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Friends sharing dress photos

Lauramae980Lauramae980 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi, so not sure if I'm being weird, but yesterday a friend of mine who is not bridal party, but still a long-time friend went with me to my dress fitting. She's been asking to go for a while and we both were on lunch break, so she popped in with me and we chatted and visited while it happened. 

She also took a bunch of photos. 

As soon as I got back to the office I noticed that she put on FB that I looked great in my dress (thank you) and since she can't share because FI isher FB friend, if ANYBODY wants to see  me in the dress she will text them photos. The she sent them out to anybody that asked, including people I barely know and people who work at her office. 

So, I thought about it for 24 hours and then sent her a message telling her that I appreciated that she was excited about the dress and was so glad to see her yesterday, but would she mind not publicly asking if anybody wants to see the dress. I said if people ask in person that would be ok, but that I feel odd with people I don know or barely know asking to see me dress and that I really wanted the dress to be a surprise at the ceremony. 

I don't know if that was ok. I was just bothered. The most I put on FB is very vague non detail stuff in general terms (ex: sis and I shopped together today for fun wedding stuff then grabbed a scary movie!!).

Was that rude? I really do want my dress to be a surprise to my friends and I don't like that people I don't really know are asking to see my dress. I get that it was done with good intentions, but now I have random friends of friends messaging me about my dress...

Also, I'm wearing no make-up and glasses in the pics. It was a lunchtime fitting and there are pins all over me. Basically, I'm a mess. and now those pics are out in the world. Ok...well...it's done. It's Friday and I can have a big old glass of wine tonight. 
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    sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    I think you were totally within your right to ask her not to share and I think the way you went about it was perfect. I would be more than a little annoyed if somebody was doing this to me.
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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    I think you handled it perfectly. 

    I didn't really care if people saw my dress in advance (I would have shown H, but he looked at me like I had sprouted wings the one time I asked if he wanted to see it) and most of my friends saw pictures, but yeah, I'm not a huge FB sharer and this would have really really bothered me. I think she was out of line to ask people if they wanted to see the photos. Even non-wedding related, I would have found a friend hawking photos of me out like this disturbing (PDKH looked super good at her graduation; let me know if you want to see photos!). Weird. 
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    Lauramae980Lauramae980 member
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    What's weird is that here on TK I'll share pics in my month board and talk venue and favors, but on FB it's just so out there. TK feels like a safe place to discuss stuff. 

    BTW: Friend did reply and said that she won't do it again and that she should have cleared with me first. She was just excited for me. 
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    MNVegasMNVegas member
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    Your friend was definitely out of line. She should have at least asked you first if it was ok. You were fully within in your rights to tell her to stop.
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    WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl member
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    This would annoy me.  I didn't mind people seeing the dress before hand (except for DH), but not the whole world.  Actually, a friend who went shopping with me and was there when I bought the dress ran into us on the street (she was heading the ceremony, we were doing WP photos nearby) and she tried to cover her eyes so she wouldn't see me.  It's was pretty cute.  

    You are totally within your rights to ask her to take them down

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    crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
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    Lauramae980 said:
    Hi, so not sure if I'm being weird, but yesterday a friend of mine who is not bridal party, but still a long-time friend went with me to my dress fitting. She's been asking to go for a while and we both were on lunch break, so she popped in with me and we chatted and visited while it happened. 

    She also took a bunch of photos. 

    As soon as I got back to the office I noticed that she put on FB that I looked great in my dress (thank you) and since she can't share because FI isher FB friend, if ANYBODY wants to see  me in the dress she will text them photos. The she sent them out to anybody that asked, including people I barely know and people who work at her office. 

    So, I thought about it for 24 hours and then sent her a message telling her that I appreciated that she was excited about the dress and was so glad to see her yesterday, but would she mind not publicly asking if anybody wants to see the dress. I said if people ask in person that would be ok, but that I feel odd with people I don know or barely know asking to see me dress and that I really wanted the dress to be a surprise at the ceremony. 

    I don't know if that was ok. I was just bothered. The most I put on FB is very vague non detail stuff in general terms (ex: sis and I shopped together today for fun wedding stuff then grabbed a scary movie!!).

    Was that rude? I really do want my dress to be a surprise to my friends and I don't like that people I don't really know are asking to see my dress. I get that it was done with good intentions, but now I have random friends of friends messaging me about my dress...

    Also, I'm wearing no make-up and glasses in the pics. It was a lunchtime fitting and there are pins all over me. Basically, I'm a mess. and now those pics are out in the world. Ok...well...it's done. It's Friday and I can have a big old glass of wine tonight. 
    I have so much sympathy for this. I brought a small crowd to go dress shopping with me and when I chose my dress, everyone of course took pictures. As we left the venue, I thanked everyone for coming and asked that no one share those photos with anyone. The dress sample I tried on was TINY and I wasn't feeling my best and I didn't want everyone to see anyway. I had to hold it funny just to keep the girls in!

    That night I came home and my stepmom said, "we were at my sister's tonight and I showed her the dress and she thought it is beautiful and she is so excited for the wedding."

    It was really difficult not to fly off the handle at that point.

    My stepmom told me to relax and said, "Oh, who are they going to tell, honestly?" It was difficult to explain that they don't have to tell anyone -- I didn't want them to see it in the first place!
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    beachyone15beachyone15 member
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    As others have said, I would NOT be happy about this at all. But, I'm glad your friend agreed to stop.


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    syoun1njsyoun1nj member
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    Wedding dress aside, I wouldn't want anyone sharing pictures of me in that manner: "Hey, if you want to see her doing XYZ, text me for pics!" It's just weird. I'm glad she agreed to stop!
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    This girl sounds like an impulsive idiot. Think, my child. Think before you act.
    *********************************************************************************

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Yeah, that's obnoxious. Nobody should be inviting others to see the dress, especially if those others won't be invited to the wedding. I think you handled it fine.
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    Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    syoun1nj said:
    Wedding dress aside, I wouldn't want anyone sharing pictures of me in that manner: "Hey, if you want to see her doing XYZ, text me for pics!" It's just weird. I'm glad she agreed to stop!
    LOL yes I agree with this!

    I think you handled it great, but WOW that would have pissed me off!
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    crys-cryscrys-crys member
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    edited August 2014
    I sent a pic of me in my dress to a bridesmaid. I told her not to show it to anyone. We are both friends with the photographer and I found out she sent my pic to the photographer. That upset me and I had to calm down before I could talk to her about it or else I would have been very bitchy. I think you handled it well.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    Friend was out of line. That was not her business to share. I agree, wedding dress or not, she shouldn't be showing off pictures of you doing anything to just anyone who wants to see! Weird.
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    gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
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    One of my bridesmaids took a pic of every BM dress she tried on. No big, maybe she wanted a second look later. Every single one is posted on her FB with captions like "This one didn't make the cut" and "This is it just in X color". I am not exactly a fan.
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    MegEn1MegEn1 member
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    Hmm. My FMIL is buying my wedding dress for me. And she's just the sort to take pictures and show them to everyone she possibly can just because she's excited. I wonder if there's a way I can make a 'please don't take photos' rule before we even go dress shopping.

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    beetherybeethery member
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    MegEn1 said:
    Hmm. My FMIL is buying my wedding dress for me. And she's just the sort to take pictures and show them to everyone she possibly can just because she's excited. I wonder if there's a way I can make a 'please don't take photos' rule before we even go dress shopping.
    Should be pretty easy. Just try to work it in as an offhandedly mentioned like this:

    "Yeah, I don't really want anyone to see me in the dress unless it's in person or they're definitely coming to the wedding. I don't even plan to put pics on my own fb."

    If she doesn't get the hint, carve it into a stone tablet and chuck it at her!

    loljk Actually if doesn't get the hint, just call and say "Hey can you take the pictures down/please don't send the pics around, I'm not trying to show it to everyone."
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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    countrygirl061513countrygirl061513 member
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    Don't a lot of the salons not allow you to take pictures of the dress? You could just use that as your reason for not wanting pictures.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    countrygirl061513 said:
    Don't a lot of the salons not allow you to take pictures of the dress? You could just use that as your reason for not wanting pictures.
    Yes, lots of places don't let you take pictures of the dress until it's been ordered with money down.  Then, you can take a couple pictures of you in THAT dress.
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