Pregnant bridesmaid dilemma

labro · August 2014

hudsons1014 said:

So we went shopping for bridesmaid dresses the beginning of June and I was orginially planning on having my 7 bridesmaids pick their own dresses since they are all different shapes and sizes but they all ended up liking the same dress. The dress they picked is from David's bridal and since it's maroon which isn't a common color it's taking about 3-4 months to get in. They are suppose to be delivered the end of August/beginning of September... I can't wait! But my future sister in law (she just married my Fiances husband in May) who ordered a size 4 dress just told us they were 8 weeks prego so she will be 4months at our wedding. She was talking about how she ordered a size 8 wedding dress with my mother in law right before their wedding and when I saw the ordering form for my bridesmaid dresses all I could think was "why did she order a dress 4 sizes smaller?!" She didn't come back to order dresses with us she went on her own a few days later. But I'm extremely nervous it won't fit and I'm not sure what I should do because there is no way to change the order size now. A little back story about our weddings is we started planning together once we both got engaged within a few months of each other. Things were going fine she started Channing everything about their wedding to match ours (they actually returned a bunch of decorations and bought a bunch of different stuff that we had already purchased... Kind of strange) we gradually stopped telling them our ideas and just put our wedding on the back burner until theirs was over basically. She started telling our fiancée family like their cousins, aunts, parents basically anyone who would listen that I was mad at them for using certain things at their wedding that we talked about doing. But at this point she had changed her bridesmaids dress and color, groomsmen and groom attire, and decorations she kind of sparked like a little competition which we felt was competely unnecessary. Their family started coming up to me and saying things like "I can't believe you got mad over chalkboards" or something small and insignificant like that. Since their wedding has passed she has found new things to do like complain that I'm not including her in our wedding and stuff like that. My Bach party is this weekend and I've been communicating with all my bridesmaids planning it via group text which she has all been in on and has even replied back too but she told my mother in law she knows nothing about my Bach party because I haven't included her any of the planning... All very caddy and stupid. Anyways I'm not sure what to say to her or how to approach it without it sounding rude or bitchy to everyone in the our family at this point. My fiancé told me that I should just make my cousin our bridesmaid instead and tell her if it's too much she doesn't have to be apart of it

Don't replace her with your cousin. That would probably ruin your relationship forever. She's your FSIL and is going to be a part of your life whether you like or not. You've already asked her, at this point it's better to just wait it out and try not to let her drama get under your skin.

As far as the dress goes, what kind of style is it? At four months she isn't going to be very big, and will probably be barely showing at that point. Unless it's super fitted through her waist she'll probably be ok. And don't judge the BM dress she ordered on the wedding dress she ordered. Bridal sizes can vary widely from designer to designer and even between styles and a lot of times, bridal gowns can run extremely small. I don't think David's would have allowed her to purchase a dress four sizes too small. If it comes in and isn't going to work David's may be able to rush order something or she can try to find a dress that fits in a similar color. It'll be closer to fall in September and it should be easy to find maroon colored dresses. It won't matter if she looks a little different from your other BMs, everyone is there to see you and your FH!

hkda2003 · August 2014

I am having a similar issue with my FI sister who has gained about 25 pounds for no apparent reason since she ordered her dress. She is telling me now that she will be rush ordering a new dress on line bc the other one took 6 months to come in.

I don't think I'm going to do this, but someone suggested to me like your Fi suggested to you, to tell her that if it's too much, she doesn't have to be a part of it. But I don't think you necessarily need to replace her at all. At first I was so worried about having the same number of BM as my FI has GM, but then I realized the numbers shouldn't really matter.

If my soon to be SIL's rush ordered dress comes in the wrong color or something is terribly wrong with it, she said she just wont wear it... So I don't know if that means she won't be a bridesmaid, or she will wear something random!? I'm not a big fan of the 2nd option there. lol.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about the little competition that seemed to be going on. That must have been extremely frustrating. Good luck what ever happens!!!

rsbloom · August 2014

It sucks that she made it a competition and got catty about it. You didn't do anything wrong in the planning part, you just quietly stopped telling her all your ideas, and she got mad that she wasn't going to be able to copy your wedding. Sounds like she is super insecure about her own style and taste, and wanted to out do yours.

I would not, however awful she's been, ask her to not be in the wedding party anymore. She is your FIs sister, he needs to deal with her and his family that is bugging you. If he knows that she has been included in group messages, he needs to tell her to stop being a brat. And needs to tell any family that believes FSIL's story that she was included, whether or not to participate in discussions has been her choice.

The dress doesn't seem like a big issue. Pregnancies, especially first ones, take longer to show, my friends didn't really show until they were 6 months along. If she needs to buy a new dress, she needs to pay for it and make sure it is there by the wedding, regardless of if you paid for the original dresses. If the dress doesn't fit and she refuses to buy a new one, then she is choosing to not stand up there with you guys.

Hopefully your FI can talk some sense into her, so she stops causing drama.

beachyone15 · August 2014

Don't kick her out of your wedding (unless you want to have an even more strained relationship going forward). Also, I would NOT involve your FI in this. That could potentially make things worse.

I would be flexible about the dress and just make sure she gets a similar color (that fits). Or perhaps she can have the original dress altered. Don't worry about all the girls matching exactly. Now that she's pregnant, she may need a slightly different dress and that's ok.

As for the bachelorette party, you know that she knows the details so it's her decision whether or not to attend. She's been invited and that's all you can do.

It sounds like you have some pent-up resentment towards her so I'm not even sure why you decided to make her a BM in the first place. But as LaPeanut1018 said, there's nothing you can do about that now unless you want to make the situation worse. Kill her with kindness and congrats on getting married!

Jean0715 · August 2014

Bridal sizes are so different than regular dress sizes. I can fit in a size 8 bridesmaid dress, but my wedding dress was ordered in a size 14. Someone explain to me why they are so different!! Anyway, they can always let it out 1 size. At 4 months most won't know she's even pregnant yet.

DO NOT replace her. It will only add tension and ruin the relationship and make the rest of our married life super hard. Not worth the drama.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

They post cut the last part off... there were a few more sentences stating "I'd never kick anyone out of my bridal party!"

I have a 2 year old so I know how much you gain and when you start showing. I didn't start to show until I was 4 months and It was just a little baby bump! I didn't put on the big weight until closer to the end but I guess why I was so concerned is because she has already put on a lot of weigh. I did talk to the shop and they said they can let it out one size so I hope that will be enough. I was also just concerned with the size she originally bought because she didn't go get sized with us and she just purchased. I know that every dress is sized a little different especially from a wedding dress but my little sister who is usually a size 0 measured as a 2 when we got fitted and that little girl is tiny!

Before we started planning our wedding we were fine and actually hung out and when we picked our bridal parties we decided we would be in each other since we will be sisters anyways but, I totally feel that there is a bunch of built animosity between us just from what has been happening this past year. My bachelorette party was this weekend and unfortunately it made things worst between us...

As stated in my original post she never replied to anything and finally my mother in law called me out by questioning why I haven't included in her anything and how is she supposed to go if I can't even get her the details. I told her I'm not sure why she is saying that because she has received every text message everyone else has, I showed her the text messages and said she just hasn't replied. My MIL obviously called her because an hour later she text me saying she'd be going to everything except out at the end of the night (understandably)

Well Friday before I text everyone saying that lunch is canceled but everything else planned after was still on. Everyone showed up at the hotel the time we talked about and then we went to the salon we had booked out for everyone and she never showed up! I text her asking her if she was still coming to dinner since she didn't show up earlier and she basically started yelling at me saying, "you cancelled everything why would I show up! I can't believe how rude you are! Why couldn't you just call me to ask me to come to the salon and hotel? but yes I will be there for dinner if you even still want me to come" I said "Yes if you would still like to come then I would like you here. If not its fine. I Was trying to be rude I just needed a final count for the reservation." and I got another paragraphic text going off on me again so I just said back "Alright, sorry. See you at dinner"

She showed with my mother in law to dinner. The whole time they just sat there telling everyone how she had to go out any by a dress because nothing fits her anymore and she has morning sickness all day (she's only 7 weeks... mind you) and I can not tell you how many times my MIL stopped anyone that was near her and told them or her to be careful because she is with child... She didn't say one word to me and when I tried to include her in the games she got up and went outside on the balcony... Seriously I just don't understand...

I'm so over it all.. Sorry for venting. I'm not going to worry about the dress until they come in.

hkda2003 · August 2014

Ughhh this sounds terrible!!!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this when your supposed to be enjoying every bit of what's going on. I know everyone has drama when it comes to weddings, and planning, but yours just sounds really rough. Good luck with everything!!!

beachyone15 · August 2014

Well now that the parties are over, you won't have to deal with her until the actual wedding day (where your mind will be elsewhere anyway!!) Hope things get better from here on out!

Pregnant bridesmaid dilemma

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