Tips and Tricks: UPDATE!

gladyscf · August 2014

My BM is flying in tonight to go dress shopping on Saturday with us.

Mom forgot the dates and said yes to her sister coming this weekend to visit her. They had planned on her coming to visit during my dad's funeral but wanted to push it out a bit since everyone is always around right after a death but then in the following weeks, everyone else returns to their regularly scheduled lives.

Anyway. Mom called me last night and says, "you're going to be mad at me." Then fills me in on the above. What's the problem you say? Well, my aunt in over-bearing, pushy, opinionated and can be downright rude. Not the type of person you want to bring with when you're trying to find your wedding dress.

Mom says, don't worry, you girls go shopping, have fun, you have good taste and I'm sure you'll find something that you will look beautiful in. I'll stay behind with aunt. I told her it was really important to me that she come with and that we should just bring aunt with. She told me to think about it and let her know as she wouldn't want to subject us to aunt's attitude.

I am still leaning towards bringing them all with. It would be MOH (sister), BM (FSIL), mom and aunt. All of these ladies have opinions and are not afraid to use them. Only aunt is on the nasty side.

Is it a good idea to go through with this or should I just go with MOH and BM? If I go with everyone, what are some tips/tricks for dealing with it?

theycallmelinz · August 2014

I think if you want your mom there, have her come. You said that all of your company has opinions and isn't afraid to use them, so maybe talk with them before hand and if your aunt says something nasty, one of them, or you, can back you up and tell your aunt she really isn't being very helpful. Good luck!

climbingsingle · August 2014

I had my mom, FMIL, MOH and close friend with me. It definitely was a lot of opinions. My friends were pulling out hideous dresses that they wanted me to try on. My mom liked this, FMIL liked that. I had fun with it though, and I didn't let all of their opinions influence me. But once I found the dress, I was happy to have them all there.

pinkcow13 · August 2014

Personally, I would suggest going with MOH and BM. Chances are you may not even pick THE dress tomorrow, so you can go with your mom on another occasion. I don't have the patience to deal with rude and nasty people, especially for something like shopping for my wedding dress.

JaxInBlue · August 2014

Two-ish thoughts. Have them all come but be ready to ask very specific questions to people, not "what do you think of this one?" but "I like the lace on this one but do you think the skirt is too poufy?" It might help focus comments in a way that's more productive than personal. Or, if they all come, depending on the set up, have one person closer to the dressing room to give you a first opinion and then share the dress with everyone else. My sister played that role for me and helped me decide if a dress was audience worthy.

Alternatively, I agree with pinkcow - focus on using the appointment this Saturday to get ideas and maybe narrow it down to 2-3 dresses. After your aunt leaves, go back with your mom to pick the final one.

gladyscf · August 2014

I think I've decided on not buying a dress on Saturday. I budgeted $1000 and my aunt will be all about the price tag. I think I will most certainly not buy but if I find the one I want, just call and order it when I get home.

erinlin25 · August 2014

Is this your first time dress shopping? I would not subject myself to the possibility of a negative appointment (especially at the beginning) so I would agree to go with your friends to get an idea of what you like. Have fun, try on a variety of dresses to start narrowing down what you like and do not like.

THEN, plan a day with your mom to go back and find/purchase "the one." I am thinking your mother would really like to be a part of that experience

CMGragain · August 2014

Go ahead and have Auntie come if she wishes. Memorize these phrases for when she gives unwanted advice:

1. Really? You think so?
2. How interesting. I never thought of that.
3. Why would you say that? (Puzzled look when she tells you the dress makes your butt look big.)
4. You don't say!
5. What would you do?
6. Oh, Auntie, I'm so glad to have your opinion!

Deliberately give her something to ponder - like, how long a veil do you think would look good with this? What flowers are your favorites? What did you think of Princess Kate's wedding dress? What are YOU planning to wear to my wedding, Auntie?

Notice that none of my responses give her anything to argue about. You can call the shop later and order the dress you really want.
Do be realistic about your experience. SYTTD is a ridiculous fantasy. I shopped for my own dress by myself. My mother was the problem!

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

I wouldn't bring your aunt. But then again, I made the mistake on my first shopping trip of going to bridal salons that think that "plus sized" is a four-letter word (seriously, one place had nothing over a size 10).

I'm with @erinlin25. Go with your girlfriends and get a feel for what you like. Then, bring mom back to help you narrow it down.

Good luck!