If he says that one more time...(Vent)

alpacalunch · August 2014

So over the weekend FI and I went to visit his family, staying at their house (about 3h away). His parents head out to their cottage on Friday, we spend the evening with FSIL and her bf, let's call him Gaston. We go out for pho and coffee, two of my most favourite things.

Preface: Gaston has been in a nasty custody battle/divorce. Touchy subject. Of course.

FSIL and Gaston won't shut up about it. Gaston makes a comment how his son will grow up hating him (he's under 2), because his ex shittalks him. I say, trying to lighten things a little, that 'hopefully this will all be resolved before he can reasonably make memories' and both proceed to jump down my throat. I'm taken aback, and say 'just being optimistic about things, sorry to say anything', which prompts an apology from FSIL. She says it was an overreaction, and Gaston sits there brooding. (FI was silent. We had words later on.) Gaston about 20 minutes later comments on how much better it would be if his ex 'just died'.

I'm pretty stunned and uncomfortable now. I remain pretty quiet for the evening, and hang back on the walk home. FSIL apologises again getting to the house, and we all go in to watch some TV. During the next two hours Gaston says the phrase 'stupid bitch' nearly a half dozen times. Not about me, or FSIL, but random fictional characters in the show, or ads. Like, just chill, man.

The next day, the four of us spend more time together, and I swear, he said 'stupid bitch' over ten times. I am a little concerned about his random rage toward strange FICTIONAL women, but more about how it reflects how he feels about actual women.

I do not like spending time with this man. And FI called earlier to let me know that we are double dating with them next week.

I just really want to kick Gaston in the kidneys.

</vent>

Thank you.

smalfrie19 · August 2014

I would be calling my FI back and go "Nooo you can double date with them"

chibiyui · August 2014

I'd ask him if he's worried his son will pick up phrases like stupid bitch from him.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

If you don't like Gaston, don't hang out with him. Seriously. It's not like you're being held at gun point. Tell your FI the dude's ragey woman hater fits have you uncomfortable and you don't want to spend time with him. Your FI needs to respect that. If you like FSIL and want to maintain a relationship with HER, ask her to do stuff like going to get pedis, girls brunch, etc. Stuff where Gaston isn't invited.

P.S. I love that you named him Gaston.

alpacalunch · August 2014

Yeah, I agree with all that's being said. I've told FI, and he apologised and will say I've already got plans. It's tough when FSIL lives in the house where we stay, so if I'm just avoiding them, it's fairly obvious.

lovedryn · August 2014

I second not joining the double date. Or at the very least leaving at the first rude / "stupid bitch" comment. Sounds like Gaston needs MTFO before he ends doing something stupid and ends up in prison. Then his kid would have a real reason to hate him.

levioosa · August 2014

Out of curiosity, what does FSIL see in this guy? It's one thing to get caught up in a vent about a specific situation (and I still don't really think that's acceptable), but another to indiscriminately use such derogatory language. I don't know the situation, but unless the mother is a drug addict/alcoholic/abusive/brings abusive people around herself, I wouldn't want my kid with Gaston either.

SBmini · August 2014

Man... after about three stupid bitch comments I would have told him straight up that it offended me that he was saying that.

And seriously- if he acts like that his son will hate him, regardless of what his exwife (who I'm sure he thinks is a stupid bitch) says.

sarawifenow · August 2014

This worries me for your FSIL. Not saying it is happening, but this makes me think that Gaston could be saying these (and maybe worse) things to your FSIL behind closed doors. My ex used to say awful things about/to people in public and even worse things to me when no one was around. I would keep an eye on that situation if it were me.

raissyrais · August 2014

Sounds like Gaston has some bottled up anger?

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · August 2014

I'm losing my filter. During pho I would have said "Yeah? Well you stuck your bits there so she's got you for 18 years....Just deal already."

Reading about Gaston made me see red. My FMIL also does a lot of shit-talking when people aren't around to defend themselves. It's a sign of insecurity.

alpacalunch · August 2014

Yeah, I don't take too kindly to people talking trash about former partners, especially ones they spawned with. Like, you were with that person for a reason. You might not remember it now, but know there was one!

I sadly know what she sees in him. She's dated a lot of frogs, guys that have used her for a multitude of reasons. Gaston is actually attentive, and does obviously care for her. That's a first for her, so I think she overlooks a LOT because of it. And she doesn't want to do much without him there. Which is a red flag for me. SO much of this smells bad to me.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

When the Bachelor is on, I often find myself saying "stupid bitch."

Inkdancer · August 2014

No one gripes like Gaston, no one whines like Gaston, no one brings up his awkward ex-wives like Gaston. He sounds like an absolute gem.

wrigleyville · August 2014

Inkdancer said:

No one gripes like Gaston, no one whines like Gaston, no one brings up his awkward ex-wives like Gaston.

I think I love you. I totally sang that.

themuffinman16 · August 2014

I second that. BIG INTERNET CRUSH!

Bubblegum5586 · August 2014

yuck! I really can't stand being around that much negative energy. No way could I be with someone that could speak so horribly about an ex, one that you made a child with! He said it would be easier if she just died?!?!!?!? Who says that!?!?!?!?

KatieinBkln · August 2014

Sounds like Gaston is perhaps not ready to be out and about in public. I give people a lot of leeway with divorce/custody stuff, because it's so fraught and it means so much--people can say some really nasty shit out of fear that they'll lose the child they love.

HOWEVUH. Channeling the frustration he feels for his wife into every single interaction with others, and shitting on women (even fake ones!) in general isn't cool. We all have to behave when we're in public, man. If you feel comfortable, you could always say something like, "Wow, that's the third time you've said someone is a 'stupid bitch' today. Maybe you're just not feeling hanging out with people today, I get it. We'll leave and get together when you're feeling better."

Put it on him. HE is obviously the one with a problem, not you. You don't even have to say that it makes you uncomfortable, because then he could see it as your sensitivity, when what it really is is his inability to be social right now.

It works for preschoolers, incidentally--"Ok, let's take a break from that toy until you're feeling better."

If he says that one more time...(Vent)

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