only person who cares what the "accepts/declines" lines say is you. Even if you do something cutesy that will not make the wedding a standout from any other that your guests have attended. All your guests care about is how you host them, not cutesy wording.

Then I don't understand why people are telling me no instead of just answering my question? I don't mean to be rude, but is my request really that bizarre that you all feel the need to practically insult my preferences and tell me it doesn't matter or that I'm not traditional? I know I'm not going to be traditional - I never have been and I never will be. The fact that I'm wearing white to my wedding is the most traditional thing about it.

If you all don't want to help, cool. Then no need to respond.

Look if you want to do cutesy wording fine. But it won't impress your guests and they will either not care or even notice so why waste your time? Why not focus on things that your guests will actually care about?

And yes, there are instances where cutesy wording was used and guests could get confused as to which box to check. Guests like invites that are simple and direct not something they have to decipher.

And people have answered your questions but we are certainly allowed to have our opinion about other things in your post.

Edited to add: And just because you may use "traditional" wording (or in other words normal easy to understand wording) doesn't make you automatically look like a "traditional" bride so breathe.

mysticl · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

Maggie0829 said:

All I am going to say is that the only person who cares what the "accepts/declines" lines say is you. Even if you do something cutesy that will not make the wedding a standout from any other that your guests have attended. All your guests care about is how you host them, not cutesy wording.

Then I don't understand why people are telling me no instead of just answering my question? I don't mean to be rude, but is my request really that bizarre that you all feel the need to practically insult my preferences and tell me it doesn't matter or that I'm not traditional? I know I'm not going to be traditional - I never have been and I never will be. The fact that I'm wearing white to my wedding is the most traditional thing about it.

If you all don't want to help, cool. Then no need to respond.

Everyone is trying to help. The reason people are advising you against the creative wording is because they have seen it fail. Like a PP said people haven't understood what they are being invited to when the bride and groom use untraditional wording. They don't know how to fill out the creative RSVPs. Heck you will see tons of threads from brides who used traditional RSVPs and still had guests miss something. Being unique just increases the odds of that happening.

CMGragain · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

lolo883 said:

The 9+ month timeframe is really intended more for people flying in from out of country - needing passports, visas, etc. A 6 hour drive doesn't necessitate a Save the Date that early. Plus, relationships can change a lot in 9-12 months. You'll see a lot of people here who sent STDs early to everyone, only to fall out of touch later and regret having to still invite them to the wedding. Stick to the 6 month mark.

Ahh, understood. Thanks!

....but, that is what I told you!

CMGragain · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

This wording is rude and presumptive. You are assuming that your guests will be "excited to accept". This is not good manners at all.

mysticl · August 2014

CMGragain said:

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

This wording is rude and presumptive. You are assuming that your guests will be "excited to accept". This is not good manners at all.

Yeah, I wasn't excited about the last wedding I went to. I wasn't opposed to going but "excited" was not an accurate descriptor of how I felt.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

CMGragain said:

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

This wording is rude and presumptive. You are assuming that your guests will be "excited to accept". This is not good manners at all.

Sorry, but I just think this way of thinking is silly and also over thinking things. And again, guests won't read it and think "how dare she assume I am excited!" Guests don't give a shit about how the RSVP is worded. They just want to be able to distinguish between the accept box and the decline box. They don't care if you "assume" they are excited to come because really if I was not excited or happy about accepting an invitation then why would I be accepting it at all?

mysticl · August 2014

Maggie0829 said:

CMGragain said:

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

This wording is rude and presumptive. You are assuming that your guests will be "excited to accept". This is not good manners at all.

Sorry, but I just think this way of thinking is silly and also over thinking things. And again, guests won't read it and think "how dare she assume I am excited!" Guests don't give a shit about how the RSVP is worded. They just want to be able to distinguish between the accept box and the decline box. They don't care if you "assume" they are excited to come because really if I was not excited or happy about accepting an invitation then why would I be accepting it at all?

Because it's your S/O's co-worker/friend/family member who you barely know but he wants to go so you go too.

CMGragain · August 2014

This is just the why and wherefore of RSVP wording. Traditionally, you shouldn't send out RSVP response cards at all! Almost everyone does, though. Might as well stick to what is polite.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

mysticl said:

Maggie0829 said:

CMGragain said:

meghanxpaige said:

CMGragain said:

The only problem with modern wording is that often, it just doesn't do the job! People are confused. There have been instances where the guests thought they were being invited to a vow renewal instead of a wedding, or to the reception only. Modern wording is OK, but it has to be clear.
Traditional wording for response cards is "accepts" and "sends regrets".

And that is perfectly fine, but we aren't traditional. While I wouldn't mind having the accepts line to have the word "Accepts" in it, I don't want to to be all that is there.

For example, "Excited to accept".

This wording is rude and presumptive. You are assuming that your guests will be "excited to accept". This is not good manners at all.

Sorry, but I just think this way of thinking is silly and also over thinking things. And again, guests won't read it and think "how dare she assume I am excited!" Guests don't give a shit about how the RSVP is worded. They just want to be able to distinguish between the accept box and the decline box. They don't care if you "assume" they are excited to come because really if I was not excited or happy about accepting an invitation then why would I be accepting it at all?

Because it's your S/O's co-worker/friend/family member who you barely know but he wants to go so you go too.

But even if I was "whatever" about going I still wouldn't be all "OMG I can't believe they are assuming I am happy about it. How presumptuous of them." Again, this is a thing that people over think way too much.

And most times I am happy to accept an invite even if it is for a couple I don't know well but my H does because that means H and I get to have a night out and have some fun.

meghanxpaige · August 2014

Let's just clear a few things up. 90% of the guest list is his family, 100% of the guest list already knows about the wedding. So not knowing what they are being invited to is out of the question because they already know.

Second, everyone is excited to go, actually. I've already pre-asked everyone if they want an invite and everyone is now pestering me for when they will get their invites. In this case, invites are a simple formality to gain a formal "yes" or "no" about who is coming.

Third, if they aren't excited to come, I honestly wouldn't want them at my wedding. I only want those we are closest with to be there. On the same token, if "excited to accept" is rude and presumptuous, then on the same token "regretfully declines" is the same. Maybe they are happy to say no? Either way, it's a lose/lose situation.

Fourth, while I appreciate the help, this is my wedding. So telling me not to do something isn't really helpful. I have enough people already telling me, "do it this way" or "you really don't want to do that, do you"? Think about when you were planning a wedding (if you are already married) - did you really like everyone saying no to an idea, even though they admit that it "doesn't matter"? I mean, as long as they are able to distinguish between the accept box and the decline box, does it really matter how it's worded? No.

mysticl · August 2014

meghanxpaige said:

Let's just clear a few things up. 90% of the guest list is his family, 100% of the guest list already knows about the wedding. So not knowing what they are being invited to is out of the question because they already know.

Second, everyone is excited to go, actually. I've already pre-asked everyone if they want an invite and everyone is now pestering me for when they will get their invites. In this case, invites are a simple formality to gain a formal "yes" or "no" about who is coming.

Third, if they aren't excited to come, I honestly wouldn't want them at my wedding. I only want those we are closest with to be there. On the same token, if "excited to accept" is rude and presumptuous, then on the same token "regretfully declines" is the same. Maybe they are happy to say no? Either way, it's a lose/lose situation.

Fourth, while I appreciate the help, this is my wedding. So telling me not to do something isn't really helpful. I have enough people already telling me, "do it this way" or "you really don't want to do that, do you"? Think about when you were planning a wedding (if you are already married) - did you really like everyone saying no to an idea, even though they admit that it "doesn't matter"? I mean, as long as they are able to distinguish between the accept box and the decline box, does it really matter how it's worded? No.

Did you honestly think people would say "no, please don't invite me to your wedding"?

You asked for advice. You got it. If you don't like it, don't use it.

meghanxpaige · August 2014

mysticl said:

Did you honestly think people would say "no, please don't invite me to your wedding"?

You asked for advice. You got it. If you don't like it, don't use it.

Honestly? Yes. Because it's already happened.

sarawifenow · August 2014

Hi @meghanxpaige. I realize that some of these answers are not waht you want to hear, but they are proper etiquette. That being said, I actually enjoy creative RSVP options.

Have you thought about somethings along the "party animal" lines? I guess it all depends on how formal you are wanting your wedding. If you are wanting just a fun, casual get together (which, let's be honest, can be super fun!)? If so, maybe go this route? If not, maybe you could keep traditional wording for the RSVP but a really fun design on the card?

manateehugger · August 2014

Just wanted to chime in and add that our reception was in a children's museum and the zoo was our second choice. We had a beanstalk in the middle of the floor, a murder mystery room with secret passage ways, an electric current ball that will make your hair stand on end, and a replica of the Oval Office. Long story short - our wedding was not a traditional, stuffy affair.

But I just put basic invitation wording on there because I knew no one would care about it at all and I didn't want to confuse anyone. Just do some fun designs on your paper- that screams quirky cool way more than goofy wording.

Also, having just gotten married, I can tell you that this is the kind of crap you will kick yourself in the pants for stressing over post-wedding. Because it will not matte.r

charlottesmom0626 · August 2014

something I've seen is "Wouldn't miss it!" or "Will celebrate from afar" but I'm not sure how to tie that into your zoo theme. again, those who posted above wouldn't agree with this wording because it's not very clear, and not traditional...but it's what the OP requested.

manateehugger · August 2014

taylorann0626 said:

something I've seen is "Wouldn't miss it!" or "Will celebrate from afar" but I'm not sure how to tie that into your zoo theme. again, those who posted above wouldn't agree with this wording because it's not very clear, and not traditional...but it's what the OP requested.

I actually view these as pretty standard RSVP options....sooo

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