Broken engagement

StephM161984 · August 2014

So my fiance and I broke up a few weeks ago. I offered him the rings back and he said he wanted me to keep them. I don't want to just get rid of them, would it be terribly wrong to wear it on my right hand? We are still friends btw. Any advice?

CMGragain · August 2014

First, I am so sorry that you are going through this.
My mother had a collection of engagement rings, along with ex-husbands. She kept all the rings. I put one of the larger ones in a fancy mount with sapphires that I found in a pawn shop. I put a smaller one in a pendant. Mother never wore them again, but I enjoy them now.
The pendant is a good use. There is not as much significance to a pendant as with a ring.

StephM161984 · August 2014

Thank you for your kind words. It has been hard. For the most part I'm ok with how things went down since we were able to avoid a serious falling out. He said he wanted me to keep the rings because they were the nicest things he has ever given me.

CMGragain · August 2014

The one that I put in the necklace was from her first WWII fiance. She broke their engagement. (She should have married HIM.) He told her years later that she should give it to me.
The right man is out there looking for you.

bride2b71614 · August 2014

First off, I am so sorry that you are going through this. While I don't think its "wrong" to wear the ring per se, (I don't know the history between you and your ex) but even if the break up was amicable I would feel awkward wearing it as a ring (even if it were on my right hand).

I agree with @CMGragin, you could make it into a necklace or a pendant. That type of jewelry has less significance than a ring, and at least he'll always be close to your heart. Again I am so sorry that you're going through this.

CMGragain · August 2014

julybride2015 said:

Why not sell the ring and buy another piece of jewelry that represents a new beginning? I'm not sure how you are as a person, but I know that I would feel like a literally carrying around the memories and baggage of my ex and the relationship.

Why not? Because you will get less than 50% of retail from any jeweler. He can't pay you more than he pays his suppliers. Take the stone and have it reset. I bargained the price of the 14K gold mountings to offset some of the cost of the new mount when I had mine redone.

lilacck28 · August 2014

I would hold off on significantly altering the ring for a bit, and wearing it as a ring as well (I think I would just cry every time I looked down at it! Or at least, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it with it sitting there on my hand). Just put it away in a drawer and wait till things settle down a bit for you. Then, when your emotions are less all over the place, start looking into designs for a piece of jewelry you want (a necklace, a bracelet, a different ring setting). Or maybe you'll want to keep the ring as is to give to a future child. Or maybe you'll even want to wear it yourself. I agree with PP, though, in that I would probably not be able to wear it as the same ring... ever. Just... give yourself a little time before making big decisions.

blabla89 · August 2014

lilacck28 said:

I would hold off on significantly altering the ring for a bit, and wearing it as a ring as well (I think I would just cry every time I looked down at it! Or at least, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it with it sitting there on my hand). Just put it away in a drawer and wait till things settle down a bit for you. Then, when your emotions are less all over the place, start looking into designs for a piece of jewelry you want (a necklace, a bracelet, a different ring setting). Or maybe you'll want to keep the ring as is to give to a future child. Or maybe you'll even want to wear it yourself. I agree with PP, though, in that I would probably not be able to wear it as the same ring... ever. Just... give yourself a little time before making big decisions.

Agree with this. It's not so much an issue of etiquette or what's appropriate, as it's about what is best for you in the place where you are emotionally. Even if you're feeling fine right now, it may be good to put the ring away for a while and think about what you want to do with it after some time has passed.

mysticl · August 2014

A guy bought his FI an engagement ring. She found and purchased an enhancer she wanted to use as a wedding ring but it needed to be adjusted to fit the engagement ring. She left her engagement ring with the jeweler so they could get the fit right and they soldered the engagement ring and the enhancer together. A few months down the line the guy called of the engagement. She kept the rings. She had the main diamond removed and set in a necklace. She then had her birth stone set in the ring where the diamond had been.

WinstonsGirl · August 2014

I'm sorry to hear this. If he's cool with you keeping them, then feel free to wear them as you please. I agree with PP's in saying maybe wait a bit to change them into other items, if that's your decision. You might change you mind about what you want later.

StephM161984 · August 2014

Thank you all. I absolutely love the ring as I picked it out, but I just wasn't sure if it was bad to wear it on the other hand or not. Right now all 3 rings are in my nightstand drawer.

weddingmuse · August 2014

So sorry you're going through this. Good thoughts going out to you.

When my DDs first engagement was broken, she was able to use the ring as a downpayment for a car. ( A good thing, because he took away the family-owned company car he had "given" her after he blew the engine on her car.)

Use those rings for whatever you want and don't feel guilty about it, the sentiment will fade.

JellyBean52513 · August 2014

After my engagement broke up, he told me to keep the ring. I kept it and wore it on my right hand, because it was pretty and it made a nice "cocktail ring." Truthfully, I think I subconsciously wore it as a reminder that 1. I was once engaged and it didn't work out, and 2. not to settle. The second reminder stems from a LOT of elements of that relationship, including the ring itself.

I never got really emotional, per se, when I wore that ring, but it definitely kept me tied to the past as long as I was willing to put it on my hand and continue having it be a part of my everyday life. When I finally sold it, I appreciated it so much more in the form of several hundred dollars lol and I just didn't feel the desire to wear my ex-engagement ring anymore.

Only you know how you truly feel, and you should do whatever feels right. I wore my ring until I started dating my current SO, and it was after he told me that he felt funny holding my hand while it had my ex-engagement ring on it that I realized it was time to let it go and let go of everything that it stood for in my mind.

Jen4948 · August 2014

I'm very sorry about what happened. If your ex-FI is okay with your keeping the rings, you can have them reset any way you like and can afford (when you think you're ready).

StephM161984 · August 2014

Thank you all for your kind words.

lc07 · August 2014

Just wanted to drop in and give you a *virtual hug*. I'm sorry you're going through this. Do whatever you'd like with the ring.

JoanE2012 · August 2014

StephM161984 said:

So my fiance and I broke up a few weeks ago. I offered him the rings back and he said he wanted me to keep them. I don't want to just get rid of them, would it be terribly wrong to wear it on my right hand? We are still friends btw. Any advice?

Alot of what I did with the rings would depend on circumstances. If he broke up with me, was I trying to hold on to the possibility that maybe we'd get back together? I'd just keep them, but put them in a drawer. Did I break up with him? I'd probably keep in a drawer for awhile and then sell. I don't think I could have a piece of jewelry that was repurposed knowing how it originated.

In neither situation would I ever wear the rings. It is a chapter of my life that no longer existed and I wouldn't want to be reminded of that every time I looked down at my hand. I also think that if it's a really engagement-looking ring and you wore it on the right hand, you may get questions. And even if I knew the story, I wouldn't say anything but I would feel bad for you thinking perhaps you couldn't let go. But that's me. Do what you feel comfortable doing.

Sorry for what you're going through. I'm sure it's a difficult time.

KeptInStitches · August 2014

You've gotten a lot of good advice, so I'm here to offer virtual hugs.

StephM161984 · August 2014

JoanE2012 said:

StephM161984 said:

So my fiance and I broke up a few weeks ago. I offered him the rings back and he said he wanted me to keep them. I don't want to just get rid of them, would it be terribly wrong to wear it on my right hand? We are still friends btw. Any advice?

Alot of what I did with the rings would depend on circumstances. If he broke up with me, was I trying to hold on to the possibility that maybe we'd get back together? I'd just keep them, but put them in a drawer. Did I break up with him? I'd probably keep in a drawer for awhile and then sell. I don't think I could have a piece of jewelry that was repurposed knowing how it originated.

In neither situation would I ever wear the rings. It is a chapter of my life that no longer existed and I wouldn't want to be reminded of that every time I looked down at my hand. I also think that if it's a really engagement-looking ring and you wore it on the right hand, you may get questions. And even if I knew the story, I wouldn't say anything but I would feel bad for you thinking perhaps you couldn't let go. But that's me. Do what you feel comfortable doing.

Sorry for what you're going through. I'm sure it's a difficult time.

Most definitely not. I told him he better be sure of what he wanted because this is the second time we broke up. The first time we weren't engaged and we both put it off to stress of his job and family. But I told him if we broke up this time then that was it, I wasn't going to take him back. So that definitely is not an issue.

lc07 KeptInStitches Thank you both.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · August 2014

StephM161984 said:

Thank you for your kind words. It has been hard. For the most part I'm ok with how things went down since we were able to avoid a serious falling out. He said he wanted me to keep the rings because they were the nicest things he has ever given me.

Awwww...this gave me all the feels.

With that in mind, I don't think I could even wear it on my right hand knowing this guy said that statement. I'd keep it for a while to grieve what I had lost and what could have been, and then sell it. But this is about you and how you feel. I think the PPs gave some really great options. Wearing it as a cocktail ring is fine if you're up for it.

This happened to my friend. She still has the ring. The guy has since gone off, got married, got divorced, and living with his cousin again. Ass. Anyway, my friend is so over it that now it is just a ring. She has no more negative feelings towards it, as it used to symbolize a guy that said "I don't want to get married anymore."

NicRen17 · August 2014

Same thing happened to me. My ex left me just before our wedding with my engagement ring. He never asked for it back and I had previously offered and he denied it. Its only worth 10% of what I paid for my wedding that I only received about a 1000 dollars back from. I planned on selling it at some point but have yet to do so (it was at my mother's house for almost a year and a half untouched). My current SO and I have talked about possibility using the money to put towards a down payment on a new ring for us, which is probably very bad etiquette (actually not quite sure though). Right now it just sits in a jewelry box and untouched and unseen. I am not a jewelry person so buying a new piece like a necklace or ring is not really going to benefit me in anyway so I am kinda torn on what to do with it.

StephM161984 · August 2014

NicRen17, thankfully we hadn't paid much on anything yet. Though we had been engaged 8 months, the wedding wasn't until June next year, so we hadn't paid a lot. I got most of my money back that I put down towards my dress, just have to get ahold of the reception hall people because they have been out of town. The only thing I'm stuck with is the 200 dinner plates, 200 cake plates, and 200 cups, lol.

photokitty · August 2014

JellyBean52513 said...don't settle, I made a tough decision but was better off for it and true love isn't what I had endured...but that was my journey.

I think it is fine if you want to wear it on your right hand. It's just a piece a jewelry. It only has significance if you let it. Otherwise it's just metal and rocks.

GL! Take care of yourself

photokitty · August 2014

NicRen17 said:

Same thing happened to me. My ex left me just before our wedding with my engagement ring. He never asked for it back and I had previously offered and he denied it. Its only worth 10% of what I paid for my wedding that I only received about a 1000 dollars back from. I planned on selling it at some point but have yet to do so (it was at my mother's house for almost a year and a half untouched). My current SO and I have talked about possibility using the money to put towards a down payment on a new ring for us, which is probably very bad etiquette (actually not quite sure though). Right now it just sits in a jewelry box and untouched and unseen. I am not a jewelry person so buying a new piece like a necklace or ring is not really going to benefit me in anyway so I am kinda torn on what to do with it.

I don't think this has anything to do with etiquette. It's just a ring. If you don't think it's bad juujuu to sell it and use for a new erring, then do it. I had offered to do that with my old one but DH declined. To me it's just a piece of jewelry. You will get more money for it on a trade in situation then selling it outright so if you are comfortable doing it I stay go for it. You basically bought the right yourself with all the money you lost. Don't let you old relationship have any control over you, do what's best for you.

GL!!

MegEn1 · August 2014

I would absolutely sell it and use the money toward something I like, something that would help me step out into a new life for myself. A trip or something, or toward a down-payment on a house ... something to help me move on. That'd be the best thing he could give me, in those circumstances.

JellyBean52513 · August 2014

photokitty said:

NicRen17 said:

Same thing happened to me. My ex left me just before our wedding with my engagement ring. He never asked for it back and I had previously offered and he denied it. Its only worth 10% of what I paid for my wedding that I only received about a 1000 dollars back from. I planned on selling it at some point but have yet to do so (it was at my mother's house for almost a year and a half untouched). My current SO and I have talked about possibility using the money to put towards a down payment on a new ring for us, which is probably very bad etiquette (actually not quite sure though). Right now it just sits in a jewelry box and untouched and unseen. I am not a jewelry person so buying a new piece like a necklace or ring is not really going to benefit me in anyway so I am kinda torn on what to do with it.

I don't think this has anything to do with etiquette. It's just a ring. If you don't think it's bad juujuu to sell it and use for a new erring, then do it. I had offered to do that with my old one but DH declined. To me it's just a piece of jewelry. You will get more money for it on a trade in situation then selling it outright so if you are comfortable doing it I stay go for it. You basically bought the right yourself with all the money you lost. Don't let you old relationship have any control over you, do what's best for you. GL!!

My SO was with me the day that I sold my ring to a jewelry store, and naturally the owner of the store was trying to convince us that we'd get much more value from it if we traded it in for a new ring, plus he'd give us an additional percentage off the price of the new ring. While I personally didn't care, I wasn't leaving that store with my old ring either way, my SO was like "no freaking way are you wearing a ring that your ex-FI essentially helped me pay for." I appreciated his wanting to gift me a ring that was entirely his choosing/purchasing, so I walked out with cash instead lol

slothiegal · August 2014

Sounds like PPs have given some pretty good suggestions, just wanted to offer some support and love to you during this shitty time. *hugs*

As for the cups and plates, I say you save them and we'll throw a Knottie party!

photokitty · August 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

photokitty said:

NicRen17 said:

Same thing happened to me. My ex left me just before our wedding with my engagement ring. He never asked for it back and I had previously offered and he denied it. Its only worth 10% of what I paid for my wedding that I only received about a 1000 dollars back from. I planned on selling it at some point but have yet to do so (it was at my mother's house for almost a year and a half untouched). My current SO and I have talked about possibility using the money to put towards a down payment on a new ring for us, which is probably very bad etiquette (actually not quite sure though). Right now it just sits in a jewelry box and untouched and unseen. I am not a jewelry person so buying a new piece like a necklace or ring is not really going to benefit me in anyway so I am kinda torn on what to do with it.

I don't think this has anything to do with etiquette. It's just a ring. If you don't think it's bad juujuu to sell it and use for a new erring, then do it. I had offered to do that with my old one but DH declined. To me it's just a piece of jewelry. You will get more money for it on a trade in situation then selling it outright so if you are comfortable doing it I stay go for it. You basically bought the right yourself with all the money you lost. Don't let you old relationship have any control over you, do what's best for you. GL!!

My SO was with me the day that I sold my ring to a jewelry store, and naturally the owner of the store was trying to convince us that we'd get much more value from it if we traded it in for a new ring, plus he'd give us an additional percentage off the price of the new ring. While I personally didn't care, I wasn't leaving that store with my old ring either way, my SO was like "no freaking way are you wearing a ring that your ex-FI essentially helped me pay for." I appreciated his wanting to gift me a ring that was entirely his choosing/purchasing, so I walked out with cash instead lol

That's what DH said as well, but as practical as I am and with his financial situation before I reined him in and got him on a budget I wish he would have taken me up on it. But I kept my first ring - I couldn't get half of why it's worth and he doesn't mind me wearing it. I don't currently bc I don't want to pay the insurance on both :-p so it's sitting in the safety deposit box for now. I figure I'll pass it on to my son or grandson so it can have a love story in addition to its story of perseverance :-)

PhoneCardLady · August 2014

I don't know the whole story but my paternal grandmother had the engagement ring someone had given to her but didn't marry. She carried it in her purse along with a part of the original receipt. It was bought for $75 in 1920. Either my uncle or three aunts wanted it so my dad gave it to me. Mom wanted to put it up and have me reset it (I was 15 at the time) and my dad said no, she can do with it what she wants. I still have it - need to have it appraised and possibly certified.

I insisted that my engagement ring be certified (EGL) and I would have that.

Broken engagement

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