MOH asking $$ question

Re: MOH asking $$ question

• Maggie0829 member

  

  August 2014

  You offered to host the shower.  No one else step forward to help so it is on you to pay for it.  Does it suck?  Yes, but there is not much you can do about it now.

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2014

  If someone approaches you and says "I'd love to co-host and share costs with you" then fine. If no one does, you're on your own and its really inappropriate to ask anyone for money.
  
  I'm attending a bachelorette in a couple weeks. The MOH has been pan handling everyone to pay for it. SHE offered to host it but then wants everyone to help her pay for this party. No. Everyone is super annoyed with her and talking about how rude she is. Don't be that MOH.

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• JMalettas member

  

  August 2014

   So, I don't know your exact situation, or the conversations you've specifically had with the MOB, or BMs, but I agree, that if you offered to host it, then you also offered to pay for it. Now, that being said, one of my BMs offered to host my shower. She spoke to the other BMs, MOH, and my parents, and asked their personal budgets. Obviously, everyone's going to have different top budgets, of what they can comfortably afford. Everyone chipped in what they could afford, (not necessarily the "split" amount, to pay for it), and said BM paid the difference. It still helped pay the cost, but that BM, I know for a fact, paid a lot more than everyone else. Maybe this is a route you can take, if you haven't already got a solid "not contributing" answer from everyone? Just an idea!

  
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  August 2014

  What is a shower/engagement party?
  

  

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  August 2014

  You shouldn't have committed to hosting a party based on the assumption that other people would be chipping in. But you did. Scale back the plans to fit your budget.
  

  

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• manateehugger member

  

  August 2014

  Ack! Please don't be THAT MOH. Bridesmaids sign up to spend money on a dress, hotel room, transportation, use up a weekend, etc. They don't sign up to throw tons of parties for a bride. Please don't pressure anyone or invoice anyone. The bride wanted them as bridesmaids because she loves them, not because she wanted them to throw her parties (or one would hope anyway). 

  
  

  If you want to send everyone an email saying, "Here's what I was thinking for Bride's shower. Let me know if you are interested in co-hosting," that's fine. But if no one offers, that's also fine. I've co-hosted only when I've had the time and money to do so. 

  

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• mysticl member

  

  August 2014

  jprincessa said:

  Wow it has been a while since I have been on this site (married 5 years) but I am now MOH for my best friend who recently moved cross country. Her and her fiancé will be returning for a shower/engagement party. Here's my question.... No one is contributing financially. Her mother is not giving me a cent towards this shower and neither are any of her bm.... Am I crazy or is this totally not ok?! They are also not even coming to it. None of them so I'm really on my own here. What is the protocol here?? I've never heard of a mother of the bride not helping at all which is why I asked the bm. I'm so confused how they can all say they can't afford it... NEITHER CAN I! But I made a commitment to my friend and I'll be damned if my friend doesn't get the shower she deserves!!! what would you do???

  How does this confuse you?  It's very simple, they do not have the money to spend on a party.  It doesn't mean they don't have money at all. It means the money they do have is designated for other purposes.  

  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  August 2014

  My recommendation is to now host it as budget-friendly as possible. Host it at your own home, or see if a BM is willing to offer up at least her home if yours isn't large enough.  Host it at a non-meal time. Cake and punch are cheap.  Keep the shower small, to just nearest and dearest- there is no need to have every female guest invited to the wedding also invited to a shower. Decorations are not needed. Alcohol is not needed. 

  
  

  I've hosted two showers in my own home for roughly 10-15 women and spent less than $75, and that's even with deli sandwich fixings and salads and wine.  

  I think it's ok to ask the BM's if they'd like to contribute any home-made food... I mean I can make a banana bread that could be cut into 20 pieces for a whopping $3.  Somehow, being asked to bring a little food goes over much better than asking everyone to chip in $20-$50.  People prefer to spend their own money their way, not just hand over cash and wonder what it goes to.  

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• lurkergirl member

  

  August 2014

  CMGragain said:

  What is a shower/engagement party?
  

  I came to say the same thing. 
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• mysticl member

  

  August 2014

  thisismynickname said:

  My recommendation is to now host it as budget-friendly as possible. Host it at your own home, or see if a BM is willing to offer up at least her home if yours isn't large enough.  Host it at a non-meal time. Cake and punch are cheap.  Keep the shower small, to just nearest and dearest- there is no need to have every female guest invited to the wedding also invited to a shower. Decorations are not needed. Alcohol is not needed. 

  
  

  I've hosted two showers in my own home for roughly 10-15 women and spent less than $75, and that's even with deli sandwich fixings and salads and wine.  

  I think it's ok to ask the BM's if they'd like to contribute any home-made food... I mean I can make a banana bread that could be cut into 20 pieces for a whopping $3.  Somehow, being asked to bring a little food goes over much better than asking everyone to chip in $20-$50.  People prefer to spend their own money their way, not just hand over cash and wonder what it goes to.  

  She said the MOB and BM's aren't planning to attend the shower.  So why would they offer up their homes or prepare food for an event they have already expressed no interest in being a part of?

  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  August 2014

  mysticl said:

  thisismynickname said:

  My recommendation is to now host it as budget-friendly as possible. Host it at your own home, or see if a BM is willing to offer up at least her home if yours isn't large enough.  Host it at a non-meal time. Cake and punch are cheap.  Keep the shower small, to just nearest and dearest- there is no need to have every female guest invited to the wedding also invited to a shower. Decorations are not needed. Alcohol is not needed. 

  
  

  I've hosted two showers in my own home for roughly 10-15 women and spent less than $75, and that's even with deli sandwich fixings and salads and wine.  

  I think it's ok to ask the BM's if they'd like to contribute any home-made food... I mean I can make a banana bread that could be cut into 20 pieces for a whopping $3.  Somehow, being asked to bring a little food goes over much better than asking everyone to chip in $20-$50.  People prefer to spend their own money their way, not just hand over cash and wonder what it goes to.  

  She said the MOB and BM's aren't planning to attend the shower.  So why would they offer up their homes or prepare food for an event they have already expressed no interest in being a part of?

  
  

  Stuck in box... Whoops, reading comprehension fail.  Knotting at work!

  
  

  But overall message applies- this is on you, and it can be very budget friendly. 

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