Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Reception Forum
Wedding Reception Forum
New Discussion

Reception/after party?

emkaycemkayc member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
Hi ladies! Coming out of my lurkerdom to ask a couple questions/get some feedback and advice.

On December 20, my FI and I are getting married and having our reception in a small country church (Southern Baptist in Arkansas). Because this church absolutely forbids drinking and dancing, there will obviously not be any of those things happening at the reception (FI and I don't really subscribe to those restrictions, but this is his childhood church, and it was the best compromise for our limited planning time, budget, and time of year). Most of our guests outside the wedding party will be elderly members of the church or OOT extended family on my side. The reception will have a small meal and the other accoutrement of a typical small Southern wedding reception—cake cutting, flower tossing, etc.

What we really WANT to do is have an after party for our immediate family and wedding party at a local restaurant/bar where we can do some of the other receptiony things like the forbidden drinking and dancing. I'd really like a first dance, but I don't want to step on any toes (HA!) at our wedding venue. Would it be rude to move the celebration to this second location after the "old folks" go home? Should we extend a welcome to this portion of our event to all the guests? Cost is somewhat of an issue, so the alcohol raises more questions. Do we pay for an open bar at this location, treating it like another half of our reception? Or do we pick a beer and a wine to host for the guests who choose to join us after the reception? Or do we just buy the first round and after that, it's every man for his own blood alcohol content?

And please tell me if the whole idea is just bad and we should just go on to NOLA after the cake's been served.

Thanks in advance :)
Report Reply to Post

Re: Reception/after party?

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    emkayc said:
    Hi ladies! Coming out of my lurkerdom to ask a couple questions/get some feedback and advice. On December 20, my FI and I are getting married and having our reception in a small country church (Southern Baptist in Arkansas). Because this church absolutely forbids drinking and dancing, there will obviously not be any of those things happening at the reception (FI and I don't really subscribe to those restrictions, but this is his childhood church, and it was the best compromise for our limited planning time, budget, and time of year). Most of our guests outside the wedding party will be elderly members of the church or OOT extended family on my side. The reception will have a small meal and the other accoutrement of a typical small Southern wedding reception—cake cutting, flower tossing, etc. What we really WANT to do is have an after party for our immediate family and wedding party at a local restaurant/bar where we can do some of the other receptiony things like the forbidden drinking and dancing. I'd really like a first dance, but I don't want to step on any toes (HA!) at our wedding venue. Would it be rude to move the celebration to this second location after the "old folks" go home? Should we extend a welcome to this portion of our event to all the guests? Cost is somewhat of an issue, so the alcohol raises more questions. Do we pay for an open bar at this location, treating it like another half of our reception? Or do we pick a beer and a wine to host for the guests who choose to join us after the reception? Or do we just buy the first round and after that, it's every man for his own blood alcohol content? And please tell me if the whole idea is just bad and we should just go on to NOLA after the cake's been served. Thanks in advance :)
    This is precisely why I'm Catholic. ;). J/k. IMO, you are properly hosting your guests at your real reception, so you shouldn't feel obligated to foot the bill at an after party. I suggest inviting everyone via word of mouth, and keep it a casual after party. Just be like "hey, after the reception, a bunch of us are headed to x and we'd love to celebrate with you." This will hopefully make it clear that it's not hosted by you.




    Report Reply
  • emkaycemkayc member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Girl, I feel you! I'm Presbyterian myself!
    Report Reply
  • emkaycemkayc member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    And thanks for the quick reply! Good advice :)
    Report Reply
  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Would it make it more clear, about the hosting, if say, the bride and groom made a point of treating for "the first round"? I think this bride really deserves her dancing time and is very respectful to church and elders.  Some fun is a really great idea, but a "surprise" tab at the end would be a real "buzz kill".
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I think it sounds fun. But I would be careful about this appearing as a tiered reception.. In other words, everyone is invited to one event and then a sub-set of that group is invited to the "real" reception.

    To avoid it coming off that way, I would only invite a very small group out to dinner afterwards. Look into private rooms at restaurants - you might be able to control the sound in which case you could have your first dance.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • emkaycemkayc member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    southernbelle0915 said:

    I think it sounds fun. But I would be careful about this appearing as a tiered reception.. In other words, everyone is invited to one event and then a sub-set of that group is invited to the "real" reception.

    To avoid it coming off that way, I would only invite a very small group out to dinner afterwards. Look into private rooms at restaurants - you might be able to control the sound in which case you could have your first dance.

    Yeah the appearance of a tiered reception is something I really wanted to avoid. My family is HUGE on etiquette and doing things the correct way. FI's family is more laid back about that stuff, so I'm having a little trouble convincing them that some rules really are a big deal.

    The wedding is in the early afternoon, and while I expect most of the guests wouldn't come to a second event after the reception (like the church members and my family members who will have a long way to travel home), I think I will probably extend the invitation to everyone and be prepared to host them all in case they do show up. We're looking at renting out a 1920s speakeasy-themed bar section of a local restaurant for this part, which may in itself deter some guests. But again, I know not to assume people won't come.

    We'll probably spread this by word of mouth up to the wedding and then somewhere in the reception say something along the lines of "Mr. and Mrs. C would love to continue the celebration at X with you all." With a small wedding in a small community, I think this may be the easiest way to make it clear everyone is welcome but it's not necessarily part of the reception, so no one will miss big things like cake cutting or whatever. I suspect this crowd won't care about missing the dance. And I think we're looking at doing a champagne toast and then another round on us before we boogie down.

    Sorry I just wrote a novel, I just wanted to see if I have all my bases covered.
    Report Reply
  • drina0218drina0218 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yes, yes signature drinks have been done to death, but do you think you could possibly provide a spiked punch as well? Maybe a few apps or small platters too? Not full meals but just a little to munch on. 

    Also, I love this idea. Everyone deserves a first dance. :)
    Report Reply
  • lotsosandwicheslotsosandwiches member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Do it! I've been to lots of weddings where the after party was not hosted by the B&G and it was never expected. In fact, in our group we treat the afterparty as a time to buy the B&G's drinks, not the other way around (of course, all of these weddings had open bar on the B&G at the actual reception, so a little different)! Mentioning it ahead of time to the WP and the people you really want to be there at the AP would be good, and then an announcement at the reception to make everyone aware of it so there's not a feeling of a tiered reception and you should be good to go! Sounds fun!
    Report Reply
  • muzeqdivamuzeqdiva member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    Go for it! We are going to do the same thing!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • bahamabride2015bahamabride2015 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    No dancing? It's like Flashdance all over again!  

    I would definitely have an after party arranged somewhere and would keep the dry party short (a lunch) and then have people in the evening for an actual party.  There is also a potential cost savings in doing that as you can feed people lunch, they can go home (or wherever) for dinner and then join you again for a dancing/ drinks party after dinner.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards