18+ guests request to put it into one invitation instead of multiples to the same home

BeeRod82 · August 2014

Before you slam me for this, read everything first.

I know guests who are over 18 and lives with parents or siblings gets their own invite. But what if those adult guests request to put their names with their parents'/sibling's invitation to save the money on postage and invitation. Note: this is their request, not mine. What to do in this case? Respect their wishes and put it into one household or ignore it and give them their own invite?

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Go ahead and send one invitation. The only person you'd be offending, typically, by adding an adult to their parents' invitation is that adult. If they're requesting it, it's a victimless crime.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

I am confused about why they are requesting this. It doesn't save them any money because they aren't the one's buying the postage and the money it will save you is minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

But I guess if they really want to be included on their parent's invitation then that is fine. But what about any SOs? Or plus one's? It could get confusing and end up with a shit ton of names on the envelope.

mimivac · August 2014

LOL. I first read this as 18 people requesting to be on the same invitation. Huge family! I think you're fine sending one invite if that's what they want.

JaxInBlue · August 2014

mimivac said:

LOL. I first read this as 18 people requesting to be on the same invitation. Huge family! I think you're fine sending one invite if that's what they want.

I read it this way too!

I did this. I had a 19ish cousin admit he'd probably lose the invite if I sent him his own and asked that I put him on his parents' invite. Since he wanted it that way, I was okay with it.

lyndausvi · August 2014

Then do it. NBD.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

If this young adult is firm on wanting to save you a few dollars, then you must know one hell of a perceptive, etiquette conscious and kind 18 year old. I've never met an 18 year old who understands how important RSVPs are, let alone knows the ins and outs of etiquette well enough to know to expect their own invitation. And further, to proactively reach out to you based on their etiquette expertise and ask to be put on their parents' invite. Impressive!

If that truly is the case, put them on their parents'. If someone else is talking on their behalf or if you're just asking if it's ok to do this, then no - send them their own.

Simply Fated · August 2014

If they request it that way, then I don't see anything wrong with that. I suppose it's like someone requesting their name and their spouse's name being on the envelope differently than etiquette states, like in that other thread with that irrational FB rant.

BeeRod82 · August 2014

The ones asking are two of my bridesmaids who live with their parents. Both are over 25. And both are single.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

BeeRod82 said:

The ones asking are two of my bridesmaids who live with their parents. Both are over 25. And both are single.

If they're going to be truly offended and pissed off that they are not on their parent's invitation, then fine. Tack them onto their parents. I can't imagine them actually being pissed about getting their own invite though...

But honestly, they're probably just offering to be polite in a last ditch effort to save you a few bucks. My response to them would be, "That is so nice of you. Thanks for offering to save me some money on this. Would you be offended if I sent you your own?" And then if they say "well no, just trying to save you money"... I'd send them their own invitation.

They're 25 years old, they're your guests of honor, and they might even be bringing a SO or date. All signs point to their own invite. If they are bringing an SO/date, they should absolutely receive their own and their SO/date should be listed out, by name, on the invitation.

jdluvr06 · August 2014

If they asked then I would do it.

lyndausvi · August 2014

I sent 5 invitations going to the same house. I would have loved if they had told me to only send 1. They didn't and I sent all 5, but it would have been nice.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

BeeRod82 said:

The ones asking are two of my bridesmaids who live with their parents. Both are over 25. And both are single.

If they will truly be offended by not being on their parents invite then include them on it. But seriously, two invites will save you maybe $1.50 in postage. Add that to the fact that they are both over 25, I think they need their own invite.

penguin44 · August 2014

lyndausvi said:

I sent 5 invitations going to the same house. I would have loved if they had told me to only send 1. They didn't and I sent all 5, but it would have been nice.

I sent 3 to the same house. They all replied on one RSVP. So many wasted stamps!

lyndausvi · August 2014

penguin44 said:

lyndausvi said:

I sent 5 invitations going to the same house. I would have loved if they had told me to only send 1. They didn't and I sent all 5, but it would have been nice.

I sent 3 to the same house. They all replied on one RSVP. So many wasted stamps!

**** SITB*****

Not sure if any of mine even RSVP's. They were all DH's immediate family and in the wedding. They might have, just not sure as I marked them off as givens anyway.

I didn't care about the postage. I just didn't like having to write out the address 5 times.

jdluvr06 · August 2014

lyndausvi said:

I sent 5 invitations going to the same house. I would have loved if they had told me to only send 1. They didn't and I sent all 5, but it would have been nice.

I had to send three to the same house and I have to admit I cringed the whole time because I found it a bit wasteful.

MairePoppy · August 2014

You should address their invitation as they requested.

Jen4948 · August 2014

If they're requesting one invitation for everyone, then I would honor their request. But I would default to separate invitations for 18 year old and older adults (with their SOs).

afaber24 · August 2014

You've gotten some great responses so far, but I'll chime in too.

I had a few cousins who were recent graduates and lived outside their parents house. I knew the parents address, but not the cousins, so I asked repeatedly for the addresses. 3 FB messages, 2 text messages, 1 phone call, and 1 in person conversation later - with each cousin and their mom. They all said to put them and their SO on their parents invite! Geesh! They seriously wouldn't give me their address they just kept saying "Just send it to mom and dad's". (I think none of them knew how long they'd be living in their current apartments and didn't want to lose the invite.)

Bottom line. If someone requests an invitation a certain way, they likely will not be offended when you follow their request. Otherwise, follow the 18+ rule for invitation etiquette.

ashleyep · August 2014

lyndausvi said:

I sent 5 invitations going to the same house. I would have loved if they had told me to only send 1. They didn't and I sent all 5, but it would have been nice.

I did the same. And their mom sent them all back for them. They were boys and probably wouldn't have cared if I put them on their parent's invite anyway. Though one did bring a date, so I guess that makes it worth it.

For two of my cousins, I got back their save the dates because they never check their mailbox. So I was instructed to just send it to their parent's house.

Fairyjen1 · August 2014

My Fis mom is always trying to get us to send Fi's brother's Thank you notes, Christmas cards and I'm sure, our wedding invitation to her house instead of his apartment. If he was fresh out of college and living with a bunch of roommates (I had important mail sent to my parents house because it would get misplaced by roommates) , but he's 29 with a steady job and his own place!

I have no idea why she does this, it's one of the few things she's weird about. She's otherwise pretty up on etiquette and is pretty great as far as Mother in laws go. Fi thinks she just wants an excuse to have his brother come visit. Brother says he doesn't mind, but did give us his address and I always send stuff to his place (it makes me feel better).

18+ guests request to put it into one invitation instead of multiples to the same home

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