• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Invites and Paper

First RSVP with Uninvited Guest

So today we received an RSVP from my FH's cousin who put on her RSVP card 2 will be attending when we only invited her. I just don't understand how guests think this is acceptable! She just started dating this guy 2 weeks ago! So now my FH has to call her and explain to her that only she was extended the invite...

 

Re: First RSVP with Uninvited Guest

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    She started dating him after you sent out the invites?  If so, I would try to make room for him since he is a SO, but I don't think you are required to.  
    If she started dating him before you sent out the invites, then you should have invited him by name, but that ship has sailed.  Just accommodate him.
    image
    holyguacamole79
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    How long ago did you send out the invitations?
  • I sent out invitations about 3 weeks ago. They literally just started dating a week and a half ago... maybe I'm being a bridezilla but we are paying for this wedding ourselves for the most part so we have a strict budget. Idk

     

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Does she consider this person her significant other? If so, he needs to be invited.

    FI's friend got serious with someone after the invites went out. I contacted him and told him that he was absolutely welcome to bring her. It's the right thing to do.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If there's any way you can accommodate the cousin's date, you should. Are you obligated through etiquette to do so? No, but you don't know which dates might become long term relationships. My DD brought a handsome new friend to her college friend's wedding. It was their first date. Now, he's my SIL.
                       
    MobKaz
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If there's any way you can accommodate the cousin's date, you should. Are you obligated through etiquette to do so? No, but you don't know which dates might become long term relationships. My DD brought a handsome new friend to her college friend's wedding. It was their first date. Now, he's my SIL.

    This.  If their relationship didn't begin until after the invitations went out, then strictly speaking you don't need to invite him, but if you can, it's best to do so.  Yes, it can be hard to find room in your budget and your venue space for new relationships, especially if you're on tight budgets and the relationship started after you invited your guest who was still single at the time, so etiquette doesn't require it under those circumstances, but if it's possible for you to do so, it's highly encouraged.
  • mocarski002, I definitely understand why you would be frustrated..it's just one more thing to add to your wedding planning stress, but as PP's have mentioned...if it's possible to do so, just accommodate him....you never know you might be getting an invite to their wedding in the future :)
  • Well after talking to my MIL we are going to accomadate him. She agrees that it was "rude" of her to just assume she has a guest but for the sake of "picking battles" that we should just let him come.

     

    JeeGooDowsterMuppetOverlordkikstizzy
  • This happened to us. We went out of our way to ask every family about SOs and included all of them. But we didn't give single people +1's except for a few (like 3) folks who are coming in from far away and won't know anyone. We have one guest who started seeing someone after we asked about SOs (two or so weeks before we sent the invites) and didn't tell us the change in status until after they recieved their invite. It sucks, but we just couldn't justify giving a +1 to someone in this situation, but not their (three) single siblings. We just can't fit in a +1 for everyone, so we had to draw the line. If when we asked you 2 weeks before we mailed your invite if you had an SO, and you told us no, then that where we draw the line.

    This didn't color our decision, but the (text) request to bring the date was also followed with a "I'd love to have [brand new SO of 3 weeks] meet the family at the wedding!" I mean... our wedding isn't for like 90 days. This person lives in the same city as us and the rest of the family. Have a BBQ. Invite the family out to dinner. If you had done that three weeks ago, this person would have been invited. My wedding is not for your unveiling of a new SO, especially one that didn't exist when I specifically said, "Are you seeing anyone? We're getting ready to mail our invites and would love to include anyone you're seeing." Ugh. People.

    Obsoleteforcekikstizzy
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    This happened to us. We went out of our way to ask every family about SOs and included all of them. But we didn't give single people +1's except for a few (like 3) folks who are coming in from far away and won't know anyone. We have one guest who started seeing someone after we asked about SOs (two or so weeks before we sent the invites) and didn't tell us the change in status until after they recieved their invite. It sucks, but we just couldn't justify giving a +1 to someone in this situation, but not their (three) single siblings. We just can't fit in a +1 for everyone, so we had to draw the line. If when we asked you 2 weeks before we mailed your invite if you had an SO, and you told us no, then that where we draw the line.

    This didn't color our decision, but the (text) request to bring the date was also followed with a "I'd love to have [brand new SO of 3 weeks] meet the family at the wedding!" I mean... our wedding isn't for like 90 days. This person lives in the same city as us and the rest of the family. Have a BBQ. Invite the family out to dinner. If you had done that three weeks ago, this person would have been invited. My wedding is not for your unveiling of a new SO, especially one that didn't exist when I specifically said, "Are you seeing anyone? We're getting ready to mail our invites and would love to include anyone you're seeing." Ugh. People.

    Hold up - your wedding isn't for 3 months?  And you sent your invitations how long ago?  And two weeks before that you asked about SOs?  4+ months before your wedding i way too far out.  If he's already been seeing this person for 3 weeks 3 months before your wedding and is serious enough about her that he wants her to meet his family, then yes, you absolutely do need to invite her. 



    AddieCake
  • Haha. Sorry. No. My wedding is at the end of October. We sent our invites out a few weeks ago. Apparently I'm in denial about how much time I actually have before the big day. Lol. 
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Haha. Sorry. No. My wedding is at the end of October. We sent our invites out a few weeks ago. Apparently I'm in denial about how much time I actually have before the big day. Lol. 
    So you're more than 2 months from your wedding and you sent your invitations a few weeks ago?  How many weeks ago is a few?



    AddieCake
  • FI and I's friend and boss is invited to our wedding. The invite was addressed to him and his wife. He RSVP'd for 6-- him, his wife, and their 4 kids. Ughhhh
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    FI and I's friend and boss is invited to our wedding. The invite was addressed to him and his wife. He RSVP'd for 6-- him, his wife, and their 4 kids. Ughhhh
    Wow.  Having to tell your boss that you can't accommodate his kids can get really sticky.  What are you going to do?
  • Jen4948 said:
    FI and I's friend and boss is invited to our wedding. The invite was addressed to him and his wife. He RSVP'd for 6-- him, his wife, and their 4 kids. Ughhhh
    Wow.  Having to tell your boss that you can't accommodate his kids can get really sticky.  What are you going to do?

    We invited 150 (including a +1 for all our single guests) and have had a ton of declines since we have so many OOTers that can't come. Our numbers, including FI and I, are at 102. So adding the kids isn't really a big deal number wise. Two are under 10, so kids meal prices, and the other two are under 21, so no alcohol. It's an added $100 but it's just easier to let it go, and let them come.
    kikstizzy
  • OP - glad you were able to accommodate the cousin. I don't really think it's rude of him to expect to be able to bring his girlfriend. If you had known about her during the invitation addressing, you would've invited her...so hopefully it's not a big deal. Someone will decline and cancel her out, I'm sure.

    The only demand to invite someone that we got after invites were sent was for MIL's best friend, who we do not like. She tried to be passive aggressive with me and make us invite her daughter. We didn't. She declined. Cool, saved $150!
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Update: Fiance's cousin and boyfriend brokeup. At first they were trying to work things out apparently so we didnt say anything but then we caught wind that things were completely over. My fiance texted her and said she won't be bringing anyone.

     

    Obsoleteforce
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards