Wedding Etiquette Forum

Timeline help

jenijoykjenijoyk member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
edited August 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Please let me know if this is the wrong board for this... but my main concern is that I don't want my timeline to force people to stand and sit around, bored out of their minds. That's etiquette, right?

Our DOC sent over a draft timeline, but she didn't have the buffet open until 7:15 (after speeches), and she didn't have open dancing start until 9:30. My goal is to get to food and dancing as fast as possible, because, that's why we go to weddings, right? So I tried to compress everything, but I just don't know. Heellllpppp me pleeaassseee.

 5:05-5:30 - ceremony (including procession)

5:30-6:30 - cocktail hour/Mariachis (this can't be shortened because our ceremony space is our reception space and the caterer says she needs at least an hour to set up - blech)

6:30 - DJ invites the guests into the reception space. I'm assuming it takes 15 minutes for people to find their escort card/table/chair... but maybe this is too optimistic.

6:45 - B&G enter and go straight to first dance

6:50 - First table released for buffet. Assuming everyone has gone through the buffet line by 7:10

7:15-7:45 - speeches/toasts while people are eating

[Aaackkk - how do we fit in table visits, without moving the speeches, which means people are sitting around doing nothing at their table foreverrrrr]

8:00 - father/daughter dance

8:05 - mother/son dance

8:10 - Open dancing starts

8:50 - cake cutting immediately followed by Churro Man frying Churros

More dancing

11:30 - last call

11:45 - last dance

Midnight - roll to bar across street for continued debauchery

EDITED: to shorten dance times!

Re: Timeline help

  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2014

    Also, last call can be anytime. I'm not expecting everyone to stay until midnight. That's just as late as it CAN go. If there's only 20 people left at 1030, then last call can be at 1030. NBD.

    Mostly, I have heartburn over the 6:30-8:30 time. Is that a really long time to be at a dinner table? It really seems like it. But I'm not sure how to move things around otherwise. I'm also really stressed about how to fit in table visits.  

  • I would do toasts (these aren't speeches and shouldn't take long at all!) directly after your first dance since I would feel like I shouldn't be eating while people are speaking, but maybe that's just me.

    Would you consider doing a receiving line instead of table visits? Where you might be able to find time (and what we did) was east super fast and talk to people while they were eating. So by 7:05ish, you should be able to start going to the tables. 

    I also think you should move cake cutting to directly after/before the parent dances since if people are on the dance floor, I think it's odd to stop everything to cut the cake.
  • I'm pretty sure I'm going to hurt someone if I have to watch three different couples dance for 10 minutes each.  First dance is 10 minutes, Bride/Dad dance is 10 minutes, Groom/Mom dance is 10 minutes.  I'm done watching you after 45 seconds.  You may be enjoying yourself on the dance floor, but I'm bored.
  • Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
  •   

     

    adk19 said:
    I'm pretty sure I'm going to hurt someone if I have to watch three different couples dance for 10 minutes each.  First dance is 10 minutes, Bride/Dad dance is 10 minutes, Groom/Mom dance is 10 minutes.  I'm done watching you after 45 seconds.  You may be enjoying yourself on the dance floor, but I'm bored.


    I know!!!!! I'm freaking out about this too! But I don't know what to do! That's why I moved our First Dance to before dinner at least. To break it up. My dad will be so upset if we don't have a first dance, and FI was super offended when I suggested he doesn't need a mother/son dance. I thought they could maybe just join the Father/Daughter dance halfway through. Nope. I got the whole, "This isn't just about the bride, I'm 1/2 of the couple, my dance with my mom is just as important..."

    What has everyone else done about the dances??? Have the DJ cut the songs? 2 verses and then end it?

  • Oh maybe you were just commenting on the times I had. I was including lots of buffer time. Announcing. Standing up. Walking over to the dance floor. Etc. Our dances will definitely not be 10 minutes each!!! Unless someone's heart is really stuck on dancing to American Pie. Dear god.
  • I would see if the DJ can shorten the songs by a bit. Also, even if he played them full length, they're not going to take 10 minutes unless you're dancing to something by Meatloaf or Skynyrd.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Good points! Ok I edited my timeline to account for way shorter dance times! Now it looks a little less intense, and there's more time for table visits.
  • jenijoyk said:

    Please let me know if this is the wrong board for this... but my main concern is that I don't want my timeline to force people to stand and sit around, bored out of their minds. That's etiquette, right?

    Our DOC sent over a draft timeline, but she didn't have the buffet open until 7:15 (after speeches), and she didn't have open dancing start until 9:30. My goal is to get to food and dancing as fast as possible, because, that's why we go to weddings, right? So I tried to compress everything, but I just don't know. Heellllpppp me pleeaassseee.

     5:05-5:30 - ceremony (including procession)

    5:30-6:30 - cocktail hour/Mariachis (this can't be shortened because our ceremony space is our reception space and the caterer says she needs at least an hour to set up - blech)

    6:30 - DJ invites the guests into the reception space. I'm assuming it takes 15 minutes for people to find their escort card/table/chair... but maybe this is too optimistic.

    6:45-7 - B&G enter and go straight to first dance (I would also do the parent dances at this time as well...get them all out of the way right off the bat)

    7 - 7:20 - First table released for buffet. Assuming everyone has gone through the buffet line by 7:20 (are you possibly doing a salad?  If so, have the salad ready and waiting at the tables and then while people are eating their salads do the toasts during this time.  Then after the toasts you open up the buffet)

    7:20-7:25 - speeches/toasts while people are eating (no way in hell should this take 30 minutes.  These are toasts which means they should be 30 seconds to a minute in length.  Anything longer and your guests are going to stop listening.)

    7:40 - 8:40 - table visits (how many tables do you have?  A table visit should be about 3-5 minutes a table so if you have 12 tables then it will take you about an hour.  You do this once you and your FI have had a chance to eat [make sure you take like 15 minutes to eat, please] and while your guests are finishing up their dinner

    8:00 - father/daughter dance

    8:10 - mother/son dance

    8:40 - Open dancing starts Cake cutting

    8:50 - Open dancing cake cutting 

    10 - Churro Man frying Churros

    More dancing

    11:30 - last call

    11:45 - last dance

    Midnight - roll to bar across street for continued debauchery

     

    Ok so if you can't make out what I wrote above.

    Toasts should not take any longer then 5 minutes, tops.  Whoever is offering to do a toast please tell them to make it short and sweet.  No one wants to sit through a 5-10 minute story that is full of inside jokes only a handful of people in the room will get.

    Table visits.  Table visits take time.  If you have a lot of tables then you are looking at at least an hour.  You do this while people are eating and gabbing to each other.  Just make sure that you keep yourselves moving (maybe have your DOC or event coordinator help you).

    Get all spotlight stuff out of the way in the beginning.  Remember your guests have just finished cocktail hour so they have food in their bellies and drinks in their hands.  Having them sit and watch for 15 minutes while you do your spotlight stuff is not a ridiculous thing to do.  It isn't like you have been withholding food and drinks.  I would even suggest cutting the cake before dinner as well.  This way your venue has plenty of time to cut it up and plate it so that it is available to your guests right after dinner is over with.

    Move the churro man to later in the evening when a late night snack will be happily appreciated by your guests.

  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
    That sounds....terrible.  Has he given you a reason why he's so dead set on everyone speaking?

    Also, I agree about the 10 minute dances.  That's waaaaaay too long.  Personally, I don't want to try and slow dance for that long either.  Get me some Party Rock up in hurrr.

    ETA It takes me too long to post.  I see you've already addressed the dance issue by the time I finally got my slothy self to hit "save comment".  Mwop mwop.
    Anniversary

    image
  • Can I ask a question about this:

     

     
    I also think you should move cake cutting to directly after/before the parent dances since if people are on the dance floor, I think it's odd to stop everything to cut the cake.

    Is that how it's normally done? The last wedding I went to, they cut the cake before dinner for some reason. I guess so it was out on the buffet table during dinner. The few weddings I went to before that, there was dancing first, and then an announcment and everyone gathered around the cake table, cake was cut, pictures were taken, and then everyone went back to dancing. I assumed that was the norm, but maybe not??

  • jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
    He may be willing to die on this hill but if I were you I would be willing to die on the "we are not going to have 30 minutes of speeches!" hill.

    Your guests do not want to listen to that.  Period.

    But if it is a must, then it must be done while you are eating and then you and your FI need to get up immediately after it is over with and start table visits.  I would even tell your DJ that 30 minutes is your cut off and have him start playing that music that they play on the Emmys or Academy Awards to cut speeches off.  

  • jenijoyk said:

    Can I ask a question about this:

     

     
    I also think you should move cake cutting to directly after/before the parent dances since if people are on the dance floor, I think it's odd to stop everything to cut the cake.

    Is that how it's normally done? The last wedding I went to, they cut the cake before dinner for some reason. I guess so it was out on the buffet table during dinner. The few weddings I went to before that, there was dancing first, and then an announcment and everyone gathered around the cake table, cake was cut, pictures were taken, and then everyone went back to dancing. I assumed that was the norm, but maybe not??

    It is becoming more popular to get the cake cutting done before or right after dinner.  When I am a guest at a wedding and I start getting my groove on the thing I hate the absolute most is to stop partying because you want to cut the cake or throw your damn bouquet.  All of that spotlight stuff needs to be done all at once and that way once the party gets going it stays going.  I have been to many weddings where the party is interrupted and then it never really gets off the ground again.

  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2014

     slothiegal said:

    jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
    That sounds....terrible.  Has he given you a reason why he's so dead set on everyone speaking?

    Also, I agree about the 10 minute dances.  That's waaaaaay too long.  Personally, I don't want to try and slow dance for that long either.  Get me some Party Rock up in hurrr.

    ETA It takes me too long to post.  I see you've already addressed the dance issue by the time I finally got my slothy self to hit "save comment".  Mwop mwop.


    I know. OOOOOMG I know. I think this was actually our first big wedding-related fight. The story behind it is that we recently went to my best friends' wedding. She made the mistake of emailing all her BMs saying, "If any of you want to speak, let me know, no pressure." I think she expected one or two of us to volunteer. But obviously, no one wanted to email back, "I'll pass" because... well... that's awkward. So of course all seven of us said, "Yes, I'd love to say something." Luckily, we all grew up together, so we were able to coordinate the night before, split up what we were going to say, and in what order, we all stood up together and went through the line and the whole thing took maybe 6 minutes, with only one "raise your glass" at the very end. It was a save from something that could have been terrible.

    FI basically thought this whole thing was FANTASTIC. There is no convincing him otherwise.

    He also thinks it would be really rude for my dad to say something at the wedding, and then ask his dad if he wants to say something at the RD.

    FI has pretty much let me do whatever the heck I want with the wedding. But this, THIS is what he wants to go to bat over. It's really just out of my hands at this point.

  •   Maggie0829 said:

    jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
    He may be willing to die on this hill but if I were you I would be willing to die on the "we are not going to have 30 minutes of speeches!" hill.

    Your guests do not want to listen to that.  Period.

    But if it is a must, then it must be done while you are eating and then you and your FI need to get up immediately after it is over with and start table visits.  I would even tell your DJ that 30 minutes is your cut off and have him start playing that music that they play on the Emmys or Academy Awards to cut speeches off.  
    OMG. Yes. In fact, I want it to be the same swell of orchestral music. I'm seirously emailing my DJ about this.
  • jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
    He may be willing to die on this hill but if I were you I would be willing to die on the "we are not going to have 30 minutes of speeches!" hill.

    Your guests do not want to listen to that.  Period.

    But if it is a must, then it must be done while you are eating and then you and your FI need to get up immediately after it is over with and start table visits.  I would even tell your DJ that 30 minutes is your cut off and have him start playing that music that they play on the Emmys or Academy Awards to cut speeches off.  

    But then we would both be dead.
  • FI wanted a bunch of people from the different "parts" of our life to speak.  I gently reminded him of my cousins wedding where they opened up the floor and I think they took like an hour.... we are now back to the basic 2-4.  Anyone else can toast at the welcome party. :) 


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  • jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want. I asked if we could move his dad's toast to the RD. Nope. He will not budge on this or bend to logic. So 30 minutes of toasts it is (god willing). This is part of why I'm so sensitive to how long people are stuck sitting. I'm scared they will all be asleep by the time we get to open dancing.
    Please print this out and show it for your darling FI. I would be SO SO SO fucking bored with 30 minutes of speeches (toasts!!) and side eye you for wanting people to tell you how awesome you are for long long amount of time. 
  • I know. But, all the fights there were to be had over it have been had. I think I'll just leave them during dinner so at least people can be comforting themselves with food and drink. Alas, I am only 50% of the couple.

    But besides our ridiculous speeches, hopefully the rest looks ok. I'll try to keep the spotlight dances short and maybe move up the cake (but leave Churro Man later). I definitely don't want to break up the party, since that's the part I'm looking forward to the most. (Besides the being married part. And besides churros.)

  • (However, our DOC doesn't know about the toasts issue yet. So maybe when we tell her, her eyes will fall out of her head and that will convince him. Doubtful. But we'll see.)

  • Spotlight dances should be 2 minutes, 2:30 max so you can plan according for that. Your DJ can probably edit the songs however you wish. 

    I would recommend cutting the cake half way through your table visits/while people are finishing up dinner so it can get plated and be served. I went to a wedding where they opened the floor (like you mentioned) and then served cake, mine got taken away because I was dancing/at the bar/mingling. I was SO mad. If you do it while they're still seated= happy cake eaters. 
  • Go ahead and have whatever speeches you'd like.  After the first two minutes I'll be snarking at my table and not listening AT ALL.  No really.  Not at all.  In fact, depending on how much liquor I've gotten in me at this point, I won't even be trying to be quiet during my snarking.  I'll make a comment, crack myself up, and laugh inappropriately.  Then I'll look at you still up there talking, roll my eyes, and crack myself up again.  And god help you if you make me "raise my glass" and don't allow me to take a sip within 5 seconds.
  • jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want.
    Can you somehow limit the length of these toasts by putting the word out that they should be no longer than a minute each? People will still go over, but maybe they will think twice about the 15-minute rambling story they were fixing to tell.
  • mimivac said:
    jenijoyk said:
    Ugh. I really, really wish we could shorten the toasts. Unfortunately, my FI will die on that hill. He is adamant that each of his five (!!) GMs speak, if they want. And they will all want. I have explained, multiple times, that 5GMs+1MOH+2DADS is like 500 hours of toasts and the other GMs can give a toast at the RD if they want.
    Can you somehow limit the length of these toasts by putting the word out that they should be no longer than a minute each? People will still go over, but maybe they will think twice about the 15-minute rambling story they were fixing to tell.
    Seriously.  My dad had a Speech prepared to give at my sister's wedding.  I saw his cue cards and died a little.  Two minutes, I told him.  Two minutes, my boyfriend told him.  Two minutes, his nephews told him.  I guess he cut some of it.  But when my cousin came to tell me that my dad practiced the speech in front of him, he was timed at six minutes.  Luckily FOG gave an actual 'toast' so my dad was really the only 'speaker' so it actually went well.  No idea if he shortened it more and I didn't have a stopwatch on him at the wedding, but it was cute and the only one, so all went well.  But I'm pretty sure six minutes is my limit for speeches/toasts, even that depends on where this is in the timeline and how much booze I've consumed.
  • adk19 said:
    Seriously.  My dad had a Speech prepared to give at my sister's wedding.  I saw his cue cards and died a little.  Two minutes, I told him.  Two minutes, my boyfriend told him.  Two minutes, his nephews told him.  I guess he cut some of it.  But when my cousin came to tell me that my dad practiced the speech in front of him, he was timed at six minutes.  
    Seeing your dad's cue cards reminds me of my wedding to my ex when I saw my dad's cue cards for his toast. He planned a whole discussion of my weight! Weird and embarrassing. Luckily, when he actually gave the toast, he didn't refer to the cards and gave a short, sweet speech. Whew!
  • Your timeline doesn't look too bad at all.  I'd definitely move all of the dances to directly after the cocktail hour since everyone will have been fed and alcoholed sufficiently to not mind sitting through them.  It took longer than 15 minutes for all 100 people at my wedding to go through the buffet line, just FYI.  I don't know how large your guest count is.

    I think the biggest thing is to tell everyone giving a speech that they get 1-2 minutes MAX.  Definitely show your FI how long it will take otherwise.  At my aunt's wedding a couple of weeks ago, they left it open and EVERY. SINGLE. GUY. who knew her FI decided to man up and speak.  One hour later, I was ready to die. Or push over the table. Or practice hitting people who stood up with a glass in hand with MY glass from a distance.  And we hadn't yet heard from my aunt's friends.  Basically, we went from speeches, to cake, to EVERYONE dashing away.  No one danced at all.  Even my aunt and her new husband got up during one of the speeches, sneaked their first dance (out of sight of everyone else, so no one even knew) and then came back while the speaker was still mid-speech.  It sucked so unbearably.

    I would go straight from speeches (I would keep them during dinner) to cutting the cake.  That way it has time to get plated and all of the spotlight stuff will be officially done before you open the dance floor and people can get their dessert.

    I wouldn't move your churro guy to any later because it can be surprising how many people leave after 9.  DH's family and friends are Baptist, so after the cake was cut, almost everyone on his side left the wedding (around 9) while my side stayed until much later.  We had a bunch of late-night food planned, but with so many people leaving early, we just scrapped it and took it home for the next day beach bbq.
  • How many guests do you have? We have about 175 and the venue said it would take 45 mins for them to all go through the buffet. I think going straight to the VIP dances after the entrance is weird. It doesn't open the dance floor because everyone has to sit through toasts and dinner first. I've been to one wedding where the couple did this and we all talked about "why are they doing this now??" But this could just be my circle, since it seems popular on here. We're doing ours after everyone is seated with their dinner, in the middle of our table visits. Also, we're combining the parent dances, and limiting both to 2 mins. Hopefully it won't take longer than 5 mins.
  • edited August 2014
    I'd come in and cut the cake immediately, then start the buffet.

    While ppl are eating do the toasts. As a guest, I would not want to sit through all the toasts you say your FI is insisting on, but as long as I can eat while they are all rambling on, I can tune them out without being bored.

    I'm sorry if this souds harsh, but honestly guests don't give a shit about hearing more than the MoH, Best Man, and a parent or two wax sentimental about the couple. We are happy you are both married, but we don't care about all the antics and inside jokes your (general) FI's fraternity brothers want to ramble on about. . . And chances are those stories aren't appropriate for a wedding anyways.

    OP, if you can't convince your FI to limit who is giving the toasts, then he needs to limit how long they are speaking for. These are toasts, not speeches. Limit the toasts to 3 mins max, and let your DJ know the limit and have him cut the mic if ppl are running over, then announce the next person up to speak.

    I'd do your spotlight dances all while dessert is being served, and limit them to 2 to 3 mins max. Then open up the dance floor and let ppl dance.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • jenijoyk said:

      

     

    adk19 said:
    I'm pretty sure I'm going to hurt someone if I have to watch three different couples dance for 10 minutes each.  First dance is 10 minutes, Bride/Dad dance is 10 minutes, Groom/Mom dance is 10 minutes.  I'm done watching you after 45 seconds.  You may be enjoying yourself on the dance floor, but I'm bored.


    I know!!!!! I'm freaking out about this too! But I don't know what to do! That's why I moved our First Dance to before dinner at least. To break it up. My dad will be so upset if we don't have a first dance, and FI was super offended when I suggested he doesn't need a mother/son dance. I thought they could maybe just join the Father/Daughter dance halfway through. Nope. I got the whole, "This isn't just about the bride, I'm 1/2 of the couple, my dance with my mom is just as important..."

    What has everyone else done about the dances??? Have the DJ cut the songs? 2 verses and then end it?

    Your FI has a point on the bolded. It's not just about the bride. My MIL would have been so offended if I said I was dancing with my dad, but DH couldn't dance with her. 

    We ended up doing the F/D and M/S dances at the same time. A short 2 minute song. This could be a compromise.

    You need to cut the speeches. Everyone is going to be bored out of their mind.

     Also, the quality of the toasts matter more than the time. If it's a good toast, I don't care if it goes 5 minutes. If it's a terrible rambling toast (seen a few of those) even if it's only a minute it feels like an eternity.

    You are more likely to get a few bad ones in there if you have so many people speaking.
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