Honeymoon Registry HELP!

cassie072287 · March 2011

Has anyone registered for their Honeymoon? My FI and I own a house and have a lot of the necessities already. We would like to give our guests the option of helping us out with our honeymoon. I am jsut SO stuck on where to begin! What website did you use? Do you have to pick your resort? (where do you put it on the website?) Also, how does the funds get dispersed at the end? I am just SO confused.

I would love to go through a travel agent so they can answer these questions, but my FI wants to just do it ourselves.

Please HELP!

musicalsunlight · March 2011

Ok. In effort not to start a debate, I'm going to refer you to a link on the HM board about this. Just so you can get perspective about how many people feel about HM registeries. I'm NOT telling you not to do, it but just consider what the other perspective on this is:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-need-hm-registry

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-10

cassie072287 · March 2011

Thanks for the link! However, I have asked a number of people in my family/close friends about this, and they are all for it! They know it fits our lifestyle and would be more then happy to have that option. We do also have a registry at Macy's and Bed Bath & Beyond, so this isn't their only choice.

maybe984 · March 2011

Okay, I'm going to sound kind of hyprocritical after going kind of BSC over people repeatedly urging someone using an A List and B List (I fiercely defend the fact that once in a while, they're necessary)..... buuuuut.... I'm going to agree with musicalsunlight on this one. And, in case you don't want to read the other threads, I'll elaborate.

Honeymoon registries seem a little rude to me, and there's no reason you have to have one. If you don't need a lot of house stuff, go light on a traditional registry... find holes in what you have and upgrade things that might need upgrading. If your guests can't find anything they like on your traditional registry (or if you don't have one at all), they will likely give you money. And you know what you can do with that money? Plop it in the bank before you leave for your honeymoon.

cassie072287 · March 2011

Thank you for your view. I get people's opinions (every one is entitled to them). But I am not asking if I should do it or not, I am asking for help setting one up/finding one that people found successful. So if you have nothing to contribute to my original post's questions, then please refrain from responding. I thought this site was about being helpful, not giving your 2cents on how/why I should or shouldn't do a HMR. Thank you!

maybe984 · March 2011

Ok... well my other point... which I held back on because I thought it was toooo much is the fact that the majority of the wedding registries available charge pretty ludicrous fees (including some that blatantly claim that they don't.)

I just don't understand why you'd pay a company a percentage of everything your guests pay so that they can play middle-man. Maybe there's some company that's less shady, but that seems to be the overwhelming trend. If you simply MUST do it, though, make sure you do your homework. Just be forewarned that one of your guests might be old-fashioned and get peeved by your HMR. I'm just saying!

check out article from CNN http://articles.cnn.com/2007-02-27/travel/honeymoon.registry_1_registries-honeyluna-couples?_s=PM:TRAVEL

P.S. I'm pretty sure we were both trying to be helpful.

maybe984 · March 2011

Ergh. The link isn't working quite right, so you may want to copy and paste.

cassie072287 · March 2011

I DO appreciate the links & views/opinions. I am just stating that I've decided to do this, & I am TRYING to get information on HOW to do it, not on why I shouldn't. Thats all....

maybe984 · March 2011

I can totally see where you're coming from... but getting upset because two people expressed their concern about a very-hotly-debated matter of modern etiquette? You need to be less surprised and/or offended if people don't see eye to eye with you. This is TK. It happens. A lot.

I literally just defended someone a couple of hours ago because I felt they were being ganged up on by too many people on a matter of etiquette... so I'm usually very sensitive about giving critiques... I just got concerned because it seemed like you didn't know much about HMRs... and therefore I thought maybe you weren't aware of some of the downfalls.

Steph0871 · March 2011

Well, when you post on an open, public forum, you're going to get whatever advice/answers people want to give you.

I will say I appreciate that you're not flipping out on everyone for disagreeing with you, though. (That tends to happen. a lot.)

As far as actual advice, I have none, because I never considered doing a honeymoon registry. I didn't want to have to pay someone/company a percentage of what my guests wanted to gift to my husband and myself. If you have a small registry elsewhere, people will get the hint. THey'll give you cash. Cash that you get 100% of to spend how you want.

graysquirrel · March 2011

I would avoid the HM registry altogether. Yes, it is considered rude (even if your family wont tell you that), and yes, they do take a rake and often overcharge. Why not just do a very minimal normal registry? Guests will get the hint and give you cash and you wont end up looking bad in any way. You also wont have to go to the trouble of setting it all up and can use the money on whatever you want. Win/win.

shan87 · March 2011

I'm not going to address whats wrong with them (I think people have expressed their views, but I'll try to answer your question)

I have heard to be careful with what site you use.. because some charge a fee-- so Aunt A donates $50 to your fund but the site takes $5-$10 dollars which leaves you with $40 for you honeymoon then when you go to reserve your honeymoon they charge another fee giving you even less.

My Advice is skip the honeymoon registry- keep your BBB and Macy's registries small and have your parents, family members spread through word of mouth you would prefer cash, checks for your honeymoon and then use that cash/money to purchase the honeymoon you want directly.

ETA - gray said everything I had to say LoL didn't read

tegdirb2001 · March 2011

My FI's co-worker did this for her wedding last July. She used Honeyfund.com because they don't take money from your guests at all. They did some research before deciding on which one to use. Check out the website and I am sure it will answer all your questions. They do have a 'More info' section answer common questions.

HTH

mlschn06 · March 2011

While I know some people are against them, I think it depends on your own friends and family and how they see it. I have had several friends do it and it is something we get excited about giving eachother vs. new dishes or sheets etc. I would definitely recommend also having a more traditional registry available for those who do not like your honeymood registry...on that note- we are using honeyfund. It is what most of my friends have used in the past and have been very happy with. We also decided to upgrade to the premium account which was $35 I believe? It looks much nicer. I do not think you would have to have your actual resort picked, we mostly put things on ours like dinners and activities. Honeyfund uses paypal to deliver the "gifts" to you and also gives your guests an option to print it out and give you a check...I am all for the honeyfund registries- I think you will remember an acitivity or special dinner for years and years but will easily forget who gave you a set of baking pans....

KateJ10 · March 2011

I am on the fence about it as well- I think as time goes on this will be less and less taboo. I agree finding a site that doesn't charge fees would be crucial.

And I agree that if you have already discussed this with some people and they sound excited about it, go for it! I personally would like to give a couple a gift like this. And you have the traditional registry as well for the people who would rather go that route. I have also heard of honeyfund as being one of the better ones.

musicalsunlight · March 2011

As a side note, and please don't take this the wrong way, but when you ask your family/friends about an idea, most will not tell you if they feel offended by it. They are close to you for a reason and most will NOT be completely honest with you on stuff like this. Even if you are 100% sure they are acting ok with it. Not everyone does, but I can see many people feeling that way in effort not to hurt your feelings.

MaggieandJake · March 2011

the only honeymoon registry I've heard of is honeymoon wishes, but I don't know much about it and how it works.

http://www.honeymoonwishes.com/

bmanmarried · March 2011

Here we go! This is from the co-founder and Editor of the Knot, Carley Roney, in this past weekend's Seattle Times newspaper.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/homegarden/2014403804_askcarley04.html

By CARLEY RONEY

Q: We're thinking about registering for honeymoon activities that guests can buy for us. Is this the way to go? Or should I just let people know where we're going and hope they give us some cash to put toward our trip?

A: You shouldn't leave it so open-ended. As with any other kind of registry, it's better to tell people exactly what you want. Plus, it's weird (and not the best etiquette) to ask for cash.

A lot of honeymoon destinations allow you to set up registries. Just make sure that guests know you're registered at one by adding it to your wedding website. Guests will love gifting a special excursion or even a surprise bottle of wine for your honeymoon.

Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, advises brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com.

jenpandas · March 2011

Hi there... I think it's funny that people think it's OK to have a regular registry but so appalling if you do a honeymoon registry! Once upon a time, people registered for gifts because they had never lived together and needed help getting started. Now, people generally live together or sometimes have already been married before. Traditions change- and that's OK!

We used Honeymoon Wishes and had GREAT responses! People were happy to give us a gift we will remember for a lifetime- snorkeling, massage, sunset cruise, etc. Think about it, will you remember who gave you a blender or toaster or a piece to your china set 10 years from now? Or will you even still own it? You will always have the memories of your honeymoon!

Most services charge a fee, think of it like taxes. Honeymoon Wishes charges 7% or if you go directly through some resorts like Sandals, it's free. Honeymoon Wishes gives you a very professional website where you can share pictures, your story, details of upcoming events, etc. They don't put any ads on your page like Honeyfund does (the price for being free- plus they're always trying to get you to upgrade to the premium membership which costs).

You can hide the fee in the gift so you're paying it or add it on. You can withdraw your money as often as you want in order to pay for the honeymoon, etc. Try Honeymoon Wishes and I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

And maybe, you'll turn guests into believers of honeymoon registries like we have!

http://www.honeymoonwishes.com

pcslindsers06 · March 2011

Soo I don't think they're rude. It's your wedding and you should do whatever you damn well please. The people who are coming should be your closest friends and family and I should hope that your connections to them run deep enough for something as menial as this to seem rude. We're going to go through www.honeyfund.com .... as far as I have been able to figure out, they're free! Good luck and I hope it works out for you

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