Have I offended her?

Re: Have I offended her?

• holyguacamole79 member

  

  August 2014

  emanon321 said:

  I want to know if what I did was wrong and, if so, how do I rectify the situation?

  
  

  A while ago, I contacted my old flute private instructor asking if she would be available to play at my wedding ceremony. I haven't kept in contact with her since I stopped playing years and years ago, so I was very excited that she remembered me. We worked out that she would be available, started talking about what I would be looking for in music (I have no idea, I was hoping she would give me some recommendations from what she's able to play and her experience), location, working it out with the venue, etc. Then I asked how much she charges for weddings. 

  
  

  Radio silence. It's been a couple of weeks now.

  
  

  Did I offend her by asking about money? I would assume it would be even more rude to assume she would play for free! We've always had a business relationship, I paid her for her time with lessons. Is she just busy? That seems a little unlikely as we were communicating back and forth in a timely manner before I mentioned money. Should I apologize? I'm not even exactly sure what I should apologize for, assuming her professional time and talent are worth something? Or chalk it up to drama I don't need on my wedding day and let it go?

  How long has it been since you last heard from her?  It's around back-to-school time, so perhaps she's just busy with that?
  
  The only thing I can think of that could be "offensive" is if she assumed she was going to be invited as a guest and not asked to perform as a vendor. 
  
  How far out is your wedding?
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• misshart00 member

  

  August 2014

  As someone who provides a service, I get really nervous when sending people my prices. Maybe she hasn't done many weddings and is trying to figure out what she should charge. I might email her again and if she still doesn't respond, find someone else.

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• emanon321 member

  

  August 2014

  flantastic said:

  emanon321 said:

  I want to know if what I did was wrong and, if so, how do I rectify the situation?

  
  

  A while ago, I contacted my old flute private instructor asking if she would be available to play at my wedding ceremony. I haven't kept in contact with her since I stopped playing years and years ago, so I was very excited that she remembered me. We worked out that she would be available, started talking about what I would be looking for in music (I have no idea, I was hoping she would give me some recommendations from what she's able to play and her experience), location, working it out with the venue, etc. Then I asked how much she charges for weddings. 

  
  

  Radio silence. It's been a couple of weeks now.

  
  

  Did I offend her by asking about money? I would assume it would be even more rude to assume she would play for free! We've always had a business relationship, I paid her for her time with lessons. Is she just busy? That seems a little unlikely as we were communicating back and forth in a timely manner before I mentioned money. Should I apologize? I'm not even exactly sure what I should apologize for, assuming her professional time and talent are worth something? Or chalk it up to drama I don't need on my wedding day and let it go?

  I don't see anything that you did wrong here. I wouldn't assume the radio silence is because you asked about money - there is no indication of a cause and effect relationship with that.

  Have you reached out to her again at all? "Hey, just checking in, I assume things have been busy..." I'd do that once (more than that is nagging) and if she doesn't respond in a timely fashion then probably forget it. 

  No, I haven't reached out. It was such a sudden cut off to communication. At first, I felt she must be busy, but then as the days wore on I was sure she must be mad at me for asking about money. That is good advice, to just reach out once more. At least if she doesn't get back to me with that, I'll know for sure and not worry about it. 

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• emanon321 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  edit: double post

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• emanon321 member

  

  August 2014

  sarahbear31 said:

  emanon321 said:

  I want to know if what I did was wrong and, if so, how do I rectify the situation?

  
  

  A while ago, I contacted my old flute private instructor asking if she would be available to play at my wedding ceremony. I haven't kept in contact with her since I stopped playing years and years ago, so I was very excited that she remembered me. We worked out that she would be available, started talking about what I would be looking for in music (I have no idea, I was hoping she would give me some recommendations from what she's able to play and her experience), location, working it out with the venue, etc. Then I asked how much she charges for weddings. 

  
  

  Radio silence. It's been a couple of weeks now.

  
  

  Did I offend her by asking about money? I would assume it would be even more rude to assume she would play for free! We've always had a business relationship, I paid her for her time with lessons. Is she just busy? That seems a little unlikely as we were communicating back and forth in a timely manner before I mentioned money. Should I apologize? I'm not even exactly sure what I should apologize for, assuming her professional time and talent are worth something? Or chalk it up to drama I don't need on my wedding day and let it go?

  How long has it been since you last heard from her?  It's around back-to-school time, so perhaps she's just busy with that?
  
  The only thing I can think of that could be "offensive" is if she assumed she was going to be invited as a guest and not asked to perform as a vendor. 
  
  How far out is your wedding?
  

  It's been about two weeks, but it is school time. She does lessons and has kids of her own! Maybe that's it.
  That's what I was wondering. Which makes me feel really bad about it if that's the case.
  It's in a couple of months. 

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• IrishPirate60 member

  

  August 2014

  Some people get touchy about the money issue because they think you're shopping around. They give you one price--and next thing they know, you've found someone else who can do all the music #1 suggested, but at a cut rate. When you contact her again, make it clear that you want to engage her services, not that you're checking prices elsewhere.
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  August 2014

  Yeah, I'm not sure what part of the country you're in, but my newsfeed has been blowing up with adorable back-to-school pictures. I assume she's swamped with that. I'd try to touch base with her after Labor Day. Good luck!

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2014

  She may just be busy with things that haven't allowed her to get back to you.  I'd reach out to her and say something like, "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while, I hope everything's okay."  Then, should you get a response from her, you can follow up with an inquiry about her fee for playing at your wedding.
  

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• wrigleyville member

  

  August 2014

  IrishPirate60 said:

  Some people get touchy about the money issue because they think you're shopping around. They give you one price--and next thing they know, you've found someone else who can do all the music #1 suggested, but at a cut rate. When you contact her again, make it clear that you want to engage her services, not that you're checking prices elsewhere.
  

  Yes. This. Send her this.

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• goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member

  

  August 2014

  I think it's rude to assume she'd do it for free (I am NOT saying you did this, I am just saying that to me, this would be hella rude).  Asking for her prices isn't rude. It shows you aren't looking for handouts just because you know her, right?

  
  

  Just reach out to her again as the other PP's suggested.  Maybe she just got busy?

  

  
  

  
  

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  August 2014

  I am also in this business. I would be pissed if a former student came back and assumed I would do a wedding for free, so you have done absolutely nothing wrong. 

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• emanon321 member

  

  August 2014

  RebeccaFlower said:

  I am also in this business. I would be pissed if a former student came back and assumed I would do a wedding for free, so you have done absolutely nothing wrong. 

  Thank you! I'm glad to hear that. 

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• levioosa member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  RebeccaFlower said: I am also in this business. I would be pissed if a former student came back and assumed I would do a wedding for free, so you have done absolutely nothing wrong.  Edit because TK ate my boxes
  I second this.  While I would offer to do some concerts/events for free for people I truly love, I would upset with a former student asking for freebies.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• LittlePeachBlossom member

  

  August 2014

  emanon321 said:

  flantastic said:

  emanon321 said:

  I want to know if what I did was wrong and, if so, how do I rectify the situation?

  
  

  A while ago, I contacted my old flute private instructor asking if she would be available to play at my wedding ceremony. I haven't kept in contact with her since I stopped playing years and years ago, so I was very excited that she remembered me. We worked out that she would be available, started talking about what I would be looking for in music (I have no idea, I was hoping she would give me some recommendations from what she's able to play and her experience), location, working it out with the venue, etc. Then I asked how much she charges for weddings. 

  
  

  Radio silence. It's been a couple of weeks now.

  
  

  Did I offend her by asking about money? I would assume it would be even more rude to assume she would play for free! We've always had a business relationship, I paid her for her time with lessons. Is she just busy? That seems a little unlikely as we were communicating back and forth in a timely manner before I mentioned money. Should I apologize? I'm not even exactly sure what I should apologize for, assuming her professional time and talent are worth something? Or chalk it up to drama I don't need on my wedding day and let it go?

  I don't see anything that you did wrong here. I wouldn't assume the radio silence is because you asked about money - there is no indication of a cause and effect relationship with that.

  Have you reached out to her again at all? "Hey, just checking in, I assume things have been busy..." I'd do that once (more than that is nagging) and if she doesn't respond in a timely fashion then probably forget it. 

  No, I haven't reached out. It was such a sudden cut off to communication. At first, I felt she must be busy, but then as the days wore on I was sure she must be mad at me for asking about money. That is good advice, to just reach out once more. At least if she doesn't get back to me with that, I'll know for sure and not worry about it. 

  I don't understand why you would jump to the conclusion that you have offended her. She could have either missed the last text or seen it but slipped her mind to reply. I'd understand if you followed up and you had yet to hear from her but that's not the case. Just contact her once more and go from there.

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