bachelorette party advice

Mrsespo · August 2014

So my sister and I are maids of honors in our other sisters wedding. We want to do limo, dinner and club for her bachelorette. but how do we word it so people know they have to bring money to pay because we are certainly not paying for these girls...We want to be able to tell them how much $$ to bring so there is no question that night about who is paying for what...advice please!! we live in boston so everything is pricey and want it to be a classy fun night...thanks!!

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

Mrsespo said:

So my sister and I are maids of honors in our other sisters wedding. We want to do limo, dinner and club for her bachelorette. but how do we word it so people know they have to bring money to pay because we are certainly not paying for these girls...We want to be able to tell them how much $$ to bring so there is no question that night about who is paying for what...advice please!! we live in boston so everything is pricey and want it to be a classy fun night...thanks!!

Proceed carefully. How well do you know the other women in the WP? I'd casually find a way to run this idea by them and see what their reaction is.

Jen4948 · August 2014

Mrsespo said:

So my sister and I are maids of honors in our other sisters wedding. We want to do limo, dinner and club for her bachelorette. but how do we word it so people know they have to bring money to pay because we are certainly not paying for these girls...We want to be able to tell them how much $$ to bring so there is no question that night about who is paying for what...advice please!! we live in boston so everything is pricey and want it to be a classy fun night...thanks!!

Before you do any of this, find out what the budgets are for "these girls" and include them in the planning. It's really not fair to them to spring plans on them and expect them to pay their own way without giving them a say in what they're expected to pay for, especially if their budgets don't allow for it. And if they can't afford what you're planning, then plan something within their budgets.

Oh, and if you want to get along well with them, stop referring to them as "these girls." It comes off like "you people" do to some people. They are the women that your sister chose as her bridesmaids.

OliveOilsMom · August 2014

Ditto PP. Send an email out to the other BMs and any potential guest your sister wants invited. Tell them you would like to do X, Y, and Z for bride. Then ask them each to respond back to you privately and with what their budget would be for the evening. Also, make sure there is some cushion with the overall budget in case any one back out last minute.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

Ditto PPs. As someone who got an e-mail from the MOH stating that I would have to contribute "X" amount of dollars, I found it to be rude that she hadn't asked each BM privately about what they wanted to contribute, if anything.

levioosa · August 2014

As some one who is viewed as "the other girl" in the wedding party, I have to agree that your tone comes off kind of negatively. Being the Bride's sister does not make you The Elite. The Bride chose these girls because they all love and care for one another.

You should ask each girl privately what their budget is and let them know what you think would be fun. If asked, you need to provide the full breakdown estimate for the budget. The clusterfuck of a bachelorette party that just fell apart for me had the MOH texting everyone "It will be $300." When I asked what that included, she wouldn't tell me and just said she needed a yes or no. Don't do that to "these girls."

Edit for clarity.

BMoreBride6 · August 2014

Agreed with all PP's. There are few things that bother me more than someone planning something, without my input, then invoicing me. Or even worse, if you can't afford (or don't agree) with the amount you are being "billed" you get guilted into "well if you don't contribute then everyone else has to pay more!".

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

There's no way to word this because it's rude. If you want to throw a party and host these things, then do it, but do it on your own dime. If you want to toss an email out and say "does anyone want to co-host with us - here's what we're thinking about doing" then go ahead and any funders get equal credit. Anyone who offers to co-host/contribute money gets just as much say in the planning as you do. So if they're not keen on the limo/clubbing plan they might suggest something else and, as a contributor, they get a say.

For example:

I'm invited to a bach that's taking place this weekend. Everyone is talking shit about the MOH because of her rude planning. Why? Because she is "hosting" (taking credit for) a bachelorette party that she has panhandled everyone else to fund. She planned all this shit without input from anyone else and then pretty much informed everyone how much they owe her. Right down to telling everyone to bring $10 for a stupid matching tank top and telling everyone what to wear, $50 for a limo, a pair of "NEWWWW" panties for a panty party, assigning everyone dishes to pass for dinner at her house and making sure everyone arrives before the bride so it looks like a spread she put on. Sorry, but this bach has me fuming. If you plan a bach like this, others will be fuming too.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

There's no way to word this because it's rude. If you want to throw a party and host these things, then do it, but do it on your own dime. If you want to toss an email out and say "does anyone want to co-host with us - here's what we're thinking about doing" then go ahead and any funders get equal credit. Anyone who offers to co-host/contribute money gets just as much say in the planning as you do. So if they're not keen on the limo/clubbing plan they might suggest something else and, as a contributor, they get a say.

For example:
I'm invited to a bach that's taking place this weekend. Everyone is talking shit about the MOH because of her rude planning. Why? Because she is "hosting" (taking credit for) a bachelorette party that she has panhandled everyone else to fund. She planned all this shit without input from anyone else and then pretty much informed everyone how much they owe her. Right down to telling everyone to bring $10 for a stupid matching tank top and telling everyone what to wear, $50 for a limo, a pair of "NEWWWW" panties for a panty party, assigning everyone dishes to pass for dinner at her house and making sure everyone arrives before the bride so it looks like a spread she put on. Sorry, but this bach has me fuming. If you plan a bach like this, others will be fuming too.

Ditto THIS. If you are doing all the planning, you should do all the paying as well. Anyone chipping in is a co-host and gets a say in the plans.

Disclaimer: I don't think you need to cover the cost of drinks at the club, as a guest I would still expect to pay for those myself. Unless you're doing fancy bottle service or something and again that would be on you.

thisismynickname2 · August 2014

I'm not clear if you two are the only bridesmaids and you're talking about hosting other female guests of the bride, or if you're talking about other bridesmaids.

Generally speaking, if there are other bridemaids, you must find out what everyone else is willing to do and to contribute to OR pay for the shindig of your dreams yourself. Do not invoice anyone.

In my circles, the bridal party generally splits the costs of the party and the bride's attendance but other guests pay their own way. If the bridal party wanted a limo, the bridesmaids would pay for the limo even if there were extra guests riding in it.

By the way, no bride "deserves" anything. I almost was roped into an unafforable bridal shower because of what one fellow BM thought the bride "deserved". If you think your sister deserves a fabulous night out, be ready to pay for it. Accept the fact that the bride may have a lower-key party because her other nearest/dearest can't afford YOUR vision.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

julybride2015 said: In my experience, most bachelorette parties are pay your own way types of things. Any time I've invited to a bachelorette, I assume I'm going to have to pay for myself and the bride. I would invite the girls and give them all the details. Let them know the price of the limo, the price range of the restaurant/bar and any other information. They do have the option of decline the invite if they can't afford/don't want to pay. So, don't book anything until you're certain you'll have enough people to pay for the limo and such.

************************BOXES TK!!!!**********************************

No. If you book a limo without input from others, you pay for it. You don't book stuff and then send people a bill. If you want co-hosts, you contact everyone ahead of time and say "hey I was thinking about booking a limo, is anyone interested in co-hosting the party?" You don't just send everyone a bill after the fact and say "here's the cost to attend this bach that I planned without you, you can come or not. but if you do, you have to pay for the stuff I booked." That's pretty shitty.

Whoever contributes to stuff like this is co-hosting the bach and they get a say in the plans for the night.

ETF Boxes

peachy13 · August 2014

I just planned my first bachelorette and feel like I tackled the money situation without any problems. First, remember that anyone invited to the bachelorette probably already knows that it's not a free party. I've never been to one and had the host pay for everything... that's just way too much. But as others have said, you definitely need to ask if it's okay before booking the big stuff. Do some research on how much each girl should expect to pay. The biggest expense will be the limo so I would shop around to find a good price and then estimate how many girls plan to go so that you can divide the price by the headcount (excluding the bride of course!). How I would word it would be something like:

example Here's what we're hoping to do! Limo to (wherever you're going), dinner at (restaurant's name), and clubbing after (at club's name).

example Here's the price per person we're estimating: Limo= $80 a person including tip, Dinner ($30-50 a person), and Club ($10 cover charge)

And then just ask if that sounds all right to everyone and make sure everyone is on board before booking. And then a really good hostess move would be to make favors for the girls attending (out of your own pocket) and also provide snacks and extra drinks for the pre-limo, during limo, and post-limo fun. Good luck!

[Deleted User] · August 2014

peachy13 said:

I just planned my first bachelorette and feel like I tackled the money situation without any problems. First, remember that anyone invited to the bachelorette probably already knows that it's not a free party. I've never been to one and had the host pay for everything... that's just way too much. But as others have said, you definitely need to ask if it's okay before booking the big stuff. Do some research on how much each girl should expect to pay. The biggest expense will be the limo so I would shop around to find a good price and then estimate how many girls plan to go so that you can divide the price by the headcount (excluding the bride of course!). How I would word it would be something like:

example Here's what we're hoping to do! Limo to (wherever you're going), dinner at (restaurant's name), and clubbing after (at club's name).

example Here's the price per person we're estimating: Limo= $80 a person including tip, Dinner ($30-50 a person), and Club ($10 cover charge)

And then just ask if that sounds all right to everyone and make sure everyone is on board before booking. And then a really good hostess move would be to make favors for the girls attending (out of your own pocket) and also provide snacks and extra drinks for the pre-limo, during limo, and post-limo fun. Good luck!

In this case all the girls attending are hostesses. Not just you.

RissAnn1970 · August 2014

The way it's always been done in my experience is that the bridal party plans the bach party, but all attendees split the costs, except the bride, who's covered by everyone else. The invitation lays out what's going on, costs per person, etc, and invitees can accept or decline as they see fit. That way no one is handed a surprise bill.

For instance, my sister's bach party was a show package at a club that included the show, cover for dancing, champagne, and some cheesy accessories. Additional drinks were extra, but it was easy enough to put the package cost in the evite. Then everyone paid for her own drinks & took turns paying for my sister's (although, in reality, she didn't get hammered & I probably just paid for hers).

badbnagdway · August 2014

Limo's are nice, but if you live in the Boston area you can also do Uber for a fraction of the cost and still ride around in a nice car. We did this for a bach party I went to last year and it made a lot of sense. Realistically you don't spend much time in the limo such that it warrants the price tag, at least in my mind.

PineapplePopsicles · August 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

There's no way to word this because it's rude. If you want to throw a party and host these things, then do it, but do it on your own dime. If you want to toss an email out and say "does anyone want to co-host with us - here's what we're thinking about doing" then go ahead and any funders get equal credit. Anyone who offers to co-host/contribute money gets just as much say in the planning as you do. So if they're not keen on the limo/clubbing plan they might suggest something else and, as a contributor, they get a say.

For example:
I'm invited to a bach that's taking place this weekend. Everyone is talking shit about the MOH because of her rude planning. Why? Because she is "hosting" (taking credit for) a bachelorette party that she has panhandled everyone else to fund. She planned all this shit without input from anyone else and then pretty much informed everyone how much they owe her. Right down to telling everyone to bring $10 for a stupid matching tank top and telling everyone what to wear, $50 for a limo, a pair of "NEWWWW" panties for a panty party, assigning everyone dishes to pass for dinner at her house and making sure everyone arrives before the bride so it looks like a spread she put on. Sorry, but this bach has me fuming. If you plan a bach like this, others will be fuming too.

@southernbelle0915 how did this party go??

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

PineapplePopsicles said:

southernbelle0915 said:

There's no way to word this because it's rude. If you want to throw a party and host these things, then do it, but do it on your own dime. If you want to toss an email out and say "does anyone want to co-host with us - here's what we're thinking about doing" then go ahead and any funders get equal credit. Anyone who offers to co-host/contribute money gets just as much say in the planning as you do. So if they're not keen on the limo/clubbing plan they might suggest something else and, as a contributor, they get a say.

For example:
I'm invited to a bach that's taking place this weekend. Everyone is talking shit about the MOH because of her rude planning. Why? Because she is "hosting" (taking credit for) a bachelorette party that she has panhandled everyone else to fund. She planned all this shit without input from anyone else and then pretty much informed everyone how much they owe her. Right down to telling everyone to bring $10 for a stupid matching tank top and telling everyone what to wear, $50 for a limo, a pair of "NEWWWW" panties for a panty party, assigning everyone dishes to pass for dinner at her house and making sure everyone arrives before the bride so it looks like a spread she put on. Sorry, but this bach has me fuming. If you plan a bach like this, others will be fuming too.

@southernbelle0915 how did this party go??

It was about as I expected. MOH never said thank you to everyone for helping her essentially co-host. The bride arrived and was all "omg MOH, you're so amazing, everything looks so good! Thanks for everything!" and MOH was all "oh no problem at all, I just want you to have the best time EVERRRRR." Then she ran around for the first hour whispering to everyone "did you pay up yet? If not, I need $60 from you before I give you your tank top." Then I received a hot pink "Bride's Posse" tank top that was pretty much a man's tank top style with big arm holes and WAY too big.

We also had a surprise stripper even though everyone on the emails said they wouldn't chip in for one. She told us we owed her $25/ea for that. I was like "oh I'm sorry, you must not have read my email, I said I didn't want to pay for a stripper." About half the girls did the same. Sorry not sorry! Then at the bar, she refused to buy the bride drinks and told everyone else we needed to because she was "out money" for the stripper. I would have bought a round anyway, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

PineapplePopsicles · August 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

PineapplePopsicles said:

southernbelle0915 said:

There's no way to word this because it's rude. If you want to throw a party and host these things, then do it, but do it on your own dime. If you want to toss an email out and say "does anyone want to co-host with us - here's what we're thinking about doing" then go ahead and any funders get equal credit. Anyone who offers to co-host/contribute money gets just as much say in the planning as you do. So if they're not keen on the limo/clubbing plan they might suggest something else and, as a contributor, they get a say.

For example:
I'm invited to a bach that's taking place this weekend. Everyone is talking shit about the MOH because of her rude planning. Why? Because she is "hosting" (taking credit for) a bachelorette party that she has panhandled everyone else to fund. She planned all this shit without input from anyone else and then pretty much informed everyone how much they owe her. Right down to telling everyone to bring $10 for a stupid matching tank top and telling everyone what to wear, $50 for a limo, a pair of "NEWWWW" panties for a panty party, assigning everyone dishes to pass for dinner at her house and making sure everyone arrives before the bride so it looks like a spread she put on. Sorry, but this bach has me fuming. If you plan a bach like this, others will be fuming too.

@southernbelle0915 how did this party go??

It was about as I expected. MOH never said thank you to everyone for helping her essentially co-host. The bride arrived and was all "omg MOH, you're so amazing, everything looks so good! Thanks for everything!" and MOH was all "oh no problem at all, I just want you to have the best time EVERRRRR." Then she ran around for the first hour whispering to everyone "did you pay up yet? If not, I need $60 from you before I give you your tank top." Then I received a hot pink "Bride's Posse" tank top that was pretty much a man's tank top style with big arm holes and WAY too big.

We also had a surprise stripper even though everyone on the emails said they wouldn't chip in for one. She told us we owed her $25/ea for that. I was like "oh I'm sorry, you must not have read my email, I said I didn't want to pay for a stripper." About half the girls did the same. Sorry not sorry! Then at the bar, she refused to buy the bride drinks and told everyone else we needed to because she was "out money" for the stripper. I would have bought a round anyway, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

ugh. So, you essentially had to pay for the stripper anyway since she refused to pay for any drinks because she had to cover the stripper cost. Why are people so selfish?

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