MOG a guest or wedding party member?

WendyAHS · August 2014

So I have a question,

I'm stuck between how to consider me and my FI's parents. Recently a point of contention brought up who I should prioritize: either my MOH & all bridesmaids OR my FMIL. It would be easier if I had a clear answer as to whether our parents are members of the wedding party, or are they our honored guests at the wedding and reception?

Does anyone understand my confusion? lol My FMIL booked the makeup artist me and my entire bridal party had planned on using, and didn't understand why I wasn't happy because she felt as though she should be a priority over them. I don't know...should she? I'll be happy to vent/explain more.

mrsconn23 · August 2014

I'm kind of confused...FMIL wants the make-up artist to do your face, then hers, then everyone else's? Did you guys already set appts with this person? If so, there should be no issue and FMIL gets what she gets (as far as time).

As far as parents-as-WP-members, in a way I think they are. Buuuutttt...Every wedding I've been in, the moms do their own getting ready/beauty stuff. I mean, I guess the moms could tag along for that stuff...but I don't think they get any more or less preference than a bridesmaid. I think just making sure there's enough time to fit in everyone should be the priority.

WendyAHS · August 2014

Right so, FMIL is getting ready at her home, whereas me and my bridesmaids are getting ready at my home. She expected that my makeup would be done, and the makeup artist would leave to travel 30+ minutes to her home to do her makeup, her sister's makeup, and another person who isn't related (but found this particular artist). She booked the artist for those 3 people several months ago (prior to her trial) . She did not inform me. I had a trial with the makeup artist, not knowing this, and also attempted to book the artist. The artist accepted the booking, but later clarified that she has to provide her service to the people who booked her first. My bridesmaids all want to have their makeup done, but because these other 3 people are slotted in first, the makeup person will not be able to do us all. So my bridesmaids are SOL and that pisses me off. I expressed that I thought this was kindof a low move, and FMIL was upset and emotional because I was prioritizing the bridal party above her. I explained that it should be a matter of convenience (i.e. who is at who's house) and that no one is a higher priority, but seriously, I'd be more comfortable knowing that other people would put preference on their bridesmaids getting makeup done over the moms. I hope I answered the question.

hmonkey · August 2014

just give the makeup artist an extra $50 and tell her to juggalo your fmil.

(juggaloes are almost always the answer!)

WendyAHS · August 2014

LOL @hmonkey

mrsconn23 · August 2014

I think I'd abandon getting make-up done by this person all together and find someone else

OR do your own make-up. My SIL did my wedding make-up and I did make-up for both my sisters. In the age of youtube tutorials, I'd bet you can get it figured out if you have issues finding another make-up artist.

I'd honestly let this one go with your FMIL. Continuing to push this issue is just going to serve to piss you off. FMIL has shown her cards here. And I'd also be wary of using anyone through her suggestion again if this is the way things are going to play out. Just consider it a lesson learned.

hmonkey · August 2014

if your bridesmaids did not pay this makeup artist to hold the booking, they are the ones at fault here. the makeup artist has to go with the paying gig. i mean, was the expectation that the makeup artist do your makeup, and then hang around and see if anyone else needed to be done? because no, that is not how freelancers operate. if you and the whole bp want their makeup done by the same person, you need to find someone new, and make sure the bp books them too.

mrsconn23 · August 2014

Hmo, it sounds like FMIL booked the make-up artist for her and her people, didn't tell OP, then suggested said make-up artist to OP for her and her BP, OP booked a trial, tried to book the make-up artist and then found out the FMIL wants the make-up artist wants to prioritize bride, then FMIL, then FMIL's other people, then the BP.

So FMIL was shady (?) and this was brought to light by the make-up artist. SO...again, instead of getting mad about this, just don't use this make-up artist and be wary of FMIL 'helpful' suggestions/referrals in the future.

beachyone15 · August 2014

I would try to either:

A. Find a new makeup artist

OR

B. Have everyone get ready in the same location (at one person's house)

Edited to add: If it were me personally, I'd find a new makeup artist bc I wouldn't want to deal with you FMIL who is clearly acting crazy and making things more complicated than they need to be. You don't need that added stress on your wedding day.

hmonkey · August 2014

i don't see anything in op that says dmil suggested this artist to op. @wendyahs, please clarify.

ethelbeavers · August 2014

I would be pissed if my FMIL did that. If I were you, I would find another make-up artist. Let your FMIL and her people use this one, then find one that can work on you and your bridal party at your house. That way, everyone gets their make-up done and there is no time crunch with one make-up artist juggling different locations. Plus, you get a morning with just you and your girls and don't have to worry about your FMIL causing some other kind of unforeseen drama the morning of your wedding

AuntFlo · August 2014

Does anyone else read her screen name as "WendyAmericanHorrorStory" and does that skew anyone's opinion of the situation? Just me?

VarunaTT · August 2014

i2i w/AF.

WendyAHS · August 2014

We're clearly on the same page.

I told her that I'll find my own damn make-up artist (obviously with different words) and that I would not be using her hair person either. The wound is still very fresh, though. Although I know I didn't get into a car accident because of her, I was hit by another car when I was pulling into the driveway of the person who will actually be doing my makeup. I know logically it's not her fault, but part of my mind can't resist the urge to say that if she knew her place in the hierarchy, my 2-year-old car would be fine. My wedding is one month away and stress is high, so I just need to vent.

tawillers · August 2014

It was shitty of FMIL to book this person, knowing you wanted her for your bridal party, but your bridesmaids didn't make the appointments. You don't have to cancel YOUR booking with the artist, but your BP is going to have to find someone else.

Is it really that surprising to you that your FMIL booked the same makeup artist as the freaking bride for the wedding day? I mean, is this the first time she's acted like she's the most important? I'm guessing things are mostly all about her, in which case, I'd have stopped telling her specifics about vendors a long time ago.

tawillers · August 2014

Wait. Did FMIL find this makeup artist first and tell you about her after she booked her own appointments?

mrsconn23 · August 2014

tawillers said:

Wait. Did FMIL find this makeup artist first and tell you about her after she booked her own appointments?

That's what I'm understanding from her first follow-up post.

AuntFlo · August 2014

Sounds to me that FMIL tried to do something nice and you're being a bitch about it.

mrsconn23 · August 2014

Look OP, I get that emotions are heightened and the closer you get to zero-hour, the more things are going to get crazy. However, it sounds like MIL and the make-up artist at best have fumbled communication with you and at worst, flat out lied to you. And FMIL is a giant PITA AW on top of that.

Just try to not let it get to you. Weddings have the ability to bring out the worst in people. It totally sucks. I remember some shit my MIL said to me when I was planning my wedding that really pissed me off and sent me into a tailspin of worry about things. Everything turned out OK in the end.

WendyAHS · August 2014

hahaha @tawillers and I love AHS so i'm surprisingly ok with you reading that.

WAH are my initials and S is my fiance's last name lolol

to respond to the questions:

1. of the 3 people who were booked before me, the 3rd is the Best Man's girlfriend. The makeup artist is her aunt. So she recommended her aunt to me as well as everyone in the family, which is why I guess everyone feels entitled to use her.

2. maybe i'm slightly at fault here, but I didn't ask or expect my bridesmaids to make appointments or book the makeup artist. My intention entirely was to find someone we would all use; to have a trial, get a price, confer with bridesmaids, and to let the artist know the total number. Just to be clear the bridesmaids aren't upset or angry - I want them to have the service if they want it.

mrs.conn23 you're nearly right. Here's the order:

Random person #3 recommends makeup artist to me (and apparently everyone else), FMIL booked the make-up artist for her and her people, didn't tell OP, OP booked a trial, tried to book the make-up artist and then found out the FMIL wants the make-up artist wants to prioritize bride, then FMIL, then FMIL's other people, then the BP.

Technically I was told about this artist first, but everyone else was being told about her following that.

WendyAHS · August 2014

OH - last comment (i think) I offered for everyone to get ready at my home so we could share. That'd be the most obvious solution, but FMIL doesn't want to. She said she "doesn't want to be out of her house" for that long the morning of.

WendyAHS · August 2014

@mrs.conn23 i appreciate that. we're w/in the last 30 days and it's just one.more.thing. We generally have a good relationship outside of this and she has been a big help, but the stress sets you off so much more quickly around now.

hmonkey · August 2014

well, now that it's settled --

it's still the bridal party's fault for not actually booking the makeup artist.

hmonkey · August 2014

she already said she knew she was overreacting about the car, so

MOG a guest or wedding party member?

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