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is venting allowed?

I went to my aunt's house on Saturday for a cookout (my uncle was in town from Cali for the first time in seven years!). My older sister and younger brother were both there and we got onto the topic of work. My brother (who cleans and maintains pools) was saying that although he is paid well, he can't stand being outside all day (we live in FL where it is VERY hot and humid). I said that he should come to work with me (in a call center at a bank). I went on to say that he would be starting as a temp, where the pay and benefits are very good, but the work is really boring/repetitive. He asked how much I got paid, so I said "as a temp I made about $13.50 an hour, plus benefits, but once I was hired full-time, I got a raise of about $3 per hour, better benefits, and paid days off." He was really excited and said he would send in his resume.
Then, my older sister (who was silent for the whole conversation) started scoffing at me because I was saying that I couldn't wait for my next raise because then I would be eligible to work a part-time schedule, but still earn enough to pay my bills. She got agitated and said I was being ungrateful for the good wage I earn. She then told the group that she gets paid about half of what I earn. But here's the thing: she is working her DREAM JOB as a cake decorator at a local shop. She only works weekends, too, so she can spend more time with her daughter, and her boyfriend is a nurse, so he earns enough for her to be able to bring in so little money. 
In addition to that, she started trying to make me feel bad for being "such a consumer and corporate puppet" for wanting nice/new things. For instance: I recently bought a new phone (LG G3), but I didn't like it, so after a week I got a different phone (Samsung Galaxy S5, which is amazing and I would recommend it to everyone!). She said "well I've had the same crappy phone for two years and the front camera is broken and the screen is cracked and you don't see me complaining." So then, later in the day, my BF and I were talking about Christmas and what we wanted, and I said I wouldn't mind a new TV (since mine is an old box tv with color spots on it). My sister loudly proclaimed "We don't even OWN a TV and we don't want one." I said "wow, I don't know how I'd live without mine and netflix!" She rolled her eyes and mumbled something about me being brainwashed by the system???
I love my sister, and I'm proud that she has found a career and a lifestyle that she is comfortable with, but it annoys me that she judges me so harshly for mine. Is it wrong for me to want to make good money? Is it wrong of me to want nice things??? Ugh!! 
(thank you for letting me rant. any comments are welcome)

Re: is venting allowed?

  • edited August 2014
    Honestly, it sounds like she's jealous of what you earn.  She just HAD to mention that she doesn't own a tv?  Or that she's had a broken phone for two years?  I doubt if someone offered her a free television with cable, or a free new phone, she'd say no.  It's not a moral superiority thing...it's a "I'm jealous of what you have" thing.

    Seems like she's just bitter that you can afford more than she can.  That's sad.

    My brother regularly makes comments about how important his job is, and how much money he makes.  Well, DH and my combined salary is less than half of my brother's insane salary.  Yet we have savings, a house fund, and a 401k.  My brother, conversely, is up to his ears in debt, and despite living in a fancy building and driving a Mercedes, is broke.  He's all about the image of being well-off.

    It's an insecurity thing.  Does it make me roll my eyes when he makes comments about either DH or my salary?  Of course.  But I ignore it.  I'm secure in my financial situation.  And I'm secure in who I am and what I have.  I won't sink down to that level.
  • I agree with @loves2shop4shoes Your sister sounds jealous and insecure. You guys have different priorities...you like having new things and she chooses to work where she works, keep a broken phone, and not have cable. It sounds like she is going for a moral superiority thing...like hah...look at me, I live without cable and a camera phone and blah blah blah. I'm sorry she gave you such a hard time. It sounds like you handled it well. Try not to let it get under your skin and just brush off her comments.



  • Some people are really just like that. It doesn't mean that her comments are okay, or that they're not hurtful. It's not wrong for you to want money and nice things (or if it is, I don't wanna be right), and it's no one's place to judge you.

    If you're looking for advice, and maybe you're not, I'd suggest working towards avoiding those kinds of conversations with your sister, and ending them when they start. That does not mean that "it's your own fault" if you fall into those conversations--I can imagine that your comment about Netflix is something I'd have said, too! But for your own sake, it might be beneficial to make money/material possession conversations politely taboo with your sister.

    You don't have to yell at her or anything, but change the subject whenever possible, and if she gets particularly nasty, just walk away. She's not entitled to be derisive.
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  • My sister is similar. I left our small hometown, got a college degree, have a good job, etc. She dropped out of school, moved back home, and makes minimum wage working retail to support her deadbeat boyfriend. But I can't say anything about what I own or what I can do, because it would be "rubbing it in her face." 

    Just like my sister, yours has made the choices she has, and now she has to deal with them. I have finally stopped letting her comments bother me, and I'm much happier. I know that she's not going to change, so there's no point in letting her bring me down because she is so obviously unhappy with some of the choices she has made. I suggest you try to do the same! 



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  • thanks, everyone. I was mostly just looking to vent but I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking she may be jealous of what BF and I have. Anyway, thanks again!
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