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Through the years dance

gcitgirl18gcitgirl18 member
Fourth Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
My fiancé and I were going to do the through the years dance at our wedding knowing that his grand mom and grand pop would win being married for fifty three years. Well my fiancés grandfather unexpectedly passed away last month. So we are trying to figure out a way to honor how long the two of them have been married and not sure how to go about it. We were gunna try and stick with the through the years idea but instead play the song remember when by Alan Jackson and my fiancé would dance with his grandmother. But we arnt sure and are open to other suggestions please!
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Re: Through the years dance

  • BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    There are plenty here who believe that you shouldn't do this as those whose spouses have died will feel badly.  We did it and it was the reception element for which we received the most amount of compliments.  Our longest married couple was married 56 years.  My grandparents would have been the longest at 60 years, but my grandmother died 5 years before. We asked my grandfather if he would feel badly and he said absolutely not.  I think dancing with his grandmother is a nice idea, but you should ask her.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I definitely think you should ask her how she feels about it rather than springing it on her. Since it's so recent and was unexpected that could be incredibly emotional for her.
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  • chasseusechasseuse member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    We are not doing this because several of my VIP are widowed and I think it would be mean. That said, if everyone is still alive and happily married, it can be a beautiful moment. Definitely check with your FI's grandmother. If I were in her shoes, it would upset me to be reminded in such a clear way that he's gone--the wedding as a whole would be a sad reminder (which I would suck up for the sake of my grandchild!)
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  • gcitgirl18gcitgirl18 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you everyone we will deff ask her how she feels. If she feels like it would be to hard for her we will most likely not do the dance at all.
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  • peachy13peachy13 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    That is really sad, I'm sorry! I would say have your FI dance with his grandmother at some point in the night, which I'm sure they would both love (during a slow song with others dancing too, not just them in the spotlight), and skip the Through the Years dance. That's just my opinion though. I don't really love the Through the Years dance because it either brings up good memories or sad ones. Sad memories can sometimes mean crying... not what I'm really looking to deal with at my wedding. I want to keep the people happy. 

    There are certainly other ways to memorialize your FI's grandfather that is away from the dance floor in front of everyone. Put a picture from their wedding somewhere in the room, print out a poem or song lyrics and frame it with a photo of him. Put something in the program. Maybe even toast to your FI's grandfather at the rehearsal dinner if you're doing one (if your FI or his mother or father are hosting/making a toast).
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited August 2014

    Rather than a dance, you could put their wedding photos up somewhere at the reception. But, even then, I would ask grandmother to make sure she is okay with anything that will remind her of her recent loss. You could also do a generational tribute with wedding photos of all grandparents & parents (or any of them that have lasted), so it's not singling out grandmother but still paying tribute to them.

     

    Both DH's parents and my parents have been married for 43 years (married same year). We wanted to honor that and show our appreciate for them being an example of how to make it work. So, at our guest book table we placed framed wedding photos from both our parents weddings and did another frame with a note to them thanking them for showing us that marriage can last and teaching us how it's done. We kept it a surprise and they loved it... both moms cried. It was a perfect, subtle tribute to honor their successful marriages.

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