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What's the statute of limitations on TY notes?

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
If it's poor etiquette, it's already been done.  But I just sent an email to my aunt requesting my cousin's email address so (and I mentioned this in my email to my aunt) I can ask my cousin if she received my gift.  I shipped her a gift in June.  She probably waited to open it until her shower on July 5th.  Her wedding was August 2nd.  I still haven't gotten a Thank You card.

It's happened before where I never asked the gift was received and now I wonder if my friend got the towels I bought her last summer because it's so unlike her to NOT send a TY note.  So, I don't want to wait too long for this one, but wonder how long I should give my cousin before I ask directly.
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Re: What's the statute of limitations on TY notes?

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would email her once you get the email address. It is quite possible that she has not received the gift especially if she is out of state. Better to be safe than sorry.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If it was a wedding gift, they may have thought they needed to wait until after the wedding/their honeymoon to open it. (Lurkers - you should always open gifts and write TY cards right away.)

    It sounds like you shipped the gift. Why don't you just check the tracking to find out if it was delivered/received? If the tracking number says they received it but you think, for some reason, that they didn't - then sure go ahead and follow up. 

    But if you don't really have a reason to believe they didn't receive it and you're just anxious for a TY note, then I don't really think it's appropriate to say something like "Did you get my gift? I didn't know because you didn't send a TY note..." Is it rude to not send TY notes? Absolutely. But IMO, it's also pretty rude to be passive aggressive about calling them out. 
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2014
    scribe95 said: I wouldn't worry about it, frankly. It's just going to sound like you are chastising her for not doing her thank you notes quick enough and it really has only been a few weeks since the wedding.

    While that's true, gifts received     before the wedding should receive a thank you note right away. Otherwise, you end up with this exact situation (the OP not knowing if she received it).
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The gift was shipped to the invisible address attached to the registry, which I believe was her mother's house (she is a recent college graduate moving out of state after the wedding).  Her mother's house was the location of the shower.  I shipped the gift prior to the shower in order to be a shower gift.  The UPS/FedEx tracking said it was delivered, but doesn't say whether it was signed for or just left on the front stoop.  So, while I know it was delivered, I didn't know if it was received.  Note to Lurkers: If I had received a TY note confirmation that she had received my shower gift, I probably would have sent her an additional gift for the wedding.

    The response to my email to my aunt requesting my cousin's email address was, "It arrived - you sent dishes, right?
    She has pile of THANK YOU card
    ready to go out in mail today..."  It took a second email sent immediately after the first for my aunt to answer my question and send me my cousin's email address.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Sigh.  Just got this email from my aunt, "checked
    your thank you is in pile to be mailed"
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    I see nothing wrong with following up to make sure a gift was received.

    The statute of limitations on thank you notes is - the sooner, the better. And better late than never.

                       
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I hate when people say its "passive aggressive" to ask. What if people do NOT get the gift.

    Here is a true example:

    My SIL thought she had bought us a shower gift (she was out of state and could not attend shower). A month or so passed and she emailed and said "did you get the gift I sent?". I actually had NOT received it, so I let her now that I never got it. It turns out, she went to buy it online, got sidetracked and never hit "submit" so she had actually never ordered it. Had she not asked (and subsequently looked into it herself), she would have FOREVER thought I was the rude bride who had not thanked her.

    Sometimes, it DOES help to ask.


    I also had an occasion where someone sent me something and it was sitting in our apt office for months because UPS didn't leave a note on my door saying it was in the office. Finally, after months of sitting there without me having a clue, the office called me and asked me to pick it up. I felt TERRIBLE because I had looked ungrateful. I had no idea that a package was being shipped to me, so I had no idea to even "look for it". The person never asked if I had received it (probablly because they didn't want to look "rude".) I instantly called them and thanked them and apologized deeply for that happening.

    Moral of story, it never hurts to ASK if someone received something if you are in doubt
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    adk19 said:
    The gift was shipped to the invisible address attached to the registry, which I believe was her mother's house (she is a recent college graduate moving out of state after the wedding).  Her mother's house was the location of the shower.  I shipped the gift prior to the shower in order to be a shower gift.  The UPS/FedEx tracking said it was delivered, but doesn't say whether it was signed for or just left on the front stoop.  So, while I know it was delivered, I didn't know if it was received.  Note to Lurkers: If I had received a TY note confirmation that she had received my shower gift, I probably would have sent her an additional gift for the wedding.

    The response to my email to my aunt requesting my cousin's email address was, "It arrived - you sent dishes, right?
    She has pile of THANK YOU card
    ready to go out in mail today..."  It took a second email sent immediately after the first for my aunt to answer my question and send me my cousin's email address.
    I think your cousin should have sent her thank yous after the shower, and before her wedding, but she clearly didn't. However, you seem really annoyed at your aunt and cousin (with the sigh below).

    She got your gift, and is sending you a thank you note. So what is the problem?
    adk19 said:
    Sigh.  Just got this email from my aunt, "checked
    your thank you is in pile to be mailed"

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    huskypuppy14 said:
    adk19 said:
    The gift was shipped to the invisible address attached to the registry, which I believe was her mother's house (she is a recent college graduate moving out of state after the wedding).  Her mother's house was the location of the shower.  I shipped the gift prior to the shower in order to be a shower gift.  The UPS/FedEx tracking said it was delivered, but doesn't say whether it was signed for or just left on the front stoop.  So, while I know it was delivered, I didn't know if it was received.  Note to Lurkers: If I had received a TY note confirmation that she had received my shower gift, I probably would have sent her an additional gift for the wedding.

    The response to my email to my aunt requesting my cousin's email address was, "It arrived - you sent dishes, right?
    She has pile of THANK YOU card
    ready to go out in mail today..."  It took a second email sent immediately after the first for my aunt to answer my question and send me my cousin's email address.
    I think your cousin should have sent her thank yous after the shower, and before her wedding, but she clearly didn't. However, you seem really annoyed at your aunt and cousin (with the sigh below).

    She got your gift, and is sending you a thank you note. So what is the problem?
    adk19 said:
    Sigh.  Just got this email from my aunt, "checked
    your thank you is in pile to be mailed"

    I think the problem is that she asked for the email address and the aunt is not giving that to her.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, I do find my aunt incredibly annoying, so that may indeed be coming through in my posts.  I also kinda hate that she's doing the legwork for her daughter.  I asked for my cousin's email address, my aunt searches through the "Pile" of TY cards to discover that mine is in there.  I mean, it's nice to know that my gift didn't get lost or broken or stolen, but I only emailed her to get my cousin's email address because my aunt is the only email address I have for that branch of relatives.
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