Freaking a little, hopefully over nothing, could use some support: UPDATE

emcme22 · August 2014

So there is a little backstory here. BF got divorced around August/September 2012. At the time his ex was pregnant, with someone else's baby, but he didn't find that out until after the divorce because she purposefully kept it a secret until then. The baby was born in January of 2013 and before the baby was born BF tried to get his ex to sign certain forms because our state has presumed paternity laws but she refused, said it wasn't necessary and she would know since the situation came up with their daughter, if the hospital told her she had to sign something she would let him know but absolutely refused to sign. The whole thing kind of worried me but we dropped it. We saw a lawyer for something different and asked about it and he said if she tries to go after child support etc then come see me and we will take care of it basically. Oh and another important fact is this child's father was never involved and the mother wanted to do everything she could to keep him from being involved.
So we have friends that share mutual friends with the ex and a few days ago they mentioned how she was talking about how everyone should have kids by themselves then meet their mates later, and how she did everything for baby E and that the only thing that was "ripped away from her" was N being put on the birth certificate. Well N is my boyfriend and most definitely not the father. So now we think she may have put him as the father anyways(he does have BF's last name but that is also ex's legal name). So in our state if a child is born out of wedlock the only people that can request the birth certificate are those on it, so he is going to go to the clerk's office tomorrow and see if he is on it or not. If he is we are going to call the lawyer immediately and do whatever needs to be done to have his name removed from it. I am hoping we are wrong, but I have a really bad feeling she did put his name on it and it is just more drama I wish we didn't have. So I am currently freaking out a little and nervous and I don't even know. On the one hand it will be good to know one way or the other but at the same time it could end up costing us a lot of time and money over something that never should have happened. Sorry this is so long.
TL:DR Ex might have put BF as the father on the birth certificate of her other child that was born shortly after their divorce was finalized. We will most likely be finding out if she did tomorrow and will have to go to a lawyer if she did. Whole thing blows.
So here is an update. BF went to the clerks office today and he IS on the birth certificate for her son, who is not his child. He got a copy of the birth certificate and their divorce certificate and put in a call to a lawyer. Not totally sure how she was able to put him on without him even knowing, but I don't totally know how that all works. So anyways not great news, but I had a feeling this was going to be what happened so hopefully the next steps are easy and over with quickly. And hopefully cheaply since we really don't have money for a lawyer right now.

emcme22 · August 2014

So this definitely had paragraphs and I will try to fix it because now it is even harder to read than it already was. haha I am going to copy the TL:DR here

TL:DR Ex might have put BF as the father on the birth certificate of her other child that was born shortly after their divorce was finalized. We will most likely be finding out if she did tomorrow and will have to go to a lawyer if she did. Whole thing blows.

bethsmiles · August 2014

I have zero advice but I'll send good vibes your way that he is not on the birth certificate! That sounds like it will really be a pain to deal with!

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Yuck. I know it's easier said than done, but I would try not to worry too much until/unless you really need to. I know the legal red tape is probably a nightmare, but paternity is a pretty easy thing to prove and at least she's not coming after you for anything right now.

AddieCake · August 2014

Vibes that it's a false alarm!

lc07 · August 2014

I'm sorry, OP. I'm glad you are confident he is not the father, as that would be a much bigger problem. And I think it's very smart that you guys are talking with a lawyer and getting to the bottom of this so that it can get squashed now and not re-surface down the road. I don't know if this picture will sound patronizing or will be helpful, but I've been dealing with a lot of situational anxiety and it has helped me a LOT. Know that you have a whole team on your side to straighten this out and that it will be okay.

emcme22 · August 2014

lolo883 said:

Yuck. I know it's easier said than done, but I would try not to worry too much until/unless you really need to. I know the legal red tape is probably a nightmare, but paternity is a pretty easy thing to prove and at least she's not coming after you for anything right now.

I am trying to be reallly relaxed about it because I know BF is upset/stressed about it and kind of kicking himself for not going to the county clerk sooner since I had mentioned it a few months ago, as a just to make sure thing, and now it is coming up. Part of why I vented here so I can be calm and collected and supportive for him since that's almost always his role in the relationship. Yea the good thing is paternity is easy to prove and we both know beyond a shadow of a doubt he isn't the father. And I saved pictures of the texts of her refusing to sign the papers. On the one hand it would be crazy if she put him on because she's made it clear she hates him....on the other hand she thinks her daughter now has a horrible life since she splits time equally between her parents and believes if a couple isn't together the mother should raise the child with 0 father involvement so I could see her doing it to avoid the actual guy going on it. I honestly would feel better about this if I didn't know she was so crazy. And if I didn't have to go to her house to pick A up in 1 week. Thanks for the support

emcme22 · August 2014

@lc07 Don't worry I don't find it patronizing at all, it is helpful. And I agree I am glad this is all happening now since it could have been a much more difficult situation down the road. I would much rather know and deal with it than not know and get blind sided one day. The situation is also compounded by the fact that she is on welfare, so it wouldn't even necessarily be up to her if child support was filed for or not.

lc07 · August 2014

You are going to get to the bottom of it. The not-knowing is always the hardest part.

Don't forget to live your life now and breathe and be happy. Be confident that you are working on it and that you will make a choice together that will be for the best. The fact that it didn't get properly dealt with earlier is water under the bridge. You are moving forward now. It will be settled. And I PROMISE you, no matter what happens, it will be okay.

Will be thinking of you.

raissyrais · August 2014

Good luck with everything OP and hope it all turns out ok!

missdelilah · August 2014

I'm so sorry you two are involved in this mess. Fingers crossed that it turns out to be nothing, and if she has put BFs name down, you can get it removed easily.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Re: the update - where I live, you can put whoever you want on a birth certificate; they take the mother's word for it. Sometimes people who either don't know the father or don't want to put the real one on there will put a made up name or celebrity's name on it. Doesn't really mean anything.

Maybe this is one of those situations where she'd be liable for your legal expenses? IDK how that works. Good luck to your BF!

larrygaga · August 2014

lolo883 said:

Re: the update - where I live, you can put whoever you want on a birth certificate; they take the mother's word for it. Sometimes people who either don't know the father or don't want to put the real one on there will put a made up name or celebrity's name on it. Doesn't really mean anything.

Maybe this is one of those situations where she'd be liable for your legal expenses? IDK how that works. Good luck to your BF!

I've seen some strange things on birth certificates at work. I didn't know you could just put whoever!

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

larrygaga said:

lolo883 said:

Re: the update - where I live, you can put whoever you want on a birth certificate; they take the mother's word for it. Sometimes people who either don't know the father or don't want to put the real one on there will put a made up name or celebrity's name on it. Doesn't really mean anything.

Maybe this is one of those situations where she'd be liable for your legal expenses? IDK how that works. Good luck to your BF!

I've seen some strange things on birth certificates at work. I didn't know you could just put whoever!

My mom used to work in OB in Detroit; she saw it all! :-p

Inkdancer · August 2014

Part of the reason they trust the mother to put the name down is so a man can't just deny that a baby is his. Good thing for me, otherwise my bio-father's name never would have made it onto my original certificate. But in this case, bad thing for your boyfriend. I hope he's able to work it out with minimal stress!

Freaking a little, hopefully over nothing, could use some support: UPDATE

Re: Freaking a little, hopefully over nothing, could use some support: UPDATE

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