Not inviting certain kids?

andyleemrrs · August 2014

Its not as bad as the title sounds.

I am getting married on a yacht. The yacht will be porting and sails for four hours. I have my MOHs two daughters as flowergirls (ages 8 and 5), my cousin as a flowergirl (age 4) and my cousin as a ringbearer (age 6). However, I don't want guests to bring their kids. For a couple reasons: I would feel awful if the kids got hurt or god forbid fell overboard. Second, the coordinator told us that they have a strict policy that once we are at sea, we are not coming back. If we do have to come back, we stay and don't go back out. My dad is paying a large sum of money and I would hate to cut it short. My fiancé's cousin has two very little babies and I would feel nervous. Is it okay to say adults only but the wedding party has a few kids?

mysticl · August 2014

From an etiquette point of view it's fine to only have the wedding party kids at the wedding.

However, from a parent's point of view your excuses are invalid. If you truly believe that the yacht is dangerous for children you should not have any children in your wedding. How do you think the parents of your flower girls and ring bearer will feel when they find out you are willing risk their children's safety for the sake of having the wedding party you want? Because that is how it could come across.

I don't understand why you think you would need to turn back if there were children on board, the only reason you would have to turn back is if there was an emergency of some sort and that can be a guest of any age. People expect that when a wedding is on a boat they are going to be trapped there till the end. That's why some people decline those invitations.

What about the two little babies makes you nervous?

If you don't want kids there, just own it. Don't make excuses.

manateehugger · August 2014

Yeah, you're well within your rights to treat children as any other guest and therefore invite selectively (though you do need to keep in mind that some people will decline to attend without their children and you may have to soothe some ruffled feathers).

But dangerous doesn't make sense because then you wouldn't invite any kids and the coming back in doesn't make sense either. I would almost imagine an elderly person could have higher risk of an emergency than a child. Two little babies are super easy - my 7 month old nephew came to our wedding and pretty much slept the whole time.

Also, please make sure your guests are aware that they are sticking out the whole four hours if they hop on the boat.

andyleemrrs · August 2014

Well that just makes me feel like a horrible person lol.

andyleemrrs · August 2014

And let me explain, I know some people who would NOT watch their kids. The people in the party would I know for a fact.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

If you don't want to invite kids outside of the members of your wedding party, that is fine. You don't need to make excuses for why you don't want to invite them. Just don't invite them. Also like PP said your excuse is kind of invalid since you are allowing kids to be in your wedding party. So the concern of kids getting hurt or falling overboard should be extended to all kids, which means that you shouldn't have included any children in your wedding party.

I just think that you don't want kids (besides those in your wedding party) to be at your wedding which is perfectly fine.

caitlinmca · August 2014

I wouldn't see why not. I have seen weddings/receptions where the only kids present were the flowergirl(s) and ringbearer(s) and that was all because of them being in the bridal party other than that no kids were allowed. The biggest thing you will want to watch out for is how you word the "no kids/limited kids" aspect, as well as being mindful of how many on your guest list have children that they will now need a babysitter for.

manateehugger · August 2014

Then just invite the kids you want to invite. That's totally fine. Remember, some people might make noise at your or decline to attend, so just prepare yourself.

If anyone asks, don't give them a bogus excuse, just say that it was important for you to have your WP's children there but you weren't able to accommodate all children.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

caitlinmca said:

I wouldn't see why not. I have seen weddings/receptions where the only kids present were the flowergirl(s) and ringbearer(s) and that was all because of them being in the bridal party other than that no kids were allowed. The biggest thing you will want to watch out for is how you word the "no kids/limited kids" aspect, as well as being mindful of how many on your guest list have children that they will now need a babysitter for.

You don't word this. You never state who is not invited. You just address the invite to those that are invited and if for some rude reason they RSVP for themselves plus a kid or two you simply call them up and say "I am sorry if there was any confusion but the invitation was for X and Y and we cannot accommodate your children."

climbingsingle · August 2014

You're totally fine not inviting kids. Also, a wedding on a yacht sounds awesome.

Maggie0829 · August 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

You're totally fine not inviting kids. Also, a wedding on a yacht sounds awesome.

As long as her guests don't get sea sick. I always thought a wedding on a boat/yacht/ship or whatever would be very pretty but the con list was too long...bad weather and rough water, getting sea sick, guests not being able to leave if they need to, etc.

mysticl · August 2014

andyleemrrs said:

And let me explain, I know some people who would NOT watch their kids. The people in the party would I know for a fact.

Yeah, don't mention that either. Just invite kids or don't. Do not give excuses.

Jen4948 · August 2014

I think your choice to only invite the kids in your wedding party is valid. But you don't put on your invitation that anyone else's kids are not invited. If you are contacted about inviting their kids, you are free to say that the invitation you sent them is only for them and no one else can be accommodated. But I would not "explain" your decision to not invite their kids or anyone else, because if you do, you risk them engaging you in why they should be invited anyway. Also, parents may well not react well to finding out that you think it's "dangerous" for their kids to come, especially if they accept your invitation and find that there are kids in the wedding party. If anyone whose kids are not invited asks why, just tell them that it wasn't possible for you to accommodate everyone you would have liked to invite and then bean-dip them from that point on.

climbingsingle · August 2014

Maggie0829 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

You're totally fine not inviting kids. Also, a wedding on a yacht sounds awesome.

As long as her guests don't get sea sick. I always thought a wedding on a boat/yacht/ship or whatever would be very pretty but the con list was too long...bad weather and rough water, getting sea sick, guests not being able to leave if they need to, etc.

True. But she could always have stuff on hand in case a guest gets sea sick. OP - ginger works amazingly well.

Not inviting certain kids?

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