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Is it common to stress when you plan a wedding? Not the fairy tale I thought as a kid.

Hello Knotties, 

Need some positive inspiration. I didn't think it was going to be this stressful planning a small wedding for 100 for next May. We have a very tight budget. I feel like it’s allot more researching and trying to be creative to try to keep cost down. The back and forth with vendors and not returning calls or just giving me the runaround. The guest list who not to invite to keep it small. The ceremony place I thought I had but now turns out I don’t. So I have to find another inexpensive place within our budget. I finally got the venue but I’m worried about it being too small. The honeymoon free tickets we got are not available to the place we want to go to. We have to find a plan b. My wedding not till May. My honey asked me if we should elope so it’s less stress on me. But I’m thinking crap after I did all this research for the last three months to find a resources to start all over. His help is very limited, he really leaving it to me to plan.

How do you all handle the planning? Should I let everything fell in place and not worry so much? How do you try to make everyone happy? What if my day is a fail? Whats your story?

Re: Is it common to stress when you plan a wedding? Not the fairy tale I thought as a kid.

  • Yep, it can be really stressful, especially if you're on a budget. But don't worry about making everyone happy. As long as you host your guests properly (food appropriate to the time of day, chairs, reasonably comfortable climate), they'll be fine. Likewise, as long as you get married, your day will not  be a failure. Your guests want to watch you get married and celebrate with you. That's it.

    Perhaps you'd feel better if you planned something more simple. Like rent your local VFW or community hall for a low-key lunch or cake and punch reception. That'll keep the costs down and the focus on your community. A lot of that other stuff, like carving stations or fancy flowers or whatever, isn't necessary.
  • rooz103rooz103 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    I think all TK advice for de-stressing starts "step 1: have a glass of wine", which cracks me up since I'd take a 16oz white mocha americano over a zin any day, but it's probably a good idea to take a step back and take a sip of whatever it is you prefer.

     Your wedding isn't until May, and there's plenty of time to plan and budget before then. It's sounds like you're tackling the big stuff already and handling it pretty well. After the guest list, venue, budget and future husband, you only have a couple other important things and then it's all just details. Keeping things in perspective helps a lot when I'm starting to stress about planning. As long as I am hosting people properly and marrying my FI, everything else is just a nice bonus. You won't make everyone happy, nor should you try, but you do the best you can and then let it go. No one will notice if you don't have a champagne fountain, and aside from being brutally rude to your guests, there's no such thing as a wedding day fail. Once you start putting things into perspective, most of the mountains turn back into molehills. 

     After you've had a breather, next is to take stock of what's important to you and your FI, then get him on board to help you. It's his day too and he has an obligation to help carry the load of planning. edit: paragraphs were there, I promise.
    plainjane0415
  • Take your time and focus on 1 thing at a time.   I was pretty easy going for most of the process.  it got a little stressful at the end, because I put a lot off but it all came together and turned out perfectly.   
    [Deleted User]Car2992
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yup, wedding planning can be stressful. 

    I wanted to plan a wedding with the least amount of stress possible. We set our budget and picked out a venue. I specifically wanted a one-stop venue. Our ceremony and reception are there. It's a resort too, so we're staying there and most of our guests are too. My venue is providing everything, including the wedding cake. That cut down on the amount of stress I had. 

    I decided I didn't want flowers. One less things to worry about. 

    I picked out my photographer and DJ right away. 

    We have a very small bridal party. Just a MOH and BM. Again, less stress. 

    My FI has been extremely helpful. He stuffed envelopes with me. He helped me make the centerpieces. 

    You're not going to be able to please everyone. Just make sure you're properly hosting your guests and you'll be fine. 

    lavasca
  • I think I am one of the only ones not stressing.

    1st -- you cant please everyone!! so as long as you remember that you will be fine!

    have your ceremony and reception in the same place. cuts cost a lot! find vendors just starting out but that have done a wedding once or twice. have easy cheap food (pasta, tacos, stuff like that) you will be just fine!

    lavasca
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    One piece of advice I would give is to spend the money on the things that are important to you.  If stellar photos are what is important to you, spend the money on an awesome photographer, and have lighter foods at the reception.  If you really want an awesome band at the reception, and don't care too much about having a huge cake, have a small 2 tier cake with sheet cakes in the kitchen to cut for guests.  If you can sit down with your FI and decide which parts of the wedding matter most to the both of you, that will help with budget planning and also help alleviate stress from planning.  That's how my FI are handling all of the wedding planning stress and it seems to be working well!

    image
  • I'd add when it comes to budget it helped me to have an overall budget and a "monthly" budget.  The big stuff- venue, caterer, photographer, DJ, dress we had in the big budget and they were all planned.  Then I had a monthly budget for all the "details" that I wanted to add... so each month I could get things for the centerpieces, gifts, chair bows, cupcakes, invitations, etc...etc... It kept me on track and made it feel like less.  Then if I saved a little on one thing (got an awesome deal on my flowers) I could splurge a little more for something else... like having the addresses printed on the invitations for me (SOOOO worth it btw). We still had a budget but it felt easier to control. I also used the TK checklist and budget tools to check in... and a spreadsheet. 

    Also... don't forget to enjoy it.  My wedding is in 2 weeks and being a Bride to Be has been so much fun.  I've enjoyed working on the DIY stuff I chose and "playing" with my MOH while we did all kinds of things.  We've even offered to help my SIL-to-be with her wedding because we've had so much fun.  

    We laugh at our disasters and keep going.  We've also laughed together at some of the drama that has popped up (one guest self invited a baby sitter because she thought she was entitled to a +1).  I think that has also been key.  Make fun of yourself and laugh. A LOT.  When I felt overweight in wedding dresses (I've lost 45 pounds since then!) I referred to that dress as the Stay Puft Marshmallow dress.  The dress I finally picked (which I LOVE) we refer to as the comforter dress.  I love it... but the back does look like a down comforter I used to have.  We joked about putting the ring bearer pillows on it for a picture.  

    Yes, there was still stress... but I guess the big thing is letting it go. Identify it and find a way to release it (glass of wine as mentioned by PP or just put it down and walk away a few days)  And if it stresses you out too much... yeah... do something else. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    jules3964
  • Oh...and by do something else I don't mean don't get married or have a wedding... I just mean for whatever is stressing you out.  Venue- pick another one, wedding idea- elope, food costs- change type and time, etc
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    We planned in about a year. We started with getting the important things done first. Venue, caterer, photographer, dress. Then we took a break from wedding planning for a few months. It really helped with the stress. 

    We took some time to really think about what was important to us. I started to take out a lot of the details. We didn't need to have a separate ceremony venue when we could do it at the reception venue. 

    It also helped to ask our vendors a bunch of the questions we had. I stressed about budget tablecloths for months. Turns out I could rent them from the caterer for $2.00 per tablecloth. They would set them up and take them down. Problem solved. 

    If wedding planning is stressing you out. Take a break. It doesn't all have to be done at once. You have time. Also, ask your FI for help. 
    Anniversary

    image
    lavasca
  • I've had so many wedding meltdowns, you have no idea, most of them involved me crying to FI, "I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE ELOPED ALSO I HATE EVERYONE EVER." There were also weeks here and there where wedding stuff was completely banned. No talking about it, no thinking about it, no working on it. That always helped refresh me. Now we finally have all of our vendors booked and it's sooooo much less stressful. You'll get through it and your wedding will be beautiful. And as long as you aren't putting yourself in massive debt, you'll forget about the cost once it's all over. You just have to make a decision (I am having a wedding, I am going to spend $X) and commit. You'll be out of the weeds before you know it.
  • I am planning an elopement, and it's stressful! Lol. Granted my timeframe is much shorter. Engagement to wedding date 120 days. Elopement for 2 people and 2 witnesses is now a party of 13. Quick sign the papers is now a hired officiant and venue. I came to this thread because I had a particularly stressful day with venues. I contacted a couple of venues, and the first one replied with a price $1,500.00 over their booking site's quote. Ridiculous and needless to say I passed quickly, but the guy was rude. Then our #1 venue looked like a go, but the officiant said we can't do marriage license by proxy there. It's a destination wedding/elopement, so we had to figure out how to take more time off work to fly up and get marriage licenses within the same month, because the days prior are out of the question. Once we figured out how to make that happen the venue says we have too many people and they wish me luck finding a place to accommodate my needs. Noooooo... I was so saddened. Sad I'd have to start the work all over again, but even more so because I had started to envision our day at this location. I can picture it being perfect, it's my first choice. After a bit of pity we decided we would lower our guest totals to fit the venue and the extra 3 people would have to stay offsite and just come for the short 30 minute ceremony. Then a miracle! The venue called back and offered to allow an exception for a fee! Back on board with the dreaming! What a roller coaster of a day... Now I'm waiting patiently for the contract and to send the venue money so it's a done deal and I will have one less thing to stress over. I had no idea people could be so rude when in the service/hospitality industry, especially when you mention such a happy even such as a wedding! Every other vendor I've been in contact with has said Congratulations in the very first line even if their services didn't fit my needs. I don't drink wine, so I'm thinking I need to get in mandatory yoga time everyday until this is done.
  • I am pro yoga during engagement! We haven't been engaged that long it this is overwhelming. I wish more checklists would mention more than name change procedures for this life event. There is financial co-mingling, pre-nuptials, insurance, how to choose whether to keep separate health plans or join them. I have some very loving friends who are reminding me of this stuff and I could not be more thankful. It might be covered in The Nest but I wish it were covered here.
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