Chit Chat

Need a hug

InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
I just got back our shower photos, and I feel like an enormous whale cow. All I can see is fat, fat, fat. We're a month away from the wedding and there's no way I can lose enough weight by then to be thin, but I'm so afraid that we've spent $1200 on photographs that I'm going to ruin with my horrible fat face.
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Re: Need a hug

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    I get it. We've all felt that way at one time or another. That doesn't make it true! And you get all of the hugs.
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    Inkdancer
  • Totally been there.  
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    Inkdancer
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Awww, sorry to hear you feel this way!  I agree w/ PP, we're our own worst critic.  I bet they're beautiful photos!

    That said, did you have your hair and makeup done professionally?  That is a real confidence booster and can do wonders.  I always HATE having my picture taken, but on the day of the wedding, with hair and makeup professionally done, sparkly jewelry and a gorgeous dress.....I felt like a million bucks.  I LOVED having my picture taken and I LOVED just about all of my photos!  I have a good feeling you will feel the same way.
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @JoanE2012 I didn't get pro hair and makeup for my shower. It would take a darn good makeup artist to erase my double chin. But I do think my hair stylist is going to do an excellent job.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    This is us at the shower. image
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    paperpusher
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Inkdancer said:
    @JoanE2012 I didn't get pro hair and makeup for my shower. It would take a darn good makeup artist to erase my double chin. But I do think my hair stylist is going to do an excellent job.
    Don't worry, makeup artists aren't meant to erase double chins.  They are there to make you look the best version of yourself and play up features that you DO like or that flatter you.  If you aren't doing it, I strongly suggest getting one.  It was seriously one of the best things I did.  I had some anxiety leading up to the wedding because of my dread of the photos.

    Oh, and FWIW, I think your photo is beautiful!  You are being way too hard on yourself.
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Thin does not necessarily equal beauty.  Curvy, natural women are hot as hell.
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    steph861NYCMercedeswandajune6KeptInStitches
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    doeydo said:
    Thin does not necessarily equal beauty.  Curvy, natural women are hot as hell.
    The weird thing is, I know that. I love the curvy look. Just... not on myself. I think something is wrong with my brain.
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I feel you. *hugs* I keep looking in the mirror checking to see if I'm skinnier each day. HAH. Photography is all about angles, too. If you've hired a good pro, feel free to let them know about what makes you subconscious. For one, shooting "down angles" at people remove the double chin usually. Also, there are going to be seventy billion other pictures from your wedding day that show how fun everything is and how happy you are and decor, and other people, and wide shots of the ceremony where you are little in comparison to the whole frame etc. There will be a wide variety.
    Inkdancer
  • Inkdancer said:
    doeydo said:
    Thin does not necessarily equal beauty.  Curvy, natural women are hot as hell.
    The weird thing is, I know that. I love the curvy look. Just... not on myself. I think something is wrong with my brain.
    No there is not.  You know it on an intellectual level.  When you look at pictures of yourself you react on an emotional level.  
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    Inkdancersteph861
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm not seeing the problem. You look beautiful.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Inkdancer
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh and don't you dare spend a second feeling self conscious on your wedding day. Happy, amazing, marrying the love of your life feelings ONLY.

    Also, IMO the most beautiful pictures of people are those in which people look genuinely happy.
    Inkdancerlyndausvi
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks ladies. You are the best.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2014
     a thin bride does not make you  a beautiful bride

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    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lc07Inkdancer
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Stop being down on yourself! Internet hugs and hopes you squash those negative thoughts!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Inkdancer
  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Doll, that picture is gorgeous. 

    Pic that I hate from my e-pics:

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    I have that great big ol' roll. My shorts were too big standing up, but in that picture it looks like they're seven sizes too small. I've got icky nasty places on my face. Check out that double chin. And the JOWLS. Also please note the curling commencing at the roots of my head, due to the fact that I'm a fat-ass, we did a lot of walking, and it was super muggy that day.

    All of my sitting-down pictures are like that. Some of my standing-up pictures are like that. And I am not so happy about it now.

    But you know what? I am happy in that picture. I was happy taking all of those pictures, and it shows.

    We are all our worst critics. You're gorgeous, love. Squash those thoughts and have a hug.

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    Inkdancer
  • Honey. Stop it. Right now this second.

    First, know what's the first thing I see in that picture? A man who's SO PROUD to be standing next to you. It's beaming off his face how happy he is to be marrying you, exactly the way you are. And I see blissful excitement from you, reflecting all the love you've just been shown by your friends and family. What's more beautiful than that?!

    Second, go download "All About That Bass" and dance around the house til you feel better. That's an order.

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    levioosaInkdancer
  • My friend's wedding anniversary was this past week and she posted a wedding photo. As I enlarged the picture (mostly looking at her dress because she made a comment about how similar mine is to hers) I noticed the arms, back fat, etc., etc....something I didn't notice at the wedding (we were BFFs and I was the MOH). I started freaking out about myself and scrolled through more pictures and started noticing it less and less, as I was focused on her beauty and memories of the night.

    You will be your own worst critic! Don't worry about the negative and focus on the positive. You and your FI are getting married!!!!! - and you're doing so because you love each other.

    P.S. I think your picture is amazing! :)

    Inkdancer
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hugs. I see happy people, too.
    Inkdancer
  • You are right, there is something wrong with your brain :) None of us are society's idea of beauty. I work in advertising. We're helping to launch this new nightwear line: http://miapiuma.com/

    You see that girl? How perfect and beautiful she is? By all accounts of people there at the photo shoot she was absolutely tiny! The designer, who is a very slender woman, will NOT share the photo she took with her because she said she feels like a giant next to her. 

    You do not want to know the level of touch ups we did to those photos. There is an entire wall of photos of this beautiful, skinny girl with red marker outlining all of her "imperfections" that need to be fixed.

    It is disgusting. I was absolutely disgusted by how the creatives critiqued this poor girl and smoothed her "belly" and arms and what not. 

    When the most beautiful people in the world need photoshopping to be to society's standard- then none of us have a chance. So you might as well put on your brightest smile and enjoy your big day. 
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    Inkdancer
  • SBmini said:
    You are right, there is something wrong with your brain :) None of us are society's idea of beauty. I work in advertising. We're helping to launch this new nightwear line: http://miapiuma.com/

    You see that girl? How perfect and beautiful she is? By all accounts of people there at the photo shoot she was absolutely tiny! The designer, who is a very slender woman, will NOT share the photo she took with her because she said she feels like a giant next to her. 

    You do not want to know the level of touch ups we did to those photos. There is an entire wall of photos of this beautiful, skinny girl with red marker outlining all of her "imperfections" that need to be fixed.

    It is disgusting. I was absolutely disgusted by how the creatives critiqued this poor girl and smoothed her "belly" and arms and what not. 

    When the most beautiful people in the world need photoshopping to be to society's standard- then none of us have a chance. So you might as well put on your brightest smile and enjoy your big day. 
    I remember reading something that said Cindy Crawford doesn't even look like Cindy Crawford.  
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    Inkdancer
  • As a fellow plus-sized woman - I also struggle with seeing myself in photos. I go to these happy events, have fun, then see pictures of myself later and am disappointed in what I see. I was talking to a friend of mine about this later and she sent me this link:



    I know not everyone will love or share this viewpoint - but it kinda helped me to see 'past my fat' if you will. I try to remind myself of this when I'm being overly critical of myself in photos. 


    Also - you look beautiful and happy in your shower photo. 
                                    Daisypath Wedding tickers


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    Inkdancer
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're gonna look awesome at your wedding, and your FI is going to be so pumped to see you coming down the aisle.  Don't stress and know you're gonna be hot in your dress.  

    And I can tell you from a "thinner" girl's perspective, I've got a double chin too, and I think I'm considered thin (5'6", 130lbs).  I don't have a strong jaw line, therefore unless I jut my chin out I have a double chin too.  Anyway, I feel your pain about being self conscious about it.  I'm forever sticking my chin out for photos.  Love yourself and everyone will love you too
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    Inkdancer
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    Repeat after me: I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.

    I've had body image issues my whole life.  I was anorexic when I was a teenager/early 20's and it took a lot for me to break out of that.   It's also created even more issues with losing weight now because my body was starved for nutrients for so long that it hoards what it does get.   My last birth control made me gain 40 pounds, and it's been emotionally really hard on me.  When I look in the mirror, I usually hate what I see.  It's very much a mental battle, and I have to remind myself that what I am seeing is a lie, that I am worthy, beautiful, and loved. 

    The same goes for you.  You are beautiful.  You are worthy.  You are loved.  Tell that hurtful, negative little voice to go shove it before we knotties kick its ass.  

    ETA: You look wonderful in your picture.  Also, your FI's face is totally like, "Hell yeah I'm with this woman!  Be jealous!"  lol


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    Inkdancer
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm a big girl. Our e-pics made me sob. My shower is Sunday and I've wasted endless time worrying about finding a dress that won't make me hideous in pictures.

    Know what I thought when I saw your picture? That you look great and I want your dress!

    I'll be thrilled if I look half as good in my pictures. If I don't, screw it- and least FI thinks I'm hot. And that's pretty great.
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    Inkdancer
  • Girl, you look beautiful and you're rocking that dress! I love it and the shoes! Your happiness shines through in both of you - you both look great and look great together. Future pics will be even better; get out of your own head and be in the moment (easier said than done, I know...) and your pics will be fantastic.

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    Inkdancer
  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
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    Here are some sweet kitty hugs for you.  Also, you are fucking beautiful.  Ditto lolo that your FI is clearly proud to be marrying you.  I know it's easier said than done, but don't listen to that negative inner voice you're having! 




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    Inkdancer
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