How to Include a new Family Member?

Re: How to Include a new Family Member?

• manateehugger member

  

  August 2014

  aliblairbear said:

  My cousin and his wife have recently taken in a teenage girl. She has not had a good home life but her biological father will not let them legally adopt her but she lives with them and their two younger children as if she has been adopted by them. Their younger girls I plan to have as flower girls and I'd love to include the teenager they taken in in the wedding somehow. My mom suggested having her as a Jr. Bridesmaid but I'm not sure that's the right term (if there is one) because I've only met her once or twice and do not plan to include her in all the preparation things that a usual bridesmaid would be included in. My mom suggested I have her walk down the aisle with the flower girls which I think is a fun idea but I'm not sure what her role is exactly or how to title it. I'm probably over thinking this but if anyone has suggestions on how to include her, I'd be more than open to hearing them! Thanks!
  

  I would not have her as a bridesmaid (jr. bridesmaids do the same thing as bridesmaids) since you do not know her. That would be awkward for her, and I imagine she'd rather spend the morning before your wedding with your cousin and the rest of her new family. I don't know - then it feels like you're including her as a pity bridesmaid because of her yucky past. 

  
  

  If you really want to involve her, I think you could just ask if she'd like to be involved and if so, would she want to walk with her adopted sisters or do something else? But really, I wouldn't push too hard to include her if she's not feeling it. You could get her flowers (though I wouldn't do this if you had other teenage family members in attendance who weren't getting flowers) and include her in family photos regardless though.

  

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• danamw member

  

  August 2014

  I think she would be overjoyed to be included as a guest with her new family, at a wedding attended by all.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2014

  I think she'll be excited to be included as a guest. I don't think, as a teenager, she's going to feel left out because the two little girls are flower girls.

  
  

  If you do want to include her, you could ask her to be a BM, a reader, an usher... If you just want her to be an honorary guest, just give her a corsage, a reserved seat at the ceremony and a good seat at the reception.

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• aliblairbear member

  

  August 2014

  Thanks for all the suggestions everyone! They've helped a lot
  

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• lessonlearnedinmay member

  

  August 2014

  I would ask her if she would like to have the special role, such as reader or passing out poppers (or bubbles or whatever you may be using for entrance/exit) without any pressure and letting her know you would like to include her but only if she wants to. That way she knows she is welcome to be included but doesn't feel pressured.

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• chasseuse member

  

  August 2014

  lessonlearnedinmay said:

  I would ask her if she would like to have the special role, such as reader or passing out poppers (or bubbles or whatever you may be using for entrance/exit) without any pressure and letting her know you would like to include her but only if she wants to. That way she knows she is welcome to be included but doesn't feel pressured.

  
  To the bolded: this may backfire. Some people see handing things out as a job and not an honor. As the newest member of the family, she may see it as being good enough to work but not good enough for the fun stuff. Frankly, I'd hate to pass things out to other guests.

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